Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by P K on August 14, 2009 at 11:58pm

My mom passed away in 1997, yet there is never a day that goes by that I don't thank her for the love she and my dad gave us. My dad passed away in 1983--funny, but when he died Mom was still here...so I had the sense that everything was still okay...after she died, I sort of felt like an orphan *(even though I had brothers).

Now I know beyond a shadow of doubt that they are my "guardian angels" and I sense their nearness and remain vigilant and "open" towards the signs of their presence daily in my life. I'm still thanking them each and every day & feel their magnificent love around me!

Blessings to all of you who must mourn loved-ones, yet know they are still here with us forever.

hugs to you all !
Pam

Permalink Reply by white dove on August 15, 2009 at 7:38am

Thank u for the Blessings. We too remain open for the feeling of my moms presence. My mom and i spoke of a road trip while she was ill.... a couple months after she left us, we planned to drive up north where her beloved family came from. We know she was with us in spirit that entire trip! I also felt her freedom in a strong way. I wrote awhile back about how her jewerly box started playing that morning out of "no where" one that had been broken for many years. I continue to have my morning coffee with my mom and we still chat. I can relate to the orphan feeling too. My Father is ill and remarried, and i also know my mom is waiting for him to join her. I find it amazing how love can be stashed away for someone, but it all comes out in full blossom before ones leaving here.... we have had major grief/pain and also much love shown and given. We were blessed to have been "the ones" to feel and see the Angels, spirits, all come for mom :) Very very bitter sweet. Trying hard to embrace the sweet:)

P K said:

My mom passed away in 1997, yet there is never a day that goes by that I don't thank her for the love she and my dad gave us. My dad passed away in 1983--funny, but when he died Mom was still here...so I had the sense that everything was still okay...after she died, I sort of felt like an orphan *(even though I had brothers).

Now I know beyond a shadow of doubt that they are my "guardian angels" and I sense their nearness and remain vigilant and "open" towards the signs of their presence daily in my life. I'm still thanking them each and every day & feel their magnificent love around me!

Blessings to all of you who must mourn loved-ones, yet know they are still here with us forever.

hugs to you all !
Pam

Permalink Reply by white dove on August 18, 2009 at 9:59pm

Hello computer :) an all who are grieving~ i have written about my moms passing on 3-30-09. Last night i recieve a call from my fathers step son saying, he is now in critical care up north. I left immediately, and found him looking very much like my mom did a few months ago. He perked up as soon as he saw us. He is remarried and his new wifes son is power of attorney. They have blocked our communication from our dad for years. Now, i see steps arent being taken to help fight his infections, nor is he being fed or hydrated. I have many calls waiting to talk to the Doctor on call. I pray he survives, and his infections are treated in a speedy manor.. but in being end stage of Parkinsons, i feel his "second family" are just saying let him go, and dont even try to help him..... I feel as if i dont have a leg to stand on or even a voice. I have gone through ALL one could ever imagine with my mom leaving and i sure do know all mistakes that could come... I would at the very least like to see him hydrated and given some nutrition! Has anyone ever experienced this with a remarriage of a parent? Sorry, but they are ignorant as far as medical care is concerned and i am afraid they arent doing the right things. And praying they are not saying hold back on all!!! Luckily my dad did tell the staff that i can have any and all communication with them about his condition which at least this, is a God send. Oh, what to do now? Im still working on healing ME and here comes my dads illness hitting him hard. I did stay the night in the hospital last night, and need to rest up tonight, feeling a huge Deja Vu happening all over again~~

Paula Schneider (white dove) said:

Thank u for the Blessings. We too remain open for the feeling of my moms presence. My mom and i spoke of a road trip while she was ill.... a couple months after she left us, we planned to drive up north where her beloved family came from. We know she was with us in spirit that entire trip! I also felt her freedom in a strong way. I wrote awhile back about how her jewerly box started playing that morning out of "no where" one that had been broken for many years. I continue to have my morning coffee with my mom and we still chat. I can relate to the orphan feeling too. My Father is ill and remarried, and i also know my mom is waiting for him to join her. I find it amazing how love can be stashed away for someone, but it all comes out in full blossom before ones leaving here.... we have had major grief/pain and also much love shown and given. We were blessed to have been "the ones" to feel and see the Angels, spirits, all come for mom :) Very very bitter sweet. Trying hard to embrace the sweet:)

P K said:

My mom passed away in 1997, yet there is never a day that goes by that I don't thank her for the love she and my dad gave us. My dad passed away in 1983--funny, but when he died Mom was still here...so I had the sense that everything was still okay...after she died, I sort of felt like an orphan *(even though I had brothers).

Now I know beyond a shadow of doubt that they are my "guardian angels" and I sense their nearness and remain vigilant and "open" towards the signs of their presence daily in my life. I'm still thanking them each and every day & feel their magnificent love around me!

Blessings to all of you who must mourn loved-ones, yet know they are still here with us forever.

hugs to you all !
Pam

Permalink Reply by Lorna on September 2, 2009 at 10:39pm

I am 49 and my mom just passed away May 1 and I feel the same about wanting my mommy back. I'm glad to see I'm not alone. I just go with it and allow myself to feel it. I think it is ok - a bit cathartic.

Robin Bro n said:

This is so true! My mother died unexpectedly in April and I don't know how long I will deal with the greif. On top of that, my uncle - her brother - died two weeks ago from lung cancer and I don''t know what is harder...the grief from his death or the greif I feel all over again from loosing her. And I am fighting with my brother and sister-in-law about every thing. Does it ever get better. Will I ever stop wanting 'my mommy' back at the ripe old age of 46?

Permalink Reply by Bobbie Lynn DeMers on September 5, 2009 at 4:05pm

My mama passed over last year Jan 2008, at age 56 from Alzheimer's. I think she died from the medication, because the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her for the year before she died, the medications seemed to make her worse. I don't know different people have different theories. I can't even begin to tell you what I went through trying to make somebody see she was getting sick. And now I'm estranged from both sides of my family, I'm not married and have no children. Enough about me being all alone, but she really was my whole world, we were best friends, we went everywhere together. I even lived with her and took care of her. I can't seem to understand that she's been gone well over a year. My worst fear has always been losing my mama and now she's gone. I can't get on with anything. I'm 36 years old, and I don't know how to live without her. I'm so sorry for all your losses, and it does help to know I'm not the only one, although I'm still so alone. I don't think I'll ever get over this, seeing her suffer is what really hurts, too. And the way my family doesn't seem to care how I am. (Is that selfish of me)? She sends me signs all the time. But every day is still a struggle for me. I'm bitter today, towards my family, the doctors, even God. And I'm sorry. Will somebody please tell me it'll be okay one day? Or just let me know you understand? Thank you so much for reading, and sharing your heart, too.

Lorna said:

I am 49 and my mom just passed away May 1 and I feel the same about wanting my mommy back. I'm glad to see I'm not alone. I just go with it and allow myself to feel it. I think it is ok - a bit cathartic.

Robin Bro n said:

This is so true! My mother died unexpectedly in April and I don't know how long I will deal with the greif. On top of that, my uncle - her brother - died two weeks ago from lung cancer and I don''t know what is harder...the grief from his death or the greif I feel all over again from loosing her. And I am fighting with my brother and sister-in-law about every thing. Does it ever get better. Will I ever stop wanting 'my mommy' back at the ripe old age of 46?

Permalink Reply by linda long on September 6, 2009 at 9:43pm

I lost my mom to suicide 10-27-99. I want to talk but I can't yet. I have days that I cry for no real reason. A song, a thought, a funny looking stupid thing... I feel an actual ache. A true ache inside me. Like I am half living. It feels strong some days, and others I try to not feel at all. I can't find her anymore. I can't smell her, or imagine her smile. As the years pass, I'm not sure it gets easier. The older I get, the more I see her. In my eyes, in my laugh, in my weight gain, in my wrinkles, in my greys. And just as I remember the day that I fell to my knees...I MISS HER...

Permalink Reply by white dove on September 7, 2009 at 9:24pm

Linda, I feel your agony. Today wasn't a good day for me. Every event is the first after my mom has passed. There are some o.k. days, but today definately wasn't one. It's such a feeling, only the grieving would understand. As you mentioned, feeling "half here". And the other half? Dead. My past ups and enjoyments in life are so very few now, I wonder what the rest of my life will be like. On these not so good days, i feel like im just going thru the motions cuz i have to. Every morning i awake, wondering if it is all a bad dream! My moms passing was not quick or painless. In taking care of her through out, we felt everything she did. So the impact is still so fresh. I pray for others, and i just give up on me. I try to help people, step in when no one else cares to, and still, run into very rude, mean people that just slap me along side the head. Tired.... of humanity. Seems like there is nothing humane about some... no one else can relate except here. I will once again, try to sleep in hopes tomorrow will be a better day. And hopefully there will actually be some people in this world that are empathetic. If not, well it's back to the couch for my own attitute adjustment, in having to try again to not isolate myself and get back out there in the world. Blessings to all of us who feel "half here".

linda long said:

I lost my mom to suicide 10-27-99. I want to talk but I can't yet. I have days that I cry for no real reason. A song, a thought, a funny looking stupid thing... I feel an actual ache. A true ache inside me. Like I am half living. It feels strong some days, and others I try to not feel at all. I can't find her anymore. I can't smell her, or imagine her smile. As the years pass, I'm not sure it gets easier. The older I get, the more I see her. In my eyes, in my laugh, in my weight gain, in my wrinkles, in my greys. And just as I remember the day that I fell to my knees...I MISS HER...

Permalink Reply by Janine on September 7, 2009 at 9:34pm

I lost my Mom on June 24, 2009. I had some of her personal items in the trunk of my car that I brought from the hospital after she died. I finally took them out today. When I looked at her slippers, I started crying.... it still hurts me so much to think how she suffered and she is now gone. I don't know how long I will feel this way. People don't understand. They say at least she is in a better place, but those words are of little comfort. I wish with all my heart she was still here with me. Some days I have to stop and remind myself that she is gone. It is like a bad dream from which I want to wake up. But I know it is not. I know I need to find ways to cope with my loss.. sometimes talking or writing about it helps.

Permalink Reply by Diamon on September 14, 2009 at 1:19pm

I miss my Mother everyday more and more

Permalink Reply by lyn on September 16, 2009 at 3:52pm

Hi,
I loss my mother over 3 years ago. She was everything to me. It was the hardest time of my life. She was diagnosed with a rare form of skin cancer called merkel cell. The prognosis was gloomy, but after horrible treatments, we truly thought she had beaten it. Why wouldn't she, I thought, I promised she would beat it and that i would do everything possble to make it happen. I gave up time with my own family to keep her company, cook, go to Dana Farber, whatever it took. Then after a few months of feeling normal again we were hit like a ton of bricks with news it had spread to her liver. Treatment began again. Weeks later on April 24, 2006, life as I knew it would change forever. My moml eft us that day. I still have trouble accepting her death, I visit the cemetary everyday. Going to visit my dad is difficult so I ussually have him over. Holidays are the worse. I cannot find any joy or happiness in celebrating anything without her. I do hope someday when I'm thinking of her, I can smile instead of cry.

Permalink Reply by white dove on September 16, 2009 at 9:07pm

Dear Lyn, Blessings to you dear. Im on this site alot :) i lost my mom on 3-30 of this year and our (my daughter and my) days have been rough also. some times feels like hell. In my searching for grief counseling, i found a wonderful lady! She suggested that when i feel those bad moments, i acknowledge them and think, yes that was a terrible time. Not to push the feelings off. But then let go. We do battle constantly with trying to bring in the good memories more so than the bad but those do come too. We can have an "up" day feeling alive again, then the very next down on the couch crying. Many things havent been celebrated or the same and probably will never be again. We need to find ourselves again. In any shape or form.. and im sure ourselves are and will be different than before. I wear my sunglasses Alot, for i dont want others to see my pain. I took them off one day at a festival and the poor girl was shocked to see my sorrow. It does show. The best we can do is try to live our lives in continuence for our loved ones.. living the best we can to continue their legacy. Just the way i feel. I have gone through many changes and forgiveness is one huge one. Sure never thought of how i would feel after my mom passed. There is no prepairation or fore warning! Today i started a part time job that i just couldnt bring myself to do, and it did feel good. So, i think if we are just open to those who are in need of love and empathy~ and are there for them we are making our beloveds proud. As my dear mom told me, "you have earned your golden crown"!

lyn said:

Hi,
I loss my mother over 3 years ago. She was everything to me. It was the hardest time of my life. She was diagnosed with a rare form of skin cancer called merkel cell. The prognosis was gloomy, but after horrible treatments, we truly thought she had beaten it. Why wouldn't she, I thought, I promised she would beat it and that i would do everything possble to make it happen. I gave up time with my own family to keep her company, cook, go to Dana Farber, whatever it took. Then after a few months of feeling normal again we were hit like a ton of bricks with news it had spread to her liver. Treatment began again. Weeks later on April 24, 2006, life as I knew it would change forever. My moml eft us that day. I still have trouble accepting her death, I visit the cemetary everyday. Going to visit my dad is difficult so I ussually have him over. Holidays are the worse. I cannot find any joy or happiness in celebrating anything without her. I do hope someday when I'm thinking of her, I can smile instead of cry.

Permalink Reply by J Smith on September 18, 2009 at 8:42am

I lost my mom last week. She had been ill but the Drs had led us to believe that she would recover. I'm struggling with my own grief and that of my children. I don't know how to be there for them when I can't even hardly deal with this myself. I can't imagine moving forward and not being able to see her or call her. I feel like everyone around me has this timetable for me to get over this and get back to work, etc. and I don't feel like I can live up to their expectations.

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