I just found this group and I have a lot of reading to do. I wanted to introduce myself. I lost my wife and partner of 28 years on November 12th, 2011. I met Shelley in August of 1983 and we knew within a week we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I didn't know hers would be cut short by the evils of cancer. Shelley found out she had cancer the 1st time in November of 2004 and through 2 operations and years of chemo she fought the good fight. I have so much more to say, but have to stop now, as I'm having trouble seeing through my tears.

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bruce: i am so sorry for your loss as jane policcio stated this is the site to be on right  now here you will  meet all types of people going thru the same loss we all are going thru so new at it and some of us has been here for a few  years and still feeling our loss especially around the holidays. but remember we are all  here for you just vent out you will not be judged you will also meet really great people that become your friends  hugs to you keep on this site and bless you


Bruce,I also am very sorry for your loss.You will find many of us at different stages in our grief. I'm glad you and others have found this site early I didn't find it till I was almost at the 1 yr. mark and now going on 3 yrs..I hope you find some comfort here to help you understand the feelings you are and will go through are all part of the grieving process and very normal. Write your feelings and or read our pages you might find writting your feelings or just giving others words of encourgement actually will make you feel a little better. We are all here for each other. Hugs,Virginia

Bruce,I'm so sorry that you are going through this awful pain. I had no idea it was so difficult and so sad. My husband died 3 mos ago ,We were married in 1959 and had so many good years .I miss him so.I have no words of wisdom-stay strong and take care of yourself-

I am so sorry for everyone's losses.  I feel the pain and it hurts so bad.  Forty-seven years with a wonderful husband that I had was such a blessing, but I am selfish and wanted him around 20 more.  He was only 71 and much too young to pass on.  I hope I can get through this.  Somedays I just want to disappear and never be found.  Others, I feel so guilty because it wasn't me and I'm still here.  The "what if's" are tearing me up and maybe if this or that was done,, but it's not going to change anything for me, so I guess I just have to find a way to work through all the pain.  I'm hoping to get some counseling.  If not, I know I won't get through this.  Thanks Sue

Dear Bruce


My condolences go out to you and I know exactly how you feel as my husband Ernie of 45 years passed away April 27, 2011 of pancreatic cancer.  Now it is Christmas and just another mountain to climb as I am sure many on the forum can attest too.  There are no words of wisdom to mend your broken heart, but all of us here do know how you hurt inside ... like a hole in your heart you just can't heal.  As difficult as it was I managed to get a Christmas tree up and had one girlfriend at a time come and visit because that is all I could handle.  Ernie and I always had our private Christmas one minute after midnight and now I look at a tree with few gifts underneath it and my two dogs (unfortunately no children) but we are stronger than we think and the first year is the roughest.  Right now I am fighting to see family and friends over the holidays and quite frankly it makes me very exhausted putting on a pretense to some degree, but it helps even though you may feel at odds without your dear spouse with you. 


I often wonder when the hurt will go away, but each person is individual when grieving.  Hang on Bruce and come to the forum whenever you feel like it as we do know how you feel.  Never fear, she is near watching out for you and all we can do is go on with life in their memory as they left us with so many wonderful memories; taught us many things and that alone we have to exist so they are not forgotten.


Big hug


I am sorry to hear of your loss. I went to a grief seminar recently and talked to one lady afterwards who was crying most of the time.  I connected well to her until out came a stupid remark....It happens to all of us.  At that point, I realized I had said the wrong thing and had to apologize to her and we left with hugs and understanding.  So after that experience, I am afraid to say much.  I lost my husband of 48 yrs. in Sept. 2011, and find that I am pretty numb.  Even though there were very hard years, we still loved each other at the end when I was taking care of him for 3 yrs. on my own.  So love wins out and all I can think is that we are fortunate to be able to cry and feel our pain, and celebrate the love we had.


Bruce:  I only come here once in awhile; mostly for those times when I need the comfort of others; and it does help even tho' I probably come across as being selfish.  I lost my hubby of 26 years two years ago this Thanksgiving.  Like yourr Shelley, it was cancer.  I probably need therapy as it's still most difficult!!!  I hope you have family/friends.  I have one family member for support and all my/our friends (couples) have disappeared and some have passed away.  Lonliness is a huge "enemy".  There's a lot of support here, Bruce, and I would like to thank all of you for your posts.

I'm so sorry you are in this group-sometimes its so hard to read what others are going through be cause you are felling the same way-Every time I try to write here I end up sobbing-how do people get through this? Frank died suddenly on11-20 11 -we didn't even say goodbye-I miss him so

The ironic thing is that I can't cry very much at all because I am on depression medicine.  It helps me to cope but deadens my emotions some.  So if I don't mention I cry, that's the reason.  In a way, I envy those who can cry and get their feelings out more.  I did a lot of grieving during the three years I cared for Dick as I saw him going more and more downhill.  I know a sudden death is very shocking because my Dad died that way when I was 19 and I was very affected by it.  I hope you can keep up the work of grieving and come through this just fine. 


I'm so sorry for your lost. Hope this group helps because we all feel the same pain. And you can say anything without judgement. From memory's, pictures and what ever your heart feels. No one is really not going to understand unless they lose a spouse (God forbid) I lost my husband two years ago on his birthday and people expect me to get over it but I don't think that's going to happen. You just go on I talk to god and my husband and i feel better for awhile. Please talk to god his really does help after the anger. Bless you and god be with you. Jane Favara

So sorry to read of your loss...I lost my husband after 28 years in 2003.  He was sick for 4 years and I had to decide to remove life support.  We too were meant to be together, and I feel your pain and sorrow.  Take your time, continue to write here.  There are many who can be with you during this most grievous of times.  Don't stop reaching out.  It is important for you to connect and remain connected!  I discovered this site last year...and can just feel like I can begin to describe and share with others the trauma of loss.  It has been almost 9 years, but there are days it sears and burns and hurts all over again.  Others are here for you!

Dear Bruce,

You have come to the right place for comfort and understanding.  We have all been where you are, some more recent than others, but we are on the same path of grief.  As you travel the path you will discover may new things about yourself, find new ways to find comfort, and more important realize that you had 28 years of wonderful with your best friend.  That is something many people never find in a lifetime.  I was married to  Douglas for 33 years when he died in 2009.  My struggles change everyday but I can assure you that this site helped me in so many ways.  Just being able to write down what you are feeling makes a difference -- like a journal.  I feel your pain, we all do.  Take it one day at a time.  You cannot rush grief -- not matter how hard you try.  And while family and friends mean well they have not experienced the tragedy all of us has -- losing the love of our life.  So until they do they won't understand completely.  Be patient with them as they struggle with what to say to you and how to feel.  However, your feelings have to be put first on your list of many things to do.  You will make it, Bruce, and some days will be better than others.  Crying is the best medicine.  In time you will cry from laughing at the beautiful memories you and Shelley made together.  We are here for you!!  You can always write on this site and can email me direct if you wish.  jorgesonb@yahoo.com


Peace be with you as you try to understand what has happened. 





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