Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christine Bastone on March 13, 2014 at 5:43am

The grief probably never will go away.  But the pain does soften, and it does get better.  Slowly, and little by little...but it does get better.  {{{hugs}}} and ♥.

Permalink Reply by Robbyn Matilsky on March 13, 2014 at 5:53am

Christine Bastone said:

The grief probably never will go away.  But the pain does soften, and it does get better.  Slowly, and little by little...but it does get better.  {{{hugs}}} and ♥.

Permalink Reply by Robbyn Matilsky on March 13, 2014 at 5:54am

thnaks.  i think i needed that  hug right about now

Permalink Reply by Caryn Hersh on March 13, 2014 at 7:57am

Robbyn,

I too lost my brother, the pain does ease. You start being able to think about the good times you had and not burst into tears. My brother died by suicide just over a year ago. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Michele on March 13, 2014 at 8:12am

So sorry Robbyn, my brother also passed away last year of similar causes, massive heart attack due to drugs. He was 45, & had an addiction to a couple of different things over the years. Rehab didn't work, & I thought the same as u, I sHould of tried to do more. He had such a good life, my parents did everything for him also.. We always had a feeling that this would happen, but u still don't believe it actually did!! I think it gets harder as time passes, u just learn different ways to cope. The only thing that helps us, is knowing he is finally in Peace, & in a better place. I think for me, it does help talking about all the good times we had with him. Stay strong.

Permalink Reply by Jen W. on March 13, 2014 at 12:07pm

I think for me the hardest thing right now is that it does feel like I would be burdening people if I talk too much about my brother. Sometimes others don't understand that it is still so raw. I have gotten the feeling sometimes that my brother's death isn't supposed to be as important because he died due to overdosing. I have never felt any shame for that, and I refuse to. He was a caring and unjudgemental person and he deserves to be missed as much as anyone else. Shame is part of the reason why he is gone although he never talked to me about specifics I know he has always been in pain. He never felt like he measured up no matter how hard he tried. I don't have an opportunity to tell him hthat I am proud to be his sister, but I hope he somehow knows now. I have been able to function better recently so I can say that for me I am feeling a little better as time passes, but I am by no means "over it" and I never will be. I still have bad days and times when I break down over a song on tbe radio or something that I remember he said or did. I hope for you, that time will allow you to start feeling some peace too. It doesn' t happen overnight but it does happen. Good luck with the support group :)

Permalink Reply by robin shrum on March 13, 2014 at 5:19pm

Hi Robbyn, I want to thank you for the response you put on my discussion and also tell you I am sorry for the loss of your brother.  I was considering going to a support group, but where I live the groups are for parents who lost children as well and I feel too nervous to face them.  I am sorry that your coworker gave you such a negative response.  It does get better.  I remember when my loss was fresh, a happy memory of my sister was too painful to think about.  I felt sick in my stomach knowing that there would be no new memories.  After two years and three months, sometimes now I can laugh or smile about a memory I have of her.  I never thought I would be able to do that.  Everything will be different now.  We have to discover who we are now that our siblings are no longer with us.  It's not easy, but in time, you will feel your burden lighten.  My stepfather used to tell me, "This too shall pass." And he was always right.  Some things just took a little longer.  I wish the best for you.

Permalink Reply by Robbyn Matilsky on March 13, 2014 at 6:05pm

the group i went to is Compassionate Friends.  it's mostly for parents who lost a child but they accept any family memember.  there was 1 other sibling there a,lso

robin shrum said:

Hi Robbyn, I want to thank you for the response you put on my discussion and also tell you I am sorry for the loss of your brother.  I was considering going to a support group, but where I live the groups are for parents who lost children as well and I feel too nervous to face them.  I am sorry that your coworker gave you such a negative response.  It does get better.  I remember when my loss was fresh, a happy memory of my sister was too painful to think about.  I felt sick in my stomach knowing that there would be no new memories.  After two years and three months, sometimes now I can laugh or smile about a memory I have of her.  I never thought I would be able to do that.  Everything will be different now.  We have to discover who we are now that our siblings are no longer with us.  It's not easy, but in time, you will feel your burden lighten.  My stepfather used to tell me, "This too shall pass." And he was always right.  Some things just took a little longer.  I wish the best for you.

Permalink Reply by Robbyn Matilsky on March 13, 2014 at 6:08pm

thank you.  I agree, I was never ashamed of my brother.  It's just hard whem 1 minute I'm fine and the next I can't stop crying
Jen W. said:

I think for me the hardest thing right now is that it does feel like I would be burdening people if I talk too much about my brother. Sometimes others don't understand that it is still so raw. I have gotten the feeling sometimes that my brother's death isn't supposed to be as important because he died due to overdosing. I have never felt any shame for that, and I refuse to. He was a caring and unjudgemental person and he deserves to be missed as much as anyone else. Shame is part of the reason why he is gone although he never talked to me about specifics I know he has always been in pain. He never felt like he measured up no matter how hard he tried. I don't have an opportunity to tell him hthat I am proud to be his sister, but I hope he somehow knows now. I have been able to function better recently so I can say that for me I am feeling a little better as time passes, but I am by no means "over it" and I never will be. I still have bad days and times when I break down over a song on tbe radio or something that I remember he said or did. I hope for you, that time will allow you to start feeling some peace too. It doesn' t happen overnight but it does happen. Good luck with the support group :)

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on March 14, 2014 at 8:54pm

I'm so sorry for your loss :(  I lost my sister, and drugs played it's part. She technically drowned, but it was at night, in October...and there are many questions surrounding what happened. She also had seizure disorder that was made worse by drugs. We worried about her and knew she needed help, but sadly, one can only do so much in these situations. I've never been ashamed either.  I have another sister who has addiction problems, and tends to make a lot of other bad decisions. I've never been ashamed of her, either. But I do wish she'd get help. I'm scared to lose another sister.

 

You never get over losing someone. It's never okay that they are gone. But life does get better. You learn to live with the grief. You have your bad days. But you go on.  My sister wasn't my first loss, just the most recent. Also the one I've had the hardest time with.  I hope you have luck with your support group. I'd like to find one, but once I get home. I've been with my mum for awhile. I feel alone a lot of the time. I try to be there for everyone, but don't like to burden people with what I'm going through. My boyfriend has been doing his best from a distance. But he doesn't really understand...he hasn't been through loss like I have. It's why I sought an online support group for sibling loss. Just a place to vent and have others who understand.

 

/big virtual hugs

Permalink Reply by Robbyn Matilsky on March 14, 2014 at 9:07pm

i'm sorry about your sister (both of them).  i agree about the online support.  it's a great place to connect ant vent.  i just wish it wasn't under these circumstances

Kimberly said:

I'm so sorry for your loss :(  I lost my sister, and drugs played it's part. She technically drowned, but it was at night, in October...and there are many questions surrounding what happened. She also had seizure disorder that was made worse by drugs. We worried about her and knew she needed help, but sadly, one can only do so much in these situations. I've never been ashamed either.  I have another sister who has addiction problems, and tends to make a lot of other bad decisions. I've never been ashamed of her, either. But I do wish she'd get help. I'm scared to lose another sister.

 

You never get over losing someone. It's never okay that they are gone. But life does get better. You learn to live with the grief. You have your bad days. But you go on.  My sister wasn't my first loss, just the most recent. Also the one I've had the hardest time with.  I hope you have luck with your support group. I'd like to find one, but once I get home. I've been with my mum for awhile. I feel alone a lot of the time. I try to be there for everyone, but don't like to burden people with what I'm going through. My boyfriend has been doing his best from a distance. But he doesn't really understand...he hasn't been through loss like I have. It's why I sought an online support group for sibling loss. Just a place to vent and have others who understand.

 

/big virtual hugs