Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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I wonder about the feeling in my chest, a hole expanding and the edges becoming sharper. Is there healing, when the souls of those you love leaves this earth.

Today, I didn't want to visit the sister of my dear friend, whom I love as much as I loved her sister, her mother and her father. This week I was told she is gravely ill, fifteen minutes later, the same person knocked at my door, I had not moved from the spot I sat, when I walked in my door. She told me that the mother had died of cancer that morning, the father died of cancer last year. Her sister, died of cancer a few years, ago. We love this family, they brought beauty and joy into our life.

I met a friend of the daughter while we waited for her to come home from viewing her mothers body. There is a reason, I decided to go, instead of wallowing in my own personal grief. He comforted me, a wise man. Someone I had not met, but we knew so many of the same people, he shared his wisdom as we offered each other comfort.

His wisest words were; There is no answer for the question, Why? So I continue to pray for understanding and acceptance of the loss and blessing of life. Lord Help Us and have Mercy on our souls.

Who are your Heroes?  Mine are my three sons.  Two for fighting with all their might to survive cancer and dying with dignity when a cure was not to be found. I will love and miss them forever.   My other hero is my son who is 22 now for being brave.  He was brave in dealing with his brothers death and for not letting it destroy his life and future.  It take so much strength to do something with you life when you have been through so much.  I love him so much and will look up to him forever.

Merry Christmas to my boys.

Love Mom

 online grief support social network

Dear JoAnn:

 

    Unfortunately unforeseen occurrences befall us all as stated in Ecclesiates 9:11. We live in a world that seems to be getting worse by the minute. We must put our faith and hope in God and his son Jesus Christ. I find that focusing on my faith and putting God first, makes all the difference. Sometimes it's easier said that done. Prayer is the key. Psalms 55:22 says "Throw your burden upon Jehovah and he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter".  Losing a child at no matter what age is especially difficult for a parent. A child is supposed to outlive the parents, but as long as we live in a world filled with crime, sickness, disease, war, famine and disasters, we will keep losing our loved ones. I lost my mother when I was seven and I draw so much comfort knowing that one day I will see her again. Jesus made this promise at John 5:28,29 and we have various examples of resurrections from he performed mentioned in the Bible. Although Jesus was perfect, he wept for his friend Lazarus, so Jehovah and Jesus understand the suffering we endure when we lose a loved one. We can be assured that one day we have the hope of living in a world free from death, sickness, unforeseen occurrences, disease, crime, violence, war and disasters as promised at Revelation 21:3,4. Please put your trust in God and his son, pray incessantly and you will find comfort and help in dealing with your pain. I hope that you found some comfort from the scriptures and words I have shared with you.

 

Sincerely, Debra

JoAnn said:

Tragedy seems to be a part of my family history..my grandmother was hit by a car, grandfather murdered, my dad fell from an 8 story building and recently my son was taken by a wild horse. My son was 42, with 2 children and a baby due Christmas day. None of this make sense...I have faith and trust in the Lord...but it is still hard as a mother losing my son.
How do we cope when our child decides to abort our grandchild?  My daughter was living with her boyfriend and got pregnant.  They were having problems, so she aborted the baby because she didn't want to raise it alone.  She was five weeks pregnant.  She told me about the pregnancy and abortion after it was done.  Then she married her boyfriend.  A year and a half later, she accidently got pregnant while on the pill and was almost five months pregnant when she took a stupid test and discovered that her unborn son had spina bifida and possibly hydrocephalus.   Within one week, she decided that she didn't want him to "grow up disabled", so she aborted him. This was two days ago.  I am so heartbroken, angry and repulsed by her actions and the actions of her husband who supports that decision.  I am "supposed" to be supportive and loving and feel HER pain, but all I can think about is the horrific pain my grandson endured during the abortion and that we'll never get to walk hand in hand or go fishing or laugh and play or anything.  I am repulsed that my grandson's mommy and daddy paid someone to end his life in this way with no way to escape.  I do not believe in abortion for ANY reason and she knew that from when she was a child, yet I am supposed to accept this and pretend it never happened and be a loving, supportive "mommy" to her.  After her first abortion, she said that she wasn't upset that she had an abortion, she was upset because, "I don't have a family".  Now she still doesn't have a family and it's her own doing!  I am just beside myself and don't know what to do.  I am a Christian and she is an athiest so I understand where her mindset is, but it doesn't help because my grandson is still dead.

I have not been on here for a while. And would like to share that this loss of my son has broke me down. So this might help some of you. I have been going to a support group called griefshare, and is helping me to learn how to heal, so my homework is to write a letter to friends ,family and those who might not know how to help someone that is grieving. And they tell you to lean into it. So here it is!

 

To whom it may concern,

I’m writing this letter to let you know that we have suffered from a devastating loss. Our grieving has no time limits. At times we can be angry, sad, happy, overwhelmed and we can sometimes cry. So please don’t take it personally and just know that we need to be able to express our emotions. This is healthy grieving and this is how we are going to be able to recover from our loss. We are getting counseling, and are in a support group. Our lives have changed for ever. We are learning to COPE with our new life. We know that people just want to help. And don’t mean to make the pain worse or to stop the process. So here are some ways you can help if you want to help:

  • Don’t say anything negative. As in “get over it he passed away __ months ago or don’t cry.
  • Be positive let us know its okay!
  • Let us know you are thinking of us.
  • Listen to us. If we come to you to talk let us. If you don’t feel comfortable in talking about him. Be honest and say I’m not ready to talk about him right now!
  • Don’t be afraid to talk to us about him.
  • Be understanding.
  • Pray for us!
  • Just being there for us when we need you is the greatest gift ever!

We are being very hard on ourselves and are working on changing that one day at a time. Our life is one day at a time now. We are going to church. One day when we are ready. We will be full of laughter and joy and peace. So don’t rush us to get through this. So until then be patient with us and understanding. Thank you in advance.

 

Love always,

It is almost "ANGEL DAY" for my Jordan! It will be four years on the 29th of April. I always wondered...with everyday that takes so very long to go through...how can so much time have passed? But it does, 4 years now. I still miss him. His love, his smiles, the sound of his laughter. I can almost hear him...almost, but I can't. I see him in my dreams. He was upset last time I talked to him. He said he had to go. I told him, ..."Don't be upset, this is our time now". He smiled, that great big smile I loved and missed. All I know is, we don't get over it...we just get through it. We will be ok...maybe not yet... but we will be someday. We have to...if we ever want to see them again.   Love and prayers to all of you.................Leslie

 

Leslie,

It has been awhile...I could not help but respond to your message.

I too wonder how  each day seems so long, yet it seems only like yesterday that I got the news about Ric being killed. It has been 19 months and there are days I still have difficulty believing my son is gone.

Some days we can run...other days it is just baby steps. I guess that's the way it will be until we reunite with them.

I will say a prayer for Jordan tomorrow on his ANGEL DAY..and as always will remember you my friend.

God be With You,

Gerry

 

 

 

Hi Kristi..I

m sorry for your lose,,I feel your pain and I know how hard every day is.. My 27 yr old son died 9 months ago, from a car accident  , he was a passinger
.He had no say. When we get into a car with someone .Our lives are in the drivers hands..so scary,,,today is mother's day..not a good day for me any more


kristi said:

I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS CLEANING HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING

To All,

 

Today is probably the third hardest day for all of us moms on Legacy. The first being the day our child died the second being their birthday, and having to celebrate that day that changed our lives forever without them.

My Mothers Day wish for all here...is

PEACE IN YOUR HEART

YOUR CHILDS LOVE AND PRECIOUS MEMORIES FOREVER

And..

GODS LOVE TO SEE YOU THROUGH YOUR LIFE..UNTIL WE REUNTIE WE OUR CHILDREN

God Be With You All,'

Gerry

 

god is with us iam liveing proof i lost my 7yr.old to cancer in 2007 and also just lost my brother a month ago to cancer it sure is good to talk to someone about this pain that knows i have tryed to deal with it on my on but i think god he step in i would not be here keep god in it and he will ease the pain                                                                                                         GOD BLESS,MS.DILLON


michele boucher said:

Hi Kristi..I

m sorry for your lose,,I feel your pain and I know how hard every day is.. My 27 yr old son died 9 months ago, from a car accident  , he was a passinger
.He had no say. When we get into a car with someone .Our lives are in the drivers hands..so scary,,,today is mother's day..not a good day for me any more


kristi said:

I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING
Well Cynthia its been five years for me. I can say with the help of the all Mighty God I don't feel great pain like I use to. The pain. Is stll there but it don( hurt as bad as it use to.
This goes along with much and many prayers and praying. I miss Kriss so much. Because his last holiiday with the family MOTHERS. DAY. My son Kris prepared ribeye steak and baked potatoe for every mother that came. That is one Mothers Day I would never forget. So on. Mother. Day I can. Smile. So. Just keep praying and some day it will get better. I still cry some times. But the grief group therapist said its OK to cry. So just be strong and. Hang in there.

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