Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

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Permalink Reply by Sandy H. on March 19, 2011 at 4:34pm

I agree. It's been a little over 4 years for me. I cry every day. I could fill the ocean with me tears. My mom was everything to me. I love my kids, don't get me wrong & they're my world, however, there is no one like MOM. Believe it or not, there is a purpose for all of us. You do have something to live for. If you see a therapist, make sure it's someone who has experienced the loss of their mom. Just like a priest, if they have not experienced it, how can they counsel in it?

Crab Apple said:

Hello Baby-daughter,

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away in February and it has been very hard to deal with. I found myself unable to deal with my emotions and crying all the time. I was having a tough time at work getting through the day. I went to see my doctor and she gave me a prescription for anti-depressants. Though my grief has not gone away, the intense emotion and hurt I feel has become less. Before you do anything extreme right now - go see a doctor. It had helped for me. May God bless you. Could you please write a post from time to time to make sure you are ok.

Baby-daughter said:

I wish to thank all of you. I have tried. I cannot live without my Mama. I have 4 times tried to go to her and failed. I am a complete failure. I have come to the conclusion that I need my Mama so I will be seeing her very soon as I have nothing to live for. I love you Mama see you very soon.

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on March 19, 2011 at 4:53pm

Thank you for your reply. I have been fighting major depression anxiety panic attacks since 1994. I am and have been going to MD psy and PHD psychologist. Taking and changing antidepressants till I have have given up. My Mama dying, my brother died of aides and my dtr taking my g-kids away because I cut off $$$. What do I have to live for. I have tried different churches as soon as they find out all they disappear. I state disability ended may 2010 flat broke welfare will not help. Been 2 yrs since I applied for SS permanent disability. I am so far in debt I can never get out. Lost my home. All savings gone. Can't afford to fille BK or file for settlement of back taxes. Why not go to my Mama?? No one will care or miss me. I have to find a home for my 2 precious male fawn Pugs and then I can go to Mama.

Thank you

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on March 19, 2011 at 5:14pm

I gain thank you all. To see the light at the end of the tunnel you have to know where the mountain is first. I can't find the mountain. My sister stole my Mama after my wonderful step dad passed away and would not let me see talk to Mama. The same sister who allowed and helped her husband molest me from 12 to 16. I never told Mama because she care so much for that man and I could not hurt her. I told no one until 3 yrs ago when I told the doctors. Still I would nopt tell Mama. I'm 57 that is A long time to keep a secret. No one would have done or believed me back then anyway. That was the way it was.

Can't ypu understand? Please????

Permalink Reply by Sandy H. on March 19, 2011 at 8:47pm

I don't think we can understand everything, unless we experienced. I do understand the pain of loosing a mom. I worked with my mom every day. When we weren't working, we were either at Wal Mart, Target or elsewhere. We were together more than other mothers & daughters. There are no words to describe the pain. It hurts as much today as it did that night. I am so blessed and grateful that I was with her. She was with her children & siblings, and her 3 very best friends throughout their lives. I thought my heart was going to stop with hers. I was her first born. I had 18 months with her, until my sister was born. After she passed, I stayed with her for what seemed like hours. At least 3. Oh, I miss her so much.

Hang in there. Stay with the doctors. Don't be afraid to take your meds. I'm glad I have my effexor & xanax!

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on March 19, 2011 at 9:27pm

Sandy
I'm on 120 mg cymbalta (maximum dosage) 3 1mg xanix per day. I also was closest to Mt Mama. Myself Mama and my setp dad all had agreed that. Mama and/or James (step dad) would come live with me if they could no longer live allone. When James passed my Mama was taken by my sister within 3 weeks of his death. She did not come to his memorial service. Since that time I have done everything but take her to court to see my Mama. I could not put my Mama thru court. I kept praying sending letters cards calling none made a difference. I had a hestwromy for cervical cancer. I called my sister's eldest son (my closest nephew I thought) and begged him that I needed my Mama. Nothing

The meds no longer work. I have given up trying. I lost the only father I ever knew, my Mama, my grandchrildren, my dtr, my brother, my nephews, my home, my car, my income, my savings/retirement, my health ins, everything absolutely everything

I was closest to Mama. The child who was always there. I lived 140 miles away and saw her more, spoke to her more, there for her more. My sister was 3 miles away from her. When my brother died of AIDS she called me to take her to the hospital and memorial. I drove down picked up Mama brought her to my home then drove another 200 to the hospital and memorial. My sister did not go to our brothers memorial. My Mama was distraught when my brother passed. Mama did not know he was gay. He dies 22 years ago. He was 2 yrs older than I was but I protected him since I was in 6th grade because he was gay.

I thought I was doing everything right.

My dtr got pregant in 10th grade with my g-son Jarid. Everyone told me to kick her out I refused. Accepted everything rised my g-son put her thru school paid all the bills. I thought I was doing everything right.

I guess I'm just a fool. Stupid fool.

So now I'm alone.

Permalink Reply by s l watson on March 19, 2011 at 10:50pm

Hello Baby Daugher. Gosh what a urden you have to bear. I lost my Mama n December 2010. I retired early from my job to bring her to my home and care for her. She was with me 6 months when she aspirated and succumbed to pneumonia. I was not financially ready to retire but I can live comfortably. I do not have terrible money woes. I'm single and have no children so there is no pain there but no joy either. I have a sister who lives 120 miles away. She is wonderful but I do not see her nearly enough. I have dark moments and after Mama passed I found myself with no mother, no job and no life really. But I keep trudging through life. There are good moments and there are also bad moments. There have been many low points in my life when I thought checking out by my own hand was the best option. But I'm stil here and sill living. I had wonderful parents and so selfish an act would dishonor their memory. Try doing an act that is very therapeutic...something like volunteering in a soup kitchen, delivering meals on wheels or helping children centered charieties. It won't answer your financial or family problems but it'll show you that there are people in this world just as troubled (or worse) than you and yet they still find gratitude in their hearts. It would be good for your spirit and your spirit is so in need of being uplifted. I'll pray for you.

Permalink Reply by s l watson on March 19, 2011 at 10:50pm

Hello Baby Daugher. Gosh what a burden you are bearig. I lost my Mama in December 2010. I retired early from my job to bring her to my home and care for her. She was with me 6 months when she aspirated and succumbed to pneumonia. I was not financially ready to retire but I can live comfortably. I do not have terrible money woes. However, I'm single and have no children so there is no pain there but no joy either. I have a sister who lives 120 miles away. She is wonderful but I do not see her nearly enough. I have dark moments and after Mama passed I found myself with no mother, no job and no life really. But I keep trudging through life. There are good moments and there are also bad moments. There have been many low points in my life when I thought checking out by my own hand was the best option. But I'm still here and still living. I had wonderful parents and so selfish an act would dishonor their memory. Try doing something that is therapeutic...something like volunteering in a soup kitchen, delivering meals on wheels or helping children centered charieties. It won't answer your financial or family problems but it'll show you that there are people in this world just as troubled (or worse) than you and yet they still find gratitude in their hearts. It would be good for your spirit and your spirit is so in need of being uplifted. I'll pray for you.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 20, 2011 at 10:10am

As I came to Legacy today I read the last entries all of which were heartbreaking and yet this sense of such support . Often feeling alone as many may now , it seems to see just how others are with each other seems to fill that void inside . Maybe it was what I so longed for when my Mother was alive and my sister and I so wanted all to be there for her to just love and understand what she may be going through putting aside what their needs may be for just a moment to pick up the phone to say hello or write a note to say I love you . A lost and wonderful part of life that is not seen often yet when I have come here it seems to be so prevelant .

My heart goes out to those who are struggling now with not knowing what they can do now as they have tried so many things just to get them to the point they are . In that you have great strength for it is such a deep and vast road to climb the grief , Some that have had to face a life that is not one of ease , even one of such pain that no one should ever experience in life . Yet again in reading I see such strength that you were able to get to even this point as I know it is not easy . As I often to just want to stop . Which you know at I have come to tell myself this is ok . not in the ways many may think it is just to give yourself a chance to breath . Something you may have not done for a long time with all that has gone on in your life . To take one moment for you , as it may grow each day to more . As I say I see such strength in even such pain of all of you that you are able to make it to where you are , show such kindness and generousity of heart , and reach out to one another .

Allow yourself a chance to share , if this may be your first time in life as it seems to be , for as I read so many wanted to protect their parents "Mothers" from what was going on what they thought would cause her even more pain . Sort of reminds me of my Sister and I , we never wanted to hurt her anymore then she had been in life , nor did we want to add to it by anything we did I only wish that I had done more for both of them as they now as in heaven passing months after each other .

If anything that Legacy has become at least for me is all of your generous hearts , a touch stone may it be . A place for all to come to share what ever they want or need to take that moment in time for themselves. What is surprising to me that moment becomes time for all of you , through the thoughts and care I have for all of you . May you all know I hold you dear to my heart and pray for you that comfort comes to you even if its just taking a moment in time . This is maybe all we have inside of to do at this time , and this is to be ok , if not where is there going to be peace with all of this . The peace I find now is the silence of the day to just be, to not have to do or pretend anymore that it is ok . Because you know it is not . It is going to be different forever . I just have to find a way to may my moments grow to be a way of living so that I can once again find a way to live . Maybe we do not have to be alone in all of this and yet have a way to have silence in our days . To hold the love we so cherished and all the memories of our Mothers .

Thank you for giving me such comfort through this journey I never thought would come so early in life nor as strikingly drastic with loosing 3 of my family members all at once .

Peace and Blessings to all of you ..

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on March 20, 2011 at 11:57am

I thank you all very much. but I have no more to give or try. I have given up and just want to go to Mama.

I have a brain tumor need an MRI no money no medical care.

I fell this past Oct 2010. I received a notice from the insurance company of the place I fell admitting to liability and telling me to go get medical help. I have tried. I call doctors, I fax the letters, they call the ins company, Drs call back we cannot help you. Ins company is going back on its written notice. Now I have to get medical care and complete it and recover and then they will negoite payment. I have hired an attorney. Only places that take this is clinics that look like county clinics that take illegals. Drs are not good or have bedside manor of a wart hog. I have now falled 2 more times since the first accident. I can barley walk. My right shoulder, right side of upper back, right arm, both knees, pain from right hip down to right ankle like someone is cutting with a hot sharp knife. I also broke my upper and lower teeth in the fall. again no doctor no dental no help.

my colorestral is 3 times normal. again no medical no meds. I am having chest pains and my left arm is going numb. All I do is lay in bed and sinletly cry until it is over. sometimes 15 to 30 min sometimes 2-3 hrs.

I am unable to get my asmtha meds

2 years ago I was healthy and went scuba diving which i love to do. now i can hardly walk from the bed to the bath room. I take baths about 1 every 2-3 weeks. I eat maybe 2-3 meals a week. I just lay in bed.

Like i have said before I see no mountain in order to see the tunnel and the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have made my decision. I need someone who would promise to love, keep them together, never hurt them, give them medical care when needed for my 2 precious male fawn pugs. Terminator is in front and Rambo is in the back. I need help to find a good home for my babies. they give nothing but love. all they do now is lay by me trying to comfort me and find out what is wrong. I cannot go to Mama until I am sure they will be well cared for. I know I am going to die anyway. I just want to go as soon as possible.

No one will miss me. No one will care. My babies will be ok if they have someone to love them as much as I do. that will ease my mind and I can go to Mama.

again thank you all but this is all that can be done. I was stupid the first 4 times I tried this time I have a plan that will work and no one will be able to stop it. I need a home for my babies.

can someone please help me find a home for them. I know they will love anyone who would love them.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 21, 2011 at 6:12am

Dear Baby-daughter,

Do you know how amazing you are with all that you are going through , that you come to share and offer so much to the many here at Legacy . Your pain is great not only for the loss of your Mother with I am sorry . Yet you have so much more then maybe more , that you have to also find ways to take care of or find ways to take care of yourself , and yet as things are sometimes it is not as easy many may think it is . With all your medical needs and care and yet that seeming not being addressed or maybe through all the stress and loss of your mother . You are trying to take on so much ,and seemingly alone . With out alot of available aid or care that you so need . Which pains me . Wanting you to have all you need no matter what it would be . What I see though as mentioned before is a strength and a resilence which even when it seems that it is weakened or you truly do not have the strength with all the medical challenges you are facing right along side the passing of your Mother . I for one can so understand . For one who is the healthiest of all can start to falter as time goes on and the body does not want to keep up with all the Pain from grief offers . It is sad to me that so many as you need so much just to get the medical care they need yet do you know in your sharing you are offering more then you may know , a voice to what many may not know exists . Something hopefully that can change for you , and so many that are in need . I know this for my Sister was one who also was in such need as she started to fail after our dear mother just passed . Yet lack of funds and choices made a decision for her of what was to happen . As it is for many . Please let you voice be heard with all that you see as you write so well here . Let them know what you need and what you do not have .

The love you have for your Mother is something that is so evident in how you have loved your beautiful puppies you have posted ( names)? They look to be so well loved and cared for by someone who has so much to offer so many . That has a voice that will tell us about her Mother and many others about the love you have inside for her . and a Voice for all of those in need as you that need more then just meager care . Care that will get you to the next day so that you who has purpose will carry on . But will not be able to until you feel well medically and have all you need . You as many that come to Legacy have so much to teach so many about how it is to live and love , to be strong through the most difficult of times which many may not be able to handle or think that will ever happen to them yet , her you are and are sharing . With your heart and soul . A heart and soul you learned out of wisdom from a life you had with you Mother out of love . A love that I truly believe we will have with us forever . Though I have to say in my weak moments I so wish I could at least see her to hug her to tell her I love her . You are doing that right now , by letting all of us know about her and sharing her with all of us . Something you may never have had a chance to do before . As I really never did either for many did not want to listen or cared. We do here , I do .. My Sister and I loved my Mother as if she was apart of each heart beat as was my Sister and my Father . Sadly as I have mentioned they all passed very close together. A very painful and empty time . Yet one of great insight of what really matters in life , that the gifts and blessing are those we have time to share with and more so ones we have a chance to love . As I also feel this with animals too , they are Gods angels to us to be here to bring us comfort joy and comfort in the happiness and the worst of times.

These words may not bring comfort , but just to let you know we are here at Legacy for you to always come to share , for us to listen and her more about you loving mother , memories that you had with her , more about you . To learn more about what we all are going through this grief this pain , one in the same but yet so different . One that if only we can walk together on , or for each to know that they can turn here to be heard . To have safe and comforting place to have a voice to share ones pain , that you may not only find comfort you may never know what you have done for someone in the strength and love you have for one in you life your " Mother "

Please take care

Blessings to all of you ,,, each time I read , my mother seems to come closer to me which is all I have prayed for since she has passed . We all belssed beautiful Angels above watching over us forever memories that they left behind for us to hold and their love held within our hearts .

Baby-daughter said:

I thank you all very much.   but I have no more to give or try.   I have given up and just want to go to Mama.

I have a brain tumor need an MRI no money no medical care.

I fell this past Oct 2010. I received a notice from the insurance company of the place I fell admitting to liability and telling me to go get medical help.   I have tried. I call doctors, I fax the letters, they call the ins company, Drs call back we cannot help you.   Ins company is going back on its written notice. Now I have to get medical care and complete it and recover and then they will negoite payment. I have hired an attorney. Only places that take this is clinics that look like county clinics that take illegals. Drs are not good or have bedside manor of a wart hog.   I have now falled 2 more times since the first accident. I can barley walk. My right shoulder, right side of upper back, right arm, both knees, pain from right hip down to right ankle like someone is cutting with a hot sharp knife. I also broke my upper and lower teeth in the fall. again no doctor no dental no help.

my colorestral is 3 times normal.   again no medical no meds.   I am having chest pains and my left arm is going numb. All I do is lay in bed and sinletly cry until it is over. sometimes 15 to 30 min sometimes 2-3 hrs.

I am unable to get my asmtha meds

2 years ago I was healthy and went scuba diving which i love to do. now i can hardly walk from the bed to the bath room.   I take baths about 1 every 2-3 weeks.   I eat maybe 2-3 meals a week.   I just lay in bed.

Like i have said before I see no mountain in order to see the tunnel and the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have made my decision.   I need someone who would promise to love, keep them together, never hurt them, give them medical care when needed for my 2 precious male fawn pugs. Terminator is in front and Rambo is in the back. I need help to find a good home for my babies.   they give nothing but love. all they do now is lay by me trying to comfort me and find out what is wrong.   I cannot go to Mama until I am sure they will be well cared for.   I know I am going to die anyway. I just want to go as soon as possible.

No one will miss me. No one will care.   My babies will be ok if they have someone to love them as much as I do.   that will ease my mind and I can go to Mama.

again thank you all but this is all that can be done.   I was stupid the first 4 times I tried this time I have a plan that will work and no one will be able to stop it.   I need a home for my babies.

can someone please help me find a home for them.   I know they will love anyone who would love them.

Permalink Reply by Jeanette on March 28, 2011 at 2:11am

My Mom passed away on the 22nd of March. Imiss her terribly even though we didn't have a good relationship.
I have chosen to focus on the positive but am still confused why she was so hurt all the time
When I gallant my older sister it's like we are talking about2 different moms.
I love my mom. I want her back so I can fix things between us. So I can
understand her better.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 28, 2011 at 4:37am

Dear Jeanette ,
It is always so difficult to really tell someone how they may feel when they read what one may have shared as you have . Yet to know that you are in my thoughts of the so recent passing of your Mother .

The pain seems to be extended far beyond what any of us will ever know , as this seems to happen in so many families for reason that sometime can go unexplained or at time reasoning yet never enough time or opportunities to at least have a chance to let each other know how each other feels .

I am not sure if our Parents or our loved one can hear us or know of how we feel now , yet somehow there is a part of me that wants to believe in this , for I am not sure if I could make it through my days just wishing I had one more day to do all the many things I wanted to do for my loved ones who have recently passed away . Yet some how there is a part of me they may know of my heart . As I hope and pray you Mother knows this of you as I read what you shared . Even though in life both of you may never have truly new each others hearts .. Maybe now she does now knows yours .
To see that you wanted and still wish this to be . Maybe that is apart of the grace and peace she has now to see more or understand the daughter she has , the one that loves her .

These words may not bring you comfort , it is only the hopes and prayers I have for you and all who had struggles or distance between them . Never a chance to let the other know how they truly feel .

Each day for me is one that is filled with guilt though surrounded with all the love and time I was blessed to share with my family . Yet I know of the many that never had this or did and just did not take a moment in time to see it was right there . Life is funny this way , as much as a search for all the experts reasons whys for this .
All that I find is that there is wisdom now to have , one that only you will know in your heart as you know of your love in your life .. A love that you had or one that you still seek . A love that is there that all need to have . If only to know someone else cares .

Please take care and many blessing to you and the many to come her today .

Your heart may hold the answers that one may have never been able to tell you when they were here .
As they may be able to know hear what your love truly is .

As silly as this may sound even if you may have troubled times or anger and frustration tide up in this all a letter the you can tear up after ward or just so that you have a chance to have a " voice" one that you may never had before . The Computer is great because you have this great delete button .
One that may give answers to all the pain inside . One that will help and give you comfort at least to you if not inside . A heart that may be broken that still needs answers from one that is not here . Though to find that you hold now the truth to what you need in you heart all inside .

.