Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 18, 2009 at 10:47am

Happy Birthday Elaine... and to your son Kristi. I will get it right soon, this has been a hard week for me as well, with Jordan's B-day on 9-11. I keep thinking I am doing better, then I blow it, and have another break-down. I really am trying to do good. I feel if I don't, that I am letting Jordan down. I don't want him to think "HE" ruined my life. I promised myself and him that I would be okay... but sometimes it just seems like I'm regressing; getting worse. I miss him so much. Everything is so different now. I caught myself, again, wanting to call him and tell him I found a neat old bottle that I knew he'd like. Twice in 15 minutes I did the exact same thing. And I have been constantly upset about being without him...How can I forget in the middle of this, and want to call him? I'm losing "it", and one of these days... I don't think I'll get "it" back. Pray for me...today I really need some extra help. God Bless ...
..................Love Leslie

kristi said:

HI LESLIE,IT WAS ELAINES BIRTHDAY ON THE 12TH AND MY SONS BIRTHDAY WAS ON THE 12TH.MINE IS DEC 25TH.THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES ANYWAYS.I HOPE YOUR DOING BETTER.MY MONTH LIKE SEPT 11 TILL THE DAY MY SON PASSED AWAY I HURT.THAN I WAIT FOR THE NEXT HOLIDAY BUT I AM DOING FINE RIGHT NOW THOUGH.THANKS SO MUCH KRISTI

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 18, 2009 at 8:41pm

HI LESLIE,THANK YOU FOR THAT.WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT YOU WILL GET OVER IT IGNORE THEM OK.I HAVE BEEN THROU THIS FOR 3 YEARS NOW AND I AM NOT TAKING THAT.YOU WILL MAKE IT JUST LIGHT A CANDLE AND WRITE IN A JOURNAL FOR 5 MINUTES.THANKS KRISTI LET ME KNOW HOW YOU DO THAN

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 18, 2009 at 11:28pm

Hi Leslie,thanks for the birthday wish. It has been three years for me to Leslie like kristi. Right now I still want to call Kris and say hello and what are you doing. I miss Kris so much,he was my love child. He love to kiss and hug all the time. I really miss his bear hugs and kisses. I would give anything to get that hug and kiss from him again. Don't worry about the ones that says go on because they don't understand the pain and the lost of a child. Leslie take one day at a time and I will be praying with and for you asking God to give us that extra added strength that we need to gon on. Hang in there Leslie,don't do like I did and take sick. I had a brain aneurysms after Kris death. So Leslie please take care. I know it is hard,because it is still hard for me after three years. Write anytime Elaine.

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Happy Birthday Elaine... and to your son Kristi. I will get it right soon, this has been a hard week for me as well, with Jordan's B-day on 9-11. I keep thinking I am doing better, then I blow it, and have another break-down. I really am trying to do good. I feel if I don't, that I am letting Jordan down. I don't want him to think "HE" ruined my life. I promised myself and him that I would be okay... but sometimes it just seems like I'm regressing; getting worse. I miss him so much. Everything is so different now. I caught myself, again, wanting to call him and tell him I found a neat old bottle that I knew he'd like. Twice in 15 minutes I did the exact same thing. And I have been constantly upset about being without him...How can I forget in the middle of this, and want to call him? I'm losing "it", and one of these days... I don't think I'll get "it" back. Pray for me...today I really need some extra help. God Bless ...
..................Love Leslie

kristi said:

HI LESLIE,IT WAS ELAINES BIRTHDAY ON THE 12TH AND MY SONS BIRTHDAY WAS ON THE 12TH.MINE IS DEC 25TH.THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES ANYWAYS.I HOPE YOUR DOING BETTER.MY MONTH LIKE SEPT 11 TILL THE DAY MY SON PASSED AWAY I HURT.THAN I WAIT FOR THE NEXT HOLIDAY BUT I AM DOING FINE RIGHT NOW THOUGH.THANKS SO MUCH KRISTI

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 23, 2009 at 1:04am

Hello Everyone;
I am better today. Thank you for all your prayers...I know they helped. Tomorrow is another day..God Bless us all, as we try to make it through. Good night Jordan; Good night all........ Leslie

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 27, 2009 at 6:43am

Hi Leslie,sorry my internet was out for couple of days.Thanks to God for giving you the strength to go on. I ask God for strength and to guide us through these lonely days and nights without our kids. I have the faith that he will do this for us. May God Bless you and all of us who has loss a kid or children Elaine.
Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hello Everyone;
I am better today. Thank you for all your prayers...I know they helped. Tomorrow is another day..God Bless us all, as we try to make it through. Good night Jordan; Good night all........ Leslie

Permalink Reply by K on September 29, 2009 at 6:42pm

Hi Twila, I am writing to express my deepest condolences to you for the loss of your beautiful son. I was very much touched by your heartfelt expressions that you gave. The pain, the grief, and the feelings of helplessness can seem unbearable. At such times, we need to go to God’s Word for comfort. At Revelations 21:3 & 4 it shows that Jehovah cares so much that he will do away with death. There it states:"And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” Isn't that encouraging? It certainly is to me. Twila, I really encourage you to look into God's word for comfort during this trying time in your life. There you will find comfort in a way that no man can offer. In the meantime, I hope each day you grow stronger and stronger. kristi said:

HI TWILA,MY SON WOULD OF TURNED 19 ON SEPT 12TH,AND I WENT TO THE CEMETARY AND MADE HIM HIS FAVORITE FOOD AND CAKE AND GAVE IT TO HIM,CAME HOME AND SAT ON THE COMPUTER AND ALL THE WHILE I WAS SITTING ON THE COMPUTER I WAS SAYING WHAT IF,WHAT IF I COULD OF DID THIS WOULD OF IT HAPPENED.AND WHAT WOULD HE OF LOOKED LIKE AT 19 IT IS HARD BECAUSE I LOST MINE AT 16 AND EVERY YEAR I GO AND STAND AT HIS GRAVE SIDE WONDERING WHAT WOULD OF HE LOOKED LIKE.I HAVE ANOTHER SON AND HE IS 13 BUT 3 YEARS DOWN THE LINE I WILL PROBLY START ASKING MYSELF IF MY OTHER SONE WOULD OF LOOKED LIKE HIM.BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR SON TOMORROW.I HAD TEARS ALL DAY FRIDAY AND ALL DAY SATURDAY.IT ISNT A EASY DAY.BUT MY FRIENDS ALL SAY I AM STRONG AND I WILL MAKE IT THROU AND I DID.EXCEPT ALL MY FAMILY LEFT ME A LONE ALL DAY THEY USUALLY DO IN CASE I WANT TO CRY OR SOMETHING.BUT TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF THANKS KRISTI

Twila said:

Well tomorrow is here and it is going to be the hardest day yet to pass. It's my son birthday and I have wrote a poem for it but I will post it tomorrow. I really did not want this day to come and it is here so fast it seems. He would have been 19 years old and I remember when he turned 1 years old. Oh how I miss him so much I do. And when he turned 18 he told me he did not want to be 18 because that meant I would not be there for him anymore..and I told him I am 39 and my mother is still in my life I am not going no where. And he laughed at me it is so hard really hard and I miss him so much. I will talk him a cake and place it on his grave I never thought I would be doing that ever..my son my baby how I miss you and tomorrow is your day Birthday...my son..I love you
it is hard and it has been 9 months now he has gone and it hurts like it was yesterday and now its his birthday and he missed his daughter I thought that was hard. But tomorrow is going to be hard because that is my baby my son.
well my son love and miss you
love mom

Permalink Reply by michelle on September 30, 2009 at 12:36am

kristi said:

I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS CLEANING HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 30, 2009 at 5:54pm

Hello every one;
Just wanted to say hello...if anyone needs to talk, I am here. Thank you all for being here while /when I needed you. I am blessed to have you with-in writing distance. .... Someone once told me (about those who've passed), ..that it's like we are in a great big movie theater; just watching different movies. It kinda makes sense. ....................Leslie
luvdablues@roadrunner.com

Permalink Reply by Sue on October 1, 2009 at 9:13am

I am really grateful for all the postings of encouragement. I have been put on an antidepressant because I can't get over the feeling I want to be with Josh. I actually got to the point of where I tried to drown myself to see what he felt when he was drowning. Obviously, it was a half-hearted attempt! My psych nurse asked me why I feel like I have to "punish" myself?? I couldn't answer! I had an amazing relationship with Josh, we were extremely close and it was very special. We shared so much. I really really miss him.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on October 1, 2009 at 9:36am

HI Sue,this Elaine Phillips now you need to go to God. You know I have been thru so much since Kris death. You see I know how you feel and I am on antidepressants to. Really Sue I can't sleep at night and the neuro doctors are really concern about me. I just miss Kris so much,he was my love child. I miss that big bear hug and kiss that I use to get from him. We also had a great relationship,well I have that with all my kids. But Kris was different from my other two kids. Kris was the loving kind of child,who called everyday and night just to say how are you doing or are you alright. But Sue take one day at a time. Talk to God I know he will lead you to the right direction. Ask God for what you want and trust,believe and have the faith that he will give you what you ask him for. I am not saying that if you ask God today for what you want and that he will answer you today. God may not come when you want him but he is right on time. Don't you know that it was God that didn't let you go under that water and drown. The only thing that I can tell you is to go to God,because God is the answer to all our problems. I will be praying for you and with you and all of the Loss Of A Child Family that God may strengthen us to go on one day at a time. Just continue to write this is good for us to help each other. Who knows someones advice might just be the right words that you were looking for. Because you know Sue GOD SPECIALIZES and He can do what no other powers can do. Elaine

Sue said:

I am really grateful for all the postings of encouragement. I have been put on an antidepressant because I can't get over the feeling I want to be with Josh. I actually got to the point of where I tried to drown myself to see what he felt when he was drowning. Obviously, it was a half-hearted attempt! My psych nurse asked me why I feel like I have to "punish" myself?? I couldn't answer! I had an amazing relationship with Josh, we were extremely close and it was very special. We shared so much. I really really miss him.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Judy on October 1, 2009 at 10:35pm

Hi Everybody,
September was a very rough month. I know many of you were hurting with the arrival of your son's birthdays and I can only imagine how hard that is. We will experience that in December for my son, and my stomach already churns thinking about it. My husband's mom died two weeks ago and her funeral was very hard on us. It brought a lot of flashbacks to our son's funeral and kind of sent us back to square one. This week I have felt so totally frustrated by Jack's death, giong through all of the "if only's" again, and just feeling plain devastated that he is no longer here. I miss him like crazy. Of all my kids, and I love each of them so much, he was the one I spent the most time with. We talked ALL the time and he was just so full of ideas and so interesting. There's such a big piece of our family missing, and I feel it every minute of every day.
On a bittersweet note, we went to a volleyball game tonight (my son was big into the sport), and the team was wearing a badge with his name and number and dates on their uniform, with the same logo on their practice jersies. I was so overcome, I couldn't speak for a few minutes. It does us good to know that he is still loved and remembered by so many.
I still can't believe that the situation is what it is. It just seems so wrong.
I still haven't done the gravemarker.......

Permalink Reply by kristi on October 1, 2009 at 10:45pm

NEXT WEEK OCT 7TH WILL BE 3 YEARS SINCE MY SON HAS BEEN GONE TEARS CAN NOT BRING HIM BACK,BUT MISS HIM SO MUCH,SAID WEEK AHEAD I WILL MAKE IT FOR TEARS OR WHAT EVER I HAVE TO DO RIGHT?THANKS FOR HELPING ME THOU THIS.

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