Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

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Permalink Reply by Diane Escher on September 19, 2009 at 6:34pm

I sure know how you feel. I know that does not help, but some times misery loves company, as I sit here with tears in my eyes. I lost my Mom in
February, she ran out of Medicare days and the hospital dumped her into a facility that never even looked in on her. You do not want to know the terrible details. That was her 9th trip to the hospital in six months. I slept in the hospital, I let everything else go, my ongoing 5-year divorce where I lost my $million home which I made every payment on for 26 years, my 20 year career as a VP of a large corporation due to ill health, and now I find my retirement income will be about $300 a month. Yes, I know how you feel, so you have not been singled out. It hurts like hell, but I've got to go on, I do not care for the alternative. So hang in there, there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel! I heard a good saying just yesterday and wrote it down, "We have to know from where we have come, to decide where we are going". So let's try to decide where we are going and make it a better future for us grieving daughters who seem to grieve more than sons. Hope I do not hear from sons on that comment!

Tall Lady Di

Permalink Reply by ann estrada on September 19, 2009 at 10:11pm

i lost my mom in 9/22/86.its not so hard know for me.i was 17years old and had a 1month old littie girl.i miss her very much.sometimes i wish she was here.my dad remarried shortly after she passed.mom stade home to take care of us.mom died from cancer.our family asn,t been the same seenes then.we,ve grown apart.my dad passed away in 99.my big brother passed away march 5th,2009.i miss them all very much.

Permalink Reply by white dove on September 26, 2009 at 9:28am

I am missing my mom too. Yesterday was my Birthday and it was always a nice celebration with my mom always being present singing happy birthday to me. I missed her so much yesterday.. getting in on the singing, laughing.. eating.. my famous chocoalate cherry cakes.... i didnt bake or cook.. just went out. But while caring for my mom while she was ill and in and out of a coma.... she sang Happy Birthday......... for every Birthday for all of us... letting us know she will always be in on our celebrations till we see each other again! I did awake to "feeling" her telling me my birth story.. which she did EVERY year! Just like city slickers movie.. i had it memorized. So she was here in spirit for me:) not the same, but still a little comforting. I spent half the day crying.... each and every occation and holiday that has come since losing my mom have been extremely difficult~~

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on October 1, 2009 at 3:02am

Thank you all for writing and thank God I found this site. I too, lost my Mom, best friend,as well as my job and to boot I had to move out of our house where I cared for my mom for the past 5 years so we could have strangers go through everything and put a price on it, throw items away that are meaning less to them and I guess I'm suppose to be happy?? OMG, at times I think I'm crazy. The memories,the cloths, the hospital bag, everything I've read, I too,have done or am doing. It is awful. I lost my dad 13 years ago,love him as much as my mom, however this has kicked my behind something awful. AND... the panic/anxiety attacks are debilitating. I am so lonely and miss her terribly. As someone mentioned,((forgive me for not recalling the name) I am 45 and April 21,2009 I became the biggest baby ever. I want my mom!!! I have a sweater she wore and put in a ziploc bag so hopefully it will always smell like her. Crazy huh?? Looking at her cloths,going to the grocery store,or anywhere, IMPOSSIBLE!! eat, forget it!! I will write daily if anyone needs to talk, I think you definately have to have lost your mom to truly "get it"?? Thanks for reading this and I'll check back soon.

Permalink Reply by white dove on October 3, 2009 at 7:51am

Hi Jennifer, Dont feel as if your crazy. I do know this is how we feel... it is all part of our grieving... and OMG yes, the anxiety/depression is life stopping at times! I wonder where is empathy in others? There are those in life that haven't been in "our shoes" and they can be as rude as well... i won't say... I think to myself, sure hope they don't have to experience what i did.. Still we never know the battles in life that others may be going through. I surely didn't know until now! I feel orphaned. And at my age, ive been told thats silly, but it's so true.
Our "go to" person is not here any longer.. i continue to talk to my mom, and even know her answers! I grieved SO HARD, that i felt i stopped my moms journey to Heaven.. Just last week i prayed for her to go where she needed to go.
She was so concerned for me, that she wanted to take me with her.. and because of that, my mourning really was "pulling on me". Prayer helps. Six months later, i finally feel as if my leg has been pulled out of the ground. sounds strange i know, but i felt half dead. Don't get me wrong, i continue to mourn, but in a different way now. What does scare me is: Those who are so unfeeling~ using me as their own personal whipping post. I dont know if it's human nature and dont understand why some kick those who are down. But At this time, i am doing my best at controlling my own rage. But i swear, one more kick and they may have to feel my, until now, controlled anger afterwards! Some days i just want to stay home, not answer the phone or step one foot outdoors. How does one merge back into such a violent public atmosphere?

Jennifer said:

Thank you all for writing and thank God I found this site. I too, lost my Mom, best friend,as well as my job and to boot I had to move out of our house where I cared for my mom for the past 5 years so we could have strangers go through everything and put a price on it, throw items away that are meaning less to them and I guess I'm suppose to be happy?? OMG, at times I think I'm crazy. The memories,the cloths, the hospital bag, everything I've read, I too,have done or am doing. It is awful. I lost my dad 13 years ago,love him as much as my mom, however this has kicked my behind something awful. AND... the panic/anxiety attacks are debilitating. I am so lonely and miss her terribly. As someone mentioned,((forgive me for not recalling the name) I am 45 and April 21,2009 I became the biggest baby ever. I want my mom!!! I have a sweater she wore and put in a ziploc bag so hopefully it will always smell like her. Crazy huh?? Looking at her cloths,going to the grocery store,or anywhere, IMPOSSIBLE!! eat, forget it!! I will write daily if anyone needs to talk, I think you definately have to have lost your mom to truly "get it"?? Thanks for reading this and I'll check back soon.

Permalink Reply by JulieC on October 3, 2009 at 3:22pm

I lost my mom 3 months ago, she was my best friend and i ended up at her house almost every day. now i'm lost as to where to go and i'm always thinking 'I have to call mom about this" all i can do is take it one day at a time, or sometimes one second. i know from the loss of my fiance 19 months ago that i have to go through the loss to get to the other side. being in a grief group also helps because there comes a time when other people who don't understand just "don't want to hear about it again" or want you to "get over it". grief takes as long as it takes.
Julie

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on October 3, 2009 at 7:12pm

Paul,
Thanks for your reply and kind words. It's nice to know that others experience the same type of "craziness' as I. It makes one, at least me, believe even stronger,that my mom and dad are together and happy. I too, had a thought that perhaps I was prolonging my Mom's rest due to my mourning. I know I will never get over this, and in all honesty don't want to, however, I do think I have an inkling of what your talking about when you say one leg is out...!! I have maybe a toe or two out!! LOL!! God bless and keep the encouragement coming if you have time. I appreciate you taking the time to respond more than you know!! Thanks again.

Paula Schneider (white dove) said:

Hi Jennifer, Dont feel as if your crazy. I do know this is how we feel... it is all part of our grieving... and OMG yes, the anxiety/depression is life stopping at times! I wonder where is empathy in others? There are those in life that haven't been in "our shoes" and they can be as rude as well... i won't say... I think to myself, sure hope they don't have to experience what i did.. Still we never know the battles in life that others may be going through. I surely didn't know until now! I feel orphaned. And at my age, ive been told thats silly, but it's so true.
Our "go to" person is not here any longer.. i continue to talk to my mom, and even know her answers! I grieved SO HARD, that i felt i stopped my moms journey to Heaven.. Just last week i prayed for her to go where she needed to go.
She was so concerned for me, that she wanted to take me with her.. and because of that, my mourning really was "pulling on me". Prayer helps. Six months later, i finally feel as if my leg has been pulled out of the ground. sounds strange i know, but i felt half dead. Don't get me wrong, i continue to mourn, but in a different way now. What does scare me is: Those who are so unfeeling~ using me as their own personal whipping post. I dont know if it's human nature and dont understand why some kick those who are down. But At this time, i am doing my best at controlling my own rage. But i swear, one more kick and they may have to feel my, until now, controlled anger afterwards! Some days i just want to stay home, not answer the phone or step one foot outdoors. How does one merge back into such a violent public atmosphere?

Jennifer said:
Thank you all for writing and thank God I found this site. I too, lost my Mom, best friend,as well as my job and to boot I had to move out of our house where I cared for my mom for the past 5 years so we could have strangers go through everything and put a price on it, throw items away that are meaning less to them and I guess I'm suppose to be happy?? OMG, at times I think I'm crazy. The memories,the cloths, the hospital bag, everything I've read, I too,have done or am doing. It is awful. I lost my dad 13 years ago,love him as much as my mom, however this has kicked my behind something awful. AND... the panic/anxiety attacks are debilitating. I am so lonely and miss her terribly. As someone mentioned,((forgive me for not recalling the name) I am 45 and April 21,2009 I became the biggest baby ever. I want my mom!!! I have a sweater she wore and put in a ziploc bag so hopefully it will always smell like her. Crazy huh?? Looking at her cloths,going to the grocery store,or anywhere, IMPOSSIBLE!! eat, forget it!! I will write daily if anyone needs to talk, I think you definately have to have lost your mom to truly "get it"?? Thanks for reading this and I'll check back soon.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on October 3, 2009 at 7:14pm

Hi Julie,
How are you doing with everything?? Better than I by the sounds of it. If you need to chat or whatever, Please, let me know, I'd be happy to talk with you. Thanks for sharing..God bless!
cite>JulieC said:

I lost my mom 3 months ago, she was my best friend and i ended up at her house almost every day. now i'm lost as to where to go and i'm always thinking 'I have to call mom about this" all i can do is take it one day at a time, or sometimes one second. i know from the loss of my fiance 19 months ago that i have to go through the loss to get to the other side. being in a grief group also helps because there comes a time when other people who don't understand just "don't want to hear about it again" or want you to "get over it". grief takes as long as it takes.
Julie

Permalink Reply by Marilyn on October 4, 2009 at 12:40am

My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.

Permalink Reply by white dove on October 4, 2009 at 10:12am

Hello Marilyn: I am so glad to see you here! I didn't know about this site for awhile.. the grievence counselors from the VNA said, they didnt "suggest" counseling for at least a month after losing a loved one cuz "we are still in shock"!!
Well, surely this is when we need it the most! I lost my mom 6 months ago, and when looking back, i see now that i was deep in shock. Don't worry dear, we all have our own time with this, make it your own too. Don't allow ANYONE to say "get over it". Cuz there are a few out there that havent' joined our "club" and they definately don't understand!! I was also at my moms side through out and it left me feeling that most of me left with her..... now, i'm partially back, and i just don't know how others did it!! That is without someone to talk to... or counseling... I wasn't a good candidate for group therapy... i had many anger issues... and a very sweet counselor (not from the original group)... gave us one on one therapy. It truly helped us much. Just to understand our feelings.. which were in a scrambled mess. Blessings to u dear, it is a road few of us know... take your time~

Marilyn said:

My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on October 4, 2009 at 6:50pm

Hi Marilyn,
As I posted prior, I thought I was going crazy..It sure felt it. Being a counselor myself,I knew what I was doing was "odd" perhaps, however, I've learned that grieving,despite knocking on your tush..Is different,and different for everyone. I too, talk to my mom still and well, pretend she is still there...I miss her so and I too cannot remember a day w/o her. The last months I sleplt and held her hand too. I think I can relate, If you would like to chat more or perhaps not and that' o.k too. I'd be happy to ..anytime!!

Marilyn said:

My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.

Permalink Reply by Marilyn on October 6, 2009 at 12:22am

Jennifer said:

Hi Marilyn,
As I posted prior, I thought I was going crazy..It sure felt it. Being a counselor myself,I knew what I was doing was "odd" perhaps, however, I've learned that grieving,despite knocking on your tush..Is different,and different for everyone. I too, talk to my mom still and well, pretend she is still there...I miss her so and I too cannot remember a day w/o her. The last months I sleplt and held her hand too. I think I can relate, If you would like to chat more or perhaps not and that' o.k too. I'd be happy to ..anytime!!

Marilyn said:
My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started ... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with her...so I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.