Truer words have never been spoken!
Suzanne, how beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. I believe with all my heart that our loved ones can hear us, so keep talking with him and telling him you love him, I tell my beloved sweetheart Jack that every day. I know he walks with me, and it gives me such comfort. The knowledge that they aren't hurting and they are in a loving place, that brings me peace, may it bring you peace also.
I agree with all your words, from the music to the smiling to the moments of aloneness, and I think the way you express your feelings is remarkable and truthful and thank you for that.
Suzanne, You write a story of my life. I am having a really difficult time still. It will be 19 months on June 9th. I feel worse now than I did in the beginning. I guess I was in shock initially and, although my heart was broken. I was able to go through the motions of preparing for his funeral and, of course, had a house full of company to keep my mind on other things. Once the funeral is over and everyone leaves, reality sets in. I still look for Phil when I wake up in the morning. You would think after all this time, I would know that he is not there and not going to be there. Suzanne, he is on my mind constantly. I think of him all of the time. No matter what I am doing, I am thinking of times we had together and how happy we were and the fun we had just being together. Nothing is the same - nothing, nothing, nothing. Our daughter's graduation day, although it was beautiful, was so sad for me. I cried when she went up for her diploma. The same thing happened at our grandaughter's 1st Holy Communion. I try so hard not to let the kids see me crying. Suzanne, I am so tired of making believe that I am doing okay. I tell everyone that I am doing okay because they really don't want to hear how I am and I don't care to tell them. I wish that I could have my husband back for just one day so that I could tell him how much I love him and that I don't want to live without him. Again, this is not possible but that is what it would take to make me feel better. He was sedated for 5 weeks before he passed. The nurses said that he could hear us and that his mind was "just in the minute". He would forget as soon as he heard it. I sat and rubbed him and told him that I love him and always will love him. I don't know if he knew what I was saying. If only I could know that he did know that I love him, maybe I could feel better. I did not have the opportunity to hold him and reassure him when he passed. Why did that nurse not give him something to bring his heart rate up until I could get there. All these things are still bothering me. I can't rest not knowing the answers to these. Suzanne, I hope to talk to you soon. Are you home during the day? I think I wrote your phone number down the last time you called. I have had my niece staying with me for a while and we were gettting ready for our graduation and Communion. I do want to sit down when I have no one around and talk to you. God Bless
suzanne: dan is looking over you you have to beleive this i to go home to a empty house i find myself going to sleep really early because i have no one to talk to except myself )smile) i guess as long as i do not answer myself i am ok. my heart goes out to you because of the way your husband suffered. george went fast he was talking to me one minute and then fell before i knew it, i can said at least i told him i loved him and he told me the same think i still question george as to why he left me but i know i will not get any answer i have to beleive he is looking over me i still talk to him sometimes when i hear a song that he used to sing to me (trying to sing to me) i sing it real loud one on the songs was funny face country western suzanne take care of yourself and beleive dan is watching over you just think you had to move and now you do not that should tell you something just think about your son he will be ok the outcome will be a good one god bless and danny is in my prayers as well as you