Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on June 30, 2010 at 5:51pm

Joni, I wrote a reply, and somehow I got an error. I am pushed on time, but please know this group is the glue thats holding me together, and you will appreciate all the words of wisdom that are passed on. Hang in there my friend, you are not dead, I bet your mothers light is waiting for you to be ready to let it shine!!!!! Belinda

Joni said:

My mom died on Oct. 19, 2007. She was my best friend and we spent countless hours together, I took her on vacations, we had a very special bond. Since her passing I've literally died myself. I find it hard to find a purpose in my own life. I haven't friends to rely on and have only 1 sister left in my family who lives 1,000 miles away from me.

I am hoping to connect with others that are feeling this despair.

Permalink Reply by Deborah Parker on July 1, 2010 at 7:54pm

My mom passed on March 10, 2010 after a 9 month battle with adult myloid leukemia. She fought hard and lived hard. It was difficult to see her suffer but I stuck by her and remained hopeful until the end. I spend a lot of time thinking about those last days and moments. And want to move on from them because they make me sad to think of her fear and feelings at the end. She'd also stopped talking in the last few days. I can't believe she's gone at times and then I remember the Lord has spoken and she's with Him now and those loved ones who've gone before.

Permalink Reply by Tina on July 9, 2010 at 12:55pm

Hello everyone,
My husband lost his mother June 2ND,2010. He has changed so much I hardly know him. He has shut me out and our relationship is strained. He has talked to a professional and they say it is normal for him to act this way. I thought grief brought you closer to people you love. We had a wonderful relationship and always talked about any thing at all. I don't know if the loss of his mom, along with added job stress, could have put him into a mid-life crises. He seems to be evaluating his whole life and feeling guilty about all sorts of things he didn't do in his life. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before. I am very concerned about him and just want my husband back to normal. I just want to know if this the normal grief process or could this caused by the grief?

Permalink Reply by Dane R P on July 14, 2010 at 3:38pm

I cannot begin to imagine losing my mom. But I was faced with such a situation in 2006 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She remained strong through all her treatments, although at times I myself felt helpless. After a treatment, my mother would just lie on the bed to keep from getting nauseous. As I look at her, I can't help but cry. At times I felt angry that she couldn't do the things she used to - that now she needed me more than I needed her. I was just 16 then. But the one thing we both held on to was the hope found in the Bible, that one day "no resident will say: 'I am sick' (Isaiah 33:24). Also God himself promises that 'he will wipe out every tear from our eyes and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore" (Revelation 21:4) From when we were younger, my mother taught my sister and I about the God that promised such a wonderful future on a paradise earth - Jehovah God. He has sustained us through such a trial, and many more, providing us with the "power beyond what is normal" (2 Corinthians 4:7). As of now, I can say with heart full of happiness, that my mother is still with us. I still cannot imagine ever losing her. But as for our other loved ones who have passed away to the enemy, death, we are confident that Jehovah is yearning to resurrect such ones back to life (Job 14:14,15). How we long to see them again and welcome them with open arms!

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on July 16, 2010 at 10:33am

That is a beautiful testimony, and thank you for sharing! Belinda Rhodes

Dane R P said:

I cannot begin to imagine losing my mom. But I was faced with such a situation in 2006 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She remained strong through all her treatments, although at times I myself felt helpless. After a treatment, my mother would just lie on the bed to keep from getting nauseous. As I look at her, I can't help but cry. At times I felt angry that she couldn't do the things she used to - that now she needed me more than I needed her. I was just 16 then. But the one thing we both held on to was the hope found in the Bible, that one day "no resident will say: 'I am sick' (Isaiah 33:24). Also God himself promises that 'he will wipe out every tear from our eyes and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore" (Revelation 21:4) From when we were younger, my mother taught my sister and I about the God that promised such a wonderful future on a paradise earth - Jehovah God. He has sustained us through such a trial, and many more, providing us with the "power beyond what is normal" (2 Corinthians 4:7). As of now, I can say with heart full of happiness, that my mother is still with us. I still cannot imagine ever losing her. But as for our other loved ones who have passed away to the enemy, death, we are confident that Jehovah is yearning to resurrect such ones back to life (Job 14:14,15). How we long to see them again and welcome them with open arms!

Permalink Reply by Pamela on July 17, 2010 at 11:55pm

My dear, sweet Mother went home to Heaven on June 20, 2010. She was 88 yrs. old. She was, and still is, my Best Friend. I am her only daughter, she also has 4 sons. She and I lived together all of my life, 53 yrs. Even after I married for the first time at age 51 we continued living together as my husband moved in with us. I'm so happy that she got to be Mother of the Bride before she went to Heaven. My Dad, the love of her life, passed away 35 yrs. ago at age 53. She never looked at another man. They were married for 36 yrs. She was a stay-at-home Mom as I was growing up. We have lived in the same house for 47 yrs. Fortunately, I was able to take early retirement from my government job at the age of 47. I am SO glad I had 6 yrs. to spend with her full time, so she wouldn't be at home all day while I was working. She fell 9 yrs. ago and was no longer able to be independent to drive her car and get around. I became her caregiver as I continued to work full-time. She used a walker in the house and when she and I would go out to eat or shopping I would push her in her wheelchair. We did everything together. Before 9 yrs. ago, she and I would go on vacation every year in the fall to different places, the mountains of North Carolina, Tennessee, the Amish Country of Pennsylvania and Ohio, and a week-long cruise in Alaska, our dream vacation. Our last vacation together was in October 2007 to North Carolina and Tennessee. I will always cherish the memories of our wonderful times together. On May 21, 2010 she fell at home and ended up having to have major back surgery. She vomited into her lungs early into the operation and had to be on a ventilator for the rest of her life. She developed pneumonia and passed away due to respiratory failure. I was by her side for 12 hrs. a day for almost 4 weeks. After her surgery she never got to talk again due to being on the ventilator. She could only nod her head and squeeze my hand. It was so heartbreaking. The day before Father's Day she remained in a deep, peaceful sleep all day, never waking up. That afternoon, when our family knew there was no hope, I prayed that if it was the Lord's will that he would take her home the next day, Father's Day, so that my Dad would have a wonderful Father's Day welcoming my precious Mother home after being apart 35 yrs. Later that night, the nurse called me, and my husband and I arrived at her side for the last 20 minutes of her life on this Earth. I held her hand and caressed her hair and forehead and kissed her over and over on the cheek. I talked to her telling her that Daddy was waiting for her with open arms. She continued sleeping peacefully. I looked up at the clock at 11:56 p.m. and prayed that she would hang on till 12:00 midnight, Father's Day. Her heart rate started dropping drastically and as I was caressing her forehead I actually felt her spirit leave her body. The time on the clock was 12:01 a.m. She had gone home to Heaven on Father's Day. Even after her spirit left her body, the sweet nurse in the room told me to keep on talking to her, that her spirit was still in the room with us. It was the most spiritual experience my husband and I had ever had. Father's Day had always been a sad day for me even after 35 yrs., but now I will always think of my Mother and Daddy being reunited on Father's Day on Heaven's shore. I miss her SO very much after 53 yrs. together every day, except for 2 wks. on my honeymoon in 2008. Some days I think I can hardly stand it missing her so much. I wake up some mornings with a sick feeling in my stomach knowing she's no longer physically around me. But what is helping me to cope is the realization that she is 1000 percent well with a new heavenly body that will never get sick again or broken, and that she is with my Daddy again. For the past few months before she fell this time, she had been talking about my Dad and wishing that he had not died so young. You could tell she was missing him so much. And she would talk about her sister who had passed away 3 yrs. ago, and even about their Mother and Daddy. It was like she almost knew that it was time for her to go home to them. Even though she was 88, and had had a long happy life, I still was not ready for her to leave. She said she might make it to 90, and we would tell her she would make it to 100. She would have been 89 in September 2010. She didn't look nearly her age. She was SO beautiful, and I can't even imagine how beautiful she must be now in Heaven. I know that she is watching over me. There are so many things that can't be explained about what Heaven is like, and who but only God knows whether our loved ones can go back and forth from Heaven in the blink of an eye and keep check on their loved ones left behind. Before her accident this time, she told me that when her time came that she would come back and give me a sign that she was watching over me. She knows I love birds, well, a couple days after her funeral a mourning dove would come and perch on our TINY birdfeeder that we have hanging down from our eaves. It would eat some birdseed and then sit down for 10 or 15 minutes just looking around. This is right in front of our living room window when I would be sitting on the sofa. Someone told me that mourning doves NEVER get up on hanging birdfeeders, they just walk around in the grass and eat. I know I have never seen one on a birdfeeder, ever. This happened two different days, it would come and sit on the feeder. I've never seen it back since. For anyone who still is blessed to have their Mother, cherish every moment that you have to be with her, to hug her, to talk with her, to share activities together. Every day with your Mother is precious. I still talk to my Mother every day, I know she hears me. When my time on this Earth is finished and the Lord calls me home, I know my Best Friend Mother will be waiting on Heaven's shore with her arms outstretched, welcoming her girl home. :)

Permalink Reply by Liz on July 18, 2010 at 9:20am

When you lose your mother it's the worst feeling . She carried me for nine month's , now I will carry her in my heart for the rest of my life.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on July 18, 2010 at 11:50am

So very true, Liz. From the time of our conception we are bonded physically to our mothers and during those nine months before birth we develop close to her heart, with the sound of her heartbeat ever present. The attachment with our mother is not quite the same as the one we may share with our father. My Mom was also my best friend and she knew me better than anyone. While I was working outside the country there were so many times when I would be thinking of her and in minutes the phone would ring, it was Mom checking on me. Or when I would come home for a visit all she had to do was look at me to sense if something was bothering me. There is no one else I can share things with the way I shared those conversations with my Mom and so I still talk to her every night, even tho' she passed at the end of January 2009. I also still write regular notes to her in a journal. My Mom had passed after spending 3 months in hospital and it hit me very hard. But what I found especially hard was the rather cold reaction of a few friends when I mentioned she had died. These were friends who had known me for some time and were aware of my close relationship with my Mom. One, my closest friend, simply turned his back on me and ended the friendship within two weeks of my Mom's death. I will never understand that and do not know if I will ever find a way to forgive him. The other friend simply said "She was old and had been sick for some months so what did you expect." Well when her own mother died she called me to apologise for she had a sense of how that great loss felt.
There are times, even now, when I still sense my mother's presence...if I am sleeping in longer than usual on a Saturday morning, I will occasionally feel as tho' she is asking me 'Are you going to sleep the day away?' and I will jump out of bed announcing "okay, okay, I am getting up".
I envy Pam the experiences she was able to share with her Mom during those last few years of her life. While I was working overseas, I had wanted so much to have the luxury of more time, more trips with my Mom and I will always regret not finding more time to spend with her when she was in the hospital. I know that if the situation had been reversed my Mom would never have left my side and so I may always feel that I failed her in some way.
Like Pam, I will say to others who still have their Mom that they should make the most of the time they are able to spend with her and never leave anything unsaid; especially those three most important words "I Love You". Mom and I developed the habit that each phone call, every visit, would never end without the exchange of those 3 words.
There will never be anyone else in my life like my mother and I wonder if we ever stop missing someone who was so important to us.
Blessings to all who are dealing with the same loss.
Liz said:

When you lose your mother it's the worst feeling . She carried me for nine month's , now I will carry her in my heart for the rest of my life.

Permalink Reply by Pamela on July 18, 2010 at 2:40pm

Yvonne,

You said your Mother was your best friend, and I'm sure she knew that. Don't punish yourself by regretting not being by her side every minute in the hospital. She knew you loved her, and still knows you love her. That is so precious that you write notes to her in a journal. I'm sure she is still keeping check on you, like you said you can hear her trying to wake you up in the morning. It's so good you two always said I Love You to each other. My Mother and I also always said those three special words to each other when we would go to bed each night and whenever I would leave to go somewhere. Your Mother knew you were working hard overseas and it's really cool how you would be thinking of her and she would call checking on you. She knew you were doing the best you could. You two were always together in spirit since you couldn't always be together physically. Take care of yourself. We will always love and miss our mothers, but be comforted they will always be checking on their "girls." And we will be with them again one day when the Lord calls us home to Heaven, and we will never be separated again from them physically.

Yvonne said:

So very true, Liz. From the time of our conception we are bonded physically to our mothers and during those nine months before birth we develop close to her heart, with the sound of her heartbeat ever present. The attachment with our mother is not quite the same as the one we may share with our father. My Mom was also my best friend and she knew me better than anyone. While I was working outside the country there were so many times when I would be thinking of her and in minutes the phone would ring, it was Mom checking on me. Or when I would come home for a visit all she had to do was look at me to sense if something was bothering me. There is no one else I can share things with the way I shared those conversations with my Mom and so I still talk to her every night, even tho' she passed at the end of January 2009. I also still write regular notes to her in a journal. My Mom had passed after spending 3 months in hospital and it hit me very hard. But what I found especially hard was the rather cold reaction of a few friends when I mentioned she had died. These were friends who had known me for some time and were aware of my close relationship with my Mom. One, my closest friend, simply turned his back on me and ended the friendship within two weeks of my Mom's death. I will never understand that and do not know if I will ever find a way to forgive him. The other friend simply said "She was old and had been sick for some months so what did you expect." Well when her own mother died she called me to apologise for she had a sense of how that great loss felt.
There are times, even now, when I still sense my mother's presence...if I am sleeping in longer than usual on a Saturday morning, I will occasionally feel as tho' she is asking me 'Are you going to sleep the day away?' and I will jump out of bed announcing "okay, okay, I am getting up".
I envy Pam the experiences she was able to share with her Mom during those last few years of her life. While I was working overseas, I had wanted so much to have the luxury of more time, more trips with my Mom and I will always regret not finding more time to spend with her when she was in the hospital. I know that if the situation had been reversed my Mom would never have left my side and so I may always feel that I failed her in some way.
Like Pam, I will say to others who still have their Mom that they should make the most of the time they are able to spend with her and never leave anything unsaid; especially those three most important words "I Love You". Mom and I developed the habit that each phone call, every visit, would never end without the exchange of those 3 words.
There will never be anyone else in my life like my mother and I wonder if we ever stop missing someone who was so important to us.
Blessings to all who are dealing with the same loss.
Liz said:

When you lose your mother it's the worst feeling . She carried me for nine month's , now I will carry her in my heart for the rest of my life.

Permalink Reply by Melinda Contreras on July 24, 2010 at 10:32pm

Was it meant to be? my mom died in such a tragic way and I often wonder what was she thinking or what was she feeling during the car accident. I drive by the accident site every other day. We have a memorial for her their. They say that you never know when your time is up? on a religous point of view what happened? does anyone deserve to die this way. I am lost and need help! i feel uplifted sometimes like I should do good with my life now, but like today I miss her so much. I know death happens all the time and it's a part of life. but this absolutely knocked me off my feet. I try to be strong and go to work and take care of my family, but I feel empty.

Permalink Reply by Dane R P on July 26, 2010 at 12:34pm

I am truly sorry for your loss Melinda. When a loved one dies, whether by accident or not, we may wonder whether fate really has a part in our lives. "Was it his/her time?", we may ask ourselves. Many are taught and do believe just that - that when our "time is up" there simply is nothing anyone can do to escape what fate dictates. But if that is the truth, then why do the number of accidental deaths decrease when safety regulations are obeyed and increase when they are disregarded? Why is it that in countries with high standards of hygiene and good diet people have a far greater average life-span than in countries lacking these things? Why do more smokers than nonsmokers die of lung cancer? How could all of this be due to blind fate over which there is no control? With many accidental deaths, is it not a matter of a person’s just happening to come into a dangerous situation? In fact, the Bible teaches that "the swift do not have the race, nor the mighty ones the battle, nor do the wise also have the food, nor do the understanding ones also have the riches, nor do even those having knowledge have the favor; because time and unforeseen occurrence befall them all" (Ecclesiastes 9:11). So we can just simply be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

God, from the beginning, created man 'with time indefinite in their heart' (Ecclesiastes 3:11). He created us with a yearning to live forever, but also provided the opportunity to do so. He made our first parents, Adam and Eve, as perfect individuals, with no defect in mind or body, to fill the earth with their perfect offspring. But by their disobedience to God's command, they experienced that “the wages sin pays is death.” (Romans 6:23). This was then passed on to each and everyone of us. We grow old, get sick, and eventually die. But God 'has not changed' (Malachi 3:6). His purpose that happy, perfect people fill the earth still has not changed. The Bible calls death an enemy that "is to be brought to nothing" (1 Corinthians 15:26). God has already provided the means to do this by sending his Son, Jesus, here on earth to die for our sins. Then soon, we can look forward to the time when "death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry no pain be anymore. The former things have passed away" (Revelation 21:4). Our dead loved ones who have died will be resurrected back to life here on a paradise earth by the God who is yearning to do so - Jehovah God, by mean of his Son, Jesus Christ (Job 14:14,15). In the meantime, we experience the grief of losing our loved ones to the enemy, death. But "the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation" has provided us with his Word, the Bible, to help us endure. May you find comfort in the scriptures.

If you have more questions, Melinda, feel free to reply or ask one of Jehovah's Witnesses regarding their publications regarding death. These explain what the Bible really teaches regarding the reason why we die, what happens to us when we die, what hope the Bible holds out for those who have died, and how we can be comforted by the scriptures.

Again, my sincere condolences to you and your family.

Sincerely,
Dane R P
Melinda Contreras said:

Was it meant to be? my mom died in such a tragic way and I often wonder what was she thinking or what was she feeling during the car accident. I drive by the accident site every other day. We have a memorial for her their. They say that you never know when your time is up? on a religous point of view what happened? does anyone deserve to die this way. I am lost and need help! i feel uplifted sometimes like I should do good with my life now, but like today I miss her so much. I know death happens all the time and it's a part of life. but this absolutely knocked me off my feet. I try to be strong and go to work and take care of my family, but I feel empty.

Permalink Reply by Charles on July 28, 2010 at 4:56am

flagator8 said:

Spend as much time as you can with her. tell her you love her and that she is your hero. Talk to her, hug her and hold her. and tell her everthin you have ever wanted to say.

RandiSabo said:

I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?

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