Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 9, 2011 at 3:27am

My dear Mama. I know I am a little late posting this for you and I'm sorry. I went out for a couple hours hoping to actually see you or something that I know you would have smiled at. It didn't work. I came back the the house not home just a building. It will never be a home without you

My purpose for this is. Happy birthday to my Mama. I would have gone to you and talked with you but I don't know where you are. I love and miss you. My heart is so broken I do not believe it will ever heal 

I think of you every day. I tell you how much I love and miss you. Hoping you will answer and somehow help me through this.

Happy birthday to my dear sweet Mama. The best Mama there has ever has been. I hope your birthday was wonderful.

All my love to you. Your baby daughter

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 9, 2011 at 3:51am

Jo Iness

you said on the 6th   I still have my daughter dont deprive them of her mother.  My spawn is a very horrible person.   I confided in her on May 1, 2009 of my health and loosing my home and no place to live.  after hours of her yelling, cursing at me, telling how horrible I am she ended it with telling me to go live on the street because that is where I belong.  I was then pushed out the door of her house.  I went to my forclosed home and cried for hours and hours and hours until I was crying the silent cry.  I must have lasted 6 hours or more.  All alone.

 

that is not a child that is something I cannot explain.  She has since deprived me of seeing my grandchildren.  I cannot talk, see, text or e-mail.   I raised my grandson up until just recently.  She got pregrant in 10th grade.  All my friends told me to kick her out.  I could not do this.   As a result I lost all my "FRIENDS" because they could not stand to see how she was treating me.  she is now 30 and get worse and meaner with age.

 

dont hurt myself for her.   she does not deserve such considersation.

 

My daughter in my eyes died on May 1, 2009

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 9, 2011 at 5:12am

Dear Baby-Daughter , Wishing your Mother A Happy Birthday also , as it was my Fathers just the other day and will be my Mothers soon as they now are both in Heaven as your Mother with my dear Sister who also just passed away who was only 2 years older then I am . I hope your Mother hears the love you so have for her for I do even through the screen . The pain you have is tangible . What I have seen in your writings and what you have shared is more then just what many believe is grief and sorrow . Many believe it is just the passing of a loved one yet never think of what other things that one is facing or has had to go through or how they are just trying to find the light in the day . The misconception of grief that many have yet here it seems that all sadly know . Not just because of this great loss that we all are trying to face as you , but also it seems each has brought a deeper understanding of what life truly is . It is not always that bed or roses that we all wish or hope to have if that was so we would be tv talking about how we found this miracle to life. What I see in what you share is what I hear in others at times a pain that many may never hear or want to know of , that is a loss of another kind . A loss of a loved one that is still alive. Yet I know of this as I used want to so be there for someone who yearned just for someone to hear their voice in what they were feeling as raw and as it was . The reality of this is that at times the ones for some reason are not for some unknown reason or if to know it does not always make sense. What I see in you is that you then turn to those who may be able to hear your voice and words at this time , even to bring some comfort as little as it may be . Yet in this all little is better then none . You have been challenged as great deal in life facing things that many could not have been able to do . Yet some how you have found the strength inside even if it is to return and to share with us . Which to me show a great deal of who you are inside . So many here and far beyond have so many things that one may never know that they are dealing with upon the loss of their loved ones . yet some how they are able to take each moment and get to the next some how . I saw this in the 3 I loved so much that are not with me anymore as they face more then I could have imagine another even awaking to the next day . At times alone and others too turned away from them not wanting or maybe not knowing what to say or do . What I know inside I was blessed in life as it seems as you to have a gift , a blessing of love . Many now even turn away from me not wanting to talk about their passing , feeling often alone , yet being able to return here to Legacy to everyone who seem to have their arms open wide to say welcome home . So if you do not have those you need right now , Or they are not able to be there for you . Remember where you can come back to we all will be here for you . .

May all know I could not be doing this with out you as it does seem as though at times it is a road alone even in a world of many yet when here I listen and hear the hearts of others as their pain is so near.

To please take care .

Permalink Reply by white dove on April 9, 2011 at 1:13pm

I do believe in HOPE, for the will to live, and better days ahead!  Also, our moms are in Heaven, and the harder we mourn here.. well, i believe this slows down their journey homeward and upward*  I miss my mom terribly, but i do also believe in Heaven.  Time here passes fast and later, when God wants us, we will see our beloveds again, but not before this time.  Hugs and Prayers for all today*

River of Tears said:

Dear Baby-Daughter , Wishing your Mother A Happy Birthday also , as it was my Fathers just the other day and will be my Mothers soon as they now are both in Heaven as your Mother with my dear Sister who also just passed away who was only 2 years older then I am . I hope your Mother hears the love you so have for her for I do even through the screen . The pain you have is tangible . What I have seen in your writings and what you have shared is more then just what many believe is grief and sorrow . Many believe it is just the passing of a loved one yet never think of what other things that one is facing or has had to go through or how they are just trying to find the light in the day . The misconception of grief that many have yet here it seems that all sadly know . Not just because of this great loss that we all are trying to face as you , but also it seems each has brought a deeper understanding of what life truly is . It is not always that bed or roses that we all wish or hope to have if that was so we would be tv talking about how we found this miracle to life. What I see in what you share is what I hear in others at times a pain that many may never hear or want to know of , that is a loss of another kind . A loss of a loved one that is still alive. Yet I know of this as I used want to so be there for someone who yearned just for someone to hear their voice in what they were feeling as raw and as it was . The reality of this is that at times the ones for some reason are not for some unknown reason or if to know it does not always make sense. What I see in you is that you then turn to those who may be able to hear your voice and words at this time , even to bring some comfort as little as it may be . Yet in this all little is better then none . You have been challenged as great deal in life facing things that many could not have been able to do . Yet some how you have found the strength inside even if it is to return and to share with us . Which to me show a great deal of who you are inside . So many here and far beyond have so many things that one may never know that they are dealing with upon the loss of their loved ones . yet some how they are able to take each moment and get to the next some how . I saw this in the 3 I loved so much that are not with me anymore as they face more then I could have imagine another even awaking to the next day . At times alone and others too turned away from them not wanting or maybe not knowing what to say or do . What I know inside I was blessed in life as it seems as you to have a gift , a blessing of love . Many now even turn away from me not wanting to talk about their passing , feeling often alone , yet being able to return here to Legacy to everyone who seem to have their arms open wide to say welcome home . So if you do not have those you need right now , Or they are not able to be there for you . Remember where you can come back to we all will be here for you . .

May all know I could not be doing this with out you as it does seem as though at times it is a road alone even in a world of many yet when here I listen and hear the hearts of others as their pain is so near.

To please take care .

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 9, 2011 at 4:47pm

Thank you Jo Iness

It would be nice to actually talk to a real person. I have 1 conversion every 2 weeks with a doctor. I've tried all the channels. The church. The county services (ha what a joke) on and on. My social security attorney will not return my calls and she is suppose to be on my side helping me.

Its all a joke. You do right and you get stepped on and discarded like a piece of trash.

Permalink Reply by Maryse Maclure on April 9, 2011 at 6:58pm

i just recently lost my mother on December 27th, 2010 after a very long 10 months of watching her die from glioblastoma (terminal brain cancer).  It was like she died on Feb.4th, 2010 when they diagnosed her.  She was never the same person.   I took care of her since the beginning and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life watching my mother wither away like that.  She was robbed from her independence and freedom. Before that she was the strongest and healthiest woman I knew!!!  I miss her so much and I wish I could call her every weekend like I did before she fell ill.  I haven't really had a chance to grieve for her because I've been so busy taking care of things.  Lawyers, selling her house, taxes in 2 countries and dealing with two governments because she was a canadien and lived in the United States.  When she got sick she couldn't work anymore and had to sign up for disability and that was a 5 month waiting period.  So I signed her up for her Social Security and they made me apply for the Canadien pension plan which is still not complete after 1 year. On April 25th, 2010 I brought her home with me because I didn't want her to be alone in a Nursing home.  I needed to take care of her, I would of not been able to do that to her.  With the help of my husband I took care of her until she passed. 

On March 30th my father died.  He entered the hospital with an pneumonia and right away they put him on life support.  Me and my sister went down to Atlanta, Georgia to see him.  When we got there he was in great spirits and we thought this would give him a moral boost, but the next day things changed for the worst.  I don't know how much more I can take of this I haven't really been able to grieve for one now I have both of my parents to grieve for.  I believe that my mom came to get him so that I wouldn't have to go through what I went through with her.  Even though they were divorced 21 years I believe that they still loved each other they were still friends.

Permalink Reply by white dove on April 9, 2011 at 7:05pm

Welcome here Maryse,  i am very sorry for your losses..  i just want to say i too believe even if our parents have seperated, or divorced, love stays...  my mom passed 2 yrs ago and before she left she asked me to tell my dad (they had been divorced for many years) that she loved him still!  U can bet i did!  Luckily over the phone so his second wife couldnt hear.  Now, i believe she is waiting for him... he is gravely ill... Love never ends*  Our heart felt condolences to u

Maryse Maclure said:

i just recently lost my mother on December 27th, 2010 after a very long 10 months of watching her die from glioblastoma (terminal brain cancer).  It was like she died on Feb.4th, 2010 when they diagnosed her.  She was never the same person.   I took care of for since the beginning and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life watching my mother wither away like that.  She was robbed from her independence and freedom. Before that she was the strongest and healthiest woman I knew!!!  I miss her so much and I wish I could call her every weekend like I did before she fell ill.  I haven't really had a chance to grieve for her because I've been so busy taking care of things.  Lawyers, selling her house, taxes in 2 countries and dealing with two governments because she was a canadien and lived in the United States.  When she got sick she couldn't work anymore and had to sign up for disability and that was a 5 month waiting period.  So I signed her up for her Social Security and they made me apply for the Canadien pension plan which is still not complete after 1 year. On April 25th, 2010 I brought her home with me because I didn't want her to be alone in a Nursing home.  I needed to take care of her, I would of not been able to do that to her.  With the help of my husband I took care of her until she passed. 

On March 30th my father died.  He entered the hospital with an pneumonia and right away they put him on life support.  Me and my sister went down to Atlanta, Georgia to see him.  When we got there he was in great spirits and we thought this would give him a moral boost, but the next day things changed for the worst.  I don't know how much more I can take of this I haven't really been able to grieve for one now I have both my parents to grieve.  I believe that my mom came to get him so that I wouldn't have to go through what I went through with her.  Even though they were divorced 21 years I believe that they still loved each other they were still friends.

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on April 9, 2011 at 7:15pm

Maryse Maclure
I'm sorry for your loss. I would have given my life to havew been with my mother no matter what the situation. If you read back you will understand. I was not given that oPportunity to be with my mother. My sister took her away after my stepfater died. I never saw spoke or was allowed any connection to my mother after my stepfather died.

I do not even know qhere my mother is so I can go and be with her.

I cannot even begin to know what you went through. Try finding out from the county clerks office that your mother died 4 months eairlier when they hand you a death certificate. I fainted in the county office floor holding the death certificate. Not a single person came to my aide.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 10, 2011 at 2:39am

As I read of what others share what I see even more each day is this welcoming and comforting "hug" shall I say that seem to be there or all,no matter what it is one has to say . This pain is greater then I could have imagined for myself though alway knew that I never wanted to know this day or ever see my Mother or anyone I loved go through any hardships here on earth . My Mother as many had so many. Even the one that have been spoken of lately yet is a bit different where some of her some of her children walked away or did not see her for many years even to the day she passed . This pains me either way when families for what ever reasons just do not connect or have reasons not to . Yet here it seems that all have a open heart that makes one at least me almost cry each time I read , wishing would this have not been nice if this was how it was for all in life . So that they pain that if carried now is not ladened with also this . As I often wonder and asked why my family could not see the this beautiful loving woman before them " our mother " . I have had to come to realize that this was just a hope for my Sister and I to have in life for her as well as one she had for herself to see all the others she gave birth to and so loved and cared for . I guess as humans we may never be able to explain exactly why or how others treat us how they do , either in hatred or even at times in kindness . All I have to do these days is return here to see that there is love and heart in this world . A love that may be scorned or shattered yet it is love never the less . This is not to take away anyones pain in what they know or have gone through in life either as a loss of others that are right in front of them I know so well , as it seems to be I am trying to understand how the friends that say they are seem to say and do the things they do especially around the passing of my mother , father, and sister. This cuts deeper then what I thought yet you can not see it as I do not bleed on the outside ,. All I do is hold it all in so to get to the next day .

There is so much understanding here to be had in just the reading that I can not tell you all how grateful I am to each of you . The sorrow and pain of your loss is with me as my heart . Hoping and Praying for each .

Even for those in my family I wonder if they mourn or or feel sorrow for the loss of such a special and wonderful Mother , as my sister and I never told her how they felt thinking they may one day call her or write . Yet that day never came . The only thing that happened was that my dear sister that walked by my side in life went to join my mother in heaven . Her life seemed to leave as quickly as our fathers did , and our mothers . I guess life never promised us time or happiness all it did was offer us the chance to love another . I am so grateful to them each for affording me the chance to loving them as they loved me. Though I was not done or needed to do more for them and now will never get that chance . All I can do now is maybe let those who did not know each of them who they truly were not what they were supposed to do , as many thought or hoped but as who they were and were able to do when here .

To each thank you for today and the comfort you bring to all .

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on April 10, 2011 at 2:39pm

Maryse,

My deepest condolences to  you in the loss of your parents. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to have lost both of them in such a short time.  I can relate tho' to some of what you may have felt following your mother's diagnosis; a feeling of helplessness in that you want to make a difference in the final outcome, but know that often this is beyond our control.  How wonderful that you were able to have your mother at home with you, with the help of a supportive husband. Nursing homes are indeed the saddest places on earth; especially for anyone who does not have family to visit them.  In that regard you must know you did everything you possibly could to make your mother's last days as comfortable as possible and that she was surrounded by Love at that time.

I also believe that Love never dies and have read that "the other side is all about Love".  That special bond which exists between mother and child lives forever in our hearts, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.   It is surely also firmly implanted with that first true love one chooses to build a life with.  Some bonds cannot be severed even by divorce, especially when the couple manages to remain friends. For your parents to have succeeded over 21 years to maintain that friendship, says much about their feelings for each other and their family.  This in itself must be a comfort to you.

I hope that your husband will continue to be supportive as you now face all the "details" following your father's passing.  May God give you the strength you will need to mourn both parents.

 

 

 

Maryse Maclure said:

i just recently lost my mother on December 27th, 2010 after a very long 10 months of watching her die from glioblastoma (terminal brain cancer).  It was like she died on Feb.4th, 2010 when they diagnosed her.  She was never the same person.   I took care of her since the beginning and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life watching my mother wither away like that.  She was robbed from her independence and freedom. Before that she was the strongest and healthiest woman I knew!!!  I miss her so much and I wish I could call her every weekend like I did before she fell ill.  I haven't really had a chance to grieve for her because I've been so busy taking care of things.  Lawyers, selling her house, taxes in 2 countries and dealing with two governments because she was a canadien and lived in the United States.  When she got sick she couldn't work anymore and had to sign up for disability and that was a 5 month waiting period.  So I signed her up for her Social Security and they made me apply for the Canadien pension plan which is still not complete after 1 year. On April 25th, 2010 I brought her home with me because I didn't want her to be alone in a Nursing home.  I needed to take care of her, I would of not been able to do that to her.  With the help of my husband I took care of her until she passed. 

On March 30th my father died.  He entered the hospital with an pneumonia and right away they put him on life support.  Me and my sister went down to Atlanta, Georgia to see him.  When we got there he was in great spirits and we thought this would give him a moral boost, but the next day things changed for the worst.  I don't know how much more I can take of this I haven't really been able to grieve for one now I have both of my parents to grieve for.  I believe that my mom came to get him so that I wouldn't have to go through what I went through with her.  Even though they were divorced 21 years I believe that they still loved each other they were still friends.

Permalink Reply by white dove on April 10, 2011 at 5:11pm

Beautiful and so very true* Thank You Jo Iness

 

Jo Iness said:

            LOST ONES

 

My mind is stuck in neutral,

     when I'm in the past.

Thinking about days gone bye,

     where nothing seems to last.

 

No matter how long I daydream,

     on little things you'd do.

As a smile crosses over my lips,

     when here I am with you.

 

But crushing thunder,

     strikes my heart.

If only we had more time,

     before we were torn apart.

 

Now alone in my grief,

     to suffer with this pain.

What is this thing called "death",

     That"s enough to drive all insane.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on April 11, 2011 at 7:25am

Dear Jo Iness ,

  white dove could have not put it more simple and perfect . " beautiful and so true "

 

Touching versus and words that when put together as you have sum up what it can feel like at any time or day through this all could be befitting for anyone no matter how deep or what their pain may hold in the loss of their loved ones.

 

 

I thank you too .  

 

An imperfect pain that can be  at times put into words  that come from ones heart  for us all . 

 

Truly a gift you gave to each of us today .  

 

 

 

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