Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

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Permalink Reply by missing mom... on July 10, 2009 at 3:49pm

Tracy Shiffer said:

I lost my mom on Christmas Eve 2008. She had gone in for an operation on 12/2 and we were visiting. Everything was fine and we left on the 7th. By the 17th she was back in the hospital and on the 23rd we left to go see her - by the time we got there she was on life support - I had to make the gut wrenching decision to disconnect her. My dad was inconsolable. I stayed for another week, came home for a couple of days and went back for another week. I am an only child so he was relying on me heavily. I found him a place to buy here in Illinois, set up the moving company, got everything arranged and got him moved. When he got to Illinois I was in the middle of moving due to a divorce and wasn't able to help out all the much - there was other family helping though. Within 1 week of moving here I had been disowned and told not to come back. So within 4 months time I had lost my mother, my husband and my dad. Also 4 years ago I lost my best friend to cancer - it was a long 4 year struggle.

Can anyone tell me how I am supposed to cope with all this loss? I have lost all my support and don't know where to turn or who to talk to.

Permalink Reply by Janine on July 11, 2009 at 6:15am

I lost my Mom on June 24th. Her funeral was last Saturday (July 4th) and I feel like the last month is a very bad dream that must have happened to someone else. I guess I still am in the denial stage of my grief.

I am an adult female, a Mom myself, but I feel like a lost child. My Dad passed away in 1991, and that was a difficult time. But losing my Mom, my last living parent, has unravelled me. Rationally, I understand that she was ill and that her death was probably a blessing for her and for us, but it hurts so much to think I will never see her again. I don't know if I believe in an afterlife, but I pray that I will see her again one day. I cry a lot and that bothers some people, but I need to do it. People tell me that time heals all grief and eventually I will have only my good memories when I think of her, but now I feel I extreme sadness. My Mom had a hard life as a young woman (she lived through World War II) and it hurts me that the last years of her life were difficult suffering with an illness that robs you of so many things. I guess I have a lot to work through. Thanks to all for listening, I guess I just need to vent my feelings.

Permalink Reply by sue on July 11, 2009 at 9:44am

Milly, I am so sorry this happened to you. You will see your mom someday but it will be in the next life. I believe this. I will never understand why some things happen to some people but I hope you find the peace and happiness you are seeking and I pray that you get some information about your mom. I do feel she has always watched over you and will be waiting for you when you time comes.
suep

Permalink Reply by sue on July 11, 2009 at 9:49am

Janine, losing mom is the worst. I lost dad 15 years ago but mom only 4/15/07. (my husband 5/22/08) Dad was painful but mom was heartbreaking. I read that losing your same sex parent is the worst and I believe it but Mom is your life line and I think that bond broken is just the worst.
You will stop hurting so badly but you will always miss mom. I still do and still talk with her and I feel at times I get her advise still. It may just be that she is so much a part of me and her wisdom and advice so instilled in me, but mom will always be with me and yours will to. Keep an open mind and just talk to her. I truly believe she hears you. I can't imagine a loving mom every totally leaving us behind. suep

Permalink Reply by Kelly on July 19, 2009 at 8:19pm

I lost my mother in law on Sept 19,2007 she had massive strokes an just slipped away.. I lost my mom on Dec 11,2007, she was a diabetic an had a bad heart an on dialysis. She went for 9 months or so an my dad called me at 6 am an said my mom has passed away.. i miss her so much we were very close. i took care of her when she lived in pa with us.. then they moved to north carolina. an i know i am not gettin her back, but i pray every day to get her back.. i miss her so much. i talk to her everyday. i can go to a store an see something she would like an start to cry. my dad is doing ok. he has good days an bad days, but i try to be very upbeat when we chat, i dont want to upset him. my mom an i chatted everyday at 9 am sharp. we talked before she went to dialysis an after she came home, an even during the tv show with paula deen. she would always say i want the recipe so i would print it out for her an send it down to her. it is hard to watch paula deen now, cuze i wait for the phone to ring an say i want that recipe. i even bought her a paula deen recipe book for christmas but she never got to see it. my dad sent them back to me. an i have em in the closet. i see people who yell at there mom's an i just cry cuze they dont know how dang lucky they are to have there mom. i want to yell at them an shake them an tell them u are so lucky. it is hard to lose your mother, no one should ever lose there mothers.well i am cryin again so i need to go..
take care all
god bless

Permalink Reply by Janine on July 24, 2009 at 11:50pm

thank you for your encouraging words.......today it is one month since my Mom passed away.....the past 4 weeks have gone by in a blur....I have taken some time off as bereavement and vacation time but I feel empty and drained.....I am sleeping in a lot, but don't feel rested......I guess this will improve eventually......... this morning I had a very strange dream of my Dad who passed away November 1991.......it is sad to read all these posts .... my heart just breaks to read all these stories of loss.... I know I'll get to a point where thinking of my Mom will not make me cry but I am not there yet ...

Sue said:

Janine, losing mom is the worst. I lost dad 15 years ago but mom only 4/15/07. (my husband 5/22/08) Dad was painful but mom was heartbreaking. I read that losing your same sex parent is the worst and I believe it but Mom is your life line and I think that bond broken is just the worst.
You will stop hurting so badly but you will always miss mom. I still do and still talk with her and I feel at times I get her advise still. It may just be that she is so much a part of me and her wisdom and advice so instilled in me, but mom will always be with me and yours will to. Keep an open mind and just talk to her. I truly believe she hears you. I can't imagine a loving mom every totally leaving us behind. suep

Permalink Reply by white dove on July 28, 2009 at 8:18pm

I am terribly saddened, i wrote a very hearfelt reply with everything i had in me and it wouldn't add on to this discussion!!!

michelle said:

michelle said:I lost my mother just 1 month ago and I still don't know what to do. I feel so empty. We were so close, shared everyting. I am an only child and have just one child myself. My mother was my "'go to" person. What do I do with out her . How long do you just feel numb and go through the motions. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, however my thoughts are not well organized(for lack of a better word).
Lori Sue Bowser said:
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!

Permalink Reply by Ann on July 28, 2009 at 8:33pm

I lost mt mom 9 weeks ago. I can't stop crying. I have no one to help me. When will it get "better"?

Permalink Reply by white dove on July 29, 2009 at 8:16am

I will try this once again, after reading replies, i realized i DON'T have any messages from my dear Mom on my telephone answering machine!!!! I am saddened to not be able to hear her voice, and the fact that i just didnt know and erased messages while she was still well.........

michelle said:

michelle said:I lost my mother just 1 month ago and I still don't know what to do. I feel so empty. We were so close, shared everyting. I am an only child and have just one child myself. My mother was my "'go to" person. What do I do with out her . How long do you just feel numb and go through the motions. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, however my thoughts are not well organized(for lack of a better word).
Lori Sue Bowser said:
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!

Permalink Reply by sheila on July 29, 2009 at 10:07am

can someone tell me how i can cope with losing my mother wanting to talk to someone about personal problems and i know i can talk to my father about the personal problems but a mother understands wat a daughter is going through her life cause she has been there and gone through things a daughter has please help me or let me know if there is anybody else is going through wat i am going through

Permalink Reply by white dove on July 29, 2009 at 2:27pm

Hi sheila, i am a mom with a daughter who just lost my mom. If you would care to chat, click on my picture (at least i think this is how to get ahold of someone) and we can chat from there. I have tried to put someone on as a friend but it has never worked. Losing our moms is horrible at any age. But maybe i can help u a little.

sheila said:

can someone tell me how i can cope with losing my mother wanting to talk to someone about personal problems and i know i can talk to my father about the personal problems but a mother understands wat a daughter is going through her life cause she has been there and gone through things a daughter has please help me or let me know if there is anybody else is going through wat i am going through

Permalink Reply by Diamond on July 29, 2009 at 9:31pm

I understand how you feel; as I was the caretaker for both my parents - father and mother in their 80's - I can't began to tell you on how many ocassions I was completely stressed out with all of the responsibility - however, I am so glad I did care for my parents. I have no guilt and was happy that I made my Dad's last days better for him.

I also - felt, why me....I was getting sick all of the time and I have siblings - but for the most part - they had their own life. I came to enjoy the time I had with my Dad alone, no distractions, his undivided attention and love. I felt bad that my sibling didn't visit but I was satisfied with knowing I did my part in giving him better last days then some children. Yes, I was sad when he passed and for selfish reason I wanted him around - I wanted him there to always love, talk and be with him knowing that he is my Dad. BUt - was the quality of life he had something I would want for myself? So, I had to come to terms with his death knowing that he is "consious of nothing" as the Bible states the dead is consious of "nothing."-Eccl. 9:5. --Yes, I would love to see my Dad just one more day - just to say "I love you." - I understand your pain - however, I am looking forward to seeing him again in the new system - Revelation 21:3,4. God promised, that death will be no more and that a "new heaven and New earth will come to be - Daniel 2:44...and God does not lie...so I am just happy knowing that my Dad has a hope of being resurrented in God's time.

I hope this help.......

Lori Sue Bowser said:

I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!