Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Twila on April 23, 2009 at 3:31pm

yesterday was my daughter's birthday she turned 20 she was the one that was really close to her brother and we all had a hard time really hard time without my son and brother there..Sometimes I dont know if Im coming or going it still feels like a dream for me but I know my son is not here..And the other thing I have to deal with is the women he was dating and has a daughter with is seeing his best friend and that hurts..How do you deal with that I ask did she even love my son or what. I know life goes on but not that fast you find a new person but some women are different and I have to keep telling my self that. He has only been gone for 4 months. She dont bring my granddaughter over anymore or talk to me I dont understand its like she wants us to beg to see my granddaughter. But I hurt to much for my own child to let it be like that so I just stay away. I miss my so much today and yesterday was so hard he was such a big part of the family..I wished I could just leave this world so the pain will stop..there are days I think man I cant make it without him my child. I miss him so much so much..Nobody really visits anymore maybe because I'm sad all the time but I try so hard not to be and keep myself busy talk about other things but my mind always turns back to my son..

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 23, 2009 at 8:45pm

I totally get where you are coming from when you talk about having to let go of a baby you love. I have learned from my son's death, the harsh reality of facing selfish people. My family, literally almost everyone in my immediate family, let my son die after he had got into some kind of liquid dope or medicine or whatever the stuff is it killed him, and they would not get him help just because they wanted to cover their own behinds. There are so many little cousins and nieces and nephews that I may very well never see or speak to again. So, it wasn't just losing my son, but my whole entire family. Yeah they're sticking together like glue saying I'm crazy and I'm overreacting. I shouldn't be so mad because noone "stuffed" the stuff down my son's throat. Yeah its the tenth degree here. But through salvation and understanding, I have come to realize that these are not simply fleshly components that I am dealing with. Nor, or any of us. We are already born to this world as troubled souls. But, when we fall in love with it, we lose even our troubled souls. Nothing is worth the loss of a soul, not even the death of a loved one. That's why I am so adamant about finding peace. You cannot destroy yourself because a loss soul is behaving as such. You just have to hold on to yourself because as tragic as your loss was, your loved one soul is covered. What about yours. There are days when I look around, and I see the buildings and the public and the atmosphere, and I am just too through. I don't really care to partake of this place anymore, yes, God's sun is in the sky, but I have loss my sunshine, and cannot get him back. Then I consider my place in the universe. I consider my finiteness. The fact that I can feel pain and have a chance here. I consider how we expect greatfulness and loyalty from or children, and unwavering trust even when we cannot trust ourselves. i consider my relationship to the Creator. I consider for as much as I could say on for all my pain, how little I have the right to because I do not know how to hang the sun in the sky and time it to cut on and off in sync with the east, north, south, and western hemispheres. I consider that alhough I breath, and can study the physiological aspects of the breathing process, I consider that I do not have the recipe for breath. When I consider these things and so much more, I consider that I have not loss anything that was ever mine, but rather, I have suffered the recall of a soul that I deeply loved. But, as for me, He has chosen that the sun should still rise upon me a little more. So, instead of grieving, I try to celebrate that I was chosen to partake with the miracle of the masterpiece that I got to name and hold and hug and love. Despite my short comings, I was chosen to give birth to my son's life. Just as Mary was chosen to birth the precious Savior, Jesus. I was chosen to bare the prodigal, intelligent, articulate, funny, witty, loving, handsome and infinitely more Mr. Elijah Anthony Kay Wheatley. I cannot reconcile the circumstances of my son's death. Some people are even saying that the police do not even have enough to hold people accountable. So, what can I do? When I consider all the self-destructive possibilities, the wind blows, and I am reminded that I also cannot point the wind, and as it listeth, I exhale pain, and inhale life, and then until I lose track of that again, which I do at least once a day, I live. I pray that you will too. God bless you forum.

Permalink Reply by mary on April 23, 2009 at 9:48pm

I dont know if this will help anyone here, but I find that if you can live through the pain and help someone else from not going through a tragedy. Tiffany maybe you could volunteer to help drug addicts or to go to schools and tell children of the consequences of starting to use drugs. To see a Mother suffer after the loss of a child to drugs might be something they can relate to...if you could save just one person from the same thing, some how that might make a difference in your sons life and give purpose to your sons passing and to your survival! God left us for a reason....and although it is hard to understand....we are still Mother's not only to our children but to many others as well! May God bless us all with peace in our hearts!

tiffany wheatley said:

I totally get where you are coming from when you talk about having to let go of a baby you love. I have learned from my son's death, the harsh reality of facing selfish people. My family, literally almost everyone in my immediate family, let my son die after he had got into some kind of liquid dope or medicine or whatever the stuff is it killed him, and they would not get him help just because they wanted to cover their own behinds. There are so many little cousins and nieces and nephews that I may very well never see or speak to again. So, it wasn't just losing my son, but my whole entire family. Yeah they're sticking together like glue saying I'm crazy and I'm overreacting. I shouldn't be so mad because noone "stuffed" the stuff down my son's throat. Yeah its the tenth degree here. But through salvation and understanding, I have come to realize that these are not simply fleshly components that I am dealing with. Nor, or any of us. We are already born to this world as troubled souls. But, when we fall in love with it, we lose even our troubled souls. Nothing is worth the loss of a soul, not even the death of a loved one. That's why I am so adamant about finding peace. You cannot destroy yourself because a loss soul is behaving as such. You just have to hold on to yourself because as tragic as your loss was, your loved one soul is covered. What about yours. There are days when I look around, and I see the buildings and the public and the atmosphere, and I am just too through. I don't really care to partake of this place anymore, yes, God's sun is in the sky, but I have loss my sunshine, and cannot get him back. Then I consider my place in the universe. I consider my finiteness. The fact that I can feel pain and have a chance here. I consider how we expect greatfulness and loyalty from or children, and unwavering trust even when we cannot trust ourselves. i consider my relationship to the Creator. I consider for as much as I could say on for all my pain, how little I have the right to because I do not know how to hang the sun in the sky and time it to cut on and off in sync with the east, north, south, and western hemispheres. I consider that alhough I breath, and can study the physiological aspects of the breathing process, I consider that I do not have the recipe for breath. When I consider these things and so much more, I consider that I have not loss anything that was ever mine, but rather, I have suffered the recall of a soul that I deeply loved. But, as for me, He has chosen that the sun should still rise upon me a little more. So, instead of grieving, I try to celebrate that I was chosen to partake with the miracle of the masterpiece that I got to name and hold and hug and love. Despite my short comings, I was chosen to give birth to my son's life. Just as Mary was chosen to birth the precious Savior, Jesus. I was chosen to bare the prodigal, intelligent, articulate, funny, witty, loving, handsome and infinitely more Mr. Elijah Anthony Kay Wheatley. I cannot reconcile the circumstances of my son's death. Some people are even saying that the police do not even have enough to hold people accountable. So, what can I do? When I consider all the self-destructive possibilities, the wind blows, and I am reminded that I also cannot point the wind, and as it listeth, I exhale pain, and inhale life, and then until I lose track of that again, which I do at least once a day, I live. I pray that you will too. God bless you forum.

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 24, 2009 at 8:13am

Thank You. I do feel very compelled to share the miracle of my son's life. However, although I am sure that it would be an impact to help with drug rehabilitation, my main focus is mental health services and support. I am building a organization to help with research and development for understanding ad/hd. I do not believe that it is a disease or an imbalance such as bipolar disorder and such, but I do believe that it something entirely different altogether that we need to understand to support these children. I think ad/hd is used very lasily and loosely by the psychological world to overlook children that have very real symptoms of personality disorders because they watch too much tv or whatever else is going on in their households. I think we need to address the needs of the single family household and the pressures that are there. We need more abstinence teaching, and better early childhood education. We (as a society) need to address some issues. They are issues that my children and I faced and still do. I just hope that I am strong enough in the Lord to step out on this journey and see it through. Thank you for your insight and please keep us in your prayers.

Permalink Reply by Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin on April 24, 2009 at 9:16am

Twila said:

yesterday was my daughter's birthday she turned 20 she was the one that was really close to her brother and we all had a hard time really hard time without my son and brother there..Sometimes I dont know if Im coming or going it still feels like a dream for me but I know my son is not here..And the other thing I have to deal with is the women he was dating and has a daughter with is seeing his best friend and that hurts..How do you deal with that I ask did she even love my son or what. I know life goes on but not that fast you find a new person but some women are different and I have to keep telling my self that. He has only been gone for 4 months. She dont bring my granddaughter over anymore or talk to me I dont understand its like she wants us to beg to see my granddaughter. But I hurt to much for my own child to let it be like that so I just stay away. I miss my so much today and yesterday was so hard he was such a big part of the family..I wished I could just leave this world so the pain will stop..there are days I think man I cant make it without him my child. I miss him so much so much..Nobody really visits anymore maybe because I'm sad all the time but I try so hard not to be and keep myself busy talk about other things but my mind always turns back to my son..

Permalink Reply by Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin on April 24, 2009 at 9:22am

My 32 year-old son, Aaron Michael Cass died tragically in January. He has a three year-old daughter; but fortunately his wife is still close to his family. Your daughter-in-law probably just wants to be close to your son--that's why she chose his friend. Aaron's daughter will never know how wonderful he was. I'm trying to find a psychologist who has some expertise in this field. The one I'm seeing doesn't quite understand how much I miss him and what horrible pain I'm suffering. I wish I could comfort you; but I can't comfort myself.
Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin said:

Twila said:

yesterday was my daughter's birthday she turned 20 she was the one that was really close to her brother and we all had a hard time really hard time without my son and brother there..Sometimes I dont know if Im coming or going it still feels like a dream for me but I know my son is not here..And the other thing I have to deal with is the women he was dating and has a daughter with is seeing his best friend and that hurts..How do you deal with that I ask did she even love my son or what. I know life goes on but not that fast you find a new person but some women are different and I have to keep telling my self that. He has only been gone for 4 months. She dont bring my granddaughter over anymore or talk to me I dont understand its like she wants us to beg to see my granddaughter. But I hurt to much for my own child to let it be like that so I just stay away. I miss my so much today and yesterday was so hard he was such a big part of the family..I wished I could just leave this world so the pain will stop..there are days I think man I cant make it without him my child. I miss him so much so much..Nobody really visits anymore maybe because I'm sad all the time but I try so hard not to be and keep myself busy talk about other things but my mind always turns back to my son..

Permalink Reply by mary on April 24, 2009 at 9:29am

Twila you do know that there is such a thing as "Grandparent's rights". Any family law attorney can help you see your grandchild and you may be able to go to
a legal advocate for free!

Permalink Reply by Tanya on April 24, 2009 at 9:42am

Twila,
When our family lost my brother he was in high school. He was a Junior and had been dating the same girl for almost three years. The weekend prior to his death he had proposed to her and she had accepted. Shortly after he passed away his best friend started dating her. It was very difficult because they both still came around and to see them together was hurtful. But then I came to realize that they found comfort in each other. Being that they were both very close to him. In regards to your granddaughter, you should look into grandparents rights. Take care.
Tanya

Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin said:

My 32 year-old son, Aaron Michael Cass died tragically in January. He has a three year-old daughter; but fortunately his wife is still close to his family. Your daughter-in-law probably just wants to be close to your son--that's why she chose his friend. Aaron's daughter will never know how wonderful he was. I'm trying to find a psychologist who has some expertise in this field. The one I'm seeing doesn't quite understand how much I miss him and what horrible pain I'm suffering. I wish I could comfort you; but I can't comfort myself.
Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin said:

Twila said:

yesterday was my daughter's birthday she turned 20 she was the one that was really close to her brother and we all had a hard time really hard time without my son and brother there..Sometimes I dont know if Im coming or going it still feels like a dream for me but I know my son is not here..And the other thing I have to deal with is the women he was dating and has a daughter with is seeing his best friend and that hurts..How do you deal with that I ask did she even love my son or what. I know life goes on but not that fast you find a new person but some women are different and I have to keep telling my self that. He has only been gone for 4 months. She dont bring my granddaughter over anymore or talk to me I dont understand its like she wants us to beg to see my granddaughter. But I hurt to much for my own child to let it be like that so I just stay away. I miss my so much today and yesterday was so hard he was such a big part of the family..I wished I could just leave this world so the pain will stop..there are days I think man I cant make it without him my child. I miss him so much so much..Nobody really visits anymore maybe because I'm sad all the time but I try so hard not to be and keep myself busy talk about other things but my mind always turns back to my son..

Permalink Reply by Twila on April 27, 2009 at 5:14pm

I was thinking about that maybe its because they both knew my son.. but it is hard to see. The weird thing is my son had a dream and he talked to me about everything..he told me he had a dream about his girlfriend and his friend being together and it really bothered him then. But why does she have to keep the baby away from me. I will check in to court if I have to go that route. Thank you for your word and I was trying to make sense of her seeing him so soon and she was seeing him like 3 weeks after my son is gone. And I remember my son telling me about his dream it is hard to see but what can you do and at this point nothing makes any senses to me..just my granddaughter. thank you again I have a little understanding of it and you have no idea how you have comforted me with your words...thank you again Twila

Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin said:

My 32 year-old son, Aaron Michael Cass died tragically in January. He has a three year-old daughter; but fortunately his wife is still close to his family. Your daughter-in-law probably just wants to be close to your son--that's why she chose his friend. Aaron's daughter will never know how wonderful he was. I'm trying to find a psychologist who has some expertise in this field. The one I'm seeing doesn't quite understand how much I miss him and what horrible pain I'm suffering. I wish I could comfort you; but I can't comfort myself.
Lynda Littrell Boyette Cass Benjamin said:

Twila said:

yesterday was my daughter's birthday she turned 20 she was the one that was really close to her brother and we all had a hard time really hard time without my son and brother there..Sometimes I dont know if Im coming or going it still feels like a dream for me but I know my son is not here..And the other thing I have to deal with is the women he was dating and has a daughter with is seeing his best friend and that hurts..How do you deal with that I ask did she even love my son or what. I know life goes on but not that fast you find a new person but some women are different and I have to keep telling my self that. He has only been gone for 4 months. She dont bring my granddaughter over anymore or talk to me I dont understand its like she wants us to beg to see my granddaughter. But I hurt to much for my own child to let it be like that so I just stay away. I miss my so much today and yesterday was so hard he was such a big part of the family..I wished I could just leave this world so the pain will stop..there are days I think man I cant make it without him my child. I miss him so much so much..Nobody really visits anymore maybe because I'm sad all the time but I try so hard not to be and keep myself busy talk about other things but my mind always turns back to my son..

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on April 28, 2009 at 1:46am

I totally get where you are coming from when you talk about having to let go of a baby you love. I have learned from my son's death, the harsh reality of facing selfish people. My family, literally almost everyone in my immediate family, let my son die after he had got into some kind of liquid dope or medicine or whatever the stuff is it killed him, and they would not get him help just because they wanted to cover their own behinds. There are so many little cousins and nieces and nephews that I may very well never see or speak to again. So, it wasn't just losing my son, but my whole entire family. Yeah they're sticking together like glue saying I'm crazy and I'm overreacting. I shouldn't be so mad because noone "stuffed" the stuff down my son's throat. Yeah its the tenth degree here. But through salvation and understanding, I have come to realize that these are not simply fleshly components that I am dealing with. Nor, or any of us. We are already born to this world as troubled souls. But, when we fall in love with it, we lose even our troubled souls. Nothing is worth the loss of a soul, not even the death of a loved one. That's why I am so adamant about finding peace. You cannot destroy yourself because a loss soul is behaving as such. You just have to hold on to yourself because as tragic as your loss was, your loved one soul is covered. What about yours. There are days when I look around, and I see the buildings and the public and the atmosphere, and I am just too through. I don't really care to partake of this place anymore, yes, God's sun is in the sky, but I have loss my sunshine, and cannot get him back. Then I consider my place in the universe. I consider my finiteness. The fact that I can feel pain and have a chance here. I consider how we expect greatfulness and loyalty from or children, and unwavering trust even when we cannot trust ourselves. i consider my relationship to the Creator. I consider for as much as I could say on for all my pain, how little I have the right to because I do not know how to hang the sun in the sky and time it to cut on and off in sync with the east, north, south, and western hemispheres. I consider that alhough I breath, and can study the physiological aspects of the breathing process, I consider that I do not have the recipe for breath. When I consider these things and so much more, I consider that I have not loss anything that was ever mine, but rather, I have suffered the recall of a soul that I deeply loved. But, as for me, He has chosen that the sun should still rise upon me a little more. So, instead of grieving, I try to celebrate that I was chosen to partake with the miracle of the masterpiece that I got to name and hold and hug and love. Despite my short comings, I was chosen to give birth to my son's life. Just as Mary was chosen to birth the precious Savior, Jesus. I was chosen to bare the prodigal, intelligent, articulate, funny, witty, loving, handsome and infinitely more Mr. Elijah Anthony Kay Wheatley. I cannot reconcile the circumstances of my son's death. Some people are even saying that the police do not even have enough to hold people accountable. So, what can I do? When I consider all the self-destructive possibilities, the wind blows, and I am reminded that I also cannot point the wind, and as it listeth, I exhale pain, and inhale life, and then until I lose track of that again, which I do at least once a day, I live. I pray that you will too. God bless you forum.

Permalink Reply by kristi on April 28, 2009 at 7:54am

HI,I WANT YOU TO ALL KNOW THE TRADEGY THAT I HAVE BEEN FACING FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.MY FRIEND LOST HER 1 1/2 YEAR OLD GRANDSON AND HER DAUGHTER LOST HER SON.WELL HE FELL OFF A COUCH THEY RUSHED HIM TO CASS LAKE HOSPITAL,THAN TO FARGO HE WAS UNRESPONSIVE,SO THEY PUT HIM ON LIFE SUPPORT AND HE DIDNT MAKE IT.THEY DID ALL THE TEST THEY COULD.IVE BEEN TRYING TO BE STRONG FOR THEM.BUT THE FIRST DAY I SEEN THE GRANDMA I WAS STRONG AND THEN WHEN I SEEN HER DAUGHTER I LOST IT.THIS IS A SAD TRADEGEY.THEY ARE NOT RELEASING HIS BODY TILL FRIDAY A WHOLE WEEK,THEY ARE INVESTIGATING THE BOYFRIEND OF THE MOM BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO DO SURGERY ON JAYSE BUT THEY SAID THERE IS TO MANY OLD INJURIES.SO I HOPE HE GOES TO JAIL FOR THIS IF IT CHILD ABUSE.WELL I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY STORY.THANKS FOR LISTENING.AND HAPPY MOTHERS DAY NEXT WEEK .

Permalink Reply by Susan on April 28, 2009 at 9:30am

Hi Tiffany,
I know the madness you are feeling against your family. My son Daniel died on August 13, 2008.Last time I saw him alive was at 8"30 pm August 12,2008. He said that he was going out with his friends and be home in a couple hours. He was 23. he had been drinking all day but he wasn't drunk.When his friends brought him home at 2'00 am on the 13 th and drop him on the sofa and didn't tell anybody any thing except he was drunk. And left.His older brother was up and he was helping him. And he went to bed after watching over him for 2 hours.I got up at 6 am and got his sister up for school, and I even told him to lay back. He moomed and I except that. At 9 oclock I went to wake him up for breakfast and he was dead. I called 911 and they came and did what they had to do. They search my house and everything around. They search the last car he was in, they search all three house of his friends and found nothing. In Dec a got the connary report. And not only did they find all the different drink that he had, they also find different legal drug. So I go and talk to his friend and noone know nothing. Will in Feb they were brust for legal and illegal drugs. They got 30 days in jail. Because Daniel made the choose to do that they could not do anything. I look out my back yard and I see them. I try to talk with his mom and she keep saying he a good kid. She just don;t get it. I didn;t get until after Daniel death. I was mad and angry at those boys, but now I feel for the mom;s, because they want listern to me. I say, I will be here when you put them in the ground. And just walked away from them. And now after 8 months I can look them in there eyes and tell them they are going to be in the same place Daniel is if thing don;t change. Last night guess they got brusted again. So mom can;t get them out until 45 days now. And now she is home alone. And she still don't get it. Thanks for listern. Susan Wright.

tiffany wheatley said:

I totally get where you are coming from when you talk about having to let go of a baby you love. I have learned from my son's death, the harsh reality of facing selfish people. My family, literally almost everyone in my immediate family, let my son die after he had got into some kind of liquid dope or medicine or whatever the stuff is it killed him, and they would not get him help just because they wanted to cover their own behinds. There are so many little cousins and nieces and nephews that I may very well never see or speak to again. So, it wasn't just losing my son, but my whole entire family. Yeah they're sticking together like glue saying I'm crazy and I'm overreacting. I shouldn't be so mad because noone "stuffed" the stuff down my son's throat. Yeah its the tenth degree here. But through salvation and understanding, I have come to realize that these are not simply fleshly components that I am dealing with. Nor, or any of us. We are already born to this world as troubled souls. But, when we fall in love with it, we lose even our troubled souls. Nothing is worth the loss of a soul, not even the death of a loved one. That's why I am so adamant about finding peace. You cannot destroy yourself because a loss soul is behaving as such. You just have to hold on to yourself because as tragic as your loss was, your loved one soul is covered. What about yours. There are days when I look around, and I see the buildings and the public and the atmosphere, and I am just too through. I don't really care to partake of this place anymore, yes, God's sun is in the sky, but I have loss my sunshine, and cannot get him back. Then I consider my place in the universe. I consider my finiteness. The fact that I can feel pain and have a chance here. I consider how we expect greatfulness and loyalty from or children, and unwavering trust even when we cannot trust ourselves. i consider my relationship to the Creator. I consider for as much as I could say on for all my pain, how little I have the right to because I do not know how to hang the sun in the sky and time it to cut on and off in sync with the east, north, south, and western hemispheres. I consider that alhough I breath, and can study the physiological aspects of the breathing process, I consider that I do not have the recipe for breath. When I consider these things and so much more, I consider that I have not loss anything that was ever mine, but rather, I have suffered the recall of a soul that I deeply loved. But, as for me, He has chosen that the sun should still rise upon me a little more. So, instead of grieving, I try to celebrate that I was chosen to partake with the miracle of the masterpiece that I got to name and hold and hug and love. Despite my short comings, I was chosen to give birth to my son's life. Just as Mary was chosen to birth the precious Savior, Jesus. I was chosen to bare the prodigal, intelligent, articulate, funny, witty, loving, handsome and infinitely more Mr. Elijah Anthony Kay Wheatley. I cannot reconcile the circumstances of my son's death. Some people are even saying that the police do not even have enough to hold people accountable. So, what can I do? When I consider all the self-destructive possibilities, the wind blows, and I am reminded that I also cannot point the wind, and as it listeth, I exhale pain, and inhale life, and then until I lose track of that again, which I do at least once a day, I live. I pray that you will too. God bless you forum.

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