Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

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Permalink Reply by JOYce on February 12, 2010 at 3:28am

Tracy I wish I could fine an easy solution for you, but I can feel your pain and when I feel that pain I make myself busy around little ones and helps me ease that pain. And just listening to the word of God will fill your body with strength. Its a tough storm you are facing but always say "I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me". And talk with friends, let it out of your chest. God Bless you, I wish you the best and you got a friend today.

Tracy Shiffer said:

I lost my mom on Christmas Eve 2008. She had gone in for an operation on 12/2 and we were visiting. Everything was fine and we left on the 7th. By the 17th she was back in the hospital and on the 23rd we left to go see her - by the time we got there she was on life support - I had to make the gut wrenching decision to disconnect her. My dad was inconsolable. I stayed for another week, came home for a couple of days and went back for another week. I am an only child so he was relying on me heavily. I found him a place to buy here in Illinois, set up the moving company, got everything arranged and got him moved. When he got to Illinois I was in the middle of moving due to a divorce and wasn't able to help out all the much - there was other family helping though. Within 1 week of moving here I had been disowned and told not to come back. So within 4 months time I had lost my mother, my husband and my dad. Also 4 years ago I lost my best friend to cancer - it was a long 4 year struggle.

Can anyone tell me how I am supposed to cope with all this loss? I have lost all my support and don't know where to turn or who to talk to.

Permalink Reply by white dove on February 12, 2010 at 8:49am

Today is my mom's first Birthday after we've lost her... It's a very bitter sweet day here. I can hear her say, "go out and have some fun"! So much in our lives has changed. All that i have found "fun" sure isn't anymore. But today, we will buy a huge helium balloon and attach our heart felt thoughts to my mom, and let it fly in the wind. While she was coma tose, she came "out" to sing Happy Birthday for all of us for the remaining time we have on this earth.. she didn't want us to forget she is Always with us waiting and watching over us... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! We miss you and love you dearly, and will sing your song all day!

JOYce said:

Tracy I wish I could fine an easy solution for you, but I can feel your pain and when I feel that pain I make myself busy around little ones and helps me ease that pain. And just listening to the word of God will fill your body with strength. Its a tough storm you are facing but always say "I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me". And talk with friends, let it out of your chest. God Bless you, I wish you the best and you got a friend today.

Tracy Shiffer said:
I lost my mom on Christmas Eve 2008. She had gone in for an operation on 12/2 and we were visiting. Everything was fine and we left on the 7th. By the 17th she was back in the hospital and on the 23rd we left to go see her - by the time we got there she was on life support - I had to make the gut wrenching decision to disconnect her. My dad was inconsolable. I stayed for another week, came home for a couple of days and went back for another week. I am an only child so he was relying on me heavily. I found him a place to buy here in Illinois, set up the moving company, got everything arranged and got him moved. When he got to Illinois I was in the middle of moving due to a divorce and wasn't able to help out all the much - there was other family helping though. Within 1 week of moving here I had been disowned and told not to come back. So within 4 months time I had lost my mother, my husband and my dad. Also 4 years ago I lost my best friend to cancer - it was a long 4 year struggle.

Can anyone tell me how I am supposed to cope with all this loss? I have lost all my support and don't know where to turn or who to talk to.

Permalink Reply by Lori on February 12, 2010 at 9:08am

White Dove,
I can only imagine how difficult this day is for you. I will be experiencing the same thing March 21st. Your idea about the balloon is a wonderful way to honor your mom. I do know that being a part of this group has helped me. Hearing your words of advice have really made this time a little less hard for me. I can only hope that I will come up with something to celebrate my mom's birthday

Lori

Permalink Reply by white dove on February 12, 2010 at 9:42am

Thank u Lori:) I have come to this site early on.. and it sure has been a great place to vent all~ We also planted my moms favorite tree (pine) in the Legacy Forrest, and we go there often.. so very peaceful and critters galore! I did show her this park and she loved it. We will be going there today. We celebrate many "firsts" there with my mom in spirit. On Mothers day we let a huge balloon go in the wind and would you believe it went straight up into a beautiful cloud and disapeared. I feel she was there in that cloud and got her message on the balloon! She had a spirituality about her~ that she has passed on to us. I am so thankful to have talked with my mom on many levels before she left us... I also buy cards for my mom still..... call it a routine?? Blessings to you dear, i'm sure you will find some wonderful ideas on how to celebrate your mom's Birthday too!!

Lori said:

White Dove,
I can only imagine how difficult this day is for you. I will be experiencing the same thing March 21st. Your idea about the balloon is a wonderful way to honor your mom. I do know that being a part of this group has helped me. Hearing your words of advice have really made this time a little less hard for me. I can only hope that I will come up with something to celebrate my mom's birthday

Lori

Permalink Reply by Megan on February 13, 2010 at 9:15am

Im 14& lossed my mommy April 5 2009. It was because melpractise she was in hospital 51 days does anyone have advice. I was told I'm going through regression too but I though only lil kids do that? Please share any advice. I'm not really close to dad or sister but I live withboth and I talk to my pastor and his wife alot. But I miss my mommy alot and hold most of the pain inside

Permalink Reply by white dove on February 13, 2010 at 7:59pm

Dear Megan, Was there any grief counseling offered to you when your mama left? I searched for it immediately~ and even now, it will be a year on 3-30 that i have lost my mom and still felt the need to seek out more counseling and I have. We all need someone to talk to dear. My daughter and i took care of my mom at home and we also know of many mistakes made by a nursing office... ive tried my hardest to get something done about it... but so far have been unsuccesful. Maybe your church pastor can suggest a professional for some grief after care for you. This site is wonderful in being able to talk out All your feelings. So always feel free K? Love to you dear, and may God help you through this very hard time.

Megan said:

Im 14& lossed my mommy April 5 2009. It was because melpractise she was in hospital 51 days does anyone have advice. I was told I'm going through regression too but I though only lil kids do that? Please share any advice. I'm not really close to dad or sister but I live withboth and I talk to my pastor and his wife alot. But I miss my mommy alot and hold most of the pain inside

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on February 14, 2010 at 6:52am

Dear Megan, I am so sorry for you to have experienced this loss. It is never easy at any time in your life, at any age, but when you are so young it must be especially painful. Know that your Mom is surely watching over you every day. I am sure there must be a guidance counsellor or a teacher you might feel comfortable talking too. Alternatively, if your mother had any close siblings you might try reaching out to them to talk; they are surely missing her as well and might welcome some contact from you. Even tho' I lost my mother much later in life, I still miss her terribly but I found it has helped for me to connect with some of her closest friends and family. To share mutual memories of her and to hear from them comments about how much her children meant to her, has been such a comfort. This site has also helped as a forum to express confusing emotions and to realise others feel very much the same, even years after losing their mother.
Bless you, Megan, and I hope you will be able to spend some time with members of your extended family.

Permalink Reply by Ann on February 15, 2010 at 1:12pm

I am 56 years old and i am missing my mother more than I have words to describe. We had a very close rlationship, I know this owuld happen, but I never dreamed I would be almost paralyzed by grief.

Permalink Reply by Ann on February 15, 2010 at 1:15pm

Ann said:

I am 56 years old and i am missing my mother more than I have words to describe. We had a very close rlationship, I know this owuld happen, but I never dreamed I would be almost paralyzed by grief.

Permalink Reply by Joanne on February 16, 2010 at 2:09pm

Hi Everyone, I also lost my mother Nov 18/09 and it has been hard as I was the caregiver for the past 5 years. It's really hard to come home to an empty place, and not see her beautiful face. I had a purpose in my life and feel that I am now alone and feel so lost without my mom. I hope that we all get the strength to carry on and one day we'll be able to cherish the memories and the pain won't be so unbearable.

Permalink Reply by Rose on February 24, 2010 at 1:52am

Hi there, I am having a very hard time coping with losing my mother lately. I lost her on Jan. 7th 2010. She was only 58 yrs old...I have many questions on why she passed away on top of my grief. She had brain and lung cancer and had just gotten off her last bit of brain radiation she could have. She wanted to keep taking chemo for her lungs. But the doctor told her he didn't see much point if it didn't help her brain. I found that disturbing really. But it's not only that there are questions about how much medication she was given by my father the night she passed. My mother was not bed ridden she was 100% with it. And I still find it so hard to buy that she just passed like she did so quickly. So, I am dealing with all of that on top of losing her. I just wish I could have been there for her more. I was stuck in my state (5 hours away from her), due to my child custody order. So, I was unable to be with her as much as I would like. And I really believe sometime if I had been there to take care of her instead of my father she would have been better off. I just feel like I failed her after how long she took care of me. I am sorry for my grammar ahead of time I am very upset. i wake up everyday and for just a second I still think shes alive (anyone else do that?). I think I really need to call her. And then I realize it's not real and she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I felt like I should type something out to someone to try to get some of this out. And most of you seem to understand some of what I am going through. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm sorry for all of your loses and I hope things get better for you. (and me)

Rose.

Permalink Reply by white dove on February 24, 2010 at 7:41am

Rose, you are at a good place here. Many of us have had similiar expeirences that haven't made sense. As i'm reading your words i'm wondering if your mom and dad had discussed your mom's wishes. Is it possible one day to talk to your dad about them? There are times where a persons "last wishes" can be carried out and then sometimes they can't be. I know the pain and sorrow in caring for my mom till she passed, and maybe your dear mom didn't want you to have to experience this?? I am starting to feel that when i pass, is when i will find the answers to my many questions. Here on earth, i have hit all dead ends. RE: the meds, I have learned that strong pain meds act differently with each person. One person may be in extreme pain and recieve one dose of pain meds and they may pass very swiftly- comfortably... another may be on them for a long time. There seems to be no ryme or reason. May all of God's angels have their wings wrapped around you now.

Rose said:

Hi there, I am having a very hard time coping with losing my mother lately. I lost her on Jan. 7th 2010. She was only 58 yrs old...I have many questions on why she passed away on top of my grief. She had brain and lung cancer and had just gotten off her last bit of brain radiation she could have. She wanted to keep taking chemo for her lungs. But the doctor told her he didn't see much point if it didn't help her brain. I found that disturbing really. But it's not only that there are questions about how much medication she was given by my father the night she passed. My mother was not bed ridden she was 100% with it. And I still find it so hard to buy that she just passed like she did so quickly. So, I am dealing with all of that on top of losing her. I just wish I could have been there for her more. I was stuck in my state (5 hours away from her), due to my child custody order. So, I was unable to be with her as much as I would like. And I really believe sometime if I had been there to take care of her instead of my father she would have been better off. I just feel like I failed her after how long she took care of me. I am sorry for my grammar ahead of time I am very upset. i wake up everyday and for just a second I still think shes alive (anyone else do that?). I think I really need to call her. And then I realize it's not real and she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I felt like I should type something out to someone to try to get some of this out. And most of you seem to understand some of what I am going through. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm sorry for all of your loses and I hope things get better for you. (and me)

Rose.