My name is Jacqueline. I am 66  yr. old . My wonderful son Chuck committed suicide on Dec. 22. He was 36 yr. old. He was  in a relationship with the mother of his 3 children for 14 yr. and sometime back in the summer he believed that she was cheating on him. Their relationship was rocky to say the least.  She was with him in their home when this occured and I have heard 4 or 5 different versions of what happened. The police called me one time and I still don't have any paper work on anything. There are so many questions.  I called him that morning around 9 am I told him I loved him and he said he loved me and at 4 pm I received a call from my grandson by him, age 11 that CHuck had shot  himself in the head. I can't  get over the thought that she edged him on.

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I have 3 other children, and yes I do have to stay strong for them, my husband and 21 yr old son walked in as he did what he did......My son was in the National Guard, 2 days away from going to training they were to be deployed to afganastan, his fiance broke up with him a week and a half before he was to leave, I just found out that he texted her and told her of his plans to do this. I just don't understand why she did not call me.....................she gave him back the gun there was at least an hour we could have saved him


Jacqueline Rowles said:
Good morn. It's Sat. March 5 and I am praying that today is a better day than yesterday. I too have days where all I do is walk around  and  scream and cry or  just sleep.  IF anyone wishes to contact me and talk  my email is wackyjackie89@comcast.net                      Jacqueline  Rowles said:
thank  you for taking the time to answer. Do you have any other family to talk to? I have my wonderful husband and a foster daughter who has been wonderful. Are you involved with a church  group? I know some have blamed God but  I don't. I know God loves my children and grandchildren more than I ever could.          Take care and God bless. Love Jackie

gerard said:
my son took his life on laborday 2009 he hung himself oer his wife of 10 month cause she was cheating on him,i come on here every now and then and fall apart every time, there is no sense to it he was my best friend i dont understand any of itits been over a year and i just dont know what todo so lost and confusedi read these stories and when i see loss of a son everything just goes bad for me i miss him so so much i cant stand it i cant believe i am writing all this all i can say is my heart is out to everyone out  here hope it gets better for all of you i stll cry all the time but i see i am not alone and een that doesnt help at times i just wait for time to pass hoping it will get somewhat better i hope things getter better for you and my blessings are out to you
I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know what you mean that you can't get over that she put him on edge to the point of suicide.  my brother took his life on Jan 31, 2011, he was in a toxic relationship and he had parkinsons disease and couldn't work anymore, so he lost hope and became an alcoholic severely.  His partner belittled him to no end.  I repeatedly asked my brother to leave him and come live with us.  He in Texas and I in California made it difficult to visit.  I have't seen him in this past 3 years and I regret everyday that I didn't visit, I offered many times that I'd buy his ticket causwe I didn't want to see his partner.  Now over the this last few days of making endless phone calls to my brothers finanials affairs, I called the unemployment office to close my brothers account and they told him that there has been constant activity weekly on my brothers account.  So I immediately told them that his partner has all my brothers stuff/passwords.  So they opened up a case against him, I hope he goes to prison and his life is ruined forever.  I can't believe a person can do this to a person when they are gone.  His partner won't even return our calls so we can get my brothers things?  I am deep pain an depair and hopeless. 
I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know what you mean that you can't get over that she put him on edge to the point of suicide.  my brother took his life on Jan 31, 2011, he was in a toxic relationship and he had parkinsons disease and couldn't work anymore, so he lost hope and became an alcoholic severely.  His partner belittled him to no end.  I repeatedly asked my brother to leave him and come live with us.  He in Texas and I in California made it difficult to visit.  I have't seen him in this past 3 years and I regret everyday that I didn't visit, I offered many times that I'd buy his ticket causwe I didn't want to see his partner.  Now over the this last few days of making endless phone calls to my brothers finanials affairs, I called the unemployment office to close my brothers account and they told him that there has been constant activity weekly on my brothers account.  So I immediately told them that his partner has all my brothers stuff/passwords.  So they opened up a case against him, I hope he goes to prison and his life is ruined forever.  I can't believe a person can do this to a person when they are gone.  His partner won't even return our calls so we can get my brothers things?  I am deep pain an depair and hopeless. 
I've had so many people tell me how incredibly strong I have been the last 10 months.  With medication, I put on a pretty good show at work, but the minute I get in my car all the emotions come flooding out.  I'm not strong at all, and I have to tell myself that I have a husband, and 3 children, not just Garrett, who died.  I also have 2 beautiful granddaughters who do not understand why their Uncle Garrett died.  If not for that, I'd just give up and quit. 

Elizabeth Young said:
Why does everyone keep telling me I held up really well during the funeral???

Blessings, Hope this finds  you better today.  I just got off the phone with another mother who lost her son, Shari.  Wish all of  us lived closer.  I am so grateful that I have  God in my life and a wonderful husband and other children and also grandchildren.  I live in Pa. and recently there was an awful tragedy of a family that lost 7 of their 8 children in a house fire. There ages were 8mo to 11 yr.. I can't imagine the pain that family is  going thru. Life is so short.  ANyyone  that would like for me to call them please give me   your phone  number. Blessinsgs, Jackie  Rowles

Elizabeth Young said:

I have 3 other children, and yes I do have to stay strong for them, my husband and 21 yr old son walked in as he did what he did......My son was in the National Guard, 2 days away from going to training they were to be deployed to afganastan, his fiance broke up with him a week and a half before he was to leave, I just found out that he texted her and told her of his plans to do this. I just don't understand why she did not call me.....................she gave him back the gun there was at least an hour we could have saved him
Blessings Rebecca,  my name is Jacqueline Rowles and I lost my wonderful son in Dec. last yr. right before Christmas. Not a day goes by that I dont think about him and cry or talk to him.  I also believe  his girlfriend mother of his 3 children edged him on but I can't dwell on that or it will drive me nuts. Anyyone that would like for me to call me please  send me your  phone number. Jackie             

Rebecca Morales said:
I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know what you mean that you can't get over that she put him on edge to the point of suicide.  my brother took his life on Jan 31, 2011, he was in a toxic relationship and he had parkinsons disease and couldn't work anymore, so he lost hope and became an alcoholic severely.  His partner belittled him to no end.  I repeatedly asked my brother to leave him and come live with us.  He in Texas and I in California made it difficult to visit.  I have't seen him in this past 3 years and I regret everyday that I didn't visit, I offered many times that I'd buy his ticket causwe I didn't want to see his partner.  Now over the this last few days of making endless phone calls to my brothers finanials affairs, I called the unemployment office to close my brothers account and they told him that there has been constant activity weekly on my brothers account.  So I immediately told them that his partner has all my brothers stuff/passwords.  So they opened up a case against him, I hope he goes to prison and his life is ruined forever.  I can't believe a person can do this to a person when they are gone.  His partner won't even return our calls so we can get my brothers things?  I am deep pain an depair and hopeless. 
HI Elizabeth, I hope this finds you okay. Today is Sunday March 20. Almost 3 mo. to the day that my wonderful son Chuck passed.  I am so grateful for this site. It has helped a lot.

Elizabeth Young said:
Why does everyone keep telling me I held up really well during the funeral???






I feel that way sometime too, If only I had been living in Grandrapids, Mi at that time I could have saved him, but with me being far away there are a lot of what Ifs he even called and wanted to come where I was and I told him no stay with your family and work out your problems I live with that everyday but like my husband tells me he was a grown man and I could not keep an eye on him 24/7 but I do live with that quilt and it hurts so bad at time, and I ask myself would he still be alive If I had let him come here I was a single parent and I fell it was mine and only my job to protect him.  My husband thinks I should see a counselor and I think I may do that I'm okay until I start talking about him and then the water falls start so all  can say is stay strong.............................

Elizabeth Young said:
I have 3 other children, and yes I do have to stay strong for them, my husband and 21 yr old son walked in as he did what he did......My son was in the National Guard, 2 days away from going to training they were to be deployed to afganastan, his fiance broke up with him a week and a half before he was to leave, I just found out that he texted her and told her of his plans to do this. I just don't understand why she did not call me.....................she gave him back the gun there was at least an hour we could have saved him
Jackie, very sorry about the loss of your son. It pains me to say this but I blamed my brothers girlfriend too. I was wrong. You know we all look for answers as to the why and we are angry and hurt and the truth is no one has the power to make another take their own life. I urge you to read other posts from the girlfriends and wives who suffer the loss of their spouse. It took that and time for me to realize my brother did this to himself. He was not of his right mind, had a disease not unlike cancer. I am a sister, not a girlfriend, and altho I may not like the relationship my brother had, I dont blame her for the loss of him. She has her own hell to live with, and I wouldnt wish that on any one. We all suffer,in our own way,our own space and time. This is a "guilt" loss and I know I will never be the same. My loss is old but it stays with me and will always be apart of me. (hugs) Jackie
Thank you Sue for taking the time to write me.  Each story is different.  I am glad that it worked out that the girlfriend  wasn't to blame but that doesn't mean that each case is going to be the same.  It is too complicated to  go into but I still feel that my son's girlfriend did or said something to drive  him over the edge. She was cheating on  him and there were other things also.  I am not dwelling on it or it will drive me crazy.  I have to rest in the knowledge that Chuck is at peace now. Blessings to you Sue and to each grieving heart.  Jackie

SUE said:
Jackie, very sorry about the loss of your son. It pains me to say this but I blamed my brothers girlfriend too. I was wrong. You know we all look for answers as to the why and we are angry and hurt and the truth is no one has the power to make another take their own life. I urge you to read other posts from the girlfriends and wives who suffer the loss of their spouse. It took that and time for me to realize my brother did this to himself. He was not of his right mind, had a disease not unlike cancer. I am a sister, not a girlfriend, and altho I may not like the relationship my brother had, I dont blame her for the loss of him. She has her own hell to live with, and I wouldnt wish that on any one. We all suffer,in our own way,our own space and time. This is a "guilt" loss and I know I will never be the same. My loss is old but it stays with me and will always be apart of me. (hugs) Jackie

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