The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Permalink Reply by Andra Bridges on February 13, 2009 at 6:39am

I do understand your pain Twila, my son was my only child, whom I know he's with God now. His father and I never married, so I do feel all alone at times with my grief. But I remember long ago a lady that lost her oldest daughter to a massive ashtma attack, said to me, "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord". It kept ringing in my head until I truly understood. I never asked the question why?, because I don't question God's wisdom in these matters. I did become angry, but I didn't know who I was angry at. What i've learned thus far in grief counseling is the process we go through is really in stages. But more importantly we can't get through this process with out God. I've been praying daily for God to ease my pain and bring some joy back into my life. I'm beginning to smile more and I like that. My son passed away 11-24-08 and would be celebrating his 25th birthday this coming March 16th. The holidays were hard and I'm sure Thanksgiving will never be the same for me, considering he passed the Monday before. Now I get up each morning and say to myself, today will be a good day for me. I've connected with several mothers who've lost their ONLY children and it's been very encouraging to me, to know I will get pass this, one step at a time. I find keeping busy helps me get through the day with less pain. My son and I had a beautiful mother/son relationship all of his life. I can distinctly remember my last conversation with him the day before he passed. We had a great time laughing and talking with each other and that is my most lasting memory, to know I was able to express my love to him before he left me. Twila, if you truly trust in God, trust Him enough to know He's with you through your pain and He never ever makes a mistake. I'm sure we may not understand the WHYS now, but in time I'm know I'll understand fully why my baby had to go away so soon. Believe me when I say God has a plan and a purpose for our test that we're going through. I'll be praying for you daily, for your strength and to receive some joy back into your life.
Andra

Permalink Reply by Twila on February 13, 2009 at 1:51pm

it is hard like today it is so hard because last year my son brought me Valentines card with roses and I started crying when I read the card.. And he said I love you mom dont cry I said Im crying because I'm happy..and I still have the card with all the pictures I made a memory album with everything he has given me cards pictures and mother's cards even when he was little in school I have all that stuff no wonder I keep everything they did has keepsake..my husband would always say why do you keep all that stuff and there was a reason now I know why..I miss him so much to day..it is good to know that we can share the way we feel about the child we have loss and someone understands just want it feels like. thank you and I will also being praying for you...

Permalink Reply by Daniel Hand on February 13, 2009 at 5:55pm

We lost our son in August 3rd 2008 he was 21 years old. He went to sleep that night and just didn't wake up. We were fortunate in the fact that he always lived with us choosing not to spend his as he would say hard earned money on rent..

My sister lost her son about a year prior. Needless to say it has been a rough two years and it just seems to go on and on.

We have received a tremendous amount of support from others and have greatly appreciated it. With that in mind we decided to try to help others if we can.

We started a website called Never Lose Faith and it's a place to honor your loved ones with a tribute. It's is free and we just want to help others in any way possible the way we have been helped.

We would be honored to have you put a tribute to your loved one on the site:

http://www.neverlosefaith.com

Dan

Permalink Reply by Betsy, Richards Mom on February 14, 2009 at 6:29am

Daniel,
My son, Richard,died January 18,2009. Richard attended a concert and had a good time with friends that night and into the morning of the 18th. I will always have his last email , telling me about the big concert he was going to, picking on me , our jokes. My son was 20 years old and we had talked in the past about him becoming a man. One day I said Rich you're a good boy", I then repharsed that to " Rich, you're a good man". He looked at me and said " that's ok Mom, you can say I'm a good boy". I had to learn to allow my son to grow up as he fell in love and started a life of his own. It brings comfort to know that he was " in love". I feel so much sorrow for his girlfriend who woke to find him nonresponsive. She tried and tried to bring him back, what a nightmare. Now I sit and wait. and think. How could my child just die? A hardworking, loving person. How could he just die? The test results are not back yet . I want an answer but also know there may never be one. How does one handle this? My grief comes in waves, that was after the shock wore off. What I find strange or not, really I don't feel its strange but the morning Richards death I woke up, very, early and found myself standing in my livingroom. I couldn't figure out why I was awake. Later that day I was out of cell phone range. My son lived 2 hours from me, over a couple mountains and a tunnel, I didn't know but as I did my errands I was thinking of Rich and the memories , my baby, and I found myself driving down the road crying and crying. Richards poor sister drove all the way here to tell me Rich died. and we went to Richs house. All of questions of his frineds, " how, who, when, are you sure" have brought no answers. He was an all around great guy , we knew that , that was also made evident by the number of people that attended his service. He was loved and respected by so many. Would someone tell me how a young person "just dies"? How do you deal with no answers?

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on February 14, 2009 at 9:12am

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/joethellsmemories/Homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by kristi on February 14, 2009 at 9:12pm

hi betsy,sorry for your loss,I STILL REMEBER ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ATTENTED MY SONS FUNERAL IT WAS LIKE YESTERDAY.AND I WENT TO ONE OF MY SONS FRIENDS FUNERALS HE WAS ONLY 17 AND THERE WAS AS MANY PEOPLE THERE AS OF MY SONS.MY SON WAS 16 WHEN HE DIED HE GOT SHOT BY HIS FRIEND AND DIED,THE KID PUT BULLETS IN THE GUN COUNTED THEM GOING IN BUT NOT COMING OUT POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND SHOT HIM,TILL THIS DAY IT HURTS ME THAT HE IS WALKING AROUND SCOTT FREE AND MY SON ISNT,MY SON WAS SUPPOSE TO GRADUATE THIS YEAR IN MAY,AND MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL BE THERE TO SUPPORT ME ANY WAY THEY CAN.YOU KNOW THAT GOES THROU MY HEAD EVERYTIME HIS BIRTHDAY OR HOLIDAY OR JUST ANY DAY WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE INSTEAD OF ME.I DEALT WITH NO ANSWERS THE MOTHER AND THE BOY I ASKED THEM WHY DID HE DO IT AND THEY NEVER HAVE ANSWERED AND WE WILL NEVER FIND OUT WHY HE DIDNT POINT IT AT HIS SELF AND TAKE HIS OWN LIFE.I HAVE LIVED 2YEARS AND 4 MONTHS WITH OUT ANSWERS.THIS KID WAS 15 Years old.and i see him at funerals and stuff its crazy that he is walking around when you read the paper and see these other kids getting tried as an adult and he got away with it, it hurts he got 200 hours of community service,2,980 of restitution and probation till he is 19 and he is 18 now.i will tell you this i didnt get to say goodbye to my son they wouldnt even let us see him 3 days later after they did an autopsy.they said he was evidence.we seen him in a body bag.i will remember that for the rest of my life.i was numb i couldnt cry at all at the funeral but i did at the cemetary i didnt eat for like a week.my mom and dad called every day to make sure i was still here.you can not deal with no answers i have not dealt with it and i dont think i will ever until the day i die.my son had plans to he wanted to be a butcher,he was going to get his license the day he died.this kid took it all away from me,there will be no answers ever.my other kids are 21 and 13.my daughter was 18 when my son died she could deal with his loss.but i worry about my 13 year old son because he was 10 when my son died he sometimes comes home from school and just in a bad mood i try talking to him about my other son and he said he is alright and i tell him it is alright to cry and talk about him.he does do that now.and for my mom she talks about my son.but my dad it took him 2 years to say his name i felt better after that he did,he grieves in his own way but it is just the fact it hurt me not knowing how he felt.well enough from me.if you want to talk i am always on here and thanks for listening.i got a book and it is called traveling light.try reading that it is a good book i couldnt put it down once i started reading it.thanks kristi

Permalink Reply by Betsy, Richards Mom on February 17, 2009 at 3:40pm

Kristi, how horrible to have to wait to see your son. and the word, evidence, must have made you want to scream. I would have. I didn't see my son in person at all. The medical examiner said I couldn't. Maybe the ME was trying to spare me. What I have in my mind is my son smiling and laughing in a photo and my son asleep at the morgue on a monitor. I know his father and my sons girlfriend were with him so I don't feel Rich was alone. There is a part of me that has a hard time dealing with the fact that I didn't "see" him but I also know that it may have been for the best. and why some people go to jail and others walk, I don't know either.

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on February 14, 2009 at 9:11am

Betsy, I am so sorry for your loss. Today is the 3 month anniversary of my son,Joe's, passing. I had almost a year of severe illness with him an in my heart I knew, he wouldnt be with me much longer. For you to have no idea, must be so upsetting. I think this is where faith comes in to play. Four days before Joe left, we had our Priest come to the house and give Joe his final Blessing. After seeing Joes room filled with all smiling photos, and memoribilia, he said, St. Michael was recruiting Joe. The patron Saint who fought off the demons,and to protect. He needed Joe to work with him. Maybe this is who needed your son as well, and why you have no answers,other than maybe that is the reason.I know you may think i am a bit goofy, but it helps to have Something, to explain the why. Keep in mind, you now have your angel, watching over you. Have you done a Memorial site? It helps. Mine is through Legacy.com It gives comfort to you and all involved, and I write to Joe all the time. I will give you his link in the next writing, I will lose this page to do it now. I know your heart is hurting, and you want to scream, and you know what, if you want to scream, scream! Please keep in touch. My words are not always right, and we are in this together, and by writing to one another, it helps too. Linda

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on February 14, 2009 at 12:53pm

To All From Stephanie
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx

Attachments:

DiaY-12u-1[1].jpg, 69 KB

Permalink Reply by Betsy, Richards Mom on February 17, 2009 at 3:56pm

This is very nice. such a lovely person she was.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on February 18, 2009 at 9:30am

Betsy, Thank you Abby was a lovely person. At times it bothers that I chose not to see her after she died. I was 2 hours from her and I had already pre-arranged her cremation because I never wanted her to spend another day confined. I called the funeral home and they came and got her that night and I went home the next day. I was with my 2 sisters and we spent the evening consoling each other. About 10 to 11 that night I called and talked to the nurse who found her gone. She described to me how she bathed her, fixed her hair, put her lipstick and perfume on and her new white shirt I bought her. She said she looked like an angel and you know I got the most vivid image of her in my mind and even though parts of me wish to have seen her I thank God every day for that nurse and that image. It is still clear to me today. I am so sorry for the loss of your son it truly makes no sense. You will be in my prayers Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Betsy, Richards Mom on February 17, 2009 at 3:44pm

Linda, Joe was loved very much. I haven't done much of anything such as a memorial site. I still can't believe this is real. I mean I know he's gone but I can't think past that much.