Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

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Permalink Reply by Beth Novoa on April 15, 2011 at 11:08pm

I lost my Mom on August 8, 2010. She battled colon cancer for over four years. I was so hopeful that she would continue to do well that I tried not to think about the reality of her passing away. My Mom and her spouse were married for fourteen years. He was a widower who lost his first wife of over forty years to cancer. I can only speculate that my Mom's cancer and worsening health really scared him. After her death he changed dramatically and became someone me and my siblings no longer knew. He began making accusations against my family that we stole from him which really strained our relationships with him and ultimately we made a tough decision to sever ties with him. He recently passed - almost eight months to the day she passed away - and his family neglected to include anything about his marriage to her in his obituary. It was painful to see this obituary and realize what they had done. It was almost as if my Mom never existed. I feel like I lost my Mom all over again.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 16, 2011 at 7:18am

Dear Beth Novoa ,

In reading what you shared my heart as shattered as it is it truly felt like it broke when I read on in what you had to share . A sad and familiar story you hear yet one that is yours that has such depths in how you shared it . I am truly sorry for the loss of you Mother , and then the loss of someone you once knew as family who then was not at least from what actions of others were . Yet to see what you share your understanding of the whys he did what he may have were of a heart of generosity , ones that you could see what he may need to walk away but still to push away as he did is not always so understood or at times that you will have answers to . Yet I wondered as I read if in his passing even though the distance , that it was sad to you as though it was another thing that was connected to your Mother . What was done in the paper can never be explained other then ones choice to do it this way does it excuse it , not really it gives reason of how again you could feel so much pain again . Which almost brought me to tears when I read that .

It seems so simple doesn't just to see someones name , especially your loved ones somewhere or even said out loud . Yet when others choice not to or it is overlooked or that no one does it anymore . It is a part of this pain that you really do not hear of or read about how even that can be . As if they never existed .

But you know what you have done today is you have brought her to us to love and care about her and you maybe not at the time you may have wanted it or needed it . But you are now doing what you only hope someone else would have done in life . Which is recognize that you beautiful loving mother did exist . You are doing that for her now , if no one else will or wants to as you may only know how truly special she was , and how to share her with this world . Who better then you , that we hear it from but you her daughter who loves her so .

You taught me something today though I have some what of the same struggle which I know is pain as to say what some do not do , can take effect at this time in your life . Yet who else but we are going to carry on the memories of those we loved if not us who spent time with them and loved them but each of us .

Thank you for bring your Mother to us all to know her just a bit as you too

May comfort come to you .

Beth Novoa said:

I lost my Mom on August 8, 2010. She battled colon cancer for over four years. I was so hopeful that she would continue to do well that I tried not to think about the reality of her passing away. My Mom and her spouse were married for fourteen years. He was a widower who lost his first wife of over forty years to cancer. I can only speculate that my Mom's cancer and worsening health really scared him. After her death he changed dramatically and became someone me and my siblings no longer knew. He began making accusations against my family that we stole from him which really strained our relationships with him and ultimately we made a tough decision to sever ties with him. He recently passed - almost eight months to the day she passed away - and his family neglected to include anything about his marriage to her in his obituary. It was painful to see this obituary and realize what they had done. It was almost as if my Mom never existed. I feel like I lost my Mom all over again.

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 17, 2011 at 12:49am

I love you Mama. I've been talking to Ray on this site. I've been asking him for help. I remwmber when he died I wanted to cry and run away. I never did because you needed someone. It has taken me 20 yrs to finally cry for my brother. I didn't want to see how much I moissed and loved him. I was afraid it would hurt you.

I love you so much Mama. I am falling apart. Ill talk to you again I hope. I am so close to killing myself. I can feel my body dying. Brenda won't help me. She has taken Anthony away.

I love you Mama. Goodbye for now.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 18, 2011 at 5:04am

Dear Jo Iness,

As white dove responded to you

" beautiful and so true ...

A poem that I have come back to read because of the comfort it did bring .

Though written by you who also has great and deep pain you have in a way put words down that have reach many .

A gift you have maybe even apart of your purpose in life

to bring comfort to us all in a poem .

A wonderful purpose indeed .

To all may today be in be one of comfort and grace

(white dove) said:

Beautiful and so very true* Thank You Jo Iness

You are so welcome!

Jo Iness said:

            LOST ONES

My mind is stuck in neutral,

     when I'm in the past.

Thinking about days gone bye,

     where nothing seems to last.

No matter how long I daydream,

     on little things you'd do.

As a smile crosses over my lips,

     when here I am with you.

But crushing thunder,

     strikes my heart.

If only we had more time,

     before we were torn apart.

Now alone in my grief,

     to suffer with this pain.

What is this thing called "death",

     That"s enough to drive all insane.

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 20, 2011 at 10:42pm

I am still looking for a home for my 2 mail fawn pugs. If I cannot find a home that will love them and keep them together then the 3 of us will all go to my Mama together. I have already deceided how to do this. I cannot live without my Mama and after today. Nothing is going to change my mind but being locked up.

Please help me find a home for my pugs.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 21, 2011 at 1:01am

Dear Baby -daughter

I am sorry that you are feeling such deep pain as this pain can be so devastating and one that will bring one to make choices that we can not take back once we do .

If only to take this moment as you have to share as you have or to even call someone you know who you trust , really trust to come and be with you or even to say give you a time to breath from all of this pain . As I know this pain is wearing and one you wish could stop in any way you can make it .

This pain if one that I know of trying to live each day now with out my Father and Mother and Sister who all passed away not long ago . Often feeling that deep and dark pain .

It is not to compare or to say I understand exactly it is that I only understand how it is that one can be at this point in their life . Yet I also realize too that you may have a purpose that your Mother needs you to be here for . If not anything else but to share her with the world as you have . Who else will .

Who else will know of her love and you life together .

I know for me I am weary from all of this not sleeping hardly ever but something keeps me going if only to hang ,to be honest I have not idea what that is . But for me I just take this moment to breath and see what happens in the next . this all I can do for now .

I wish this for you too . You never know if to make a choice now will you really be with her not to say that we all will be together again . When or how that is still a question that none of can answer .

She may be and Angel at work some where even here protecting you as she has all these weeks as you have shared . Maybe this is what she has wanted . Just for you to one day have a moment to breath and see that she may be right next to you .

Take care

As I care about you and everyone who is here a Legacy as you have been now who I can come to as now I do not have my family .

~! they will always and forever be in my heart

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 21, 2011 at 8:23am

River of tears

I was sent a text from my g-sons phone. I know he didnot write it as you can tell it was written by an adult. I called texted emailed 3 diff people wanting to know is this was a joke or real no contact. This is the message I received from my boy. And yes he is my boy. I did not birth him but that does not make not mine. At his birth my dtr said when the nurse and doctor said you a beautiful healthy boy would you like hold him before we take him to the nursery to clean him up? My dtr told the doctor I don't want him give him to her and pointed to me. She then said leave me alone and turned away and said leave me alone I'm going to sleep.

I was then given my boy from the nurse walked with the nurse to the nursery. When we got there the nurse banded me as the other parent and I gave my boy his first bath. I have now not seen him for 18 mths. Cannot talk text or email to him. I tell u why I call him my boy. I then raised him up until. 18 mths ago. She took him from me. This is the good part. She then hit him and allowed her massive amout of boyfriends to beat him. example one broke wooded spoons over his back and butt at the age 4 1/2. I tried to get guardiAnship. I went all the way to Sacramento CPS. I was branded an intervering grand mother. I went to the governors wife nothing no answer did not even get acknoledgement she got my registered letter.

The text I received said the following:

Jarid Would like to come live with you.

If my boy would have wrote it. 1: he would not have used 3rd person 2: he would have said "U" not "you".

With my Mama gone. I was never told and I don't know where she is and my sister creamated her when she had a fully paid traditional burial policy at her age of 50. All of us knew this.

Now I have no one and I know I would never see my boy again. So what do I have to live for. Nothing.

Help me find a home fore my pugs or I will have no recourse but to take them with me when I go to Mama

Simple solution. I cannot live alone. I cannot live without my boy. I cannot live without my g-dtr who does not know I'm alive

Thank you but this is good bye.

Get a home for my pugs please please please

My pugs don't deserve death. I do.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 22, 2011 at 5:28am

Dear Baby-daughter ,

Hello

If anything what you share has brought me to deeper thoughts of my dear Mother , someone who I always will for she was one of strength and courage . I come to read what you share you in your pain seem to have a courage and strength that seems to keep you fighting for each day if not only for those beautiful pugs you have at least this is a cause . but I thinks its more . There is as with us all there is apart of this pain that just seems to want to take us away yet there is also apart of what our Mothers gave us a strength or lesson or even courage what ever one may want to call it . I see it as love . This is what I see in you . Something keeps you seeking . as long as we all can do this in the horrible pain we then may be able to see a bit light . The light the our Mothers left for us to live .

I do worry about and tex messages that one may receive that you are unaware I caution you never to respond as it may have been a mistake as we all get wrong messages on our machines .

A message from my mother would be wonderful as we used to speak everyday . As one from my sister and father too .

Yet messages you do not recognize or do not want all it takes it the delete . You do not have to respond . This is your time to heal .

As in life if it is real as it was with our Mothers we will know

Life is not easy for anyone now as I long for my family each day as the moments pass yet to wonder if there is a reason in this pain ....

My Mother left me with great memories of life and how she lived and how she so wanted so much to have another day .. Which I guess was selfish for me because it gave me another chance to say I love you .

We do not know why or how this journey of pain will be for it is different for everyone

There are no answers I can offer others then please may comfort come to you today and that they strength within you lead you to see the light that you may still be here for a reason . For you pugs and for yourself that your Mother lived so that you could live on . If for who will carry her love on .

My Mother went thru things many could ever believe one could survive yet she did , so if she could I at least need to give my best at it while I am here .

Mothers are why we are here if to know only that love we shared then this pain is worth it all .

As For me the Love and time I had with My Mother and Father and Sister all blessings

Heavens Angels .. Above as now I must carry on thier light in this world

Even if it to be a flicker .. At least that is more then nothing at all

Share about Who your Mother was , or is in your heart . . This may help pave the way on this journey o pain we all are on . As it will have so many dips and bolders along the way . This is what it may take to pave through this pain to get to the other side , Life is about light and how each carries it on . Do not blow out the light before it was suppose to go .

Let the light of each be within you hearts and the love carry you on .

Baby-daughter said:

River of tears

I was sent a text from my g-sons phone. I know he did-not write it as you can tell it was written by an adult. I called text ed emailed 3 diff people wanting to know is this was a joke or real no contact. This is the message I received from my boy. And yes he is my boy. I did not birth him but that does not make not mine. At his birth my dtr said when the nurse and doctor said you a beautiful healthy boy would you like hold him before we take him to the nursery to clean him up? My dtr told the doctor I don't want him give him to her and pointed to me. She then said leave me alone and turned away and said leave me alone I'm going to sleep.

I was then given my boy from the nurse walked with the nurse to the nursery. When we got there the nurse banded me as the other parent and I gave my boy his first bath. I have now not seen him for 18 mths. Cannot talk text or email to him. I tell u why I call him my boy. I then raised him up until. 18 mths ago. She took him from me. This is the good part. She then hit him and allowed her massive amout of boyfriends to beat him. example one broke wooded spoons over his back and butt at the age 4 1/2. I tried to get guardiAnship. I went all the way to Sacramento CPS. I was branded an intervering grand mother. I went to the governors wife nothing no answer did not even get acknoledgement she got my registered letter.

The text I received said the following:

Jarid Would like to come live with you.

If my boy would have wrote it. 1: he would not have used 3rd person 2: he would have said "U" not "you".

With my Mama gone. I was never told and I don't know where she is and my sister creamated her when she had a fully paid traditional burial policy at her age of 50. All of us knew this.

Now I have no one and I know I would never see my boy again. So what do I have to live for. Nothing.

Help me find a home fore my pugs or I will have no recourse but to take them with me when I go to Mama

Simple solution. I cannot live alone. I cannot live without my boy. I cannot live without my g-dtr who does not know I'm alive

Thank you but this is good bye.

Get a home for my pugs please please please

My pugs don't deserve death. I do.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 22, 2011 at 5:56am

I used think there was all the time in the world for our Mother to teach us one of the five languages she knew how to speak or or her to talk to me more about things she did when she was young . Or to hear the many stories of yesterday I yet had heard . Which you would think you would yet with the large family and all that she had to do in ones day time she hardy had time for herself .

I so miss just being about to call and ask if it was a good time to come , maybe because this was what one of the last call I made to her was ... Yet this time I did not hear the same wonderful answers she always had , that anytime was a good time for her . Even her waiting as I would walk up the path to her home as she then would almost jump off the steps to just hug me as I would hug her . As to never let each other go . I do not think there was a time that she would not say to me " you have grown so much taller " and of course I would respond " no mom it is you who is growning shorter . Laughing up to her home as she would open up the door , to see the flowers she had picked from the field for me . Something she used to do for all of us when young when we were sick or a just because to come home from school to find . A wonderful way to say I love you ,, Oh I how I wish I could thank her for all of that .

One of the last calls to her was to ask if it was a good time or my sister and I to come to visit . We did not hear back . A half a dozen more call were made to find out that this beautiful woman who graced this world had passed away. This is not how it was suppose to be . We were planning on her to come and live closer so that there was not such a distance . Yet why did we wait to long ?

Yet then I could ask this of why my Sister passed a few months later which was not far from the passing of our father .

These memories that she left of love and time , will be forever held inside as they now are what I turn to in the darkest of nights and the times when life does feel so empty . Yet do I wish I could call her and her say ," there is never a bad time The only bad time in life is that of the when the clock stopped for each of them . When each never had another chance to see the next or live a day of joy . A day

I could not once again run up to her and them and hang on to them as though I was hanging on to life . Maybe if I would have held tighter she would still be here as my sister and father .

I don't know can you hang on to the wing of Angels when they need to fly

Memories may be all I have but thank goodness for that . This pain is not one any us would want or have chosen yet the memories are our as the love will be . This is something that never can be taken away .

May each day hold a special memory or your Mother if it even be a silly one . At least it is of her .

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 22, 2011 at 5:57am

River of Tears said:

I used think there was all the time in the world for our Mother to teach us one of the five languages she knew how to speak or or her to talk to me more about things she did when she was young . Or to hear the many stories of yesterday I yet had heard . Which you would think you would yet with the large family and all that she had to do in ones day time she hardy had time for herself .

I so miss just being about to call and ask if it was a good time to come , maybe because this was what one of the last call I made to her was ... Yet this time I did not hear the same wonderful answers she always had , that anytime was a good time for her . Even her waiting as I would walk up the path to her home as she then would almost jump off the steps to just hug me as I would hug her . As to never let each other go .  I do not think there was a time that she would not say to me " you have grown so much taller " and of course I would respond " no mom it is you who is growning shorter . Laughing up to her home as she would open up the door , to see the flowers she had picked from the field for me . Something she used to do for all of us when young when we were sick or a just because to come home from school to find .    A wonderful way to say I love you ,, Oh I how I wish I could thank her for all of that .

One of the last calls to her was to ask if it was a good time or my sister and I to come to visit . We did not hear back . A half a dozen more call were made to find out that this beautiful woman who graced this world had passed away.       This is not how it was suppose to be .  We were planning on her to come and live closer so that there was not such a distance . Yet why did we wait to long ?

Yet then I could ask this of why my Sister passed a few months later which was not far from the passing of our father .

These memories that she left of love and time , will be forever held inside as they now are what I turn to in the darkest of nights and the times when life does feel so empty .    Yet do I wish I could call her and her say ," there is never a bad time    The only bad time in life is that of the when the clock stopped for each of them . When each never had another chance to see the next or live a day of joy . A day

I could not once again run up to her and them and hang on to them as though I was hanging on to life . Maybe if I would have held tighter she would still be here as my sister and father .

I don't know can you hang on to the wing of Angels when they need to fly

Memories may be all I have but thank goodness for that . This pain is not one any us would want or have chosen yet the memories are our as the love will be . This is something that never can be taken away .

May each day hold a special memory or your Mother if it even be a silly one . At least it is of her .

<\

Permalink Reply by Montrece Parker-Walker on May 5, 2011 at 5:27pm

I lost my mama/my Queen, my BFF, my everything on April 26, 2011..... This is all mindblowing and unbelievable to me.. She fought breast cancer for 6yrs and fought HARD and long so I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore... She was 43yrs old a Beyond amazing mother to me and my older brother Montrell 24yrs old, and younger sister Shamarea 10yrs old:(.... We are all very extremely saddened by this... Theresa Carter was known by many, a kind loving, funny, outgoing, caring, soulful, real, beautiful woman... I was extremely close to my mama like calling her every 10min and running to her for ALL answer, by the way I'm 22yrs old, so I know and understand time will heal ALL things but my oh my this one I'm having a very hard time with, but my mama made sure all her kids not only had book sense but street sense so I'm not a dummy and knw this is part of life and God just needed an angel.. But still can ANYBODY please give me some advice on how to cope please??? I truly sincerely appreciate it:).. Much love and God bless u all who have lost a mother/father or loved one my heart goes out to u all.. 1 love Montrece Q. Parker-Walker Fort Worth, TX

Permalink Reply by Francis Valente III on May 5, 2011 at 5:37pm

michelle said:

michelle said:I lost my mother just 1 month ago and I still don't know what to do. I feel so empty. We were so close, shared everyting. I am an only child and have just one child myself. My mother was my "'go to" person. What do I do with out her . How long do you just feel numb and go through the motions. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, however my thoughts are not well organized(for lack of a better word).
Lori Sue Bowser said:
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!