Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Leah on May 28, 2014 at 6:33pm

I lost my brother in 2012 and not a day goes by he is not on my mind. There are days I'm pissed cancer took him. There are days I'm ok and hope he is free of suffering. There are times I'm guilty because for the last years of his life we were not as close. I got tired of the words from people "I'm sorry" and he's in a better place. I was angry like you that he could not be an uncle to my baby. I have to tell you that the memories keep me at peace and the fact that my two year old sees his picture and yells his name. I know how you are feeling. You are not alone....

Permalink Reply by Christian R. on May 28, 2014 at 6:34pm

Jessi I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little sister 7 months ago and I can tell ypu I still can't go a minute without thinking about her, she's in my mind every second of everyday. I'm crying as I type this...I'm still waiting for it to "get better" I will say I don't cry as uncontrollably anymore but I still do every time I think of her. She was only 21 and still had so much to do. I agree with you it's not fair but know you are not alone. I posted on here the day after I found out and it really helped me just to put my feelings into words and out in the universe. It made it more real which I guess is good and bad.

Permalink Reply by Renee P on May 28, 2014 at 9:34pm

I am sorry to hear of your brother. I too, lost my brother on Feb 17 and I'm still in shock. I think about him all the time, but unlike you, my brother didn't live with me.. I still find myself waiting for him to call or text and I feel like he's here because I wasn't there when he passed. The wake/funeral were a blur and although I have his ashes here, this all just doesn't seem real. 

Same as you, my 34 year old brother was healthy, exercised and didn't do drugs. We are still waiting for an answer as to what happened to him because he was in such great physical condition, the coroners were at a loss for why he passed. We were told it can take up to 9 months for all the tests, samples, etc to come back and hopefully we have more answers then. 

I share in the anger of him not being here anymore and that he was taken too young. You are not supposed to live your whole life without your brother, it's just not fair! We were each other's first friends and still remained close friends in our adulthood

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth W on May 28, 2014 at 9:43pm

He's being cremated tomorrow, and it's just so unreal. I mean I saw him in the hospital bed and I saw him after his autopsy, but I keep dreaming he's still alive and I wake up and remember he's gone. 

When my dad called, my brother was the last person I was thinking of. It just doesn't make sense to me. 

And I can't stop thinking, "why wasn't I there to help him," or "why wasn't it me?" He was so intelligent and giving, and I have no qualms with saying he was a better person than me, because he was. Everyday, I wish it was me instead of him. 

Renee P said:

I am sorry to hear of your brother. I too, lost my brother on Feb 17 and I'm still in shock. I think about him all the time, but unlike you, my brother didn't live with me.. I still find myself waiting for him to call or text and I feel like he's here because I wasn't there when he passed. The wake/funeral were a blur and although I have his ashes here, this all just doesn't seem real. 

Same as you, my 34 year old brother was healthy, exercised and didn't do drugs. We are still waiting for an answer as to what happened to him because he was in such great physical condition, the coroners were at a loss for why he passed. We were told it can take up to 9 months for all the tests, samples, etc to come back and hopefully we have more answers then. 

I share in the anger of him not being here anymore and that he was taken too young. You are not supposed to live your whole life without your brother, it's just not fair! We were each other's first friends and still remained close friends in our adulthood

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on May 29, 2014 at 2:55pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my oldest sister (37) about 8 months ago, and I still think of her all the time. My sister went missing one night, then was found the next morning in the river. So many questions surrounding her death. Her case is cold because there isn't anything to go on. I hope you are able to get some answers. It was hard waiting on the autopsy/tox reports and we just had more questions afterward.

Greif never really goes away...it doesn't really get better, just different. Yours is still so new. This is a pretty crap club to be in, but you may find it helps to talk to others who understand. My thoughts are with you and your family. hugs

Permalink Reply by Danielle McEwen on June 2, 2014 at 12:08pm

Jessi,

Although I do not know exactly how you feel, I know the feeling of losing a sibling. I lost by little sister Andraya 9 months ago. She was only 21 years old and it was a car accident. I remember that feeling of getting the call and the last person I thought that it could be would be my little sister. It was a shock then and it continues to be a shock now. I too an left thinking about the last thing I said to her the last time I saw her about a week before she died, but I know that it was words of love and congratulations because she had just been married a couple weeks before then.

One think that I have learned is that everyone's journy through grief is different. You are so early in yours that I am sure that you feel lost and there are so many unanswered questions. The next month or so will probably be a blur and months/years from now, you will look back on this time and will not remember a lot of the details and it will be hazy. Just get through this in the best and healthiest way that you can. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

I still think about my sister every day. Some days, I sit and remember her and cry, or laugh, or just smile. Some days are harder than others but eventually, the days where you want to cry your eyes out all day will be farther between. Right now, you may cry 20 hours per day, where tomorrow you may only cry 19. It is a slow process and although it will never be better (because better would be having your brother physically back in your life), you will find that you will eventually find peace little by little. Personally, when I was told that this would happen, I thought that they were crazy because I believed that the feelings would never go away, but now looking back, I can see that it did, it just took a long time.

The first year is hard. I am almost through the first year without my sister. Christmas will not be the same, but just get through it. Birthdays will not be the same, but again just get through it....and YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. I still have my sisters wedding anniversay and the anniversay of her passing to get through, and I dread them as I know they will be very hard. But I know I will get through them because she is watching over me every day....I am sure of it.

I dont know if any of this is helpful at all, and I hope that I have not overstepped at all, but I want you to know that you are not alone. We are all here if you need to vent or need someone to share your experiance with. Feel free to message me anytime.

My thoughts and prayers are with your and your family. and just remember....YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS.

-Danielle

Permalink Reply by LaurenS on June 13, 2014 at 10:12am

Jessi-

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.  I know exactly what you are going through at this point.  I lost my brother 8 months ago to murder by his roommate.  Because it was so sudden and we were so close, I went through much of the same thing.  I will say that the disbelief of what happened is still present.  I think it will be for a long time.  I still cry and have bad days, but I think now I have more good days than bad.  You will go through grief at your own pace, and differently from your parents and his friends, etc.  Do not let people rush you or tell you how you should feel.  Find someone you can talk to when you are at a loss.  Sometimes it may not be your parents, as they are going through the same thing.  That was hard for me to do...I would always go to my mom with problems, but now she is also grieving so she can't help me.  I think it is a good thing you were close to your brother.  I was close to Brandon too, and this has eased any guilty feelings I might have had about not talking to him or hanging out with him when he was here.  My brother was also 29.  It is not fair that they were robbed of their lives so young.  It just isn't.  The people who are telling you those two lines don't understand.  They don't know that is not the right thing to say, because they have never experienced a tragedy.  It is up to you how to respond, but you can either ignore it and let it go, or you can maybe say something about not wanted to hear that if it is someone close to you that you trust.  More often, these things are said by acquaintances, coworkers, etc who don't know what to say.  They think they are saying something appropriate.  You will find that people can be really annoying when they just don't get it,  But it's not their fault.  They just don't know.  For me it is still hard to do things my brother and I did or see things I know he liked bc it brings up thoughts of him.  I don't think this will ever end, but you will move through your grief and be able to control it with time I think.  People on here understand fully what you are going through, so use it as an outlet to get things out.  I am truly sorry, and I hope you can have some answers soon.  Lauren

Permalink Reply by Kim Robinson on July 6, 2014 at 7:26pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother 7 years ago this July 16h . I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better but that is impossible. Only time can help a bit but right now just keep your memories very close to your heart. I will send some prayers for you. Kim