My Story

I'm 27 years old and my father left us on March 18th. He had a brain aneurysm in the early morning hours on March 16th. Oddly enough, on March the 15th I wasn't feeling that good. A little back story first... my fiance and I live in Ottawa, but my parents are in Northern Ontario, about a 6.5 hour drive from us. I have a brother in Toronto, one back home, and one in North Bay.

On March the 16th I called in sick to work...just wasn't feeling great. My fiance called me about 10 minutes after that, telling me my brother called him and they thought maybe my Dad had a stroke. I heard from my fiance 3 more times, and finally close to 830, he told me we had to go, that my Dad wasn't well. We drove to a hospital in Sudbury where my Dad was airlifted. Out all of my brothers, we were the last to arrive. I was informed that my Dad had a brain aneurysm and would not recover. He was on life support. He was in a deep coma, not aware of anything. He was slowly dying. We made the decision to take him off of life support. The thing is, the body doesn't die until the brain does. My Dad remained alive in a deep sleep and finally passed the early morning hours on March 18th. During those two days, I didn't leave the hospital or get a wink of sleep. I laid beside him, played music for him, talked to him, etc. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done. He was only 63.

Since then, I have my ups and downs. I can't believe it's real. He was healthy as a horse. Ironic thing is..,my biggest fear was always dying from a brain anuerysm..then it happens to him? It has to be a sick joke.

I'm so grateful that I got to be with him though and provide comfort. I think it was meant to happen that way. I hadn't seen my Dad in a few months because we're far apart, so being able to be with him gave me a lot of peace. I really hope he could still hear, and he knows that we were all there until he took his last breath.

The most difficult has been going on with life. I've learned that the world doesn't stop because I'm grieving. Even worse, it feels like my friends have abandoned me. Has anyone else had that experience? It's like they forgot about me. Most of my friends haven't talked to me in months. They don't ask how I'm doing or anything. I feel really bitter. If I had a friend grieving, I would always keep in touch. My close girlfriends have stuck by me but for our larger group of friends...it's like I have some sort of disease. It's really hard and I feel hurt. I thought that your friends were supposed to care. I can understand if at first they didn't know what to say, but it's been 4 months, and by now, I thought they would have have the decency to at least text or email me every now and then, but nothing.

I feel like grieving is so confusing, with different feelings every day.

Recommend

0 members like this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on July 23, 2015 at 8:07pm

Maybe it hits too close to home for them. Death is a tragic thing. It's hard to find the right words even when your heart is in the right place. I'm so very sory you experienced this. I hope u believe in God. He gives me a positive outlook because I KNOW we'll be reunited. In 2010 lost my Mom.In Feb,my only child-Candace 4/09/10. Then I lost my younger bro Doug 9/22/14. I thought I had it bad, then my brother's friend lost his daughter in Dec.'14. Dad in 2/15 and Mom in 6/15. Triple threat like me but his were closer together. Lord please give Laura comfort, peace of mind and KNOW the Lord will reunite us. Try and keep your mind occupied so depresing thoughts don't enter. I'm not there yet, and I'm coming up on 6 yrs April 9 for Candace Rae Watson. She's the hardest! My just turned 30 yr old daughter, my Boog, my Punkin'!!!

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on October 15, 2015 at 8:42am

Hi Laura,

I'm sorry about your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My name is Lori Sherry. I am 37-years-old. My dad left us on July 3rd. He had a heart attack that morning. He had heart problems for awhile and he had another heart attack before.

I lived in San Antonio with my mom and my dad at the time. I had an older brother and he passed away in February due to mental illness and another brother who lived in Austin at the time.

I had been asleep as well as everybody else until the hospital called my mom telling her that my dad passed away then, she came to my room to tell me. He hadn't been in the best of health for awhile. He never wanted to go to the doctor or the hospital but, at one point he had to go as he wasn't feeling well so, they admitted him to the heart hospital and he finally went to the doctor and the hospital. My mom drove him there. I stayed at home. It was then, or maybe we knew that he had a heart attack and he was doing O.K. but, not great. He had other problems also. He was slowly dying and he almost did the first time but, he stayed alive until 2010. He passed away in the early morning of July 3rd. My mom came home after awhile to be with me but, we didn't get much sleep.

I wish that I could've been there. It was really hard. He was only 70-years-old.

Since then, I have had my ups and downs. I still can't believe that it's real. He didn't take care of himself.

Permalink Reply by Laura Rozday on December 8, 2015 at 3:28pm

Laura,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am so glad that I found this site. Trying to grieve when all you get are "general" condolences is a very disheartening experience. I needed to find people who know the loss I feel. We are too young to be here. 25 and 27 is TOO YOUNG to lose a father. I am impressed that after 4 months you are already aware of your social surroundings. I don't even remember who bothered to check on me or who didn't in that whole first year. It all felt hollow and superficial, even if I knew they meant it sincerely. My daddy was gone and none of their emails, texts, or cards was going to help. Though I certainly can relate to your bitterness. It has been four years since my dad died and I still want to scream at people sometimes. To remind them that every day is still hard and that NO, I am never really alright. In 10 years this will still define so much of me. This loss. It may not be who I am. But it is part of what I am and who I will be.

Thanks for sharing. And with more honesty and sincerity than I can verbally express...I feel your pain.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on September 24, 2016 at 2:53pm

Loosing our love one is so hard to come to terms with and accept. I truly do understand your pain and sorrow. I have lost both of my parents and even though I had to accept it - it hurts so much. I lost my Dad in 2007 and my Mom in 2014 and I have my moments. There's times when I just want to be alone and think of the many beautiful cherished moments we share. I recap, how we made each other smile and laugh. Then there are times when I give way to tears; yet, I know it is a very unnatural yet natural thing that will happen in life at this time. My belief in our Heavenly Father is what keeps me going when I feel alone and also the promise given to us in the Bible at Revelation 21:3,4. As far, friends - your true friend or friends will stick by you through your most trying times - true friends. Sometimes, I know, I have - confused the differences between associates and friends. Associates usually are fleeting - yet a friends will stick closer to you then a sister. So, know that what you are feeling is natural and as hard as it may sound - try not to expect too much from your associates. Your friends or true friends will be there for you and try to understand your pain. I hope this helped.

Permalink Reply by George Sylves on December 10, 2015 at 2:18pm

With all the sadness and anger that comes with a very close loss the rest of the world goes on and does not see or feel our pain. We are super sensitive in this state and they do not understand it until it happens to them. I have had to give myself space from friends until I can Deal with this better....I am sincerely sorry for your loss...

Laura Rozday said:

Laura,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am so glad that I found this site. Trying to grieve when all you get are "general" condolences is a very disheartening experience. I needed to find people who know the loss I feel. We are too young to be here. 25 and 27 is TOO YOUNG to lose a father. I am impressed that after 4 months you are already aware of your social surroundings. I don't even remember who bothered to check on me or who didn't in that whole first year. It all felt hollow and superficial, even if I knew they meant it sincerely. My daddy was gone and none of their emails, texts, or cards was going to help. Though I certainly can relate to your bitterness. It has been four years since my dad died and I still want to scream at people sometimes. To remind them that every day is still hard and that NO, I am never really alright. In 10 years this will still define so much of me. This loss. It may not be who I am. But it is part of what I am and who I will be.

Thanks for sharing. And with more honesty and sincerity than I can verbally express...I feel your pain.

RSS

Welcome to
LegacyConnect

Sign Up
or Sign In