Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 1, 2009 at 5:45pm

hi sue,i feel the same thing happened to me and my family we were in the er room waiting to see what happens to my son and they said we couldnt see him or touch him because he was evidence.now there are people in that room that never even met my son or they have no right to tell us we cant say goodbye to him,i will say we didnt get to see his face or anything we got to see him in his bodybag.they took him in ambulance to do an autapsy.my husband when my son came back and then he went and dressed my son and talked to him i wouldnt.i said i work in a nursing home i cant.i dont care i cant do that.but just to let you know that my heart feels for what you are going throu not being able to touch or anything.take care and write when you can kristi

Sue said:

It has been 11 months since my 24 year old son passed away suddenly. I have just now received the coroner's report and toxicology and autopsy. It took such a long time. I live in Canada and can't believe how bad this system is. I work in Buffalo,NY in a Pathology department and we do things alot differently in the States.Our autopsy's are done within ten days, the medical examiners take a bit longer, but not 11 months!
It is pure torture to have to wait, esp. living in a small town with the rumours flying. But all in all, everyone has been really good to me, as much as they know how to be.
I feel like it is yesterday, when I got the call at work to come home NOW. I could hear my son's girlfriend in the background crying and I knew it was Josh. I kept asking , IS HE DEAD IS HE DEAD??? Finally, the police got on the phone and said"there was an accident and your son went over the bridge and I'm sorry to say he didn't make it". Apparently, I was hysterical at work and don't even remember driving home. Probably the worst thing was having to identify him in the morgue and not being able to hold him, just to see him in full rigor behind a glass window. I wanted to wipe his nose because it was bleeding.They had wiped the foam off his mouth, but his neck was huge and edemous. I was clawing at the glass begging them to let me in to hold him and tell him it was ok. The reason they couldn't let me in to him was because the autopsy wasn't done yet. But it still hurt beyond belief. I did ask the funeral director to let me see him before he was embalmed so I got to check out his body for signs of trauma and struggle.
This is so hard I can't even breathe .
Love and strength to you all.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 1, 2009 at 6:15pm

Hi Sue,my name is Elaine and I didn't have the chance to tell my 28 year old son Kris goodbye either. I really can't say that it was best for me or it was good for me. I sometimes read and like you couldn't even touch your child to say goodbye. Kris was also killed in a auto accident on his way home from Ga. and his SUV flipped and he was killed instanly. I will never forget the words from the State Trooper stating yes Ms. Phillips that was your son SUV and this is all that I can say to you on the phone. I worked at Charity Hospital for 27 years in the Admit and Registration Dept. and I knew what the Trooper was trying to say to me. I said my son is dead,he replied I am so sorry. It's been three years for me and I am still having a hard time not having my son around. I miss Kris so much. This is my second son that I had to bury. My 1st child was only 1month and 18 days. than Kris 28 years in my life and now gone. It hurts so much,I still wish for him to be around and to get that big bear hug and kiss from him. We are here for you any time you get sad or lonley. We know how you feel. I pray every night for this Site for those that have lost their love ones. I thank God everyday for this Site. It lets you know that you are not alone. Elaine
kristi said:

hi sue,i feel the same thing happened to me and my family we were in the er room waiting to see what happens to my son and they said we couldnt see him or touch him because he was evidence.now there are people in that room that never even met my son or they have no right to tell us we cant say goodbye to him,i will say we didnt get to see his face or anything we got to see him in his bodybag.they took him in ambulance to do an autapsy.my husband when my son came back and then he went and dressed my son and talked to him i wouldnt.i said i work in a nursing home i cant.i dont care i cant do that.but just to let you know that my heart feels for what you are going throu not being able to touch or anything.take care and write when you can kristi

Sue said:

It has been 11 months since my 24 year old son passed away suddenly. I have just now received the coroner's report and toxicology and autopsy. It took such a long time. I live in Canada and can't believe how bad this system is. I work in Buffalo,NY in a Pathology department and we do things alot differently in the States.Our autopsy's are done within ten days, the medical examiners take a bit longer, but not 11 months!
It is pure torture to have to wait, esp. living in a small town with the rumours flying. But all in all, everyone has been really good to me, as much as they know how to be.
I feel like it is yesterday, when I got the call at work to come home NOW. I could hear my son's girlfriend in the background crying and I knew it was Josh. I kept asking , IS HE DEAD IS HE DEAD??? Finally, the police got on the phone and said"there was an accident and your son went over the bridge and I'm sorry to say he didn't make it". Apparently, I was hysterical at work and don't even remember driving home. Probably the worst thing was having to identify him in the morgue and not being able to hold him, just to see him in full rigor behind a glass window. I wanted to wipe his nose because it was bleeding.They had wiped the foam off his mouth, but his neck was huge and edemous. I was clawing at the glass begging them to let me in to hold him and tell him it was ok. The reason they couldn't let me in to him was because the autopsy wasn't done yet. But it still hurt beyond belief. I did ask the funeral director to let me see him before he was embalmed so I

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on August 1, 2009 at 7:15pm

I am assuming that your comments were directed to me. So, I will answer. I do not know what your experience was with the cloud, but what I can share with you is two separate incidences. 1) I was sitting in a sermon, and my Pastor mentioned how the last would be first, I saw a clear vision of all the children of the resurrection standing before the throne. Jesus helped me to understand what he meant when he said you must become like a child to enter in. The second thing that happened to me, is that I was sitting alone at home, and I was on my bed, and just feeling petrified. Petrified by the atmosphere of all the things that were going wrong in my life. So I sat there, and I began playing one of my internet playlists of songs. I began to worship and praise God, and I sat and listened suddenly the playlist began toggling through only my Christian songs on the list, and as God as my witness, I suddenly FELT a presence enter the room, and then I FELT the air split. It wasn't wind, but it was a sudden gush like someone had just taken a knife, and cut the atmosphere in two. After that, I have never felt afraid to be in my home anymore. I never gave angels much emphasis, but as I looked for information on what had happened in my home, everything began pointing to the Archangel Michael. He handles fears. I praise God that he loves me so much that he would send an Archangel to comfort me in my dispair.If you know your expeience is real, don't discount it. Seek out information until you have your answer. Do I believe that God is with you. Yes, even unto the ends of the earth is his promise. Selah. God bless. Sis Tiffany.

shirley zurschmeide said:

Diamond you are truly a spiritual woman, I believe what you say is true. I believe that one day my son will be waiting for me and I'll be sooo happy to be with him again. But I wish that day will come soon.
I have this mood and it's dark at times, I know I know. My life has changed and I didn't want to lose Scott. When he died I asked God to bring him back to me but of course this didn't happen. I miss his voice, his face and his smell. In the mornings on the way to work I'd say my prayers and ask God to take care of my sons and not to take any of them?? But let me tell you this I have only shared with family members. At the funeral as I sat on the couch across the room there was a big purple round circle of light and anybody could of seem it. it was that big. I couldn't say anything because I couldn't take my eyes off of it and in a second it was gone. I was the only one who saw it. What do you think that was Diamond?? Scott's spirit or something??

Shirley

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on August 1, 2009 at 7:32pm

Ms. Shirley, I am tears right now, I just left you a comment, and the I started looking up, not purple light, but more attributes of the ArchangeL Michael. I"m just in awe of God love for us! I started searching on the inetrnet, and the first page I came too, I found it. I'm am not a diviner or anythging like that......Omg, I hope you can recieve this. God is so good. Omg! So, after I left you this comment like I said from my experience, I couldn't tell you what your purple light was, but I recently found out from my own personal experience that I was being watched over by the Archangel Michael. I had never really given into angels or anything like that. But I knew what happened in my home, and I immediately started looking for answers. I found out that Michael was the angel that calmed fears through some site, I dont even remember it, but after I left that comment to you just now, I did an internet search, and the engine came back, attributes of communicating with the Angel Michael..... here I am crying again, and the seventh attribute that it gave, is that you see shimmers of blue and purple light!!!! Yes, it was right there clear as day!!! My dear sister in Christ, he not only loves you, but he has sent one of his mostg beloved beings in heaven to comfort you in your time of grief. Praise the Lord!!!! The website is as follows:

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/Angels/2008/12/8-Ways-to-Recog...

Permalink Reply by Linda fitch on August 4, 2009 at 8:53pm

i really don/t know where to start, my son was killed in a car wreck on july 3 2009, he was only 26 and he was my baby ...and i still don't believe it . i keep thinking it is a bad dream. it can't be real . i don't know how to face this and i don't want to . i know i am going to have to get someone to talk to but it is so hard.. i am finding it hard enough typing this, good thing i don't know much about typing are i would have time to think.anyway i will be back on soon ... noone should have to go throu this.. linda

Permalink Reply by Sue on August 5, 2009 at 11:26am

Linda,
I know how you feel. I lost my baby age 24 last summer. Also an accident. He drowned when his car went over a bridge and he was trapped. His worst fear was choking. I still can't believe it. I know he is dead, but I am in so much pain I can't get over it. i guess we someday just learn to cope. Take each moment and breathe...because you will have times when you will feel like you are going to expode, you will feel like you are going crazy. This is all normal. I went to a grief counselor and joined a grief group and it did help in the beginning.Noone feels this acute loss as we do. People will mean well, but they really don't get it, unless they have experienced our pain. It it unexplainable. It can't be put into words.
My son's friends have been really good to me. They came by alot in the beginning and I am still in contact with his best friend. His girlfiend has moved on, but we still speak. I just want people to not forget him.
It is really good you are reaching out. The breathless pain we feel is so acute at times, you will feel like you are going crazy, but you are not.
He will always be your baby no matter what. Take your time to grieve. Leave his stuff where it is. Smell his clothes, look at his pictures. If you are fortunate to have videos, watch them over and over. It , for me, keeps him alive somewhat. Cry as much as you can. Hugs also help. I hug everyone I see. I don't care because I know what I need. Put your needs first. Please contact me anytime. I understand.
email: sm1sue@hotmail.com
You are not alone.
Sincerely , Sue

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 5, 2009 at 2:49pm

Hi Linda,my name is Elaine and I lost my son Kris to an auto accident to in 2006,but it still feels like a month or few weeks ago. You know if you never been there than you can't say I know how you feel because you don't. This hurts so bad. This is my 2nd son I had to bury.my 1st son was 1mo. and 18 days. I thought it was painful when I lost my mother,father and brother. This is only my opinion the lost of a child is just unbareable,painful and plenty of heartaches. After 3 years I still cry for Kris wishing he was here with me and his sons. Don't let the choir sing a good spiritual song,here come all tears at church. But everyone understands and rubs my back saying its going to be OK or alright. But this looks like it makes me cry more. I miss Kris hugs and kisses,calling me every morning and night faithfully. I go on waiting just to at least have a dream about him. Its been 3 years and not even a dream of Kris. I want to see him again so bad so that I can hear him say Ma I'm OK,or stop crying Ma its alright. So my Site Family who has lost a child keep in touch because we know each other feelings,pains and heartaches. I am still praying for us,if sometimes you don't hear from me its because I cry a lot when I read everyone expressing their hurt and pain. But it also let me know that I am not alone or crazy Elaine

Linda fitch said:

i really don/t know where to start, my son was killed in a car wreck on july 3 2009, he was only 26 and he was my baby ...and i still don't believe it . i keep thinking it is a bad dream. it can't be real . i don't know how to face this and i don't want to . i know i am going to have to get someone to talk to but it is so hard.. i am finding it hard enough typing this, good thing i don't know much about typing are i would have time to think.anyway i will be back on soon ... noone should have to go throu this.. linda

Permalink Reply by teresa on August 8, 2009 at 9:18pm

Hello Cynthia, its been 12 yrs. Aug13 since my 17 yr old daughter died in a car accident. Like most parents that have lost a child...there are no sufficent words to discribe the pain of losing a child.
I don't think I began to get my footing until her 5th anniversary. There is some very good grief material out there for bereaved parents. No, gaining knowledge on how to go on, does not take away our sorrow, but it helped me understand the process and the legacy etc of loosing a child. Much like you, I got involved in the Compassionate Friends, facilitaed and so on. I also sought grief counseling, which helped me a great deal. For many parents we find a forum to keep their memory alive...for me it has been speaking at prom time to the area high school students. My speech is not only about her, but how it has affected me and our family. But I also encourage them to make good choices especially at prom...

Permalink Reply by Lupe on August 8, 2009 at 11:29pm

Im so sorry for your pain of losing your child. We all are here to help each other through. I lost my daughter 2 years ago on January 4, 2007 delivering her still born baby girl she had wanted so badly. We knew the baby wouldnt make it but we had no idea Misty would leave us also. We tend to flood our mind with could haves should haves, just to see if there was an opportunity that we could have prevented the death. Just know you are not alone, many are here in this site wanting to help you just by listening or responding. God bless you.

Linda fitch said:

i really don/t know where to start, my son was killed in a car wreck on july 3 2009, he was only 26 and he was my baby ...and i still don't believe it . i keep thinking it is a bad dream. it can't be real . i don't know how to face this and i don't want to . i know i am going to have to get someone to talk to but it is so hard.. i am finding it hard enough typing this, good thing i don't know much about typing are i would have time to think.anyway i will be back on soon ... noone should have to go throu this.. linda

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on August 9, 2009 at 4:59am

For me, getting through the day isn't nearly as hard as the nights. In the day time, people are always up bugging me, or checking on me, or minding me for appointments and other personal matters. It tends to serve as a distraction from the emotional turmoil that comes at night when every person is tending to their own perspective lives, and all I have, are the shattered pieces of losing my son that I am trying to hold together. Losing my son has given me a clearer undertsanding of the human experience, and why it is necessary that we focus less on judging one another, and more on love. But at the end of the day, each day, I lie back on my pillow to stare into the eyes of a little boy that was a mirror of myself. I held his picture close to my face last night, and his nose matched my nose, and the almond shape of his eyes matched the shape of mine, and the rise of his cheeks matched the rise of my own, and I longed to have him before me face to face. How I will never hold him again or hears his laugh in person.... well I just don't know altogether how our lives have come to this. Perhaps I wasn't making all the right decisions. I was trying everyday to make his life better. I was always planning something for him. I did what I planned as ofeten as I could. To me, he was a prodigy and a genius, and I just knew, if I could get him to overcome the ad/hd, that he would be great. And he was learning, and I got to see before I lost him, a young man in the making. He was so gorgeous. I would try to get him to sleep in his bed, but, I always found him in mine in the morning. I remember I woke up in tears one morning cause he had snuck in on a cold night, and was probably so worried I'd get on him about coming in my room that he was on the edge of the bed shivering. I didn't even send him tgo school that day. We just hung out all day. Him making a hot tea mess all over my kitchen, and us watching movies or singing or whatever he wanted to do. I didn't even try to make him go to his room later that night. I wanted to hiold him anyways. But, I was working on it cause he was becoming a big boy and didn't need to be getting in the bed with his mommy every night. I know I'm tripping tonight legacy. I can't believe its coming up on a year. All I can remember is rushing him to the hospital. Now here I am typing about a journey that I question my acceptance of. The days blur together. I am always thinking of my Bah. Night and day. Always trying to recapture a recessed memory. And stil trying to be a mom. It doesn't even seem like I am one without my son. But, there is still my beautiful butterfly. Resilient as ever. Going to start school in three short weeks. Still laughing, still dancing, and like myself, always misiing her Bah, Bah. I know she will never forget him. If I go to long without mentioning him she does. And she demands that he partakes in all our. prayers, and that we still leave a plate for him when we eat. She likes that. She won't ever forget him, and neither will I. But, that is my human experience. I can never negate that at the end of it all, God still has the whole world in his hands. He's got me and you alive, and all our children passed in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands. Goodnight forum. Or rather good morning. I will prepare to embrace the day with strength. It is my prayer that each and everyone of you

Permalink Reply by Tracy R. on August 10, 2009 at 12:47am

I was't sure if this would be the "right" group to join, but I am in search of somewhere to talk about the passing of my infant daughter Rylee. This week was the one year anniversery of her birth (July) and her death (August) and it has been really difficult to deal with lately. Some days are better than others. Many people say things to me that just seem cruel and really do not make much sense. Just looking for others with whom I can talk to and somewhat relate to.

Permalink Reply by Debbie Prince on August 10, 2009 at 8:30pm

I have posted my story on my page I hope you will read it thanx....Debbie

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