Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kat Norwood on July 28, 2010 at 10:41am

It is not easy to lose a mother. My mother died just a little over a year ago, and I still grieve for her. My nephew lost his mother the year before, and is still grieving. My friend's dtr-in-law lost her mother many years ago, and she is still 'grieving'. I wonder if perhaps we never really 'get over it', but rather, 'learn to go on and be happy as she would want us to be!'.....I can do that, for her...and...for myself, as I know that would give her joy.
I could not sleep, eat right, be with friends, for over a year.....all I could think about was my mother, and my personal loss. BUT...now....I find 'time' DOES help us, in ways we least suspect.
Like many, I felt I 'lost control' over helping my mother. I felt lost, uncomfortable, and scared, all rolled into one. It was 'grief' in disguise!
My prayers are with all of you 'out there' as we walk this journey of sorrow together....remember.....we do not stand alone! AND...one day we will feel better, which is what our mother's REALLY want for us and themselves!

Permalink Reply by Kat Norwood on July 28, 2010 at 11:00am

Kat Norwood said:

It is not easy to lose a mother. My mother died just a little over a year ago, and I still grieve for her. My nephew lost his mother the year before, and is still grieving. My friend's dtr-in-law lost her mother many years ago, and she is still 'grieving'. I wonder if perhaps we never really 'get over it', but rather, 'learn to go on and be happy as she would want us to be!'.....I can do that, for her...and...for myself, as I know that would give her joy.
I could not sleep, eat right, be with friends, for over a year.....all I could think about was my mother, and my personal loss. BUT...now....I find 'time' DOES help us, in ways we least suspect.
Like many, I felt I 'lost control' over helping my mother. I felt lost, uncomfortable, and scared, all rolled into one. It was 'grief' in disguise!
My prayers are with all of you 'out there' as we walk this journey of sorrow together....remember.....we do not stand alone! AND...one day we will feel better, which is what our mother's REALLY want for us and themselves!

Permalink Reply by Janet on July 28, 2010 at 11:44am

Cherish the time you have left with her. Tell her you love her. Talk with her, listen to her, love her. I wish I had some time back to spend with my mom, who died September 8. I only hope she knew how much she was loved!

Charles said:

flagator8 said:

Spend as much time as you can with her. tell her you love her and that she is your hero. Talk to her, hug her and hold her. and tell her everthin you have ever wanted to say.

RandiSabo said:

I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?

Permalink Reply by Janet on July 28, 2010 at 11:46am

I lost my mom September 8. She was my best friend and I miss her everyday. I think about her alot, especially at night when everything is quiet. I wish I could tell her how much I respected and loved her-I hope she knew that.

Kat Norwood said:

Kat Norwood said:

It is not easy to lose a mother. My mother died just a little over a year ago, and I still grieve for her. My nephew lost his mother the year before, and is still grieving. My friend's dtr-in-law lost her mother many years ago, and she is still 'grieving'. I wonder if perhaps we never really 'get over it', but rather, 'learn to go on and be happy as she would want us to be!'.....I can do that, for her...and...for myself, as I know that would give her joy.
I could not sleep, eat right, be with friends, for over a year.....all I could think about was my mother, and my personal loss. BUT...now....I find 'time' DOES help us, in ways we least suspect.
Like many, I felt I 'lost control' over helping my mother. I felt lost, uncomfortable, and scared, all rolled into one. It was 'grief' in disguise!
My prayers are with all of you 'out there' as we walk this journey of sorrow together....remember.....we do not stand alone! AND...one day we will feel better, which is what our mother's REALLY want for us and themselves!

Permalink Reply by Nyjha Mekeeda on July 28, 2010 at 7:36pm

My mom died july 6th 2010 and as much as I try to cry I cant Im not sure its because its just me and my son or because I dont know how my had just turned 57 May 22,2010 and soon I will have to deal and understand the passing of my 13 year old cousin.I think crying makes me tired I just want to run away to Island and scream untill my energy is spent.

Permalink Reply by Taylor on August 1, 2010 at 6:25am

On November 3rd 2009 my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. She lived through the important holidays for her family and then peacefully passed away on January 1st 2010. 21 yrs of age i am the youngest of 3 girls. My sister were not there to experience the pain and suffering that my mother had to go through. She was a phenomenal person, caring about anybody that walked into her life just like she had known them for years. I miss my mother because she taught me so much knowledge. She was the glue that held this family together and now that shes gone its so hard to keep us together. Its been 8 months to the day since my 55 yr old mother passed away and it feels like just yesterday still! Being surrounded by things that she taught me about nature and life in general will never leave me thank you for that mom! :) and thanks for making me as strong as i am. p.s i miss you
Taylor

Permalink Reply by Nancy on August 2, 2010 at 12:47pm

Belinda Rhodes said:

Melinda, I love your name!!!! I am Belinda, I will be 55 this August, and I have been a nurse since 1977. I have always loved nursing. I know or can feel what your saying when you can hardly get excited about being accepted in a nursing program. In honor of your mother, and in honor of her teaching you to care for others, I hope you do not pass this opportunity up. I can't say passing Nursing was the easiest thing I ever accomplished, I by far would say raising 3 male sons, was my most difficult challenge I ever encountered. My mom died December 2009, and I still grieve, cry, and have a hard time focusing at times, and until you loose a dearest love one, no one, can say I know how you feel.....but if your mom had the courage and strength to raise you when she was only 16, I know she raised a very special daughter. I do not know your family dynamics, but try to go to school. Perhaps talk to the school and go part time while you are going through this unexplained, unexpected loss of a mom, and I pray they will be strong enough to encourage you, and nuture you, to be a very successful Nurse. Let me know if I can help you...xoxo Belinda
Email me at carrugs@aol.com and in the Subject mention Melinda from Legacy! Take baby steps, and someday, your family I pray can support each other through this most difficult time!

Melinda Contreras said:

Currently I'm greiving over my mom. She passed May 17, 2010 at 8:50 in the morning taking my sister to school in a car accident of which the car accident was a collision with a police officer. He was following a fire truck to a house fire, which turned out to be someone burning leaves in their back yard. My mom was only 55. I have young siblings who are 17 and 18. My father is absolutely devistated. With the injuries to her face we had to put a veil over her so she could have a open casket. I was very close to my mom, she was only 16 when she had me. I found out I was in the nursing program the week of her funeral. What was supposed to be a joyful moment was a very sad one, because my mom whould have been the first to call, but shes not here.

Permalink Reply by Nancy on August 2, 2010 at 12:48pm

Nancy said:

Belinda Rhodes said:

Melinda, I love your name!!!! I am Belinda, I will be 55 this August, and I have been a nurse since 1977. I have always loved nursing. I know or can feel what your saying when you can hardly get excited about being accepted in a nursing program. In honor of your mother, and in honor of her teaching you to care for others, I hope you do not pass this opportunity up. I can't say passing Nursing was the easiest thing I ever accomplished, I by far would say raising 3 male sons, was my most difficult challenge I ever encountered. My mom died December 2009, and I still grieve, cry, and have a hard time focusing at times, and until you loose a dearest love one, no one, can say I know how you feel.....but if your mom had the courage and strength to raise you when she was only 16, I know she raised a very special daughter. I do not know your family dynamics, but try to go to school. Perhaps talk to the school and go part time while you are going through this unexplained, unexpected loss of a mom, and I pray they will be strong enough to encourage you, and nuture you, to be a very successful Nurse. Let me know if I can help you...xoxo Belinda
Email me at carrugs@aol.com and in the Subject mention Melinda from Legacy! Take baby steps, and someday, your family I pray can support each other through this most difficult time!

Melinda Contreras said:

Currently I'm greiving over my mom. She passed May 17, 2010 at 8:50 in the morning taking my sister to school in a car accident of which the car accident was a collision with a police officer. He was following a fire truck to a house fire, which turned out to be someone burning leaves in their back yard. My mom was only 55. I have young siblings who are 17 and 18. My father is absolutely devistated. With the injuries to her face we had to put a veil over her so she could have a open casket. I was very close to my mom, she was only 16 when she had me. I found out I was in the nursing program the week of her funeral. What was supposed to be a joyful moment was a very sad one, because my mom whould have been the first to call, but shes not here.

Holy God, when I read this story about your mom,,it punched me in the gut..I'am so very very sorry for all of you, and your recent loss...I just turned 55, and I also had my daughter at 18. My daughter often tells me how happie she is that at such a young age, that I took such very good care of her...she loves me very much, there-fore I can fully understand how much you love her..After-all you where first of all the others in the family to her..They say the Good Lord doesn't give us anything that we can't handle,, but sometimes I really wonder..how much can we take...again,,, I'am so sorry....The good thing is it shows me that even thought my mom passed atleast she was 88, 55 as I know is much to young,,we all someday hopefully, will find out the reason for our sorrows..Until then dear heart hang in there...OK,,, live and your dear mother would of wanted you to live..Our mothers from the day we where born, didn't want to see us sad,,so that means we must love live and laugh..because we are alive,,and must live on for all the others who have passed on before us...God Bless Your and your family.....:)

Permalink Reply by susan falanga on August 29, 2010 at 9:46am

hi first off i would like to say i am so sorry for your loss ,, and how your mom passed.after reading your story my problems seemed minor .i just lost my mom on july 6th 2010 ,after a long battle with heart disease .it did me good to read your story (though it was very sad )though i miss my mom so much i realize there are people in this world, with bigger issues to deal with take one day at a time ,and thank-you for sharing your story

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on August 30, 2010 at 8:58pm

To all the daughters, who lost their mom at 55, I cannot imagine your pain. I turned 55 in august, and the thought of not being with my sons, is quite a overwhelming thought. I love my young men so much. But, I was fortunate to have my mom for 85 years, and it was a major surprise to me, that I would still be struggling in August. Mom was a "go to" person. She had 7 daughters, and yet was there for everyone of us. I was blessed to have her for all those years, and I feel selfish to say this, I never could get a chance for a one on one very often with mom....until she became sick with Alzheimers. I worry so, did I love her enough, did I respect her enough, or did I thank her enough for her quidance and care for myself, and family. On the other hand, my mother in law, treated me as a stranger when mom passed. I have been married to her son for 31 years, and provided with grandsons that can tolerate so many of her antics.....I almost feel as my life was wasted trying to fit in my husbands family, because there were only two sibblings. OH, the life lessons I have learned.
I thank God I was blessed to be a caregiver as my mom, and yes my mother in laws neglect was not in my vocabulary, but so be it. I hope to keep her at bay, but I will never interfere the traditions we have set up over the years. I do not want to admit my poor decisions not to speak up more for myself and insist that even though there were tons of people in my family, never try to be a pleaser. Negotiatation and compromise are the basis of a good marriage. My anger was outragious, but each day I forgive her more, she deserves pity more then my anger.
If I can help any of you dear angels, with my motherly advise, I miss having a daughter. I cannot communicate much more with the 4 men in my life, and my sisters all in the same boat....I will be so happy to feel whole again.
I love Legacy, I can truly write what I feel, and no one judges. Keep in touch!!!! Belinda

Permalink Reply by susan falanga on August 31, 2010 at 12:48pm

dear kat from norwood ,i also am from norwood i am sorry for your losses , my mom passed away on july 6th 2010 , and it really helps reading other peoples stories . i really liked it when you said ,,as we walk this journey of sorrow . it made me realize ,, i am not alone there are people in this world going through exactly what i am and missing their moms thank -you for your story

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on August 31, 2010 at 11:31pm

Susan, It has not even been a month since you lost your mom, I feel honored you have joined our group, and I pray God will guide us, to learn our life lesson, whether they were taught when we were small or as adults. I hope you feel that your mom's passing is minor to any of us. I hope you continue to reach out to other, and please ask for help when you need it. I know a lot of us had so many different relationships with ""MOM", but to watch them suffer, or not, just the thought of who gave us life, is so hard to take in. I am sure you can tell I usually just write what comes to mind, but I know when it was less then 6 weeks of loosing my mom in December, I think I was in shock more or less. She suffered or was not herself for 8 years, but there was comfort knowing she was still here. I want to encourage you, there are plain ole rotten days, and then a good day, and back again to disbelief. Do not let anyone try to control your grief, so many have told me mine was going on way to long, but they do not know my heart or my soul. A friend gave me some wind chimes as a rememberance when mom passed, and many days when I hear them chime, I know she is with me. Please take one day at a time, and if that is too much take it minute by minute. Again, please know this group is always behind any mood we have, and share their experences, as we learn the reality of loosing a dear family member.
Stay in touch, your in my prayers, Belinda Rhodes

susan falanga said:

dear kat from norwood ,i also am from norwood i am sorry for your losses , my mom passed away on july 6th 2010 , and it really helps reading other peoples stories . i really liked it when you said ,,as we walk this journey of sorrow . it made me realize ,, i am not alone there are people in this world going through exactly what i am and missing their moms thank -you for your story

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