Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

 

 

 

 

 

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I have been in search of an outlet that I can use in order to reach out to those who have shared the same experiences I have. It's been a little over 16 years since my mother has passed and I'm still trying to overcome the grief. I was only 5 at the time of my mother's passing and growing up without that kind of role model in my life has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to overcome. She had passed away from stomach cancer and passed away at the age of 34. I was then left to be raised by my newly widowed father along with my 3 brothers. Talking about my mom is not something that I find comfortable and is something I tend to avoid. It frustrates me that after so many years I cannot hold a conversation with even my closest family, the ones who would understand the most, without breaking down. Reading your stories have already helped me feel less alone and I hope that by following this group I can gain some courage from all of your stories.



Mommas girl said:

My mom just died less than a month ago on Thanksgiving day. I don't know what the cause of death was, because doctors did not know what was wrong with her. She had cancer in 2009. They found a tumor on her bile duct. We brought her to LA, where they did surgery. Surgeon said it was successful, all cancer removed. Then she started chemo and radiation shortly after, which in my opinion was too fast. Her surgery was major and they gave her no time to recuperate. After the chemo and radiation She was never the same. She kept loosing weight, loosing weight, so many tests were done and no one could find out what was wrong, she ate well, yet could not retain nutrients. After 1 and 1/2 years of this, they put her on hospice. By that time she was malnutritioned and so skinny. Doctors gave us no explanation to us, nothing. It was soo frustrating. All they said was it was failure to thrive. I think it was another word for we not care, send her home to die. I felt so helpless, once they put them on hospice, doctors wont even talk to you. I cant help feeling so mad at those doctors and inconsiderate hospice workers. They have no problem embracing death because it's not their loved ones. I once asked why? And the sarcastic reply i got was, "why, why, why, you sound like a 2 year old." it took everything in me not to reply in anger and to keep my fist in my pocket opposed to her mouth. I just wish I knew what she died from. What went wrong. I just miss her so much! It hasnt even been a month. I still feel like it's a really bad dream.
 
I am so sorry for your loss, this close to the holidays.  I feel your frustration not knowing why she could not get well after her surgury.  The Hospice worker was wrong...she should of simply explained she did not know.  I am not a pro on how the bile duct works, but scar tissue or a sticture probably kept your mom from getting nutrition.  It makes one feel so helpless when there is not an explanation.  Working through all these issues is maddening, but is there anyone in your family, or a friend that can help you work out some of these horrible feelings you are feeling.  Loosing a mom is a BIG deal, and no matter what our age is....she gave us our lives and taught us what we needed as we grew.  Loved ones pass on as a natural course of life, and if your mom was so miserable as you described for the past 1 and 1/2 years, she had to be tired and worn out.  There does come a point when a sick loved one just wants to quit trying...to have peace...and be with her Heavenly Father.  I am so sorry for this pain, and please keep up with this group, they helped so much when I lost my mom 2 years ago.  The issue of loss and missing her is the same, but I do have less pain because others cared for me, and extended a helping hand.  Please take care, Belinda

i lost my mom on nov 21 2011, she had a stomack ack i took her to the hospitaland she never left,,, they said she had cancer, and suffered for 8 days, i totolly understand, we just had the funeral on this satuday, because of the insurance saying she did not have the right kind no buriyal,,,, now here she sets on the bookcase till i can get she to a resting place... she was and is my best friend...ts going to be a long road,,, i will be thinking bout you.. 
 
Belinda Rhodes said:



Mommas girl said:

My mom just died less than a month ago on Thanksgiving day. I don't know what the cause of death was, because doctors did not know what was wrong with her. She had cancer in 2009. They found a tumor on her bile duct. We brought her to LA, where they did surgery. Surgeon said it was successful, all cancer removed. Then she started chemo and radiation shortly after, which in my opinion was too fast. Her surgery was major and they gave her no time to recuperate. After the chemo and radiation She was never the same. She kept loosing weight, loosing weight, so many tests were done and no one could find out what was wrong, she ate well, yet could not retain nutrients. After 1 and 1/2 years of this, they put her on hospice. By that time she was malnutritioned and so skinny. Doctors gave us no explanation to us, nothing. It was soo frustrating. All they said was it was failure to thrive. I think it was another word for we not care, send her home to die. I felt so helpless, once they put them on hospice, doctors wont even talk to you. I cant help feeling so mad at those doctors and inconsiderate hospice workers. They have no problem embracing death because it's not their loved ones. I once asked why? And the sarcastic reply i got was, "why, why, why, you sound like a 2 year old." it took everything in me not to reply in anger and to keep my fist in my pocket opposed to her mouth. I just wish I knew what she died from. What went wrong. I just miss her so much! It hasnt even been a month. I still feel like it's a really bad dream.
 
I am so sorry for your loss, this close to the holidays.  I feel your frustration not knowing why she could not get well after her surgury.  The Hospice worker was wrong...she should of simply explained she did not know.  I am not a pro on how the bile duct works, but scar tissue or a sticture probably kept your mom from getting nutrition.  It makes one feel so helpless when there is not an explanation.  Working through all these issues is maddening, but is there anyone in your family, or a friend that can help you work out some of these horrible feelings you are feeling.  Loosing a mom is a BIG deal, and no matter what our age is....she gave us our lives and taught us what we needed as we grew.  Loved ones pass on as a natural course of life, and if your mom was so miserable as you described for the past 1 and 1/2 years, she had to be tired and worn out.  There does come a point when a sick loved one just wants to quit trying...to have peace...and be with her Heavenly Father.  I am so sorry for this pain, and please keep up with this group, they helped so much when I lost my mom 2 years ago.  The issue of loss and missing her is the same, but I do have less pain because others cared for me, and extended a helping hand.  Please take care, Belinda

This is the second Christmas with my Mom in Heaven watching over us all.  Remembering all the wonderful moments how she decorated the house and cooked all day.  It was magical and wonderful and i just want to share all thats good with my family.  I miss her and Dad something fierce.  But the strength she and him left in me.  I am starting to realize what it is for, to share with others!

Yesterday I got a call my friend she lost her daughter only 22 the day after Christmas!

I have been called upon to give her the strength she needs to cope with this great loss!

Thank you God for your power and your glory that i may help others cope! I Love you Jesus

all i can say is that m the days and months following, i thought i felt dead inside.  I missed her so bad, I was surrounded by her things since I lived in the house I grew up in with her for the last 5 years, then  the last year and a hlf she had to goto a facility due to medical condititon that  i could no longer care for her at home myself.  The hardest thing was , after her death  after 11 days in the hospital ,  going back to the nursing home and gettingher things.  it was nearly 10 monts before i unpacked those 2 boxes.. i still have a bag of stuffed animals that were hers on her bed there.. i opened the bag the other day, and i could still smell her.  i miss her so much.. there are good days and bad days.. i try to  smile thru the good days,  like when i am preparing  one of my favorite meals she always made for me..  but christmas time was always her fav,, and her birtday fell on Dec 27th si she looked forward to it  even more.  I  miss you momma, 

The attached picture  is her and I at the Arthistis Walk in Philadelphia

Hello Peggy,

Im so sorry about your lost of two family members.  In a way I understand the great pain you are feeling.  I too have lost my mom on Dec27th, 2010 and on March 30th 2011 my dad. My mom was not a surprise because she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer 10 months earlier and my dad went in the hospital for pneumonia and passed 8 days later, which he actually had generalized cancer.  I was really numb and in shock for several months.  What helped me alot to move on was seeing a social worker twice a week where I would just let go and she gave me alot of good tools to help me cope.  One of the ones that I found was of great comfort was to write to my parents everyday and just write out whatever I felt needed to come out.  After serveral weeks of doing this I felt like a weight lifting from me.  Ive come to terms with this and dont get me wrong I still miss them deeply but its alot easier today.  I hope that you and your dad have the resources to go see someone it would help a great deal!!

Sincerely

Maryse 

Peggy Brumbaugh said:

I lost my mother and my only brother in a car accident just last month.My dad was the only survivor and is still in the hospital.I have no other siblings.I am so unbelievably lost.I dont know what to do or where to turn.The pain in my heart is so overwhelming and my soul feels empty.I still don't feel like it's real and ask everyday "why?".I just had lunch with my parents the day befor the accident.I wake up and think it was a horrible dream,then reality smacks me and I can't believe I will never see them again.I cant sleep and have not returned back to work yet.I was never a big talker with my dad(that was my brothers roll)He is just as lost if not more and I fear when and if he goes home to that empty house he will fall to a broken heart.I am so lost and I miss them so much I can barely stand it.Please if anyone has information that may help or just someone to talk to because I feel so lost and alone

 

 

 

 

 

Mama, it has been almost 18 months. The tears, heartache, loneliness, pain, nightmares etc continue to get worse. I love you so much you are my everything. People speak about feeling presence of someone who is gone. I don't. What is wrong with me.

Baby-daughter:

My heart reaches out to you.  I know how sad and lost you are, and how Mama's loss tears at you.  I lost my mother on November 13, 2011, and am in the grip of unbelievable pain.  I know you are, too.

When our loved ones pass, they are on a new journey.  There's a new life to get used to.   They are around us, and I can testify to the fact that they can indeed communicate directly with us.  In time you will feel her presence.  I am so sorry that you are crying and left without Mama.

Mama I love you so much. Is there some way to know when the pain and crying will ever stop.
If you find out, please let me know

Holly and others,

I know there are times when its seems there will never be an end to the sadness, to missing the most important person in our lives, and to shedding tears for our loss.  Certainly this month will likely bring those emotions closer to the surface for many of us.  Even 3 years after losing my Mom, its hard to comprehend Mother's Day without her...and to stand on the sidelines while everyone is enjoying brunches and dinners and time together with their Mom.  How very much I wish I could have that occasion be part of my life again.  But I do know that our mothers are still very close to us.  I recently had a disaster in my home and was something of a wreck trying to determine how I would cope with it and do what needed to be done...that night as I tried to go to sleep I was trembling with the shock of it all.  When sleep finallyy came, Mom came to me in a dream, like a visitor, and gave me a huge hug as she said "It will be okay"  That dream made me feel that Mom was by my side and I woke up feeling peaceful and strong enough to do all I had to do...and in fact, the situation was not as terrible as I had believed.  Strangely, a few days later, my brother mentioned Mom had also visited him in a dream and he woke up with the same feeling of Peace.  I can only hope that others who are grieving their mothers may experience such a feeling of Peace one day...and that you will be blessed with happy memories of your mother as Mother's Day approaches.

Blessings to all,

Yvonne

I just lost my mom last year. She was only 62 years old. It is hard to see all the media coverage and ads and things for Mother's Day when I don't have one. I had been going through that with Father's day for the last 20 years (I was 16 when I lost my dad), and just as it was getting easier as the years went by, it started all over again last year with Mother's Day. Since she died in Feb. (2011) I don't think I had processed that she was gone when last year's Mother's Day came. Both my parents died young and it's hard to only be 36 years old and already be orphaned. 

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