The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by TXMOM on June 21, 2011 at 7:44pm

It's been a while since I have been on here. My son committed suicide at 16 years old and in Sept of this year it will be 2 years since he has been gone. I have tried to be strong for everyone and when I go to bed every night I break down and cry. These last few days I have been so depressed and just crying for every little things that brings a memory to mind of my baby boy. Some days I want to scream "WHY" although I will never know the details, it just hurts to see the person he did this over just going on with life when my son is gone. Some nights I ask him did you not think of me and what this would do to me!!! Keeping busy and going on because regardless life will go on no matter what has happened, but even that is not helping me right now. Every day I pray that GOD gives me the strength to keep going and to help me forgive this girl, which has been the hardest thing for me to carry so much hate in my heart. Some nights I just wish for this horrific nightmare to just end.

Permalink Reply by Mechelle Long on June 24, 2011 at 7:45pm

Dear TXMOM,

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. You have so much to deal with it seems. The death of your precious child is enough in itself, and yet the manner in which he died and the unanswered questions add much to your grief. The added pain you mentioned of forgiving"this girl" no doubt is a heavy burden you are bearing. You mentioned praying to God gives you strength to keep going, I will encourage you to continue to pray regularly as you are no doubt doing. One other thing that can help you is regular Bible reading. This is helping my family to cope with the loss of our dear loved one. The Bible acknowledges the grief that parents experience. Ex: The faithful woman Naomi lived through the death of her two sons and her husband. She was so deeply saddened that she wanted to change her name from Naomi, meaning "Pleasantness", to Mara, meaning "Bitter". Ruth1:3-5, 20,21

Psalms 105:4 "Seek the Lord and his strength: seek his face evermore."

Pour out your heart to God tell him all that weighs on your heart, there is nothing that He will not understand. Cry when you need to cry, He knows your pain. Even Jesus gave way to tears when his friend Lazarus died (John 11:35) But also surround yourself with loving friends who can help comfort you or just be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. All of this is apart of healing.

Continue to draw strength through prayer and comfort from reading God's Word.

I will certainly have you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Mechelle

Permalink Reply by Starr edwards on July 12, 2011 at 5:27pm

I don't know what to do . I feel I am gonna snap
Any second. I cry and cry . I was doing better I thought
And now that my sons birthday is coming I have so
Many mixed feeling . The worst being hurting the ones
That caused this
This will be my first year without him and his birthday will
Be 5 months that he has been gone. I keep waiting for
Him to come home . But he don't . I wait for his call but he don't call
I don't know what to do anymore . I just lay here and
Starr at the wall and cry . My other kids say mon don't cry
They turn of music change tv channels anything they
Can to stop me
I try bot to cry in front of them but sometimes I can't hold
It In. And the past few days have been the worst . What do
I do how do I face his birthday

Permalink Reply by Starr edwards on July 12, 2011 at 5:29pm

Permalink Reply by Tami on July 12, 2011 at 11:24pm

Hi Starr, I thought that I wouldnt be able to get through my sons birthday without him here, but I did, and so do all of the Mothers here on loss of a child, It is supposed to be one of the most happiest days of our lives, and so I made it that, I made it a celebration of the life we had with him here... It was hard, but we did it. PLEASE know that you are on a roller coaster of emotions, all the firsts, I feel that it is the fear leading up to the day that is worse then the day itself, and I have talked to hundreds of mothers and they feel the same. My favorite time to let it all out is in the shower, it feels like a cleansing, I just cry my heart out and I feel so much better, maybe you can try that, I am not telling you that it is easy, it isnt, you just have to work on it and get through each and every day, come to Loss of a child every day any time you need to talk, you can talk about your son, you can talk about any of your feelings, good or bad, stress or anger, we will help you. I just passed the two year mark, My son was 18 when he left me, my 18 year old baby.... Many many hugs for you~!

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Zambarano on July 15, 2011 at 11:18am

Hi, I need to share my story of this Horrific Tragedy, I lost my 3-week old grandaughter Feb 15, 2011. I don't for the life of me understand why these things happen. Sofia, was born serverly brain damaged, she never opened her eyes, nor did she breath on her own. Sofia was a perfect little package, my heart aches so much. Not only does my heartache for myself, but of course for my daughter and her husband. Sofia was there 1st child. It is beyound words the pain I feel in my heart. I am thankful that I did get to hold my Precious Little Grandaughter Sofia, I wish i could still hold her. I have a good support system, fabulous family & friends, and others to get me through this, but I know this Journey will take me a very long time to get through. I hope to connect with other Grandparents who have lost a grandchild, it is so devasting. Im also sad that Sofia never had the chance to meet her loving family. I just don't understand why? this had to happen. Thanks for listening to my story, and if you have any tips, i would greatly appreciate that. Jacqueline

Permalink Reply by TXMOM on July 18, 2011 at 2:40pm

Starr:

Days that used to be joyful and you looked forward to are now dreaded. I sincerely understand how you feel and am sorry that anyone has to go through the loss of a child. It will be 2 years in September that my son has been gone, and I try to be strong for everyone but it will never be the same. I have turned to the bible and am lucky enough to have a very close family that have been there for me. I try to focus on the good times and the love I have for my child, because although he is no longer here on this earth my love for him will never end.

I hope you find some comfort one day. If you ever need to talk send me a message.

Starr edwards said:

I don't know what to do . I feel I am gonna snap
Any second. I cry and cry . I was doing better I thought
And now that my sons birthday is coming I have so
Many mixed feeling . The worst being hurting the ones
That caused this
This will be my first year without him and his birthday will
Be 5 months that he has been gone. I keep waiting for
Him to come home . But he don't . I wait for his call but he don't call
I don't know what to do anymore . I just lay here and
Starr at the wall and cry . My other kids say mon don't cry
They turn of music change tv channels anything they
Can to stop me
I try bot to cry in front of them but sometimes I can't hold
It In. And the past few days have been the worst . What do
I do how do I face his birthday

Permalink Reply by TXMOM on July 20, 2011 at 10:30am

Starr:

Facing that 1st birthday after they are gone I think is the hardest. We usually had a family dinner and a small cake, since he was older he didn't like the fuss, lol. I really think he looked forward to it though. I also had his bday 5 months after his death, and yes it was very hard for me, but several of his friends came over and we had a cake, remenisced about him and how we all missed him deeply. It was very hard for me, but I am glad I did it because I heard stories about things he did for people and I even had one neighbor that I don't know stop by just to tell me how wonderful my son was, he had helped her when she was moving in and even called some of his friends over to help her because it was just her and her 2 small children. It's those little things that make me proud, to have had him here for as long as I did, it wasn't long enough for me but I wouldn't trade those 16 years for anything. They also had a balloon release that night, their way of saying happy birthday to him in heaven. \

It is a hard road we travel, as parents who have lost a child to suicide, but one day at a time, that is all I can do. Some days will be harder than others, I will pray for you as well as the others who hurt as we do. Take care Starr

Starr edwards said:

I don't know what to do . I feel I am gonna snap
Any second. I cry and cry . I was doing better I thought
And now that my sons birthday is coming I have so
Many mixed feeling . The worst being hurting the ones
That caused this
This will be my first year without him and his birthday will
Be 5 months that he has been gone. I keep waiting for
Him to come home . But he don't . I wait for his call but he don't call
I don't know what to do anymore . I just lay here and
Starr at the wall and cry . My other kids say mon don't cry
They turn of music change tv channels anything they
Can to stop me
I try bot to cry in front of them but sometimes I can't hold
It In. And the past few days have been the worst . What do
I do how do I face his birthday

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on July 21, 2011 at 3:48am

Dear Starr...

The first birthday is hard, second even harder. Another hard one is what I call "Angel Day"; the day of my son Jordan's passing, and the day he met Jesus face to face. There is no way to ease these feelings we share. But cry if you want to cry, and talk about him all you want to. Talk to him! He can hear you. God will give you comfort in a dream. It took 9 monthes before I got mine. See if his friends will come over again. I have a small memorial every year{so far it's been 4 years for me}. Let them come over and just visit with you. I feel every single memory is a good memory. I love it when Jordan's friends come over, it's like they bring him back to life...just for a few minutes, but it's nice. You'll find some people may not want to talk to you; they are afraid of making you cry. But I would tell people..."I may cry...but it won't be because of you". Even my own Mother didn't know what to say to me; she's never gone through this...how would she know? And I wouldn't want her to. Just know that we are here if you need to talk...we are all grieving together. You are right...this is a long road. But we are on it together, and together we will help each other. You will be in my prayers. Leslie

Starr edwards said:

I don't know what to do . I feel I am gonna snap
Any second. I cry and cry . I was doing better I thought
And now that my sons birthday is coming I have so
Many mixed feeling . The worst being hurting the ones
That caused this
This will be my first year without him and his birthday will
Be 5 months that he has been gone. I keep waiting for
Him to come home . But he don't . I wait for his call but he don't call
I don't know what to do anymore . I just lay here and
Starr at the wall and cry . My other kids say mon don't cry
They turn of music change tv channels anything they
Can to stop me
I try bot to cry in front of them but sometimes I can't hold
It In. And the past few days have been the worst . What do
I do how do I face his birthday

Permalink Reply by Amy on July 21, 2011 at 7:17am

Starr everyone's grief is differant. The only way that I could deal with the first birthday is throwing him a party as if he was here, releasing balloons with messages on them, planting a tree, flowers and releasing butterflies, it will be a year for me 9-21-2010. And Friday we are just lying him to rest. The pain is going to be there, don't let people tell you how to feel or tell you that it is not normal to cry! I'm going through counseling, support groups and one that knows how you feel is "the compassionate friends" they are all parents that have lost a child, depending on where you live they have monthly meetings, you might want to go onto there website, also every night they have a chat. I am sorry for your loss and if you need someone please contact me you are not alone I pray every night that god helps those mothers that have lost a child, he would want you to do? as parents we know already what our children liked

Permalink Reply by Deborah Jackson on August 20, 2011 at 9:26pm

My son Deon was murdered on May 7,2011 only 4 days after his 25th birthday, Deon was my second child out of five. Its been three months now since he's been gone, and my days don't get any better, they are getting worst with each passing minute. I have a strong and loving support system in family and friends, but for me it's not enough. Nobody really understand the pain that i am really experiencing inside. I find my self crying more now than ever, i look to the clouds and wonder where is he and what he is doing. Deon left behind an amazing 4 year old son who spoke at his funeral in front of hundreds of people and prayed over the food at the repast. He is what keeps me going. With my other kids i know i have to be strong for them and not let them see how hurt i am but it's not always an easy thing to do. I tell my 14 year old daughter that i would be the same if it was any of them. I never thought in my life that i would be going thru what i have seen alot of other mothers go thru, know i can say i understand. Lossing a child is the worst feeling in the world. I haven't had any counseling, because i hate for people to tell be its gone get better, for me it will never get better this was my son. I do know that i need help and one day i will seek help, I try to keep busy by working and taking my youngest son to football practice, thats something Deon had did last year and know he is unable to see his lil brother play football this year, but we know he will be there in spirit. He was'nt a perfect person, but he was a well loved and respected young man and that made me proud. All who loved him showed up at his home going services over 500 people just for my son it was amazing and the all came dressed (church attire) in black and yellow he loved those steelers. That told me the love that they he had for him.

Permalink Reply by Tami on August 20, 2011 at 9:32pm

Deborah, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of Deon. We are all here for you, you can talk about whatever you need to get off your chest here... Prayers for Deon and all of his friends and family.