Hi, my name is Christy and I have only been a widow for 12 days.  I am sooo lost, and have seen so many posts saying 1-3yrs out ppl are still hurting so bad.  I don't know how to get thru this, and could use any advice, or support. 

 

I am 37, my husband Joe (who just turned 40 in January) died suddenly and unexpectedly when he took an antibiotic and went into anaphylactic shock in our home.  I called 911, tried to keep his airway open, gave him mouth to mouth until the paramedics arrived.  They had trouble getting the airway tube in him, but finally did.  I watched them give him meds, air, and CPR for quite some time.  He was dead before we left the house.  The sheriff drove me to the hospital, and waited until my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws arrived. 

 

This has been an abosulte nightmare!  We had just moved to the Atlanta area, Joe had gotten a great job that he loved, we bought a house (had only lived in it 6 weeks) and then it's all gone.  I have 5 step children, and will most likely never get to see any of them again.  So in a matter of minutes I lost my best friend/soulmate/husband, dreams, family, EVERYTHING!!!

 

I have always been a strong person, and been thru a lot in life.  But for the first time I don't know if i can survive this!  I feel so alone, lost,  and hopeless. 

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Wow... so similar to my situation. It's weird that when it happens to you, you feel so isolated and like this kinda thing doesn't happen to anyone else. It sucks.that it has, as I feel for all that it has happened to, yet find comfort in knowing there are ppl to talk to, that really get it. Ironically, I have two doggies that miss their daddy too.

How did you open yourself.up to a new love. Everyone tells me "your young, joey would want you to go on and be happy, to find someone else to love". I know.that can happen, and don't want to be alone for.the rest of my life, but it feels.as if I could never love again. I know that he wants me to live life to the fullest, it just feel like I will never be able to.

Sherry, so happy you are doing "better" and are able to move forward. It is different for everyone and everyone's situations but glad you have. I was surprised when my 2nd husband (divorce) passed 2 years ago, his current wife remarried almost at the year mark of his death. At the time I thought that was terrible and my daughter kept telling me, "mom, you know he was sick for a long time and she did good taking care of him and probably needed to take care of herself. We should be glad she is happy again." I have come to understand that now. I can't think of the verses but I know its in TIMOTHY that it actually commands YOUNG WIDOWS TO REMARRY for sure and us older widows have the choice. I was glad my dear Bill made the choice to remarry after his first wife died because he made me a wonderful loving husband and I knew he had been thru the fire. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this choice. I am letting My Lord lead my life and feel if he throws somone wonderful in my path again, I hopefully won't have my heart too closed to make the right choice. I had been single 9 years after a harrowing divorce when I met dear Bill and if I hadn't made the conscious choice to go to some dating websites, I might have "missed the dance" so to speak. Be happy, love yourself.

Christy, you too are a YOUNG WIDOW but you are in the very very early stages where absolutely nothing feels right in your world and this roller coaster ride feels too scarey to maneuver. It sucks is so right and feeling isolated is very normal. Your world will right itself again and we will be with you along the journey. Dear Virginia on this site has been a widow for almost 2 years and dear Randolf has been a widower for 2 years and he has really been thru the fire with many many family members also dying in this 2 years since his wifes death. They found each other here and are now moving forward together so who knows what life has in store. Trust that Our Lord has a plan and He will get you through it. Feel free to share anything and everything you question here. Someone of us has encountered something similar and should be of great help. Lots of hugs to you young ones. We are here...

Christy,Kathy is right you are still in the earley stages of this " new " life. My husband was sick for 10 yrs. and I knew what the end result would be but never did I think it would be so hard.I always was a strong person, loosing my parents at a earley age 15 and 17 and on my own from there so I had no choice.Loosing a spouse or partner is totally different,we were together 32 yrs. and had many discussions and Mike my husband always said he would find someone else because he didn't want to be alone, me on the other hand said never again. I have learned and now say, never say never !! It took me about a yr. to find this site and it has been a god sent, I was so pleased how everyone was so welcoming and understood the feelings.Never even crossed my mind I would find someone here of all places to start a new life with but I did and am very thankfull. As sad as it is that we both lossed our spouses at least we understand the feelings and openly talk about our lives with them, they will always be a part of us.Sharing your life with someone new who understands and not having to be worried about speaking about your life with someone else is great.We are able to share and laugh and live again we are very blessed. It will be 2 yrs. on the 29 th.of this month and I know Mike is happy for me.I hope everyone can one day be able to live and laugh again !! As Randy always says Hugs to everyone Hugs are good.

Kathy, you are right the bible says in 1 Timothy 4 that young widows should remarry. It says alot about the way we should live our lives there in chapters 4 & 5. It seems somewhat shocking (to me) that someone, like Sherry, can find a new love in 9 months while I on the otherhand still feel as if Larry could walk through the door any minute! That is to say reality hasn't quite set in completely. While I am happy for Sherry, I refuse to even think about another possible relationship, although several men have already presented themselves as interested, it repulses me. At the same time I don't like the thought of being alone from now on either. This is an awful predicament to be in. How can I be with someone else, when Larry was THE ONE? He was heaven sent, we never fought in 8 years- we were best friends. I have never gotten along with anyone in all my life as well as with Larry.  I just realized my rant is off subject, so please forgive. Virginia, you are a strong lady! I am happy for you & Randy both to have found each other. Christy, as you see we all struggle with this & some are able to pick themselves up &  dust off & move on much sooner than others. Then again, there are some that succumb to grief/sorrow. Hang in there- Best wishes to all of you.

I can relate to your response Christy.  At the same time I understand that we are all different.  I think the best thing to do is keep trusting God and praying for His will.  It would be so hard for me to even think of having a relationship with anyone else simply because Dave was the only person I have ever had in my life from the time I was 17 years of age.  We were married 36 years so it would be so hard to feel comfortable with anyone else and I didn't date anyone else either! Really at this point my heart is still very much connected to him and will be for a long time.  I know my aunt and cousin both hope someday I will find someone to share my life with however I on the other hand have a very hard time even invisioning that at all.  My children and grandchildren are so important to me and need me so much that I really don't think I could fit someone else in my life anyways :-). 

It is heartwarming to hear about the two that met each other on this site - I think that is great and certainly think it is fine that Sherry has found happiness too - everyone deals with things differently and the important thing is that we all find a way to find some measure of happiness in our lives while trying to cope with our loss.  May special blessings come to each of you to encourage your hearts! I found out I am going to be a grandma again the last part of October - it couldn't have been planned better since the 1 year anniversary of Dave's death is November 5th, 2011.  It will definitely help ease the pain!

I truly appreciate all of you that I have been able to meet through this site!

Sheryl

 

 

 

 

 



Christy said:

Kathy, you are right the bible says in 1 Timothy 4 that young widows should remarry. It says alot about the way we should live our lives there in chapters 4 & 5. It seems somewhat shocking (to me) that someone, like Sherry, can find a new love in 9 months while I on the otherhand still feel as if Larry could walk through the door any minute! That is to say reality hasn't quite set in completely. While I am happy for Sherry, I refuse to even think about another possible relationship, although several men have already presented themselves as interested, it repulses me. At the same time I don't like the thought of being alone from now on either. This is an awful predicament to be in. How can I be with someone else, when Larry was THE ONE? He was heaven sent, we never fought in 8 years- we were best friends. I have never gotten along with anyone in all my life as well as with Larry.  I just realized my rant is off subject, so please forgive. Virginia, you are a strong lady! I am happy for you & Randy both to have found each other. Christy, as you see we all struggle with this & some are able to pick themselves up &  dust off & move on much sooner than others. Then again, there are some that succumb to grief/sorrow. Hang in there- Best wishes to all of you.
i am so sorry, i know exactly how lost you feel. unfortunatly it will take time to come back to some kind of reality, but time is what you have. take each moment to moment, eventually it will be hour to hour, day to day, etc. be glad you are a strong person, it will take all of your strength for this. know, this site is for all who suffer loss. we have all been where you are and are still here. allow yourself all the time you need. you will know more of what you need than others who have not experienced this. just take baby steps, allow yourself to grieve, yes, it will take awhile, but we (all here) are with you in our prayers. come here often as much as you like, it is all free and we will not ask anything of you. just know, we are here for you. been there too many times. julie thomas/ this message is to christy. i think i hit the wrong button. new widow 12 days.

Dear Julie tho you may have hit the wrong button - I too take comfort in your words. I've been widowed close to 3 yrs ( from June 15th 2008). Just a short while ago I felt a change in my heart and knew I was in a new and better phase. Thank God! As on the 18th I received a phone call from my home state that my son in law met a tragic and horrific end of his life. I now must be there for my daughter and her three children 19,16 & 14 yrs old. I'm home now but getting my household in order to return to be with my daughter and her family for the entire summer. This is hard. My situation losing John was hard. But this is more difficult as it was  sudden, unexpected and plain terrrible.

My son in law was to talk with his Dr that day about how bad his new medication made him feel. He never made it past that awful morinng when he went about as usual laying out his clothes, waking his boys, even making a sandwhich for his lunch. Suddenly something went terribley wrong in his head and his last action on this side took his life. If anything I'm convinced the good Lord gave me the comfort in losing my husband  that I would need to get on with this. If Im absent from this board it is because I'm without a computer and in NJ w/ my family.

A.B. 


julie thomas said:

i am so sorry, i know exactly how lost you feel. unfortunatly it will take time to come back to some kind of reality, but time is what you have. take each moment to moment, eventually it will be hour to hour, day to day, etc. be glad you are a strong person, it will take all of your strength for this. know, this site is for all who suffer loss. we have all been where you are and are still here. allow yourself all the time you need. you will know more of what you need than others who have not experienced this. just take baby steps, allow yourself to grieve, yes, it will take awhile, but we (all here) are with you in our prayers. come here often as much as you like, it is all free and we will not ask anything of you. just know, we are here for you. been there too many times. julie thomas/ this message is to christy. i think i hit the wrong button. new widow 12 days.
So yesterday was one month since Joe.died. I can't believe it, have heard several ppl on here call it surreal, that's the perfect description. I'm headed to Wisconsin to see my sister for a couple.weeks....I feel so strange. Most ppl are traveling with their spouse, everyone I see has wedding rings, and though I still wear mine, feel like I'm solo entirely different than everyone else. They seem so normal, so happy..... I'm not jealous, just really makes me feel the loss of my soul mate.
My Neal has been gone 6 months and it seems just like yesterday. I can not believe it has been 6 months. I also still wear my wedding rings. Taking them off has never entered my mind.  I have to really make myself not to notice couples when I go to a store. I try to just do what I have to do and leave. If I concentrate on the couples I get mad. I think why are they still a couple and I am not. Why did Neal have to leave and not one of these people.  People tell me that God has a plan which is why Neal is gone. I know I should just accept that fact and go on, but I keep trying to think what could his plan be that he had to take Neal?  I know I should not question God, but I do. What good could possiblely come from Neal leaving me and his sons and grandsons?  I have no idea what to do with myself. I was Neal's wife and I loved it. We had been together 40 years and worked side by side the last 15 years with our business.  There was so much left undone.  We had made plans for retiring and never got to do one thing. All we got to do was plan. And lots of little things, like we have these 2 piggy banks that we put our change in.  We never discussed what to do with the money when they were filled.  Well they are full now and I don't know what to do with the money.  So much we wanted to do and never got to. What is the plan for me, what is the big plan? Hugs

Christy you have posted a beautiful account of a very loving realtionship. It will be comforting to you for the rest of your life to know that you shared this with him for the time you were together. I know the pain can be unbearable, but it will subside in time. When I was told this by older family members I didn't believe it possible. But now almost 3 yrs later I am beginning to feel the lifting of my spirit, and when I look at our pictures together I am so thankful I had John in my life
.

God Bless, Alanna


Christy said:

Thank you all... and I'm sorry that u all have suffered pain like this.  I do feel comfort that there is a place where ppl at least understand what i'm going thru. 

 

We had only been married 15months, and together 2yrs.  His family is a different religion, and has certain traditions.  We were not, so the funeral planning and all was soooo hard.  But I had to honor HIS wishes.  Everyone said they were ok w/ it, that he looked good, but I can't help worrying about what they really feel.  They have been very supportive, telling me I'm always family, helping me so that has been a blessing.  I am sad that it took losing him, for me to feel a part of his family. 

 

He always said they didn't really know him, didn't understand his views/accept him, and that I was the one person in the world that REALLY KNEW HIM.  The only solace I have is that we were soooo in love, we always told each other our feelings, he always told me he was sooo lucky to have me, how I was his soul mate, how he felt like i was the one person who TRULY loved him for him, understood him, appreciated him.  He was very romantic and would say beautiful things to me all the time.  The night he died we had an amazing night, and he said all sorts of stuff like that.  I am thankful for that gift.  He would tell everyone how he was soo in love, lucky, honored to have me as his wife.  Told everyone we had a healthy relationship, how he never had that and never knew love could be like this.  We were very good for eachother, and I'm glad that he knew REAL love in his last yrs. 

 

 

Hello Christy,

I too am a new widow, my husband passed just 13 days ago on May 12th.  I have had a great support system with friends and the little bit of family that I have.  We have a small family as it is.  My husband and I met in 1991 and dated for 5 years and got married in 1997.  We have one son who will be 13 in October.  I feel very lost....not sure which way to turn for anything.  He was the spiritual leader in our house.  This was totally sudden, he died in his sleep, in our house, in our bed....BLAH!  Im not sure even what I feel at this point, the feelings I am familiar with right now is nausea, anxiety, worry, fear, etc.  I have been told that Hospice offers lots of counseling for us for free.  Also, here in Florida, Hospice will go to the school to help our children learn that their feelings are ok too.  My husband was the leader of our house and right now I dont know how Im gonna do it, but I know that God will give me the ability to do it....surround yourself with the people you trust and day by day girlfriend...thats all we can do...baby steps and  how we feel is ok.  Keep your chin up....Find comfort in the Word from God, Isaiah 26:3 " You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you"

My husband passed away on December 28 2009. The hyrt and pain is just as bad.  I find myself down a lot but our memories keep me going. We were married 42 years been together since we were 16. We had 5 children together and now we have 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter.   I find myself looking at photo albums. My children are scattered, so I don't see them. We had each other no friends we were best friends.  I get angry at him sometimes, because he left me alone.  I walk alot and read alot these are my two enjoyments. I want to meet and make friends. I don't want a relationship I had one man and he's all I'll ever want.

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