It has been 20 months since my beloved Keith died so suddenly and unexpectedly and since that fateful day, I seem to have spent all of my time just keeping busy donig stuff that is really not important but just helps to get me through the day.
Every day I ask myself ' What can I do to keep moving on?
Most days, I do not get an answer.
Since Keith died I have sold my big family home and moved to a one bedroom condo because I could not face living in that big house without him. Now I look at the walls of the new place and wonder if I made the right decision.
After 45 years together I am faced with this terrible feeling of loneliness. When I am ill there is no-one here to comfort me. I fear that I might fall and there will be no-one to pick me up. But above all, not having him here in the night to just touch and to just know that I am not alone hurts the most.
My family and friends think that I am doing very well but they only see what I want them to see.
They all wish that I would just get over it but that will never happen.
Love eternal cannot be denied.
How can I move on? I have done all of the things that the councellors and specialists recommend, but the fact is I am so lonely and miss my darling so desperately.
There have been many books written about death and grief but they do not begin to describe the terrible loneliness that happens to you when you lose your soulmate.
So for all of you who are suffering the dreadful pain of the loss of a spouse, have courage, allow yourself time to grieve, accept that your loved one is gone and try to move on.
Thank you all for your insightful and caring replies to my post.
Sometimes just knowing that I am not alone out there helps a lot.
Most of the time, I do try to remain positive and count my many blessings but every now and then the grief hits me hard.
Since my move two months ago, I have been ill and then injured and so was feeling very vulnerable.
Grief comes in waves and one never knows when it will hit.
I wish you all loads of comfort and plenty of hugs on your journey.
Thanks guys. I hope we can all get along now. We need each other so very much. In just a few hours I am going to be on my way to Florida to visit Donald Duck. Hope everyone is well when I return. All of you guys are really great and no matter what, we all need each other.
Hi All, Well I've read all the post this far and I'm going to add my 2 cents,most everyone here except the NEW ones, knows we each have our own personal stories and some are able to move thru the process faster then others, what I am having a problem with right now on this site is judgement, nobody has a right to judge or push their religen or their bible verses, on any of us here. When Mike,my husband, died I was able to pay my house off and pay to bury him, but when we loose a spouse you also loose their income and that really puts a hurting on the way you have to live expecially if you are disabled or too old to gain extra income. I see some have to sell their home, some sell because they want to because they can't live with the memories, each to their own. I am so greatfull that I am able to stay in our home that is now a house,I couldn't bare to live anywhere else that he wasn't there but thats just me. I understand what strugling mentally, and financely ( spelling ) I am trying to get a headstone on our graves and that is what I'm trying for now, things need fixed I'm in a one hunderd yr. old house, trying to do little things as i go but FOR WHAT why to leave it whom ever and they will do with it what they want when i'm gone. When you are disabled as I am and you are pretty much in the house 24/7 and you have nothing but time on your hands and mind. please tell me what is there to try for, at the end of the day we are all still alone and if that is how we want to stay then thats our choice. Lets just be able to voice our feelings and comfort each other if we choose. and encourage those who ask. hugs to all