I've been doing really well the last month or so and all of a sudden ....BAM!
My brother's one year anniversary is 21 days away. It doesn't help that the Olympics start the day after and all the commercials are a countdown, it feels like a countdown, minus one, for my brother. Today I can't stop crying.
I am at work and everyone and everything is bothering me, I work in a 2 person office, the other person is my boss & father-in-law and he is oblivious to everything, so it's not like I can run to the ladies room to compose my self. I am stuck out in the open for all to see while he chats on the phone. If I say something to him about it being a "bad day" he tells me to pull it together I got a job to do.
I don't know how I am going to make it through the next few weeks.
Anyone have any suggestions....
It's funny no one has said anything yet. I don't know what it is. It's like all in my head. I feel like I am going crazy.
You WILL make it through the next couple of weeks. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, you will want to curl up in a hole and cry. But realize, you do not have to stay strong. You are allowed to fall apart and NO ONE can judge you for that. Grief is a rollar coaster that we are all on, and no one can dictate when we are allowed to take a plunge into the sadness, especially with the one year anniversary coming up. Just know that you are not alone, that we are all here for you. We may not fully understand your sadness as your journy through grief is unique to yourself, but we are all experiancing similar things. We are here for you! You will get through this!
My boss aka My Father in Law, just gave me grief about taking the anniversary day off. I was told to get over it, there is a business to run. I told him to eff off. I won't be in. ARGH!!!!
I will be taking the Anniversary day off this year as well. You do what you need to do for you!
Well, I did it!!! I survived my brother's first anniversary. I really do feel this is an accomplishment, a year ago I didn't think I could do anything let alone make it through the hardest year of my life.
Don't get me wrong it wasn't easy. I did take the day off of work and planned nothing. I wanted to be free to do whatever and go to the cemetery, well that didn't happen thanks to mother nature and the ice storm of 2014. Luckily we didn't loose power and had only a little damage, but no way to get to the cemetery let alone find the gravesite.
But I feel like I might live now, like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. I made it through hell, through a year of firsts without my brother or my parents (we are recently estranged). I feel like I have my brother to thank for giving me the strength to face my demons head on, something he wasn't able to do. I feel like now I am living for both of us and I know he wants me to succeed and be happy. I will ALWAYS miss him and more than the physical him, I miss the potential of what was yet to be. Now I have a future where I can be emotionally and mentally strong and healthy. He will always be with me as I teach my nephew (his son) all about his daddy.
I am going to be okay!!!!!!
I am so happy that you made it through such a rough day. The anniversary of my sister's death is on August 22 and I really hope that I will be able to make it through that day and feel that feeling as well.
Proud of you!
Congratulations Caryn on making it through. Even though I don't know you it's encouraging to see you're doing well. I too lost my brother many years ago but I still miss him and sometimes wonder what would have been with our relationship. I do know though what the Bible promises. The kingdom that Jesus told us to pray for will bring a resurrection along with the peaceful, happy conditions which we all desire. I look forward to seeing him again when he'll be healthy.-Isaiah 33:24. Then we'll catch up and our relationship will grow. Just thinking about makes me excited and I can't wait. In the meantime I rely on God to make it through.
Take care Caryn and be well.