Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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hi forum.
I must admit that tonight, I find myself in a bit of a lull because my son's birthday is on the eighth and he would have been seven, and all I can think about is all the damage I would like to cause for having to take balloons to my son's grave. It is too painful. It's always the people that would never imagine such hurt that get hurt. It would have been to much like right ms. susan if those guys would have told you what they really were doing, and what your son was really going through. All the possibilities, I twist and turn in them everyday. I guess i couldnt really expect dope addicts to stand up and say, hey our little boy got into our drugs and needs help. Just like i guess you could not really expect those boys to say hey we were taking illegal drugs in secret and i guess your son took too much. They were probably playing a game, and was goading him or something. They surely knew there was a severe issue when they dropped him off. That's why they dumped him on the sofa. My family so called went to breakfast. They did not alarm me that my son was having any issue. I had to listen to them tell the police at 1230pm that at 900am my son was sweating, vomiting, and breathing funny. But instead of alarming me or getting him some help, they decided that it would be best for him to lie down while they went out to have some breakfast. Yeah, dont even respond to that one. Even after my son was dead, I was trying to be there for everyone but him. Thats when i shouldve flipped out. I just didnt know what was real. I cant keep going on about this, but I just miss him so much. My daughter misses her best friend and her playmate. I'm laughing now because they would play together from sun up to sundown. Literally. I do not ever remember them getting into a fight except when we were over to my familys. I think my son felt like his loyalty was split when we went around them. My kids. Its so difficult because the death, it separates, but it does not sever. Its a heart wrenching pain. You feel them as if they were in the room, but, at the same time, you have to acknowledge you will never see that person again. I always feel like I can just reach out and grab him, but when I look up there is nothing but a dark room, and the faint illumination of his smile from a picture that sits atop my tv and the light reflected from it. That smile. My pastor mentioned at his funeral how that smile struck him. He smiles at me when I sleep. He always still himself in my dreams. Mischievous and smiling. Still getting in to hot water and laughing about it. I had adream the angels were getting tired of chasing after him, and called me to heaven to get him to settle down. I know thats imaginary. But it was a sweet dream and I got to hang out with my son for awhile, or maybe just his memory. Whatever it was, nights like this I beg for it. So, I go forum, with hopes of slipping into a comforting memory to sooth this nightmare.
I got all the Highway reports back in the mail on Monday I was going to open it and read it and it has pictures of my son.. I also found out the person that killed my son is not being charge with a crime for running over my son..Now how about that he hits and kills my son with a revoked drivers license in his company truck and he tells the State patrol he thought my son was a deer and tried to drive away and leave my son on the road. I dont understand I know it wont bring my son back but what about justices..Now I have to meet with lawyers I hate this. I miss my son so much what is going to happen I feel like Im going crazy my husband wants to hurt this guy that killed my son. He was walking home only walking home. Well I think does this person even care what he took from me my son..and I think of him laying on the road and everyone is looking at him I cant get that out of my mind. He was my only son my baby. Nothing will ever bring him back nothing when does it stop all this pain I have to drive by that spot also and it is hard so hard..I just miss you my son so much..if I could take your place I would. What do I do now what. I dont want to meet with lawyers money will fix everything they always think money will make people feel better just beings more problems I want my son that is all. And for this person that took his life to say he is sorry for what happen sorry I have to live without my son for the rest of my life. it is so hard
twila,i know how you feel i reallly do,because the kid that took my sons life got off because he said that my son said stay here till the end,i forgive you he said to the kid that killed him.and what is so hard for me is that this kid is running around scott free only restitution,community service.because he had family in the court room and said that it would be to much to live with out him for 3 years.well i am living without my son for the rest of my life.well i went throu court with this and i cried it is really emotionall time when you do it,.and my husband did want to kill the kid that did it to.but what is that going to solve i said.nothing.but now when my husband drinks he goes out to the cemetary and lays on the ground by my son.and he goes to the house were he was killed and throws arrows at there house and were the kid lives he goes and does it to.yes it is wrong that people are on this earth for a reason not to get killed and not be punished for it.it is hard getting them papers.i had to go throu my sons tote and i had to look for some pictures for the year book for my sons school because he would of been a senior this year,its going to hurt weather i like it or not,mothers day is coming up i have been with out my son for 2 1/2 years and still it hurts.and graduation is coming up soon may 31st that is going to be hard but i am going to be there for the kids.but take it one day at a time.because it will hurt you if you rush it.there is no bringing your son back but do the right thing for your self and for him take care of your self and ask your self what would your son want you to do?thanks for listening

Twila said:
I got all the Highway reports back in the mail on Monday I was going to open it and read it and it has pictures of my son.. I also found out the person that killed my son is not being charge with a crime for running over my son..Now how about that he hits and kills my son with a revoked drivers license in his company truck and he tells the State patrol he thought my son was a deer and tried to drive away and leave my son on the road. I dont understand I know it wont bring my son back but what about justices..Now I have to meet with lawyers I hate this. I miss my son so much what is going to happen I feel like Im going crazy my husband wants to hurt this guy that killed my son. He was walking home only walking home. Well I think does this person even care what he took from me my son..and I think of him laying on the road and everyone is looking at him I cant get that out of my mind. He was my only son my baby. Nothing will ever bring him back nothing when does it stop all this pain I have to drive by that spot also and it is hard so hard..I just miss you my son so much..if I could take your place I would. What do I do now what. I dont want to meet with lawyers money will fix everything they always think money will make people feel better just beings more problems I want my son that is all. And for this person that took his life to say he is sorry for what happen sorry I have to live without my son for the rest of my life. it is so hard
I have been reading all the story's here, And my heart goes out to all of you. I'am a mother who's son just lost his 4 month and 10 day yr Daughter "Sierra". I as a mother never lost a child, But as a Grandmother I have.We could except the fact that it was her time to go, But not the way she left us. My son and his girlfriend were not together at the time. Me and my son got a knock on the door, and there was the police. Asked to speck to my Son, And all i remember was him diving into my arm's saying NO NO NO..She not dead, Please mom tell me she not dead. I had a hard time trying to make out what he was saying, and then i ask the police which was a friend of mine tell me that dana's daughter Sierra is Dead..All we wanted to know where is she, How it happened. And the sad thing about it. Is that my son had been having dreams the something was going to happen to her. He said i told you so.. The mother was sleeping with the child and she rolled off the bed on to a pile of cloths and sufficated. How the mother didnt know. I dont know. The mother had been out the night before drinking. Police are done investing it, and says there is no real edivence. But we have to Burry her May 14,2009. and iam so worried about my son. He has gotten real bad. I hear for him but it seems like i cant help him..and i want to..thank you for your time reading this..

God Bless

ALWAYSBLESSINGNEVERLOSSES

Wendy
Hi my name is Danita Peterson Myers, I lost my son Erik Myers on 3/14/09. This was the most devasting day of my life. My husband found my son on the floor unresponsive. He kept calling him, but he never came out of it. My son was 13 years old. We still do not know the cause of death. The autopsy results are still pending. My heart is broken, and sometimes i don't know how to deal. it still seems like it is not true.
You know, that really was the most devastating day of your life. After my son passed, I used to think back on all the days that I imagined were some of the worse of my life. Some days had to do with the loss of a loved one, but there were others that did not. The world as I knew it, was still a safe place beyond the potential hazards of life. I was awaken on Nov. 1, after trying to catch some z's from third shift to see my six year old unresponsive, supposedly being rushed to the hospital. His birthday is coming up this friday, and I am just undone. He would have been seven years old. Seven. I started getting our paperqork together a year and a half ago, because, he neeeded to be kept busy, and I wanted hin to go into cubscouts, because I used to be an adventure camper and counselor, and I knew that he would enjoy learning about the outdoors, and doing all the things that the scouts. He;s going to miss out on all of that. My son's death was a huge wicked cover up. But, I remember the anxiety in waiting for the autopsy report, and just praying that there would be nothing out of the sorts, that this was just a normal clinical unpreventable situation. Mt circumstances came out very much so the opposite. But, as you wrote about your situation, I find myself praying the same prayer that I did for myself. It is only the beginning of may. You probably wont feel like what happened is real until maybe the end of school or something present happens that you have to face your separation from your son. That is when, I found that the real work begins in trying to keep yourself together. That's when you realize the reverse that has occurred, being that you have to go on the rest of your life without your son, and not the opposite. You will be able to go on. You may feel guilty at first, because it is such an out of order experience. But as long as you loved your son as well as you could, the clarity of your conscience will begin to tug on you, and demand that you move on. It is unimaginable now, because you havent really started grieving. I think it took me three months to admit my son was gone. And now, his birthday is coming up, I do not know what to do. I have not been back to the burial ground since to funeral, and I didnt, well, couldnt get out the limo when they took him to his plot. Having to go and face that place, I just dont know that I can. I remind myself when I get angry, that it is not people that Im upset with, it is that I feel I should've protected him more. You may feel that way, when your autopsy report comes back as well. Just hold on to you guys love. My son was very smart and witty. He was only six, but he always had a joke. His laugh was infectious. His smile was enrapturing. Your memories god or bad, are yours, and you own them. The good with the bad. They are part of a life that you couldve never imagined being cut short. In remembering your son, take the good with the bad. The bible says that we are born full of trouble. He did not have to be anyone's angel but yours and now the Lords. All the days of his life are all the days of his life, dismissing the bad, or challenging or whatever you want to call it, I would strongly discourage repressing any parts of the miracle of your son's life. Whatever it may have been. It was all a blessing. Also I have started working with The compassionate friends, which is a community of people not very different from this thread. That may be further down the line, after you realize how much its going to take to get through this, because they can be a little annoying with the whole move on thing. Which if we all moved on, why are we dedicating so much time to not forgetting our loved ones? I think a more proper synopsis would be to get through. I have realized that its going to be a lifelong process. I see what people mean, when they say that time of the year. My son's B-day isn't for another week, but I have been upset for weeks. I want to learn to manage that though, because the year will bring many peaks and valleys. I do not want to be constrained from transitioning because of being held bondage to grief. But its not easy. One day you'll feel like you have it together, and the next, you may be upset at yourself for being together. You want him back! But like I said, and I am sure many here on this thread will agree. We understand. When you need to cry when everyone is suggesting you cry no more, come cry here to us. We do to each other. God Bless You Miss Danita. Fair thee well.
Hi Danita,
I am so sorry for the loss of your son it is so hard. I read so many books so I can just understand my feelings but I still don't. I did how ever find a book I rather like the title is "I wasn't ready to say good bye" it is a good book. But as a mother who lost a son my heart aches for you I know and still know what you are going thru not a day goes by that my son is not in my thoughts. I feel like my heart is broke and who ever said time heals well it dont time just makes it bearable. I miss my son so much I visit him as much as I can just sit with him and writing helps me also. I ask my self all the time why and how do parents make it each day. My heart will never be whole never and I will never be the same person I was..I cry all the time and whenever I want or need to let it out. my son died 12-12-2008 he was hit by a truck walking home. I still feel like Im in a dream it is hard but I love to talk about him and to him and tell my stories he will forever be with me until we meet again. You take gentle care of you and make you first is what I learned "I come first" My heart will forever be broken. If you ever need to talk I will listen.
take gentle care

Danita Peterson Myers said:
Hi my name is Danita Peterson Myers, I lost my son Erik Myers on 3/14/09. This was the most devasting day of my life. My husband found my son on the floor unresponsive. He kept calling him, but he never came out of it. My son was 13 years old. We still do not know the cause of death. The autopsy results are still pending. My heart is broken, and sometimes i don't know how to deal. it still seems like it is not true.
Hi Danita. I am so sorry for your loss. I feel the same way as Twila. I like to keep talking about my son, joe. it brings me comfort. I lost both my parents years ago, but there is just no way to describe what its like losing a child.Wow, The emptiness, confusion, and hurt is sometimes un-bearable. They say, God had other plans for those he takes, and I guess we need to try hard to believe that. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get some answers soon. linda
My Mother's Day without my son:

I was thinking of you my son today,

And how painful this mother's day is without you,

To have lived through the death of my child my son YOU

When that was never the way

I saw any of my mother's day to be without you my son.



On this day when children honor their mother…

Though you are not here to tell me Happy Mother's Day MOM,

I look at cards from Mother's day passed and my heart aches,

I am always your mother, forever I will be.



For though my son has gone before me,

So painful you cant imagine.

My son lives on within me forever,

And to all who know me well know that my hurt runs deep for my son,

And this Mother's day was the hardest in my life,

But there will be an eternal light that shines in my heart for you my son,

And you my son return to touch my heart in ways a Mother can only feel;

And in a quiet voice, I hear a whisper from my son "I love you MOM Happy Mother's

day". And a tear rolls down my face with heartache.

This is not a mother’s day I ever imagined.

The sorrow and loss, i feel is sometimes unbearable

I think of all the mother's on this day and I respect and feel for all who have lost a child,

Words can not say enough to you on this mother's day.

My thoughts and prayers are with you on this day

For sadness and memories is all we mother have to hold on to on this Mother's day.,

This was the hardest day ever to be without one of my children I miss him so much I cried most of the night and day but my girls made it a little bit easier for me I love them with all my heart and my grandchildren...This is a poem I wrote and I its hard for me to express or show my writing but it really helps me. I miss my son so much I hurt and nothing will ever make it better. Holidays are the hardest ever I found out you try and avoid them but they just seem to keep coming so I try to get through them with a smile...it is hard. I know we will meet again my son and I and on that day it will be a happy day we will be together again and my heart will be whole once more.
I love you my son I love you
I KNOW HOW U FEEL I LOST MY ONLY SON ON 2/12/09 HE WAS 21 & I'M 41 & CAN'T IMAGINE LIVING MY LIFE WITHOUT HIM...I LOST HIM IN A TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT..HE WAS 21 & WE UNLIKE MOST KIDS & PARENTS WERE VERY CLOSE...I FEEL LIKE I NOT ONLY LOST MY ONLY SON BUT I LOST MY FRIEND... I STILL CAN NOT BELIEVE HE WILL NOT CALL ME OR POP IN MY HOME & SAY HEY MOMMA U GOT ANY FOOD...I WILL ALWAYS CHARISH THE TEXT MASSAGES I GOT FROM HIM AT NIGHT TELLING ME GOOD NIGHT I LUV U MOMMA & THIS IS AT 21...I KNOW HARD 2 BELIEVE RIGHT... I KNOW HOW BLESSED I WAS AND THIS IS WHY I'M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME...I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO AIR...LIKE I'M SINKING IN QUICK SAND & MY HEART IS SOOOOOOOOOO BROKEN INTO A MILLION PIECES I DO NOT KNOW HOW I MAKE IT THREW SOME DAYS AND THEN OUT OF BED ON OTHERS...I MISS HIM WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE ...& WILL ALWAYS & FOREVER...BUT THE BEST THING I HAVE HEARD SO FAR IS THAT THE PAIN DOES NOT GO AWAY... U JUST GET USED TO LIVING WITH IT & I KNOW THAT IS SAD TO SAY & HARD TO BELIEVE CAUSE I KNOW THE PAIN TAKES MY BREATH AWAY....BUT I GUESS IT DOES MAKE SENSE IF U THINK ABOUT IT...CAUSE I ALSO KNOW THAT MY HEART DOES NOT FEEL LIKE IT CAN BE FIXED WHERE HE HAS LEFT A HOLE WHERE HIS Z (HIS NAME WAS ZACHARI)SPOT WAS...THAT IS WHT I CALL IT...ANY WAY WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENT THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT STAGES OF GRIEF AND NO ONE DOES THEM THE SAME OR IS IN THE THE SAME LENGHT OF TIME & THAT IS OK...THAT IS ALL I KNOW AT THIS TIME..& JUST KEEP LOOKING UP 2 THE STARS....& MAY THEY ALL RIP...
Hi, my name is Joanne. I lost my baby granddaughter 3 weeks ago today. My son called me from the hospital on that day and said "Mom, I got some real bad news for you. Jenna died last night." She was going to be 8 weeks old in just a couple days. The autopsy has not fully come back, but we think it may be SIDS. Jenna was born very healthy. The grieving I am experiencing is like nothing I have ever experienced before. She was the sunshine in my family's life. We saw her just about every day. She was thriving beautifully. The doctor had said at her physical that she was perfect. The hardest of all is watching my son and daughter-in-law trying to go on without her. They were the best parents to my baby Jenna. Does anyone have advice to help me and my family cope with this great loss?
Hi Joanne, I am so sorry for your loss. My son was 26 and the pain is still there. I miss him more and more, but I hang on tight to memories. I cant say anything that would take away the pain you feel or your son and daughter-in -law. Have you heard of Compassionate Friends? Its a grief group for those who have lost a child. Its been 6 mos for me now and I am thinking of starting to go to their meetings. You are in my prayers.

Joanne Rumsey said:
Hi, my name is Joanne. I lost my baby granddaughter 3 weeks ago today. My son called me from the hospital on that day and said "Mom, I got some real bad news for you. Jenna died last night." She was going to be 8 weeks old in just a couple days. The autopsy has not fully come back, but we think it may be SIDS. Jenna was born very healthy. The grieving I am experiencing is like nothing I have ever experienced before. She was the sunshine in my family's life. We saw her just about every day. She was thriving beautifully. The doctor had said at her physical that she was perfect. The hardest of all is watching my son and daughter-in-law trying to go on without her. They were the best parents to my baby Jenna. Does anyone have advice to help me and my family cope with this great loss?

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