Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by florence on February 25, 2010 at 2:49pm

well i just lost my mom to brain cancer and stomach cancer she died on feb 24th at 100amiam taking it pretty hard i want to call her up at the nursing home every night to tell her i love her and to check on how she is doing

Permalink Reply by Felicia on February 25, 2010 at 8:24pm

I find, that since my mother passed last year, I've been feeling so many different things. I'm still very angry, frustrated, but mostly I'm just depressed. I can't really put into words how much I still love her. She was my mother. We were very close. I'm grateful for the relationship that we had, I know that not everyone has that. But she taught me how to have a mother/daughter relationship. I respected her and admired her and adored her. From a child to always, I felt that way. I looked forward to talking to her. I called her or saw her nearly every day. At one point, I wanted to move back to Florida. When I was twelve, my parents brought us kids to Georgia, because we were a military family. The only thing that kept me from moving back is because I have such a tight knit family, and I couldn't go that far from my mother and father. I never could have prepared myself to lose my mother. I know my family is forever changed, she was the glue. Holidays were her big thing, with decorations and big dinners, and people would travel from so far to eat things that she would stay up for days to prepare. I tried really hard to make a Thanksgiving dinner at my parent's place, I thought it would make my dad happy. My mother had only been gone four months at that time. It was a silent dinner, my siblings came, but I could tell no one was enjoying it. I wasn't even enjoying it. It just felt so empty. In my cell phone, it still says "mom and dad" when my dad calls from the house. Everything is a reminder. I miss her everyday.

Permalink Reply by Felicia on February 25, 2010 at 8:35pm

Rose:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know the pain you feel, and I could feel it in your words. I'm so very sorry. My mother had pancreatic cancer, and she passed away as a result of it in July of last year. She was only 63. It hurts really bad. I still cry, and our bond was so strong, I just miss her everyday. How can you feel when someone so important who's been a part of your life, and there for you for ALL of your life is suddenly gone? Please just take time to feel anyway that you need to feel for as long as you need to feel that way. The only things that have been making me feel better so far is talking about it and crying. The weight of the pain is still incredilby overwhelming. We're mourning a lot. We've lost our mothers, and inside of that, we've lost in most cases a friend, a listener, an advice giver, someone who has our best interests in heart, and so much more. Let me know if you ever need to talk. (Hugs, love, and strength to you)

Rose said:

Hi there, I am having a very hard time coping with losing my mother lately. I lost her on Jan. 7th 2010. She was only 58 yrs old...I have many questions on why she passed away on top of my grief. She had brain and lung cancer and had just gotten off her last bit of brain radiation she could have. She wanted to keep taking chemo for her lungs. But the doctor told her he didn't see much point if it didn't help her brain. I found that disturbing really. But it's not only that there are questions about how much medication she was given by my father the night she passed. My mother was not bed ridden she was 100% with it. And I still find it so hard to buy that she just passed like she did so quickly. So, I am dealing with all of that on top of losing her. I just wish I could have been there for her more. I was stuck in my state (5 hours away from her), due to my child custody order. So, I was unable to be with her as much as I would like. And I really believe sometime if I had been there to take care of her instead of my father she would have been better off. I just feel like I failed her after how long she took care of me. I am sorry for my grammar ahead of time I am very upset. i wake up everyday and for just a second I still think shes alive (anyone else do that?). I think I really need to call her. And then I realize it's not real and she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I felt like I should type something out to someone to try to get some of this out. And most of you seem to understand some of what I am going through. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm sorry for all of your loses and I hope things get better for you. (and me)

Rose.

Permalink Reply by white dove on March 3, 2010 at 10:43pm

i just want to vent a little tonight. It is coming on my mom's one year of passing anniversary. As the date comes closer (3-30-2009) I am really feeling a ton of grief. My emotions are just coming on out of no where. I finally had 4 rolls of film developed and picked them up today. I felt i had to brace myself because i knew there would be pictures of my mom in that bunch. Sure enough... back to 2 years ago. God it was so hard to look at them and her! The tears just poured out. I feel as if i take baby steps forward and giant steps back. I feel so abandoned, alone, orphaned. I have started to call my father to just chat, and this is also a giant step for me because of all of our early years with him. But i feel i'd rather forgive and forget and i KNOW i would give anything to have a disagreement with my mom as we often did ;) and he is my only parent left now. Many many changes have come, and i'm trying to grow but continue to stumble...
Little bits of peace to all here.

Felicia said:

Rose:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know the pain you feel, and I could feel it in your words. I'm so very sorry. My mother had pancreatic cancer, and she passed away as a result of it in July of last year. She was only 63. It hurts really bad. I still cry, and our bond was so strong, I just miss her everyday. How can you feel when someone so important who's been a part of your life, and there for you for ALL of your life is suddenly gone? Please just take time to feel anyway that you need to feel for as long as you need to feel that way. The only things that have been making me feel better so far is talking about it and crying. The weight of the pain is still incredilby overwhelming. We're mourning a lot. We've lost our mothers, and inside of that, we've lost in most cases a friend, a listener, an advice giver, someone who has our best interests in heart, and so much more. Let me know if you ever need to talk. (Hugs, love, and strength to you)

Rose said:

Hi there, I am having a very hard time coping with losing my mother lately. I lost her on Jan. 7th 2010. She was only 58 yrs old...I have many questions on why she passed away on top of my grief. She had brain and lung cancer and had just gotten off her last bit of brain radiation she could have. She wanted to keep taking chemo for her lungs. But the doctor told her he didn't see much point if it didn't help her brain. I found that disturbing really. But it's not only that there are questions about how much medication she was given by my father the night she passed. My mother was not bed ridden she was 100% with it. And I still find it so hard to buy that she just passed like she did so quickly. So, I am dealing with all of that on top of losing her. I just wish I could have been there for her more. I was stuck in my state (5 hours away from her), due to my child custody order. So, I was unable to be with her as much as I would like. And I really believe sometime if I had been there to take care of her instead of my father she would have been better off. I just feel like I failed her after how long she took care of me. I am sorry for my grammar ahead of time I am very upset. i wake up everyday and for just a second I still think shes alive (anyone else do that?). I think I really need to call her. And then I realize it's not real and she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I felt like I should type something out to someone to try to get some of this out. And most of you seem to understand some of what I am going through. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm sorry for all of your loses and I hope things get better for you. (and me)

Rose.

Permalink Reply by jac on March 4, 2010 at 1:26pm

My mother died November 6, 2009. My dad immediately went into vascular dementia so a month later I had to have him committed and then put in to a nursing home. So much red tape, stress, etc. But, its been right at 4 months since mom died and I'm still so depressed. I'm missing too much work-though they are understanding. I can't bring myself to do much but sleep and play on the computer. My husband is frustrated. I suffer from clinical depression anyway, so I was already on meds and in counseling. Thinking of going for hypnotherapy to see if that helps. I feel as if I've lost my rudder and the teeny tiny boat I am in just floats along wherever the waves want to take it and I really (mostly) just don't care. We finally this week finished cleaning out their apt, so that is a huge burden off of us. Even so, I just can't seem to come up for air. Or if I do, its just a gulp and then back down into the depths of despair I go. (nothing melodramatic about me, huh?) I know there is no time frame for grief, but I feel like it SHOULD have been enough time now that I could at least function better than I am. I don't know.

Permalink Reply by Harvey A. Depew Jr. on March 4, 2010 at 6:47pm

Yvonne,
I don't know if you remember me Yvonne but you wrote me a pretty special letter when i lost my Mom on Nov. 22, 2009, yes i am still writing about mom and all our families life got about one half of a notebook wrote with the date that i wrote it and the time, and yes i am still smoke free and have been since 12-22-09 and there is no going back to that habit. There are times when i still feel like falling to my knees and just crying like a baby and sometimes i do but i do alot of talking to Mom and Jesus and the writing and that seems to help me sometimes, just seems funny that i have wrote that much about our mom and family because i was never the type to set down and write a sentence let alone a book, i know there were times when i was going to school and bringing homework home and Mom having to get on me about my writing which i could not stand to do, but here i am writing a book so to speak about Mom and the Family, but i do got to say that it has helped me in someways to get through this part of my life. I just wanted to thank you Yvonne for the thoughts and support that you sent my way you seem like you have a very big and caring heart. thanks again and May God bless you and all of your family.

Harvey Depew Jr.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 5, 2010 at 9:03pm

Hello, Harvey,
I do in fact remember you and I am touched you took the time to let me know how my suggestion worked for you. I know that it has helped me a great deal to write a little something each day as tho' I were writing to my mother and I have just gone through the first year of all those occasions without her. My own sense of loss is still very real.
I am sure that you have probably found the initial entries in your writing were mostly about the pain of losing your Mom. Mine certainly were; (and the fact that a special friend turned his back on me when I needed him most). In time, as you continued to write about your family too, you probably find yourself remembering and writing about the better times, those days when you were able to share a joke with your Mom or had a very special time with the family. As much as the loss of one's mother is so very painful, it does help to remind ourselves that our time with them was about so much more than those days or months of sadness as we saw their health decline. They gave us a lifetime of memories and love, there is so much more to them.
I can also relate to the fact that you still have moments when you are overcome by the need to cry. I get that too and have been told its quite normal; not much fun but very normal.
I have also found that it has helped for me to connect with some of Mom's closest friends; because they had known me since I was a baby and they are surely missing her as much. If your Mom had siblings or close friends, you might also find some comfort in reaching out to them. The added bonus there is that they may want to share their own happier memories of your mother.
Its wonderful that you have been able to give up the smoking habit. Surely you know your Mom must be happy about that, especially after what she had endured.
Thank you so much for your feedback, and your kind thoughts. I hope you will keep up with your writing. Who knows, your book could well become a best seller!
Best wishes, Yvonne

Permalink Reply by lynn on March 6, 2010 at 11:45pm

I was 20 years old when i lost my mom to cancer that she was fighting with for 10 year but on 8/1/06 she passed away i never got to tell her how i felt i never got to say how much i love her but most of all i never got to say good bye

Permalink Reply by Beverly A. Hill on March 8, 2010 at 1:05am

hi, my name is Bev. i lost my mother back on December 15,2006. it was the most horrible thing that could have happened to me. i may be an adult but i was so dependent on my mom that i feel like i have a big hole in my heart that can never be filled. i also lost my dad in august of 1969 of cancer. even tho i am married and have 2 wonderful adult kids sometimes it just doesnt seem like enough. i keep wondering how long it takes to get over the pain. sometimes i just dont like getting out of bed because i feel so all alone. i am so lonely and so hurt that my heart just feels like it has been ripped away from me. i dont know what to do or how to even start getting the pain out of my life. is there a way to make that happen?

Permalink Reply by excelsior on March 10, 2010 at 9:27pm

Missing Mom:

Your post resonated with me. I lost my mother a week ago, March 3. She had end stage liver disease. She didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. We were waiting on the transplant list and very close to it. She died suddenly. I have been her caretaker for 20 years. Everything reminds me of her. Every place I go reminds me of her. I break down every couple of hours. The pain is like nothing I've ever felt. There is a horrible aching that I cannot turn off and on at will. I want to pick up the phone, call her, and talk about everything…but I cannot.

My heart goes out to you.


brownladylove said:

I lost my Mom on 9/26/2008,she died of cancer in the gall badder,small intestine and lung. She never smoked or had a drink. She didn't allow smoking around her. It's hard on me and my brothers and sisters. My older brother and next to the youngest sister. Won't visit the website that I dedicated in her memory. I was very close to my mom, we talked all hours on the day. I mean from 4 in the morning until late at night everyday. My job works me all hours of the day and night. My mom was the one that kept me going. I cry everyday for my mom. My boyfriend don't understand his mom is still here. And my mom isn't I have an empty place in my heart for my mom.I smelled her scarf and broke down and cried. My boyfriend she's in a better place and she wouldn't want me to cry and be depressed like I am. But he don't understand I losted someone very dear to my heart. The one person I could tell anything to, and get the best advice. I still don't understand why she's gone, my heart can't accept the lost and pain. Everyone she's in time it will get easlier. I can't she how that is possible, and now Mother's Day in approaching. Thanksgiving and Christmas was very hard. Me and my sister's messed up both dinners. How do we cope with the lost of our mother without feeling the pain and hurt of knowing that we can't see and talk to her again. The house is so cold and plain that we don't even go by there anymore. She was our mother and father we losted both when we losted her.
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/ethelmcdaniel/homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by kimberley on March 12, 2010 at 5:17am

Felicia said:

Rose:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know the pain you feel, and I could feel it in your words. I'm so very sorry. My mother had pancreatic cancer, and she passed away as a result of it in July of last year. She was only 63. It hurts really bad. I still cry, and our bond was so strong, I just miss her everyday. How can you feel when someone so important who's been a part of your life, and there for you for ALL of your life is suddenly gone? Please just take time to feel anyway that you need to feel for as long as you need to feel that way. The only things that have been making me feel better so far is talking about it and crying. The weight of the pain is still incredilby overwhelming. We're mourning a lot. We've lost our mothers, and inside of that, we've lost in most cases a friend, a listener, an advice giver, someone who has our best interests in heart, and so much more. Let me know if you ever need to talk. (Hugs, love, and strength to you)

Rose said:

Hi there, I am having a very hard time coping with losing my mother lately. I lost her on Jan. 7th 2010. She was only 58 yrs old...I have many questions on why she passed away on top of my grief. She had brain and lung cancer and had just gotten off her last bit of brain radiation she could have. She wanted to keep taking chemo for her lungs. But the doctor told her he didn't see much point if it didn't help her brain. I found that disturbing really. But it's not only that there are questions about how much medication she was given by my father the night she passed. My mother was not bed ridden she was 100% with it. And I still find it so hard to buy that she just passed like she did so quickly. So, I am dealing with all of that on top of losing her. I just wish I could have been there for her more. I was stuck in my state (5 hours away from her), due to my child custody order. So, I was unable to be with her as much as I would like. And I really believe sometime if I had been there to take care of her instead of my father she would have been better off. I just feel like I failed her after how long she took care of me. I am sorry for my grammar ahead of time I am very upset. i wake up everyday and for just a second I still think shes alive (anyone else do that?). I think I really need to call her. And then I realize it's not real and she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I felt like I should type something out to someone to try to get some of this out. And most of you seem to understand some of what I am going through. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm sorry for all of your loses and I hope things get better for you. (and me)

Rose.

Permalink Reply by kimberley on March 12, 2010 at 5:32am

I lost my mother almost a year ago 4/15/09 and I as well am NOT okay ...I cry every night or almost and once a week it is unbearable! I am 41 years old and I cant do anything because I miss her so much, I was an only child maybe that has something to do with it...my Mom was everything to me, I went thru this alone.
I cant sleep ever..I keep walking around my house talking to her asking her why she left me alone, she told me she will always be with me but, she is not, I do not feel her around me. I am starting to get angry and loose my faith in GOD. I dont know when this will ever get any better...I just want to be with her...It is hard to talk to family because they seem to "not want to talk about it" and no matter how much people want to try to understand they cant until such a loss happens to them. I am in agony!

kimberley said:

Felicia said:

Rose:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know the pain you feel, and I could feel it in your words. I'm so very sorry. My mother had pancreatic cancer, and she passed away as a result of it in July of last year. She was only 63. It hurts really bad. I still cry, and our bond was so strong, I just miss her everyday. How can you feel when someone so important who's been a part of your life, and there for you for ALL of your life is suddenly gone? Please just take time to feel anyway that you need to feel for as long as you need to feel that way. The only things that have been making me feel better so far is talking about it and crying. The weight of the pain is still incredilby overwhelming. We're mourning a lot. We've lost our mothers, and inside of that, we've lost in most cases a friend, a listener, an advice giver, someone who has our best interests in heart, and so much more. Let me know if you ever need to talk. (Hugs, love, and strength to you)

Rose said:

Hi there, I am having a very hard time coping with losing my mother lately. I lost her on Jan. 7th 2010. She was only 58 yrs old...I have many questions on why she passed away on top of my grief. She had brain and lung cancer and had just gotten off her last bit of brain radiation she could have. She wanted to keep taking chemo for her lungs. But the doctor told her he didn't see much point if it didn't help her brain. I found that disturbing really. But it's not only that there are questions about how much medication she was given by my father the night she passed. My mother was not bed ridden she was 100% with it. And I still find it so hard to buy that she just passed like she did so quickly. So, I am dealing with all of that on top of losing her. I just wish I could have been there for her more. I was stuck in my state (5 hours away from her), due to my child custody order. So, I was unable to be with her as much as I would like. And I really believe sometime if I had been there to take care of her instead of my father she would have been better off. I just feel like I failed her after how long she took care of me. I am sorry for my grammar ahead of time I am very upset. i wake up everyday and for just a second I still think shes alive (anyone else do that?). I think I really need to call her. And then I realize it's not real and she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I felt like I should type something out to someone to try to get some of this out. And most of you seem to understand some of what I am going through. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm sorry for all of your loses and I hope things get better for you. (and me)

Rose.

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