Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child
Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.
• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors
• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable
• Loss of Our Assumptive World
• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do
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My name is Judy and my son was killed in a car accident almost 8 months ago. I try to take comfort in the hope that when the accident occurred, God was there immediately to take any pain away and to carry him home. I believe the same is true for Josh. I saw a poem tonight on this site that said....."Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how. Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or a friend of my son, for they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other." I'm going to try to remember these words when I go too far into my shell.
I had two panic attacks tonight out of the clear blue sky. I had had a pretty good day all things considered, so don't quite know where they came from. I hadn't had one in awhile, but they've come back recently. Is this a physical thing or a mental one? Judy
My son Josh age 24 died last summer when he went over a brdge and his car landed on the roof and he was trapped and drowned. I really can relate to the hopeless depression everyone is feeling. I have seen grief therapists, group counselling and am now going to see a pyschiatrist. I don't know any other way except to die and be with him. But something is holding me back, so I am trying to find out why I haven't gone over that last edge yet. I feel hopeless and spacey all the time. I work, I function, but have turned very antisocial except for a selct few people. I really want this horrific pain to end. I always have a sick feeling in my stomach. also a feeling of dread. I want to feel better but I have no energy. I wish I knew where he was and that he was ok.
Love to all, If I make it through this, there is hope and light for all of you.
Hi Leslie,my name is Elaine I too was a mother of three I can't believe that our story is so much alike. I lost my 28 year old son Kris on 04-09-2006 do to a automobile accident he would have been 32 this year. Like your son my child was a New Orleans FireFighter. After Hurricane Katrina my son decided to relocate to Marrietta,Ga. with his family. He was accepted as a FireFighter but was informed that he had to be a EMT in order to be a FireFighter in Ga. My son Kris was told about the School of Matix for EMT classes. He was fortunate enough to attend the school but two weeks before graduation on his way home his SUV flipped and he was killed instantly. I don't know how or why someone would tell you to GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I don't know if they had a relationship like Kris and I had. But Kris was my LOVE CHILD,he would puckle his lips to give me a big kiss and I would tell him to go ahead boy I don't know where those lips been. Than Kris would give me this big bear hug and would not let go until he get his kiss. Oh how I would love to get one of his kisses or that bear hug that I could not get loose from. Kris was the role model for the young men in the neighbor hood plus the young men in our family. He loved sports,working on car,also the computer. I don't think there was not to much that Kris could not repair. Everyone would call Kris he can fix it. I miss my child so much,its been 3yrs3 months for me and it stills hurts,but things are getting a little better but I still can't yet go on. So Leslie I feel your pain. This is how Kristie and I met through this SITE. Thank God for this Site just knowing that there is someone who feel and know what you are goinh through. Leslie feel free to write anytime. I am here Elaine. Icite>Leslie L. Fiorda said:Hi... My name is Leslie, I am a mother of three, and a grand-ma of 3.5, (with one on the way). My son Jordan was 23 when he left to be with the Lord. That was 04-29-2007. He and his girl-friend were killed in the accident, one young man survived; though he lost an eye, and almost his legs. He is alive, praise God! Jordan was 6'4" tall, he fought fires. He wanted to get his EMT, and go into forestry. He was great with kids...he would've been a great dad. He was so funny, and fun to listen to. No matter what kind of bad day you "thought" you were having, he'd change it. He used to imitate one of the kids voice from south park T.V. show. It used to drive me insain...absolutely nuts! Lol! How I wish I could hear it again...
I know people say.."we'll get over it". We will NEVER get over it. We will get through it. I know I will...I have to. I don't want Jordan to think for one second that "HE" messed up my life. When I was at the hospital, people tried to give me Valium, Xanax, Soma's. My husband (we are not together) was taking pills to ease the pain. I understood... for him that was fine. But I had to feel what I was feeling. Do you know what I mean? I had to KNOW what was going on. I wasn't even "aware". It was like I was in a dream and I was playing the part of someone else. I was going through the motions... but it wasn't me. Because this can't happen to me! But it did, and like most of you talk about; I was numb. Totally numb. I think God gives us that numb feeling. Because if we had to feel what we were about to go through, all at once, we would surely die. Because just as slow as that numbness left, the pain grew deeper and deeper. I thought it was going to swallow me whole. I think it may have a few times, to tell you the truth.
I was in church when it happened, teaching Sunday-school for the youth group. I love the Lord and my church, but it's true...some people just do not have a clue. I was told by one women, only 3 weeks had gone by; to "...get over it, Jesus wants you to be happy"
Dear ladies "mothers".....
I am so sorry for your pain. I too share in your very hard club, my son died October 27th, 2009. They said he took his own life, but I know better. He would not have done that. My heart is broken, I am not the same person, and really don't know who I am as Corey (my son) defined my life in so many ways. I agree, that keeping our sons alive in our hearts and minds is a good thing. Please don't let anyone tell you to "get over it"... we simply wont. Don't hold it back, cause that makes it hurt more, it does mine anyway. Anyway, please try to love yourself and remember his voice. Corey's been gone for almost 10 months, and I would do anything to hear his voice again.
God Bless you and let keep on talking here, it's hard, but I hope it helps.
hi leslie,i do blame the kid that killed my son.i have so much hate in me for him,he got to graduate this year my son didnt,he gets to get married and have kids one day,my son cant.i go to support group because i have so much hate in me for this kid.i just deal with it i dont tell people my feelings because no one wants to listen.they say you have 2 other kids to live for and i say have you been throu what i have been throu?no they havent they dont know how i feel.some lady just lost her mom well she is going on with her life because her mom was old.my son was 16 and he didnt have a chance at life.i look at my other son that is 13 and in 3 years i am not going to know what to do with a 16 year old boy,.how do i go on with this hateing stuff?me i dont know.well take care and write when you can kristi
Leslie L. Fiorda said:God Bless You! I can't imagine having someone alive that I could blame. They say forgiveness is healing. I do believe that is true. My son died in a car accident, he was driving. I know he swerved to miss an on comming motor-cycle in his path. An accident... but a young girl was killed also. I am sad in so many ways. Mostly for myself, cause I am selfish. I think of the grand-kids I will never have given to me from Jordan, he would've been a great father. I am thankful that he IS a Christian. I know I will see him again, someday. He passed in April, the 29th; 2007, and it seems like yesterday. I have two other children...people say, "Well at least you have others". Like somehow that takes the pain away. It doesn't. I love all of my children. My life has been my children. Now one third of my life is gone. How are we supposed to forget that? We will never get over it, but We WILL get through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ...Leslie
kristi said:I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS CLEANING HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING
How can we go on? How do we go on? I don't know. I wish I could tell someone, just so they could explain it to me. It is unbelieveably lonley. I blame myself, mostly. If I would've never moved back to California; If I would've never went back to his Father; If I never, if I would've, if I..."I". Then I feel like "I" am being selfish. And I think the only real thing that any one has said to me that has any real meaning, is..."Our time is set from the begining"! I do believe that, in all sense of what it is worth. I know that blaming myself was eating me up alive. I was killing myself, hating myself. For any reason, and for every reason I could think of. I haven't let go...I don't plan on it. But I do know hate is a very powerful weapon of self destruction. I am feeling with you, your pain of disgust, and it makes me sick that something like that can happen to a young man like your son. Why are the parents of that boy not jailed. It seems to me it was their responcibility; not having the gun with a lock on it. Forgive me, I do not mean to stir your anger, but in the state I live in, Calif., we have laws that make it the parents responcibility. You can write me if you like...firstname.lastname@example.org
kristi said:hi leslie,i do blame the kid that killed my son.i have so much hate in me for him,he got to this year my son didnt,he gets to get married and have kids one day,my son cant.i go to support group because i have so much hate in me for this kid.i just deal with it i dont tell people my feelings because no one wants to listen.they say you have 2 other kids to live for and i say have you been throu what i have been throu?no they havent they dont know how i feel.some lady just lost her mom well she is going on with her life because her mom was old.my son was 16 and he didnt have a chance at life.i look at my other son that is 13 and in 3 years i am not going to know what to do with a 16 year old boy,.how do i go on with this hateing stuff?me i dont know.well take care and write when you can kristi
Leslie L. Fiorda said:God Bless You! I can't imagine having someone alive that I could blame. They say forgiveness is healing. I do believe that is true. My son died in a car accident, he was driving. I know he swerved to miss an on comming motor-cycle in his path. An accident... but a young girl was killed also. I am sad in so many ways. Mostly for myself, cause I am selfish.
I've been reading a book called "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser. He lost three members of his family when a drunk driver ran into their car head on. The author gives me hope that by God's grace there is a bright future ahead for me. I'm not as far along in my journey as Mr. Sittser and not as evolved in my thinking, but his words give me hope and a measure of peace. One thing he talks about is the issue of forgiveness in a way that makes sense to me and I needed that as a drunk driver was also the cause of my son's death. Another thing that is helping me on my path to forgiveness is a video that one of my son's friends did for his college religion class after my son died. It was called "Hate the Sin, but Love the Sinner," and was about hating the fact that my son died in this manner, but it was not an intentional act so we should not hate the driver. To carry hatred in our hearts is only going to poison us. Interesting thoughts from a 19/20 year old. I have enough sadness and pain over losing my son, and do not want to add hatred or vengeance to the mix. I try to keep the court case totally separate from the rest of my life and truthfully can't handle thinking about that part. I have tried from day one to make sure my other children were not filled with bitterness and hatred toward the driver. I want them to lead happy, healthy lives, and I want the same for the rest of my family and for all of us who have experienced similar circumstances.