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Thank you all for writing and thank God I found this site. I too, lost my Mom, best friend,as well as my job and to boot I had to move out of our house where I cared for my mom for the past 5 years so we could have strangers go through everything and put a price on it, throw items away that are meaning less to them and I guess I'm suppose to be happy?? OMG, at times I think I'm crazy. The memories,the cloths, the hospital bag, everything I've read, I too,have done or am doing. It is awful. I lost my dad 13 years ago,love him as much as my mom, however this has kicked my behind something awful. AND... the panic/anxiety attacks are debilitating. I am so lonely and miss her terribly. As someone mentioned,((forgive me for not recalling the name) I am 45 and April 21,2009 I became the biggest baby ever. I want my mom!!! I have a sweater she wore and put in a ziploc bag so hopefully it will always smell like her. Crazy huh?? Looking at her cloths,going to the grocery store,or anywhere, IMPOSSIBLE!! eat, forget it!! I will write daily if anyone needs to talk, I think you definately have to have lost your mom to truly "get it"?? Thanks for reading this and I'll check back soon.
Hi Jennifer, Dont feel as if your crazy. I do know this is how we feel... it is all part of our grieving... and OMG yes, the anxiety/depression is life stopping at times! I wonder where is empathy in others? There are those in life that haven't been in "our shoes" and they can be as rude as well... i won't say... I think to myself, sure hope they don't have to experience what i did.. Still we never know the battles in life that others may be going through. I surely didn't know until now! I feel orphaned. And at my age, ive been told thats silly, but it's so true.
Our "go to" person is not here any longer.. i continue to talk to my mom, and even know her answers! I grieved SO HARD, that i felt i stopped my moms journey to Heaven.. Just last week i prayed for her to go where she needed to go.
She was so concerned for me, that she wanted to take me with her.. and because of that, my mourning really was "pulling on me". Prayer helps. Six months later, i finally feel as if my leg has been pulled out of the ground. sounds strange i know, but i felt half dead. Don't get me wrong, i continue to mourn, but in a different way now. What does scare me is: Those who are so unfeeling~ using me as their own personal whipping post. I dont know if it's human nature and dont understand why some kick those who are down. But At this time, i am doing my best at controlling my own rage. But i swear, one more kick and they may have to feel my, until now, controlled anger afterwards! Some days i just want to stay home, not answer the phone or step one foot outdoors. How does one merge back into such a violent public atmosphere?
Jennifer said:Thank you all for writing and thank God I found this site. I too, lost my Mom, best friend,as well as my job and to boot I had to move out of our house where I cared for my mom for the past 5 years so we could have strangers go through everything and put a price on it, throw items away that are meaning less to them and I guess I'm suppose to be happy?? OMG, at times I think I'm crazy. The memories,the cloths, the hospital bag, everything I've read, I too,have done or am doing. It is awful. I lost my dad 13 years ago,love him as much as my mom, however this has kicked my behind something awful. AND... the panic/anxiety attacks are debilitating. I am so lonely and miss her terribly. As someone mentioned,((forgive me for not recalling the name) I am 45 and April 21,2009 I became the biggest baby ever. I want my mom!!! I have a sweater she wore and put in a ziploc bag so hopefully it will always smell like her. Crazy huh?? Looking at her cloths,going to the grocery store,or anywhere, IMPOSSIBLE!! eat, forget it!! I will write daily if anyone needs to talk, I think you definately have to have lost your mom to truly "get it"?? Thanks for reading this and I'll check back soon.
I lost my mom 3 months ago, she was my best friend and i ended up at her house almost every day. now i'm lost as to where to go and i'm always thinking 'I have to call mom about this" all i can do is take it one day at a time, or sometimes one second. i know from the loss of my fiance 19 months ago that i have to go through the loss to get to the other side. being in a grief group also helps because there comes a time when other people who don't understand just "don't want to hear about it again" or want you to "get over it". grief takes as long as it takes.
Julie
My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.
My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.
Hi Marilyn,
As I posted prior, I thought I was going crazy..It sure felt it. Being a counselor myself,I knew what I was doing was "odd" perhaps, however, I've learned that grieving,despite knocking on your tush..Is different,and different for everyone. I too, talk to my mom still and well, pretend she is still there...I miss her so and I too cannot remember a day w/o her. The last months I sleplt and held her hand too. I think I can relate, If you would like to chat more or perhaps not and that' o.k too. I'd be happy to ..anytime!!
Marilyn said:My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.
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