The loss of a child

HI,I HAD A SON DIE FROM A GUN SHOT WOUND HE WAS ONLY 16 ON OCT 7TH,2006.THIS WEEKEND COMING UP I WILL BE GOING TO THE TWIN CITIES FOR MY DADS 70TH BIRTHDAY PARTY,IT IS HARD FOR ME THAT I AM GOING DOWN THERE WITH OUT MY SON,I CALLED MY MOM UP WENDSDAY AND JUST STARTED TO CRY,I SAID THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I WILL BE GOING DOWN THERE WITHOUT MY SON,AND MY MOM SAID THAT IS THE BEST THING IS TO BE COMING DOWN THERE AND BEING WITH FAMILY,AND SHE SAID SHE KNOWS HOW I AM FEELING.IT WAS HER GRANDSON NOT HER SON SHE HAS NEVER LOST A SON YET.BUT GRANDSONS ARE HARD TO.OK I AM GOING TO TRY AND KEEP MY HEAD UP AND THINK THAT MY SON WILL BE THERE WITH US CELEBRATING.MY DAD JUST FINALLY OPENED UP I WAS SO HAPPY HE DID.BUT ANYWAYS TWAILA,MY SON WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A SENIOR THIS YEAR TO AND MY SONS CLASS WANTED TO DO A MEMORIAL PAGE FOR MY SON SO I LET THEM,I HAD TO FIND PICTURES IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO LET THEM PICTURES GO,BUT THEY GAVE THEM BACK TO ME A WEEKLATER,IT WAS HARD I CRIED WHEN I WAS DOING THIS BECAUSE I HAVE A TOTE WITH THE CARDS FROM HIS FUNERAL,THE GUEST BOOK,AND PICTURES OF MY SON I STARTED LOOKING AT THE GUEST BOOK COUNTING AND LOOKING AT THE NAMES I CRIED SO HARD THAT DAY BECAUSE I WAS HERE ALONE,WHEN YOU OR IF YOU DO THIS MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOMEONE THERE WITH YOU TO LEAN ON OK DONT DO IT ALONE,SO I DID THAT THAN I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING DOWN ABOUT MY SON WERE HE WAS BORN AND WHAT SCHOOLS HE WENT TO WHEN HE DIED,THE HARDEST PART WAS THAT GUEST BOOK.BUT IN THE TOWN I LIVE IN THEY DO THE CHAIR THEY DONT ASK THE PARENTS,I AM GOING TO BE THERE FOR THE KIDS BECAUSE THE KIDS WANT ME THERE,THEY HAVE BEEN THERE FOR US ANYTIME,THEY PLANTED A TREE FOR MY SON,THEY DID A MEMORIAL DINNER FOR US AND WE GOT THE MONEY.THERE IS ANOTHER THING OUT THERE THRIVENT LUTHERAN THEY MATCH THAT,WE GOT SO MUCH SUPPORT FROM THE COMMUNITY WE EVEN GOT SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHEN ARE SON DIED.THEY WERE CALLING THE TV TO SEE IF WE HAD A FUND FOR OUR SON SO I WENT TO THE BANK AND OPENED ONE I DIDNT KNOW THAT YOU COULD BUT I GUESS WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS LIKE THIS PEOPLE PULL TOGETHER.AND I FELT SO BAD FOR MY SONS FRIENDS FAMILY HE DIED AND THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR HIM,HE GOT STABBED AND THEY THINK IT WAS GANG RELATED THATS WHY.BUT NOW THE KIDS DAD DIED LAST WEEK AND I STILL FEEL FOR THE FAMILY ESPECIALLY HIS WIFE THAT HE LEFT BEHIND.WHAT I AM SAYING IS MY SON WOULD OF BEEN IN THE CLASS OF 2009 AND I AM GOING TO BE PROUD TO SIT THERE AND WATCH THEM KIDS WALK UP THERE BECAUSE I GOT THEM BUTTONS TO WEAR AND MY SONS PICTURE IS ON THERE AND IT SAYS IN MEMORY OF EVERETTE.THEY SAID THEY WILL BE PROUD TO WEAR THEM.I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR THEM.AND THEY GRADUATE MAY 31ST.AND THAN I TOOK OFF FOR A WHOLE WEEK BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I WILL BE REALLY SAD THAT WEEKEND.BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD SAY WE WILL DO THIS TOGETHER RIGHT?WE WILL HAVE SUPPORT ON HERE.MY SUPPORT GROUP WILL BE THERE TO HELP ME OUT AND I THINK MY FAMILY IS COMING TO HELP ME OUT TO.BUT TAKE CARE AND I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO GO THROU THE SAME THING.BUT PLEASE REMEMBER TO HAVE SOMEONE THERE IF YOU DECIDE TO DO THIS.HAVE SOMEONE TO LEAN ON.BUT I THINK IT IS BEST FOR THE KIDS AND YOU IF YOU DO THIS.I KEPT THINKING MY SON WOULD OF WANTED ME TO DO THIS FOR HIS MEMORY,I WILL BE PUTTING FLOWERES AND A BALLOON AND SOMETHING IN THE PAPER FOR THE GRADUATES AND THE FLOWERS AND BALLOONS WILL BE AT THE CEMETARY TO HONOR THAT DAY.BUT KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIGH OK.CAN I ASK AGAIN WHEN DID YOUR SON PASS AND HOW OLD HE WAS I FORGOT.I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR 2 AND A HALF YEARS PEOPLE SAY GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND I SAY THAT IS CRAZY SAYING YOU GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST LET IT OUT RIGHT?THANKS FOR LISTENING

Permalink Reply by kristi on April 10, 2009 at 7:26pm

hi victoria,i got what i sent to people but i didnt know what you wanted to say i just got what i said and no reply from you,did you have something to say to me?thanks and happy easter.

Victoria Lloyd said:

kristi said:
HI,I HAD A SON DIE FROM A GUN SHOT WOUND HE WAS ONLY 16 ON OCT 7TH,2006.THIS WEEKEND COMING UP I WILL BE GOING TO THE TWIN CITIES FOR MY DADS 70TH BIRTHDAY PARTY,IT IS HARD FOR ME THAT I AM GOING DOWN THERE WITH OUT MY SON,I CALLED MY MOM UP WENDSDAY AND JUST STARTED TO CRY,I SAID THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I WILL BE GOING DOWN THERE WITHOUT MY SON,AND MY MOM SAID THAT IS THE BEST THING IS TO BE COMING DOWN THERE AND BEING WITH FAMILY,AND SHE SAID SHE KNOWS HOW I AM FEELING.IT WAS HER GRANDSON NOT HER SON SHE HAS NEVER LOST A SON YET.BUT GRANDSONS ARE HARD TO.OK I AM GOING TO TRY AND KEEP MY HEAD UP AND THINK THAT MY SON WILL BE THERE WITH US CELEBRATING.MY DAD JUST FINALLY OPENED UP I WAS SO HAPPY HE DID.BUT ANYWAYS TWAILA,MY SON WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A SENIOR THIS YEAR TO AND MY SONS CLASS WANTED TO DO A MEMORIAL PAGE FOR MY SON SO I LET THEM,I HAD TO FIND PICTURES IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO LET THEM PICTURES GO,BUT THEY GAVE THEM BACK TO ME A WEEKLATER,IT WAS HARD I CRIED WHEN I WAS DOING THIS BECAUSE I HAVE A TOTE WITH THE CARDS FROM HIS FUNERAL,THE GUEST BOOK,AND PICTURES OF MY SON I STARTED LOOKING AT THE GUEST BOOK COUNTING AND LOOKING AT THE NAMES I CRIED SO HARD THAT DAY BECAUSE I WAS HERE ALONE,WHEN YOU OR IF YOU DO THIS MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOMEONE THERE WITH YOU TO LEAN ON OK DONT DO IT ALONE,SO I DID THAT THAN I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING DOWN ABOUT MY SON WERE HE WAS BORN AND WHAT SCHOOLS HE WENT TO WHEN HE DIED,THE HARDEST PART WAS THAT GUEST BOOK.BUT IN THE TOWN I LIVE IN THEY DO THE CHAIR THEY DONT ASK THE PARENTS,I AM GOING TO BE THERE FOR THE KIDS BECAUSE THE KIDS WANT ME THERE,THEY HAVE BEEN THERE FOR US ANYTIME,THEY PLANTED A TREE FOR MY SON,THEY DID A MEMORIAL DINNER FOR US AND WE GOT THE MONEY.THERE IS ANOTHER THING OUT THERE THRIVENT LUTHERAN THEY MATCH THAT,WE GOT SO MUCH SUPPORT FROM THE COMMUNITY WE EVEN GOT SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHEN ARE SON DIED.THEY WERE CALLING THE TV TO SEE IF WE HAD A FUND FOR OUR SON SO I WENT TO THE BANK AND OPENED ONE I DIDNT KNOW THAT YOU COULD BUT I GUESS WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS LIKE THIS PEOPLE PULL TOGETHER.AND I FELT SO BAD FOR MY SONS FRIENDS FAMILY HE DIED AND THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR HIM,HE GOT STABBED AND THEY THINK IT WAS GANG RELATED THATS WHY.BUT NOW THE KIDS DAD DIED LAST WEEK AND I STILL FEEL FOR THE FAMILY ESPECIALLY HIS WIFE THAT HE LEFT BEHIND.WHAT I AM SAYING IS MY SON WOULD OF BEEN IN THE CLASS OF 2009 AND I AM GOING TO BE PROUD TO SIT THERE AND WATCH THEM KIDS WALK UP THERE BECAUSE I GOT THEM BUTTONS TO WEAR AND MY SONS PICTURE IS ON THERE AND IT SAYS IN MEMORY OF EVERETTE.THEY SAID THEY WILL BE PROUD TO WEAR THEM.I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR THEM.AND THEY GRADUATE MAY 31ST.AND THAN I TOOK OFF FOR A WHOLE WEEK BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I WILL BE REALLY SAD THAT WEEKEND.BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD SAY WE WILL DO THIS TOGETHER RIGHT?WE WILL HAVE SUPPORT ON HERE.MY SUPPORT GROUP WILL BE THERE TO HELP ME OUT AND I THINK MY FAMILY IS COMING TO HELP ME OUT TO.BUT TAKE CARE AND I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO GO THROU THE SAME THING.BUT PLEASE REMEMBER TO HAVE SOMEONE THERE IF YOU DECIDE TO DO THIS.HAVE SOMEONE TO LEAN ON.BUT I THINK IT IS BEST FOR THE KIDS AND YOU IF YOU DO THIS.I KEPT THINKING MY SON WOULD OF WANTED ME TO DO THIS FOR HIS MEMORY,I WILL BE PUTTING FLOWERES AND A BALLOON AND SOMETHING IN THE PAPER FOR THE GRADUATES AND THE FLOWERS AND BALLOONS WILL BE AT TH

Permalink Reply by kristi on April 10, 2009 at 7:28pm

HAPPY EASTER TO EVERYONE,I HOPE YOUR DAYS THIS WEEKEND GO GOOD,I ALREADY HAD MY MELT DOWN TO HELP ME THROU THE WEEKEND OF WORKING AND BEING NICE.THANKS KRISTI

Permalink Reply by mary on April 10, 2009 at 10:30pm

Happy Easter to you too Kristi and may God bless us all with peace in our hearts!

kristi said:

HAPPY EASTER TO EVERYONE,I HOPE YOUR DAYS THIS WEEKEND GO GOOD,I ALREADY HAD MY MELT DOWN TO HELP ME THROU THE WEEKEND OF WORKING AND BEING NICE.THANKS KRISTI

Permalink Reply by kristi on April 11, 2009 at 6:33pm

thank you mary and you to
mary said:

Happy Easter to you too Kristi and may God bless us all with peace in our hearts!
kristi said:
HAPPY EASTER TO EVERYONE,I HOPE YOUR DAYS THIS WEEKEND GO GOOD,I ALREADY HAD MY MELT DOWN TO HELP ME THROU THE WEEKEND OF WORKING AND BEING NICE.THANKS KRISTI

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 15, 2009 at 11:28pm

Hello all,
I call this my beloved forum because it is a a hall of such great peace for me to share and be filled from all of you like hearted people. I have not been on line in recent weeks beacuse my CPU crashed,(maybe it was conficker, who knows) but as I rejoined the forum, I was going back through all of the responses of recent. I just want to first of all send me heart felt condolence to miss mary on the loss of her precious sons. I used to work at a summer christian camp, and I know how dangerous it can be to leap into the lake. I thought about those to very happy boys and how much joy they were having in their day just enjoying the Lord's beautiful earth. How few of us anymore actually stops to get inline with creations harmonious glorification to the Lord. How beautiful were these two Guys and much they must have certainly pleased the Lord that they felt so compelled to sharein the natural beauty of the sky and the earth and the water and the sun. The Lord says that the earth is his and the fullness thereof. He also says thet the meek shall inherit the earth. What a fitting memorial that you would build a skate park. Once again sharing the beauty of the outdoors and the pleasures of God's earth through the memory of your boys. God bless you for your diligence. I just want to say to Kristi that my heart also goes out to you, and that I understand what you are saying when you say that we need to take care of ourselves through these grueling processes. My son died of a drug overdose because when my family realized what he had got into, they ran out the house and left him to die. Who knows if he could have been helped or what. But the worse part of it is that there is still alot of wrangling going on because there is an ongoing investigation, and there has been some media attention to the matter, and the only rest and peace that I have is in the word, because my whole world has been torn apart, not by my son's death, but by the nature of it. I say that I have moved on from grieving, and though I want to forgive, I am so very angry at my family. Or as they were supposed to be. Because of this, the anger is tearing up my heart. But I am trying to cry when I am sad and let the emptions flow through me, and be real to them. I had been having a lot of major anxiety attacks and just recently was diagnosed with ptsa. So, now I am taking medicine for that along with the mood stabilizer that I take to manage the Bipolar disoder. I am of the firm belief that these are all spiritual attacks, but my mind is also sober enough to understand that unless I effectively deal with them, I truly could end up dying from stress. And honey let me tell you, I am to blessed to be stressed, and so are all of you. God loves us each very earnestly and very truly. We all wirte our paths with free will, even those that are predestined. I think what if Barack Obama was too angry at his upbringings to press forward without a father and a mother? Not that he is the Messiah, but he is as he serves, an excellent role model for achieving the unattainable. I know that I am called to a higher purpose in God to just give up now. So, I take my pills, I started this new medicine called propanolol. I have never really been much of a medicine taker but I feel this stuff helping me. That in itself also makes angry that I really need some type of heart medicine or whatever it is. But I dont dare stop taking it. I have also started working out again. I had gotten back into some bad eating habits again because of anger. I had done so much work to lose almost two hundred pounds because I loved my son and he had AD/HD and I knew that I needed to be physically fit to keep up with him as he grew up. I got so angry after he passed that I started emotional eating again and maybe all these heart frights are God's way of telling me to stay on the fitness bandwagon. I wasn't dreaming about my son when he first passed and that made me angry because I am a lucid dremer, and am b

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 16, 2009 at 12:05am

That is big on dreams, and now, I dream of Elijah very often and am always in the same banter with him as if he still lived. I hope this doesnt mean that I am at the final chapter of my life because I know that there is stillalot of the Lord's work that I have left undone. But should he call me out of here, life for me has been no crystal stair, and I would be much obliged to the latter as well. But, I do have a daughter, and it would be nice to raise her, and have the testimony that we survived instead of succumbed. So, until the bell tolls I will continus sharing the God News Gospel of the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Well should he will that we would meet again. God Bless and Hang in There. Love and Peace. Sis Tiffany D. Wheatley.

Permalink Reply by mary on April 16, 2009 at 9:15am

I just got off the phone with the IRS about filing both my sons tax returns. This is so hard. Im having a very difficult time doing this.

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 21, 2009 at 11:54pm

mary said:

I just got off the phone with the IRS about filing both my sons tax returns. This is so hard. Im having a very difficult time doing this.

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 22, 2009 at 12:37am

have you tried making a private appt witha private cpa? you may have to pay a fee, but the privacy and peace may be well worth it.

Permalink Reply by mary on April 22, 2009 at 9:45am

No, they told me what to do through the tears! I had to buck up and just do it!
Does your energy and morale ever come back? Now that it's spring and everything is turning green and the sun is shining... for some reason, I feel terrible that they aren't here to enjoy it!

tiffany wheatley said:

have you tried making a private appt witha private cpa? you may have to pay a fee, but the privacy and peace may be well worth it.

Permalink Reply by kristi on April 22, 2009 at 3:23pm

mary there looking down at you and telling you to make a garden and put plants in that they liked,what i did we have a flag pole and i put bricks around it and put flowers in it and some bears,and a light that lights up so i can look out there knowing my son is up there thinking about me.next month will be hard for me mothers day and he was suppose to graduate this year.i will need support,and i hope i have it from all the people on legacy.

mary said:

No, they told me what to do through the tears! I had to buck up and just do it!
Does your energy and morale ever come back? Now that it's spring and everything is turning green and the sun is shining... for some reason, I feel terrible that they aren't here to enjoy it!

tiffany wheatley said:
have you tried making a private appt witha private cpa? you may have to pay a fee, but the privacy and peace may be well worth it.