Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

 

 

 

 

 

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I lost my mom on September 19, 2008. She was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer that had spread to other organs six weeks before she died. I have four sisters who live all over the U.S. so we took turns traveling to where she lived, spending a week at a time caring for her and saying goodbye. She was 73 years young and had already buried her only son 17 years ago. She was the funniest and most fun person I have ever known in my life. She raised six children by herself after my dad died, working two, sometimes three jobs. She made sure we were all educated, instilled a strong work ethic and taught us to be independent.
Each of my sisters and I had a different relationship with her and we are all grieving in our own way. This first Mother's Day without her was extremely difficult. I have a 24 year old son and 20 year old daughter and they have been very loving and supportive. They miss their grandmother and realized that if my mother could die, so could theirs. They lost their dad seven years ago so I am their only parent left. Sometimes the responsibility seems overwhelming. I miss being able to talk to my mom. Every conversation ended with me saying "I love you" and her saying "I love you more."
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb 2002 and struggled with all the bumps in the road along the way. I was optimistic that things would be okay that she would be better and things would be "normal" again one day. She continued fighting even when the doctors said the end was near. At 4am on March 31, 2009 (my father's birthday) my aunt called me to let me know that her health was really bad and it was time to come home. My mother was non responsive, but I was able to tell her "I love you" and I let her know it was okay for her to go that I would be okay, 2 hours later she passed. That first day I let my 11 yr old son go to school without telling him until after he was home. He and my mother were very close almost like best friends. He was her only reason for continuing her battle against the cancer. I have lost both of my grandfathers, but I was so young when I lost the first that I have no memories of him. My maternal grandfather and I were really close, but I was 16 when he passed and had experienced many losses and understood death. I don't know how to help my son while I'm still grieving myself. In the past few weeks I've had to deal with celebrating my nieces birthday, my birthday, and mother's day without her. I am grateful that I had the last 2 (of the 7) years to start coping with her loss, but I still miss my mom.
I lost my mother in August of 2008. This was the first Mother's Day without her and I had a very hard time. I cried all day and when I went to the cemetary to take her flowers it just broke my heart. I also put a note on a balloon and released it at the graveside. Now June is coming up and Father's Day. I lost my dad 43 days after my mom. I just pray that this time of year will be easier to cope with as time passes. I just wanted to see her and talk to her and hug her and tell her how much I love and miss her. That is what I did in my note that I sent up with the balloon. I don't think I have ever felt such heartache and grief. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over this. I know life has to go on but it hurts so much. I am going to grief counseling and it is helping some but there are just days that it is almost unbearable. There is no love like a mother's love and when that is gone it really does have an effect on everything in your life. I pray for God to give me the peace in my heart that I can go on with my life.. I have my children and grandchildren and it breaks my heart to know that one day they will have to suffer this pain. Please pray for me that I can grow to accept this loss and maybe if I can help someone else who has lost their mom or dad, that would help me deal with my loss.
Lori Sue Bowser said:
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
michelle said:I lost my mother just 1 month ago and I still don't know what to do. I feel so empty. We were so close, shared everyting. I am an only child and have just one child myself. My mother was my "'go to" person. What do I do with out her . How long do you just feel numb and go through the motions. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, however my thoughts are not well organized(for lack of a better word).
Lori Sue Bowser said:
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
mommasgirl said:
I used to think that, if you knew someone was dying, you could say everything you need to and you wouldn't miss them as much. I now know that you miss them no matter what. You think of things you want to say, questions you want to ask, special days you want to share. It is even more difficult when you are trying to be strong for your child while you are grieving. When my children's father passed away, I let them know it was okay to feel whatever they were feeling. Sometimes we cried, sometimes we laughed, but throughout it all, we supported each other. A year later, when my son graduated from high school, the pain was fresh again because his dad would not be able to share it. So take each day as it comes, acknowledge how you are feeling, remember the wonderful things about your mom and how much she loved you and your son. You were blessed to have such a special woman in your lives.

mommasgirl said:
Natasha said:
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb 2002 and struggled with all the bumps in the road along the way. I was optimistic that things would be okay that she would be better and things would be "normal" again one day. She continued fighting even when the doctors said the end was near. At 4am on March 31, 2009 (my father's birthday) my aunt called me to let me know that her health was really bad and it was time to come home. My mother was non responsive, but I was able to tell her "I love you" and I let her know it was okay for her to go that I would be okay, 2 hours later she passed. That first day I let my 11 yr old son go to school without telling him until after he was home. He and my mother were very close almost like best friends. He was her only reason for continuing her battle against the cancer. I have lost both of my grandfathers, but I was so young when I lost the first that I have no memories of him. My maternal grandfather and I were really close, but I was 16 when he passed and had experienced many losses and understood death. I don't know how to help my son while I'm still grieving myself. In the past few weeks I've had to deal with celebrating my nieces birthday, my birthday, and mother's day without her. I am grateful that I had the last 2 (of the 7) years to start coping with her loss, but I still miss my mom.
I can really relate to EVERYTHING you wrote. Some days are harder than others. I think it is great that you are in grief counseling. It just takes time for the pain to subside. Having lost both parents in so short a time makes it doubly difficult. When I lost my mom, my children realized that if my mother could die, so could theirs. It has made us even closer than before. They have been so supportive and they are grieving right alongside me. Not wanting them to suffer the same way has made me have conversations with them about what to do when I die. I am their only remaining parent so they will have to take care of everything. I have a will but I also wrote out EXACTLY what they will need to do. I went over it with them and put the paper in a place they will be able to access it. For Mother's Day my daughter bought a frame that holds three pictures and put in pictures of my mom, me and her. It is a lovely tribute to my mom and her legacy.

Kathy Ledford said:
I lost my mother in August of 2008. This was the first Mother's Day without her and I had a very hard time. I cried all day and when I went to the cemetary to take her flowers it just broke my heart. I also put a note on a balloon and released it at the graveside. Now June is coming up and Father's Day. I lost my dad 43 days after my mom. I just pray that this time of year will be easier to cope with as time passes. I just wanted to see her and talk to her and hug her and tell her how much I love and miss her. That is what I did in my note that I sent up with the balloon. I don't think I have ever felt such heartache and grief. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over this. I know life has to go on but it hurts so much. I am going to grief counseling and it is helping some but there are just days that it is almost unbearable. There is no love like a mother's love and when that is gone it really does have an effect on everything in your life. I pray for God to give me the peace in my heart that I can go on with my life.. I have my children and grandchildren and it breaks my heart to know that one day they will have to suffer this pain. Please pray for me that I can grow to accept this loss and maybe if I can help someone else who has lost their mom or dad, that would help me deal with my loss.
mommasgirl said:
mommasgirl said:
I used to think that, if you knew someone was dying, you could say everything you need to and you wouldn't miss them as much. I now know that you miss them no matter what. You think of things you want to say, questions you want to ask, special days you want to share. It is even more difficult when you are trying to be strong for your child while you are grieving. When my children's father passed away, I let them know it was okay to feel whatever they were feeling. Sometimes we cried, sometimes we laughed, but throughout it all, we supported each other. A year later, when my son graduated from high school, the pain was fresh again because his dad would not be able to share it. So take each day as it comes, acknowledge how you are feeling, remember the wonderful things about your mom and how much she loved you and your son. You were blessed to have such a special woman in your lives.

mommasgirl said:
Natasha said:
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb 2002 and struggled with all the bumps in the road along the way. I was optimistic that things would be okay that she would be better and things would be "normal" again one day. She continued fighting even when the doctors said the end was near. At 4am on March 31, 2009 (my father's birthday) my aunt called me to let me know that her health was really bad and it was time to come home. My mother was non responsive, but I was able to tell her "I love you" and I let her know it was okay for her to go that I would be okay, 2 hours later she passed. That first day I let my 11 yr old son go to school without telling him until after he was home. He and my mother were very close almost like best friends. He was her only reason for continuing her battle against the cancer. I have lost both of my grandfathers, but I was so young when I lost the first that I have no memories of him. My maternal grandfather and I were really close, but I was 16 when he passed and had experienced many losses and understood death. I don't know how to help my son while I'm still grieving myself. In the past few weeks I've had to deal with celebrating my nieces birthday, my birthday, and mother's day without her. I am grateful that I had the last 2 (of the 7) years to start coping with her loss, but I still miss my mom.
My mom was my best friend. She died after a 2 year battle with lung cancer when I was 31. I'm now 34, and I've met the most awesome guy in the world. We want to get married. But everything I think about having a wedding, all I can think of is how the most important person to me- the one I would most want to meet this guy and to see how happy I am- cannot be there and will never know. I know she would want me to be happy and not to let this drag me down, but it just breaks my heart for her to not be there.
I read your story and can't believe how much I can relate. My mom had COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder) for almost 15 years. She was on ogygen 24X7 for that entire time. I took care of her every need. I was at her house at least 4 times a week - often times more. I called her 3 times a day. She demanded a lot of my time and sometimes forgot how hard it was for me to juggle her needs along with those of my family and work. I sometimes got short with her or frustrated that she didn't think about how difficult things soemtimes got for me. Now that she's gone I feel so empty and long for the feeling of being overwhelmed with taking care of her. I miss her so much. I know exactly what you're talking about because the goofy things she would talk about over the phone I half listened to at times and now would give anything to have. My mom lost her battle just two days ago and I am so sad I can't stop crying.
Lisa Parker said:
I read your story and can't believe how much I can relate. My mom had COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder) for almost 15 years. She was on ogygen 24X7 for that entire time. I took care of her every need. I was at her house at least 4 times a week - often times more. I called her 3 times a day. She demanded a lot of my time and sometimes forgot how hard it was for me to juggle her needs along with those of my family and work. I sometimes got short with her or frustrated that she didn't think about how difficult things soemtimes got for me. Now that she's gone I feel so empty and long for the feeling of being overwhelmed with taking care of her. I miss her so much. I know exactly what you're talking about because the goofy things she would talk about over the phone I half listened to at times and now would give anything to have. My mom lost her battle just two days ago and I am so sad I can't stop crying.
Linda, I am so sorry about your Mom. I lost mine 4/15/07. I still miss her but the wisdom and grace she always showed is what I remember about her most. She always had stories too and she so enjoyed telling them. I always listened even though I had heard some of them before. Some of my siblings and we have many, would say, "mom you told me that" but they didn't get that the joy was in her remembering and sharing and for some reason I did and I would struggle to look her in the eye and laugh and act as if I was just hearing it for the first time. Now, I would love to hear one of her stories. I have a dvd made by my son with her talking and she didn't know he was taping. It is great to watch it sometimes. We will always miss our mothers. suep

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