Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one does. And I did as you do...I called it his "Death day"; the day of his death, or anniversary of. I really didnt like the thought of having an anniversary of it at all. You know what I mean? But we do , and I have one. But I didn't mind celebrating the day he met Jesus face to face. If any thing I am happy about that. As far as happy goes, well...I smile. Thats as far as it goes. But it's a start. On his Memorial card, on the inside of it I wrote a poem. Every body wanted "ME" to write ..."Your the writer", they'd say. And I sat and thought about my sons personality, cause he has not lost that. He is just enteraining others right now. And I wrote this poem.....


"I drempt I saw an angel.


He stood about six foot four


I never saw St. Peter


He didn't work there any more.


But at the gates of Heaven,


Stood this tall and Mighty being


He watched as people entered


Checking the books with all there names.


He was waiting with anticapation,


As if he couldn't wait to see.


The lines were long,


But he still stood strong.


I wondered what it could be?


So I asked the Lord , with-in my dream,


"What excites him so"?


And my Lord HE spoke to me saying;


Dear child don't you know?


When this young man came to me,


He asked for this job to take,


He gave me precious reasons,


To help me at these gates


He said he left home early,


left his family and his friends.


And he would be in-debted


If he could welcome them.




I believe, where ever he is....God gave him the very best of jobs, just to suit his crazy personality. I wouldn't doubt it if he "DID" take St. Peters Job from him....

You know Kristi... I don't have any real advice...for anyone. I think I try to trick my self sometimes. I lost alot of who I was when Jordan died, and I know this. I am not the same, my life has changed. "WE" know this about us. We all do. We can find comfort in each other, here.... And I think it makes me sad, when I think the only comfort I can find, is in anothers tradagy. But the "REAL" of it is ...I am finding comfort in the fact..."I" now know "I" am not feeling this alone.
Know you are loved....I am greiving with you. ...........Leslie

kristi said:
hi leslie,in Minnesota there is no law about the parents getting introuble for that,alot of kids do what they do because of stuff up here were we live the grandparents raise them or something.the grandpa just bought a 30 odd 6 for the kid just like a couple days for the what they called was an accident.he never went throu gun training or anything.the bad thing is that the other grand parents that were in the house with the kids were sleeping and didnt even here the gun go off or any thing.the kid was going to run away till my son said stay here till the end.we went to court and watched all of this as it went down because i needed to know why this kid did this we never got an answer well i dont know i have lots of anger in me and that is all that is ever going to be in my life till i see my son again.that is all i have it during this time,with his birthday coming up and the death day is coming up and stuff it is hard
thank you and you cna write to me any time.kristi

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Dear Kristi,
How can we go on? How do we go on? I don't know. I wish I could tell someone, just so they could explain it to me. It is unbelieveably lonley. I blame myself, mostly. If I would've never moved back to California; If I would've never went back to his Father; If I never, if I would've, if I..."I". Then I feel like "I" am being selfish. And I think the only real thing that any one has said to me that has any real meaning, is..."Our time is set from the begining"! I do believe that, in all sense of what it is worth. I know that blaming myself was eating me up alive. I was killing myself, hating myself. For any reason, and for every reason I could think of. I haven't let go...I don't plan on it. But I do know hate is a very powerful weapon of self destruction. I am feeling with you, your pain of disgust, and it makes me sick that something like that can happen to a young man like your son. Why are the parents of that boy not jailed. It seems to me it was their responcibility; not having the gun with a lock on it. Forgive me, I do not mean to stir your anger, but in the state I live in, Calif., we have laws that make it the parents responcibility. You can write me if you like...luvdablues@roadrunner.com
..................Leslie

kristi said:
hi leslie,i do blame the kid that killed my son.i have so much hate in me for him,he got to this year my son didnt,he gets to get married and have kids one day,my son cant.i go to support group because i have so much hate in me for this kid.i just deal with it i dont tell people my feelings because no one wants to listen.they say you have 2 other kids to live for and i say have you been throu what i have been throu?no they havent they dont know how i feel.some lady just lost her mom well she is going on with her life because her mom was old.my son was 16 and he didnt have a chance at life.i look at my other son that is 13 and in 3 years i am not going to know what to do with a 16 year old boy,.how do i go on with this hateing stuff?me i dont know.well take care and write when you can kristi

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
God Bless You! I can't imagine having someone alive that I could blame. They say forgiveness is healing. I do believe that is true. My son died in a car accident, he was driving. I know he swerved to miss an on comming motor-cycle in his path. An accident... but a young girl was killed also. I am sad in so many ways. Mostly for myself, cause I am selfish.
dear leslie,how old was your son,my son was 16 years old,he would of been 19 this year on sept 12th.i take work off on his birthday and and on the annivesary because i work at a nursing home and i think the residents do not need to see me cry when i am sad.it is on a saturday but it would of been my weekend to work.yeah my son was 6'2 and my other son is getting up to that and he is only 13th.yes your poem is good.i dont write stuff because i started to like the year he passed away and it was hard for me.yes we have another person on here i dont know if you read any of her stories but elain banks son was born on sept 12th and so we both come on here and talk.but yes that poem was nice.,it brought tears to my eyes.well we can keep in touch with each other as our diffcult times come ahead.i have a friend that lost her grandson he would of been 2 on sept 8th and i cant get her to come on here but she is going to support group with me.my son and her grandson are in the same place.but if you want to talk anytime her is my yahoo messanger and email address ok.kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com any body can come and i will put you on there ok.thanks again and please keep in touch.it helps me to keep in this place because it helps me to talk about stuff.Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one does. And I did as you do...I called it his "Death day"; the day of his death, or anniversary of. I really didnt like the thought of having an anniversary of it at all. You know what I mean? But we do , and I have one. But I didn't mind celebrating the day he met Jesus face to face. If any thing I am happy about that. As far as happy goes, well...I smile. Thats as far as it goes. But it's a start. On his Memorial card, on the inside of it I wrote a poem. Every body wanted "ME" to write ..."Your the writer", they'd say. And I sat and thought about my sons personality, cause he has not lost that. He is just enteraining others right now. And I wrote this poem.....


"I drempt I saw an angel.


He stood about six foot four


I never saw St. Peter


He didn't work there any more.


But at the gates of Heaven,


Stood this tall and Mighty being


He watched as people entered


Checking the books with all there names.


He was waiting with anticapation,


As if he couldn't wait to see.


The lines were long,


But he still stood strong.


I wondered what it could be?


So I asked the Lord , with-in my dream,


"What excites him so"?


And my Lord HE spoke to me saying;


Dear child don't you know?


When this young man came to me,


He asked for this job to take,


He gave me precious reasons,


To help me at these gates


He said he left home early,


left his family and his friends.


And he would be in-debted


If he could welcome them.




I believe, where ever he is....God gave him the very best of jobs, just to s
Hi Kristi,this is Elaine I need to tell you that my 1st son that died was born on Sept. 4th and Kris the one that died in the car accident was born April 27th and was killed April 9,2006,but Sept. 12 is my birthday. You know I still can't get on Kris Memorial Site. When they enable it I will send it to you again. No to ask how are you because I know already. We both are in the same shape,HEARTBROKEN, HEARTACHE and PAIN. So take care of your self and keep in touch. Elaine

kristi said:
dear leslie,how old was your son,my son was 16 years old,he would of been 19 this year on sept 12th.i take work off on his birthday and and on the annivesary because i work at a nursing home and i think the residents do not need to see me cry when i am sad.it is on a saturday but it would of been my weekend to work.yeah my son was 6'2 and my other son is getting up to that and he is only 13th.yes your poem is good.i dont write stuff because i started to like the year he passed away and it was hard for me.yes we have another person on here i dont know if you read any of her stories but elain banks son was born on sept 12th and so we both come on here and talk.but yes that poem was nice.,it brought tears to my eyes.well we can keep in touch with each other as our diffcult times come ahead.i have a friend that lost her grandson he would of been 2 on sept 8th and i cant get her to come on here but she is going to support group with me.my son and her grandson are in the same place.but if you want to talk anytime her is my yahoo messanger and email address ok.kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com any body can come and i will put you on there ok.thanks again and please keep in touch.it helps me to keep in this place because it helps me to talk about stuff.Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one does. And I did as you do...I called it his "Death day"; the day of his death, or anniversary of. I really didnt like the thought of having an anniversary of it at all. You know what I mean? But we do , and I have one. But I didn't mind celebrating the day he met Jesus face to face. If any thing I am happy about that. As far as happy goes, well...I smile. Thats as far as it goes. But it's a start. On his Memorial card, on the inside of it I wrote a poem. Every body wanted "ME" to write ..."Your the writer", they'd say. And I sat and thought about my sons personality, cause he has not lost that. He is just enteraining others right now. And I wrote this poem.....


"I drempt I saw an angel.


He stood about six foot four


I never saw St. Peter


He didn't work there any more.


But at the gates of Heaven,


Stood this tall and Mighty being


He watched as people entered


Checking the books with all there names.


He was waiting with anticapation,


As if he couldn't wait to see.


The lines were long,


But he still stoo
hi elaine i am sorry i got it all messed up,it was your birthday at least i got something right at least it was in the same family right.yes i am ok till that weekend than it will start hurting or it starts hurting a week before i get so crabby that people cant stand me.i keep busy but i still get crabby.and the day of his annivesary is coming up to and than thanksgiving than christmas from sept to dec really gets me going.thank you for your concern and i hope we talk on that day.thanks krisit
my name is gwen and i have lost two children one boy and one girl i thought my heart was going to break i would like to email and talk to someone please gwen
Kristi,you know I know how you feel. I just can't celebrate like I use to. Some people says get over it,well this is so hard to do getting over your childs death. Than Kristi I have Kris (2) sons to look at and reminds me of Kris not being here with them. They just don't know how my heartaches,not just for me but for the boys to. I can see when family members are aroundthe little boys, with their dads,oh my heart goes out to them. As you know I have to be strong for them and to let them know that everyone has to go like their dad did. It is so hard. But Kristi I will keep in touch with you,we have to hang in there together. Not just us but everyone that has experience the death or the lost of a child. Keep in touch. Elaine

kristi said:
hi elaine i am sorry i got it all messed up,it was your birthday at least i got something right at least it was in the same family right.yes i am ok till that weekend than it will start hurting or it starts hurting a week before i get so crabby that people cant stand me.i keep busy but i still get crabby.and the day of his annivesary is coming up to and than thanksgiving than christmas from sept to dec really gets me going.thank you for your concern and i hope we talk on that day.thanks krisit
Hi Gwen,my name is Elaine Phillips and I to had the experience of losing (2) kids. My e-mail address (teediep@yahoo .com) Sorry about your lost

gwendolyn brown said:
my name is gwen and i have lost two children one boy and one girl i thought my heart was going to break i would like to email and talk to someone please gwen
I lost my son michael this last march.3-7-09 I am so lost. My heart gos out to all of you. How do you get past wanting to just die? I just want to go find him and be with him! Michael is 26 and my very best friend and I can not breath without him!I cry all the time someone please tell me how to go on without him. HELP.
Dear Gwen, My email is sm1sue@hotmail.com. I lost my son suddenly last summer aged 24. I can't go on either. i feel my life is over. I see a psychiatrist today but what good is that going to do. I don't want drugs, I just want my boy back or at least to come to me. I need to know he is OK!!!
Love, Sue
Dear all,

We wanted to share the latest blog post from Robbie Kaplan, "When a Baby Dies." Robbie speaks poignantly about losing two children in the same year. She talks about what she learned from the experience and offers advice to help others support grieving parents after the death of a child. Here is a link:
http://www.connect.legacy.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1984035%3ABlogP...

As always, please let us know if we can be of any assistance.

LegacyConnect team
connect@legacy.com
HI kristi,here is Kris memorial web site with his brother Ricky and the gospel group Harold Holloway and Company,singing HOLD ON AND DON'T LET GO (http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepageaspx)
Kristi,here is the website again. I was missing one period. (http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepage.aspx) Lets see if this one works. Elaine

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