The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on May 8, 2011 at 9:11pm

Hi Kristi,its been a while for me but things are a lot better for me. I finally joined a grief support group. This was the best thing besides God and prayers that I made it. You know I still cry sometimes but the therapist says its OK to cry. I still miss Kris so much,even still when I see a fire truck I think about Kris. I guess he will always be on my mind and In my memory. To all who has lost a child I know how you feel and what you are feeling. Just keep praying and trusting in the Lord God Almight.

Permalink Reply by JOANN BARNES on May 8, 2011 at 9:20pm

Natasha, was I'll last mother"s day. She ws making her delicious pancakes, with fresh fruit syrup. She ask me to help and said that we would celebrate mother's day the following week. I told her every day for me was mother"s day. I miss her, which is worse than the physical pain.
I am obsessed with finding out how she actually died in Sinai-Grace Hospital in Detroit, Mi. They said from Sepsis. IWe made a mistake in allowing the hospital where she died suddenly to perform the autopsy. The report is filled with lies. The surgeon said In Her report that Natahsa"s
, DR. SUSAN SEAMAN, Sinai-Grace,surgeon
father and I declined options that could have saved our daughter"s life, including surgery. When I had told her that Natasha could have both of my kidneys, anything to save her life.

They submitted a report so complex and littered with lies, it's scary to think of your life being in the hands of this profession.

Never allow the hospital where death occurred to perform the autopsy. Exhuming the body of your love one is your only option to dispute their findings.

We were lost in our grief. Our daughter wanted to return to the earth. She was cremated and their finding is difficult to dispute.

My daughter gave me a card that said," I am Blessed with the Strength of God and My Mother". I will say to Sinai Grace Medical staff, " I am blessed with the Strength of God and my Daughter". I will find out what happened in that hospital that took my daughter"s life.

It was an exceptionally long and emotional day. I miss my baby.

Permalink Reply by JOANN BARNES on May 8, 2011 at 9:26pm

, DR. SUSAN SEAMAN, surgeon, Sinai- Grace Hospital, Detroit, Michigan, a disgrace to her profession. Dr. Ora de White, under investigation. Nurses who told me to have Natasha moved from Sinai-Grace, why? Were they warning me? Hind-sight is cruel. A life-long curse for trusting professional to do their jobs with integrity, losing a gift from God, because I did't use a gift from God, common sense and intuitiveness wisely and post haste. Lord, help me.

Permalink Reply by Annette922 on May 24, 2011 at 11:02pm

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Hi Kristi,its been a while for me but things are a lot better for me. I finally joined a grief support group. This was the best thing besides God and prayers that I made it. You know I still cry sometimes but the therapist says its OK to cry. I still miss Kris so much,even still when I see a fire truck I think about Kris. I guess he will always be on my mind and In my memory. To all who has lost a child I know how you feel and what you are feeling. Just keep praying and trusting in the Lord God Almight.

Permalink Reply by Annette922 on May 25, 2011 at 12:05am

Hello Everyone, I've been a "quiet" member here for several years. I am 75 years old and have lived a lifetime of grief and learned so much. It's been some long, hard years. It's hard to know how to explain all that I have been through. First, Elaine, I wanted to say I'm proud of you. Yes, it is okay to cry. Remember, Jesus wept. (John 11:35) I'm glad you joined a grief support group. They are a big help. I'm also glad that you have leaned on God for strength and comfort. I have too .. all my life. I will be writing my story on my profile soon so please read it. I will also post the poem I wrote about my life called "Reminiscing". My story is different from anyone else's story. If anyone would like to add me to their Messengers and chat, I am on Yahoo Messenger as "LadyAnnette922" most of the time but I also have AIM as "Monette922" and "TxLady922" and Windows Live. I also have several groups of my own. Contact me if you are interested in joining. Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on June 7, 2011 at 4:03pm

Dear Gerry...

How are you Hun? Thank you so much for your prayers, I know they helped. On his "ANGEL DAY" I did really well. Two days before, however, I was a mess. Like you said, ..." somedays we run, and others we take baby steps". How true. I have had trouble with my computer so it has been hard for me to get on here as much as I need to or want to. But, I have a loner right now, {thanks Dad}, so here I am. I think about everyone who I have met on here, and want you to all know...without your prayers and understanding, I wouldn't be doing as well as I am. Love and prayers to all of you, Love Leslie

Gerry Fiden said:

Leslie,

It has been awhile...I could not help but respond to your message.

I too wonder how each day seems so long, yet it seems only like yesterday that I got the news about Ric being killed. It has been 19 months and there are days I still have difficulty believing my son is gone.

Some days we can run...other days it is just baby steps. I guess that's the way it will be until we reunite with them.

I will say a prayer for Jordan tomorrow on his ANGEL DAY..and as always will remember you my friend.

God be With You,

Gerry

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on June 7, 2011 at 4:22pm

Dear Beverly...

I know your hurting, and you didnt like the decision your daughter made. But know this, and I hope this will help you and her with your relationship; "You still have your daughter"! I do not know how many of us here only wish "WE" had an opportunity to have a disagreement with our son or daughter. I know your pain is real... but move on from this; move on from here, and love your daughter with all your heart here on this Earth. Only God can judge us...our Mothers are here to love us. I will pray for you and your daughter...and Blessing WILL come! Leslie

Beverly said:

How do we cope when our child decides to abort our grandchild? My daughter was living with her boyfriend and got pregnant. They were having problems, so she aborted the baby because she didn't want to raise it alone. She was five weeks pregnant. She told me about the pregnancy and abortion after it was done. Then she married her boyfriend. A year and a half later, she accidently got pregnant while on the pill and was almost five months pregnant when she took a stupid test and discovered that her unborn son had spina bifida and possibly hydrocephalus. Within one week, she decided that she didn't want him to "grow up disabled", so she aborted him. This was two days ago. I am so heartbroken, angry and repulsed by her actions and the actions of her husband who supports that decision. I am "supposed" to be supportive and loving and feel HER pain, but all I can think about is the horrific pain my grandson endured during the abortion and that we'll never get to walk hand in hand or go fishing or laugh and play or anything. I am repulsed that my grandson's mommy and daddy paid someone to end his life in this way with no way to escape. I do not believe in abortion for ANY reason and she knew that from when she was a child, yet I am supposed to accept this and pretend it never happened and be a loving, supportive "mommy" to her. After her first abortion, she said that she wasn't upset that she had an abortion, she was upset because, "I don't have a family". Now she still doesn't have a family and it's her own doing! I am just beside myself and don't know what to do. I am a Christian and she is an athiest so I understand where her mindset is, but it doesn't help because my grandson is still dead.

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on June 7, 2011 at 4:25pm

AMEN, GERRY...AMEN!

Gerry Fiden said:

To All,

Today is probably the third hardest day for all of us moms on Legacy. The first being the day our child died the second being their birthday, and having to celebrate that day that changed our lives forever without them.

My Mothers Day wish for all here...is

PEACE IN YOUR HEART

YOUR CHILDS LOVE AND PRECIOUS MEMORIES FOREVER

And..

GODS LOVE TO SEE YOU THROUGH YOUR LIFE..UNTIL WE REUNTIE WE OUR CHILDREN

God Be With You All,'

Gerry

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on June 8, 2011 at 11:11pm

Dear Beverly,

Leslie is so right. All of us who lost a child would give anything to be able to have the opportunity to argue with our child...one more time.

The one thing I have learned from my son's death is that...life as we know it can be taken from us in an instant. Life and people can also change just as quick.

Your daughter may or may not someday regret what she did, if she does she will have to deal with it. We can't unfortunately make choices for our children..the majority of us here, I am sure wish we could. All we can do is love them for who they are, guide them,and pray God watches over them.

I hope you can find it in your heart to put this aside(I am not saying you have to like what she did, just accept the fact it was her choice)...she needs you in her life.

And..my friend is so right only God can judge us.

I am sorry for your loss.

God be with you,

Gerry

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on June 16, 2011 at 2:28pm

This is a poem I wrote for my son Jordan, on his "ANGEL DAY"! It's called=

"ANGEL SON"

A place beyond, no one can tell
Seasons pass, and time stands still

A place to meet, We'll go one day
On bended knee, we'll sing our praise

I'll see you there, my Angel Son
I waited long, My time to come

And tho' Jesus was the goal of mine
Knew him since the age of nine

I passed each test, As I knew I'd do
I got to Heaven Just for you

Love you Jordan...Love Mom

God Bless all my friends on here...You are not alone, I am grieving with you!

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Dear Gerry...

How are you Hun? Thank you so much for your prayers, I know they helped. On his "ANGEL DAY" I did really well. Two days before, however, I was a mess. Like you said, ..." somedays we run, and others we take baby steps". How true. I have had trouble with my computer so it has been hard for me to get on here as much as I need to or want to. But, I have a loner right now, {thanks Dad}, so here I am. I think about everyone who I have met on here, and want you to all know...without your prayers and understanding, I wouldn't be doing as well as I am. Love and prayers to all of you, Love Leslie

Gerry Fiden said:

Leslie,

It has been awhile...I could not help but respond to your message.

I too wonder how each day seems so long, yet it seems only like yesterday that I got the news about Ric being killed. It has been 19 months and there are days I still have difficulty believing my son is gone.

Some days we can run...other days it is just baby steps. I guess that's the way it will be until we reunite with them.

I will say a prayer for Jordan tomorrow on his ANGEL DAY..and as always will remember you my friend.

God be With You,

Gerry

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on June 16, 2011 at 8:28pm

Leslie,

Your poem made me cry, it is beautiful. Jordan is smiling down on you and very proud of his mom.

Luv you,

Gerry

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

This is a poem I wrote for my son Jordan, on his "ANGEL DAY"! It's called=

"ANGEL SON"

A place beyond, no one can tell
Seasons pass, and time stands still

A place to meet, We'll go one day
On bended knee, we'll sing our praise

I'll see you there, my Angel Son
I waited long, My time to come

And tho' Jesus was the goal of mine
Knew him since the age of nine

I passed each test, As I knew I'd do
I got to Heaven Just for you

Love you Jordan...Love Mom

God Bless all my friends on here...You are not alone, I am grieving with you!

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Dear Gerry...

How are you Hun? Thank you so much for your prayers, I know they helped. On his "ANGEL DAY" I did really well. Two days before, however, I was a mess. Like you said, ..." somedays we run, and others we take baby steps". How true. I have had trouble with my computer so it has been hard for me to get on here as much as I need to or want to. But, I have a loner right now, {thanks Dad}, so here I am. I think about everyone who I have met on here, and want you to all know...without your prayers and understanding, I wouldn't be doing as well as I am. Love and prayers to all of you, Love Leslie

Gerry Fiden said:

Leslie,

It has been awhile...I could not help but respond to your message.

I too wonder how each day seems so long, yet it seems only like yesterday that I got the news about Ric being killed. It has been 19 months and there are days I still have difficulty believing my son is gone.

Some days we can run...other days it is just baby steps. I guess that's the way it will be until we reunite with them.

I will say a prayer for Jordan tomorrow on his ANGEL DAY..and as always will remember you my friend.

God be With You,

Gerry

Permalink Reply by mary on June 21, 2011 at 12:06pm

It has been a while since Ive been on... july 15, 2008 still seems like yesterday... still having dreams of my sons deaths...them drowning... i cry and PRAY every single day to all my family in Heaven that they watch over my sons that have passed. I am a grandmother now and i thought that would ease the pain... i still struggle as the baby looks like my son Vincent. When I hold him... i am crying inside but i am trying to grasp that my living son is now a father of his own. My baby has a baby... ahhh... it is still so very very very very hard.

The other day after praying... i went into my bedroom and 2 doves were sitting on my bedroom window sill which is 3 stories up. I walked into the room...they just stared at me and seemed as though they wanted to come in the window. What was really strange was I have a large dog and he just stood right next to me...didnt bark move or question why there were 2 doves cooing on my window sill. I even went into my purse grabbed the camera and took their picture with a flash and THEY DIDNT MOVE! Then this overwhelming feeling came over me... they looked at me again.... and both flew away! Seems rediculous to think...doesn't it????

All I can do is keep praying...that my faith remains...and that I can mend this broken heart of mine some how!

Love to all!