Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jenny on May 10, 2010 at 1:01am

Hi,
I want to thankyou for writing as I could not have said it better. I GET IT!! and feel so alone as no one seems to understand my mom was/is my best friend too! I too take comfort in knowing she iswith my Dad and happy forever. i actually too have tears..but of relief as I knowyou guys understand we are griving different! God Bless !

Permalink Reply by Jenny on May 10, 2010 at 1:18am

For those that have Mothers in heaven:If roses grow in heaven, Lord, pick a bunch for me. Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me. Tell her that I
love and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while, because remembering her is easy, I do it every day, there's an ache within my heart that will never go away. Mom, I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Permalink Reply by white dove on May 10, 2010 at 8:20am

Jenny your words are beautiful~ Thank u.

Jenny said:

For those that have Mothers in heaven:If roses grow in heaven, Lord, pick a bunch for me. Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me. Tell her that I
love and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while, because remembering her is easy, I do it every day, there's an ache within my heart that will never go away. Mom, I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Permalink Reply by Saran on May 10, 2010 at 9:29am

THE BEST MOTHER IN THIS UNIVERSE

She's the whisper of the leaves, as I walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach, in my freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on my brow when I’m not well.

My mother lives inside my laughter, she's crystallized in every tear drop.

She's the place I came from, my first home...

She's the map I follow, with every step I take.

She's my first love and my first heart break...and nothing on earth can separate us.

Not time, not space, not even death, will ever separate me from my mummy...

I carry her inside me all the time...

I love you mummy and miss you more than anything else xxxx

Permalink Reply by white dove on May 10, 2010 at 9:42am

So very sweet.. I love it~

Saran said:

THE BEST MOTHER IN THIS UNIVERSE

She's the whisper of the leaves, as I walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach, in my freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on my brow when I’m not well.

My mother lives inside my laughter, she's crystallized in every tear drop.

She's the place I came from, my first home...

She's the map I follow, with every step I take.

She's my first love and my first heart break...and nothing on earth can separate us.

Not time, not space, not even death, will ever separate me from my mummy...

I carry her inside me all the time...

I love you mummy and miss you more than anything else xxxx

Permalink Reply by Jenny on May 10, 2010 at 9:42am

Thank you. My words don't do justice to how beautiful my Mother wa. I only hope and pray I can do her justice. I gues I'm starting the aceptance stage after 1 year? Perhaps. Sometimes I'm so confused with everyone saying this and that. I have determined, although you read it over and over, FINALY I think I 'm starting the recovery process.? Is that posible to just start after 1 year? Thank you again White Dove I see your replies often. You help so many. God Bles You.!

(white dove) said:

Jenny your words are beautiful~ Thank u.

Jenny said:

For those that have Mothers in heaven:If roses grow in heaven, Lord, pick a bunch for me. Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me. Tell her that I
love and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while, because remembering her is easy, I do it every day, there's an ache within my heart that will never go away. Mom, I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Permalink Reply by Jenny on May 10, 2010 at 9:42am

Beautiful!

Saran said:

THE BEST MOTHER IN THIS UNIVERSE

She's the whisper of the leaves, as I walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach, in my freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on my brow when I’m not well.

My mother lives inside my laughter, she's crystallized in every tear drop.

She's the place I came from, my first home...

She's the map I follow, with every step I take.

She's my first love and my first heart break...and nothing on earth can separate us.

Not time, not space, not even death, will ever separate me from my mummy...

I carry her inside me all the time...

I love you mummy and miss you more than anything else xxxx

Permalink Reply by Jenny on May 10, 2010 at 10:01am

I to can relate as I lost my mom/bestfriend alomg with my job, and my house al win 1 wek. To say the least, family friends are sympathetic, however, don't understand the huge whole in my heart and I didn't know where to begin, what to do .wel, you get the picture. To top it of the life ins. co. denied us my mothers life ins .for some cockamania reason. My brother is hot and cold, overal doesn't get the special bomd we had. I was her caretaker as wel, and from my brothers prospectve, he thinks we sat home and ate bon bons 24/7! Infuriates me. Althought I would do it again in a heartbeat, as it was the toughest job I'll ever love. He thinks it was so easy. (He lives 2 blocks away has 2 able children and a wife who's a nurse. Not once in 4 years did they ofer me a break, offer to cok diner. BUT did ofer to expres how the house was a mess, nothing to eat, laundry needed to be done and then went there merry way. His 5-10 min. visit each day was his offering of help! I love him dearly, .Now, he is insinuating that when we sell the house(which, I was responsible ,acording to him to pay 70 morgae monthly along w/ al the bils as long as I was living there on an unemployment salary.I was forced to move out on my birthday w/o warnig and had to grab what I could so they could start to sel everything.in order to get the house ready for seling. ! Are people, siblings that insensitive? He was not brought up that way! However, I'm so scared to rock the boat,as my brother has a temper, that I wil loose the only family.that I have left.I'm babling and apologize.But please know yu are notlone and I wil kep you and al of us in this boat close to my heart and in my prayers. thanks for listening.

k the $ that was charged for Extra cleaning, and my Mom's credit cards is coming out of my half as MY mother was "Never in debt until I moved bak in w/ her" The fact of the mater is my mom could no longer work, I at the time lost my job (before losing the last one) and Ofice for the aging recomended she stop paying on them,hence the large debt! My mother was an acount an impecable regarding her bils. I am hurt, insulted and get the impresion he thinks I was "taking a fre ride" when I was working my @#%! of 24/7! OH I'm so angry I forgot my point.lolSorry!
/Yvonne said:

Tracy,
I am so sorry to learn of your multiple losses. Its possible that the move happened too soon for your father, who is also mourning your mother. I lost my mother at the end of January, so I can relate to the depths of your grief. However one bit of advice I received as I continue to adjust to the shock of it all was "Make no major decisions for at least a year - for everything will be clouded by your grief." This would apply to the move your father made...however this is now done and may not be easily reversed. There is also something I have observed when friends have had to make a decision to move their parents into other senior's accommodations...it seems that for at least about 6 weeks the parents resent the person who made that decision for them. After all, our parents will always want to be the ones who make the decisions and they must find it very difficult to have someone acting on their behalf. It is important tho' that you try to mend this rift with your father if only by showing up and telling him that you still love him, he will always be your father and you still want him in your life. Do not let this fester. You need each other and the stress of the loss, etc could take a toll on his health too.

My dear mother passed when I was not ready to let her go; although she did her best to warn me with comments such as "At my age you have to expect anything" and "what will be will be". I think she knew how hard it would be for me to lose her but I had somehow expected there might be a period of palliative care, a warning of some sort. Instead her heart simply stopped in her sleep so there was no chance to say goodbye. However, with every visit and every phone call we always concluded our time together by saying "I love you".
My problem is that as I try to cope with this loss, a man I had believed to be my closest friend, simply abandoned me when I needed his support. In fact in the depths of my grief he chose to end our friendship so I am essentially mourning the loss of too important people. I have never known such pain.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on May 10, 2010 at 9:19pm

Randi,
How are you doing? I hope to hear from you soon! Hugs, Belinda

(white dove) said:

My Heart saddens in reading Randi's feelings~ I also, worked in Health Care for many years. Some home Hospice type- in home care (without the actual organization of) .. and in an oncology office. I now feel that i was so ignorant in "it all". Me: this smiling, enlightened (so i thought) caring empathetic person, trying to help all in painting MY picture of Heaven. Well, did i learn how very inexperienced i actually was, after being there 24-7 with my mom... lying in her hospital bed in the middle of her living room. That "light" that i was told that was around me has changed dramatically. I NOW know. However, I would do it ALL again out of my Love for my mom. Peace Randi, you will be fine, in being there and showing your sincere love.....I even crawled in bed with my mom and got some wonderful, powerful hugs.. and i wasnt that close with my mom in many years~ Much healing takes place* Prayers for all today!

Belinda Rhodes said:

RandiSabo said:

I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?

Permalink Reply by Dianne Young on May 13, 2010 at 12:29pm

Lori Sue Bowser said:

I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:

I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!

Permalink Reply by Dianne Young on May 13, 2010 at 12:33pm

Lori Sue, I lost my Mother on April 9, 2010. It was a sudden death. My Mom was only 72 and my whole family is devestated. I can not even begin to tell you how I feel, although I suspect you know. What keeps me going, especially when I feel sad, lonely, fearful (you know all those emotions that we are feeling) I imagine myself at the feet of Christ and under the shadow of his wings in his perfect love and perfect protection. I speak to my sister and brother about our mother. I can not tell you what to do, but just do what you are doing and that is grieving. From what I have read about grieving it is part of the healing process. I understand that some people never get over the loss of a loved one, but we will learn to live with it. I guess it is because they were such an integral part of our life and now we have to figure out how to live our lives happily without them. I don't know if you believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior, but that is the first thing you should do if you don't. He is the only one that can comfort us during this time. And we all need him. He is coming soon!

Love ya, Lori Sue, and I will pray for you.

Dianne Young said:

Lori Sue Bowser said:

I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:

I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!

Permalink Reply by Crystal on May 14, 2010 at 11:04am

On March 3, 2010 I lost my mother in an automobile accident. Momma was driving home from work when someone from out of state jumped the grassy median separating both Eastbound and Westbound lanes of I-10. We'd just hung up the phone 7 minutes before and her last words to me were, "I'm tired I'm going home. I love you." ...She made an eyewitness call me and inform me of the accident but I was so freaked out, my initial concern was getting to her as soon as possible. While speeding to her I tried calling her cell but there was no answer, so I called the witness back. He said he was still with her and she was conscious. I told him I was on my way - 5 minutes away - but I'd be there soon. Can you imagine, I never thought to ask him to tell her "I love you" or even talk to her. The next day the witness called to check on Mom and I let him know that she went into cardiac arrest while being transported to the hosital. Still upset not having said "I love you" one last time, he did tell me that I should find comfort in knowing that he had me on speaker phone and so she heard I was on my way to her...at the scene we weren't allowed to see her. Instead we were told to wait at a nearby gas station where a first responder/family friend on the scene would come give us news. By the time he showed up we'd already heard there was a fatality as this was a major accident and was plastered all over the media. When Mr. Thevis arrived he told us that it wasn't her and that she was ok despite having an open compound fracture on an ankle that needed surgery. I asked about the possibility of internal bleeding and he said she didn't present with symptoms. He advised us to take our time going to the hospital so we did. To make a long story short, she was diverted to the nearest hospital while we were told she was being taken elsewhere. We were too late...I'll never forget walking into the ER and having some lady grab both my hands as she led me to a chair...sobbing and screaming "no!" Two months later and I still can't wrap my mind around it all. It just doesn't seem real, it feels like a movie. I'm tormented with regrets, memories of vicious words once spoken, what-ifs, and the agony of wondering if she was scared  - she was a nurse so did she know the full extent of the situation? Add to this the fact that I'm a single 28 year old who's now raising my 10 year old sister. Her father lives here but does ABSOLUTELY nothing for her except for help with the bills - and even then - our electricity was momentarily cut yesterday for nonpayment. Two weeks after the accident (on my grandmother's anniversary of death) I lost my job because I couldn't handle all of the loss & depression. Oct. 25, 2008 I lost a life-long best friend, Kathie, in a car accident, Dec. 26, 2009 we lost her boyfriend who was driving the car when Kathie died. On Jan. 3, 2010 I lost an uncle, Jan. 25 my other life- long best friend, Petra, in a car accident, and then my Mom on Mar. 3, 2010 in a car accident.  These are just the recent major losses. I'm so lost right now. My brother and sister need me but how can I be strong for them when I feel like I'm losing it? I'm sorry for rambling on I doubt anyone will take the time to read this but I guess I don't have anyone to confide in anymore so I thought I'd pour it out here. Please just pray for us. On top of everything else we're afraid my step-father will run with my little sister because his family has rent home where they're from. She's made it clear she wants to be here with me and our maternal family since theyre basically all she knows, but I'm still trying to find work so if he pushes the issue what can I do? Her professional counseling team say she needs to be with me, yet I have multiple degrees and I can't find a job...please just keep us in your prayers. If anyone can relate and wishes to contact me, my email is crystal_durio@yahoo.com .

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