Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Gerry,this is Elaine phillips and I am so sorry about the lost of your son. Well I lost (2) sons,my 1st and my last son. I lost my last son also to a car accident. But Kris was alone driving on the road by himself. The State Trooper stated that he might have fallen to sleep on the road. Gerry look in your e-mail and it will automaticly bring you to whoever sent the e-mail to you.Look at the bottom of the comment and it will say reply to this,press reply to this and make your comment. Than bring your cursour to add reply.Than it will up load your comments. If you have anymore problems feel free to ask. I will be praying with and for you Elaine.

Gerry Fiden said:
To All who responded to me,
I am having difficulty with responding to comments on this site. Have tried to but keep on loosing my notes back to you all.
Perhaps someone could explain what I am doing wrong.
I appreciate each and everyone of you, Leslie, Judy, and all who reached out to me, thank you for your kindness. How do I go to your home page and leave a message? I am on share right now and that seems to work. I don't want to give up communication, as you are the ones who understand what I am going through.
Gerry
Thank you Elaine,
Doing what you said, let me know if this makes it to you.
I think I have it bad, and you tell me you lost two sons.There are no words that can take away the pain you must feel. No mother should go through this, let alone twice. How do we go on and survive all this sorrow. I was the one that everyone said always had a smile on her face, now I just have tears. I know I must go on, as Ric would want me too and I do have my grand children to consider. I want my son to look down and be proud of the way I am dealing with his death, does that make sence to any of you, or am I alone in how I think?
Gerry

Elaine Banks Phillips said:
Hi Gerry,this is Elaine phillips and I am so sorry about the lost of your son. Well I lost (2) sons,my 1st and my last son. I lost my last son also to a car accident. But Kris was alone driving on the road by himself. The State Trooper stated that he might have fallen to sleep on the road. Gerry look in your e-mail and it will automaticly bring you to whoever sent the e-mail to you.Look at the bottom of the comment and it will say reply to this,press reply to this and make your comment. Than bring your cursour to add reply.Than it will up load your comments. If you have anymore problems feel free to ask. I will be praying with and for you Elaine.

Gerry Fiden said:
To All who responded to me,
I am having difficulty with responding to comments on this site. Have tried to but keep on loosing my notes back to you all.
Perhaps someone could explain what I am doing wrong.
I appreciate each and everyone of you, Leslie, Judy, and all who reached out to me, thank you for your kindness. How do I go to your home page and leave a message? I am on share right now and that seems to work. I don't want to give up communication, as you are the ones who understand what I am going through.
Gerry
LESLIE,
Your son Jordan was so handsome. I can hear the pride in your response while writing about him. He knew how much you loved him. I guess that is all we can hope for at this point. I too want my son to rest in peace and not think he ruined my life. Like you and Jodan, Ric and I had our SPECIAL thing. It was the song YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD by Helen Reddy As a child, when we were alone and his dad left us, and as an adult if we heard the song and were together we had to sing it. I always thought that he would be the one left to carry on, not me.Thank you for being there, Gerry
Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Dear Gerry...
We are grieving with you. Only four weeks ago; my heart is breaking for you and with you. I feel as you do {and as many of us do}, that comming to this site is a blessing; which means it is also a curse for someone else's Mother or Father. Unfortunatly {and fortunatly} the comfort we find lays with-in someone else's tragedy. Although I would never wish this on any one, I am thank-ful for the friends I have made here. I never met them...but I know them. For we share something that is unknown to so many. And it bonds us for comfort for each other. My son Jordan was only 23 years old. He was 6'4" tall, lt brown hair and green eyes. Funny...my gosh, he was funny. One time I started crying in front of him, "happy tears". And he looked around and said .."mom, don't cry, your making me look bad". I told him, ..."sometimes old ladies cry when their happy". And we laughed about it for a long time.
And after he went to be with the Lord, I hear him say that to me all the time. Sometimes I'm crying so hard, and all of a sudden break out into laughter again.
At first I thought I was kinda nuts. I wondered why, or how I could laugh at all. And there are times I am laughing out loud, and break down into a deep sob.
You are going to go through so many mood swings, you may think your going nuts. Well Gerry...we are ALL here to let you know your not. However you grieve, is the right way to grieve. I was so numb for months after, and in so much dis-belief. When it hits, it does feel like we're dying. But we "get through". I don't know how...but we do. One thing that keeps me going is, I don't want my son to think "HE" ruined my life. And if I did anything to hurt myself, (as not eating, health deteriorating), Jordan would feel responsible. So I know (eventually) I will do better. I am not even close right now. But it is a goal I have. Plus, if I want to see him again, I have to do good down here.
I found it help'd me the most to talk about him. So I talk about him all the time. People may be afraid to talk about him with you, for fear they will make you cry. They don't know that we NEED to talk about them. And we are going to cry anyway...and not because of them. I will keep you in my prayers, as you take your first steps. We are here if you need us. God Bless You and your family..... ...................Leslie
Gerry Fiden said:
Linda crawley said:
Please accept my condolences, and I do agree about the laws. This is happening way to often. You are in my prayers.

Gerry Fiden said:
To all on this site who read this.
I have been reading your stories for several weeks now and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I do not want to be here, but unfortunately I am. My son and only child was killed 4 weeks ago today by a drunk driver. Ric was on his way to work, it was 7:22 a.m. when he was killed. His death was untimely and horrific. This happened in Fl. where he lived. My son leaves behind many who loved him, including 2 daughters and 2 step children who are devastated by his death. He was only 43 years old.The man who killed my son killed me also, as I am dead inside. The driver had his girlfriends 8 year old in the car with him and fled the scene. He was caught thanks to wittnesses. I wakeup each morning crying for what my son went through, it should not have happened. The man had priors in another state and did bodily injury to someone else while under
Gerry Fiden said:
Judy said:
Dear Gerry,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a son so suddenly, and I would imagine that at this point you're still basically in a state of shock. The person driving the car my son was in was drunk and speeding. The whole accident is such an irony that sometimes I get so frustrated about it I could scream. My son didn't go out that much and when he did he drove 99% of the time. That night, we had a guest who was using one of the cars so my son got a ride with someone to a party. He left at 9:00 and asked the guy to bring him home at 11:00 because he had a job interview the next morning to earn college spending money. They were 3 miles from our house when the driver lost control of the car as he was going around a slight curve. The car smashed into a tree at around 70 mph and the car hit the tree squarely where my son was sitting. He was basically crushed and died within minutes. The car was bent in half and it took them 7 hours to get my son's body out of the car. I rarely talk about this as it is so painful to think of the details. My belief is that he felt nothing after the impact because of the extent of his injuries and that God was there immediately to take him home.
We didn't know the driver very well, and have not talked to him since the accident. The court made his bond provisional on him not communicating with us. The accident happened December 28, 2008. Many court dates have been set only to be continued, and the case is supposed to go to trial on October 27. I dread it. These last 9 months I have tried not to think about this aspect of my son's death, and have just focussed on my grief and the rest of the family's. I'm so sorry for what you are going through both with dealing with the loss of your son and the legal aspect. Feel free to write about it anytime since I can relate to what you're going through.
Judy
Hi Sue Hang in there! I am sorry for you lost,its been 2 months that my son has past he was my oldest only 36.Its very hard and the doctors can give us all the medication but the pain will always be there. You will find that this site is very helpful. Take Care

kristi said:
HI SUE,IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS TODAY THAT MY SON HAS GONE.WELL I HAVE TO TELL YOU WITH OUT THE SUPPORT OF FRIENDS BECAUSE I DONT LIVE BY MY FAMILY THATS WHAT I HAVE.THAN I GO TO A SUPPORT GROUP AND THAT HELPS ME REALLY GOOD.TALK ABOUT HIM AND EVERYTHING IT HELPS AT THIS TIME.I GO BECAUSE I CANT TALK ABOUT MY SON LIKE I DO THERE.BUT MY HEART ACHES ANYWAYS.SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM OK.THAT IS WHAT PROBLY IS EATING YOU UP IN SIDE IF YOU DONT TALK ABOUT HIM.TAKE CARE KRISIT

Sue said:
My son is gone 14 mos. today. I still can't believe it. I saw 2 docs yesterday and they both said that there is hope for me. I am "stuttering" in the early stages of grief...I don't know how to get out of this hole. Hopefully the new med I am on will help. My family doc said something I will never forget..."Josh is SAFE now"....I love him for that. He is a strong believer in God and says he is in a better place. Anything has to be better than this horrible world. I do not have a strong support system as some of you, but I find this site helpful because we are going thru alot of the same feelings. Thank you all. I hope someday we will find some sort of peace.
Love, Sue
Hi Gerry My heart goes out to you! I can't imagine what you are going through. Losing my oldest son at 36 is enough to have killed me.You be strong and you have all of us here for you. I am also new at this and learning how to responded to everyone. God Bless You and your family.
Gerry Fiden said:
To All who responded to me,
I am having difficulty with responding to comments on this site. Have tried to but keep on loosing my notes back to you all.
Perhaps someone could explain what I am doing wrong.
new I appreciate each and everyone of you, Leslie, Judy, and all who reached out to me, thank you for your kindness. How do I go to your home page and leave a message? I am on share right now and that seems to work. I don't want to give up communication, as you are the ones who understand what I am going through.
Gerry
Amelia,
All of us here have suffered such a great loss and I'm sure our pain all feels the same. It's the circumstances of the way some of or children were taken from us that seems worse than others. Non of the reasons to bury your child is good and non of them make any sence. I pray for all of you here, and for your children.
I do want to share with you and everyone else, I got news tonight that Robert Jones, the man who killed my son, bail has been revoked. This is the first that I have been able to write or say his name.I don't even know and can't explain how that makes me feel. Pray that the system works and that he pays for what he did.
Gerry

amelia r chavez said:
Hi Gerry My heart goes out to you! I can't imagine what you are going through. Losing my oldest son at 36 is enough to have killed me.You be strong and you have all of us here for you. I am also new at this and learning how to responded to everyone. God Bless You and your family.
Gerry Fiden said:
To All who responded to me,
I am having difficulty with responding to comments on this site. Have tried to but keep on loosing my notes back to you all.
Perhaps someone could explain what I am doing wrong.
new I appreciate each and everyone of you, Leslie, Judy, and all who reached out to me, thank you for your kindness. How do I go to your home page and leave a message? I am on share right now and that seems to work. I don't want to give up communication, as you are the ones who understand what I am going through.
Gerry
Hello legacy! Precious, precious legacy. I am coming headlong upon my Elijah's anniversary. It has been quite the year. I remember so vividly the nights when all I had was to come staggering to this precious legacy site to review my son's page, and to share in the experiences of loss and grief that let me know first off, I'm not the only one. I remember the different stages and phases of first just knowing that all though nothing in my life would be the same, that I had been put here from a creator, and even though my son's life had come to and end, I was left questioning what did that mean for my life. What did that mean for me as a mother. Who was I. Who am I now having lost such a precious jewel. There is still one who is with us through it all. There is still one whom we are accountable to. It took me eight months to go and visit my son's grave. I haven't been back yet. Once they go down, we cannot bring them up again. In the bible when King David's son was stricken with illness, the King lamented in anguish for the life of his son, but, after he had passed, the king rose and cleaned himself and ate. The servants didn't understand. They said why now king do you rise,grrom, and eat. King David responded. I lamented that perhaps God would change the balance. But now that the child is gone, he cannot come back to me, I can only go to him. We cannot change the balance of those that have gone on from this life be it son, daughter, bro, sis, mother, father, and so on. The Lord showed me how we are grieving so hard for these children but people are dying everyday, every minute and we accept it in a news flash. Maybe we might relent "Oh that is so horrible." The mourning that we feel for all of our children, is the same grief that God feels for the condition of this world. WHo will cry night and day for that? Yes, grief does last for a season, but, it should not be for a lifetime. Especially those of us that claim salvation, we should set a better example for the presence of hope in our lives. There is hope after the pain because we are still here. There is hope in every breath that you are given. Don't let the enemy cause you to wallow in your grief. We are not defined by our losses. We are defined by the fact that we are the imagined manifestation of the Goodness of God. Because of sin, he said that it was not good that our days should be as the host os heaven so we were made more fragile that we would die and live shorter lives. Accept that you have no control over death and live. Live so that another may have hope through pain. Humans are always comparing themselves. Live so one might compare their burdens to yours as one that has faced such great pain and overcame. I leave with you the peace of the Lord and the communion of the Holy Spirit. 1Thes. 4:13 And I would not have you be ignorant brothers in regards to those who sleep, that you would mourn even as they who have no hope.
Dear Kristi,
...You said your friends say you are strong; as if we have a choice. I don't "feel" as though I am strong, although I've heard that too. I think I've gotten harder, if that makes sence. Because is seem nothing else touches my emotions or hurts me as deeply as the passing of my son. Knowing though, that we have someone, {each other, and others on this site}, has somehow helped me to cope. It is still so lonely with out My Jordan, and for you without your Everette, I truely understand. God Bless you ...I am in Prayer with you; ...Leslie

kristi said:
hi leslie thank you for your comfort thoughts.yes i remember that you said that to me before about angel day and i will call it that i forgot.because he was an angel in my eyes.i miss him so much.and my family is all sick and keeping busy with all them is tiring especially when 2 of them are old enough to take care of there selfes.but when i need something they dont care.thank you leslie.i will let you know how today goes.my friends say i am strong i dont cry in front of them and stuff.kristi

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
'Morning Kristi... I pray God bless's you today as you take care of your family, while trying to cope with this day. I am glad your family is around for you at this time, and sometimes being "busy", is a good thing. But Hun, don't go into your room to cry alone. How will you get it all out if you are supressing it? While your family is near, let them help with today.
When Jordan's anniversary of his death comes around, I didn't like calling it "anniversary". I may have mentioned this before; {but it's hard to keep up with my own thoughts sometimes}, I started calling "it" Angel Day. Because if there is only one thing that comforts me at all, it's the fact that "that day", he met Jesus. So if I may...Happy Angel Day! My prayers are with you today, as always my friend....... ..........Leslie

kristi said:
this weekend went well i had alot of support about 40 people showed up to help me out.the annivesary of my sons death is tomorrow oct 7th,2009 and i cant even cry because i am taking care of my family all have the flu.but i know i will be able to close the door and cry.it hurts me alot still that he isnt here with me.tried support group but no one is showing up so i might have to go to a different town to go to one.but it helps to talk about him like he was still here.r.i.p.everette paul armstrong 9-12-90 to 10=-7-06.i will write what i put in the paper i hope you like it ok.
WE MISS YOU TONIGHT
AS THE LIGHTS BURN LOW,
YES SON WE MISS YOU ,
FOR WE LOVE YOU SO:
WE LOVE YOU TRULY,
AND THAT YOU KNOW
IS WHY TONIGHT
WE MISS YOU SO
MEMORY OF EVERETTE ARMSTRONG
9-12-90 TO 10-7-06
LOVE MOM,DAD,BECCA,BEN
WE MISS YOU ALWAYS
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONCERN I WILL BE ALRIGHT
tiffany wheatley said:
Hello legacy! Precious, precious legacy. I am coming headlong upon my Elijah's anniversary. It has been quite the year. I remember so vividly the nights when all I had was to come staggering to this precious legacy site to review my son's page, and to share in the experiences of loss and grief that let me know first off, I'm not the only one. I remember the different stages and phases of first just knowing that all though nothing in my life would be the same, that I had been put here from a creator, and even though my son's life had come to and end, I was left questioning what did that mean for my life. What did that mean for me as a mother. Who was I. Who am I now having lost such a precious jewel. There is still one who is with us through it all. There is still one whom we are accountable to. It took me eight months to go and visit my son's grave. I haven't been back yet. Once they go down, we cannot bring them up again. In the bible when King David's son was stricken with illness, the King lamented in anguish for the life of his son, but, after he had passed, the king rose and cleaned himself and ate. The servants didn't understand. They said why now king do you rise,grrom, and eat. King David responded. I lamented that perhaps God would change the balance. But now that the child is gone, he cannot come back to me, I can only go to him. We cannot change the balance of those that have gone on from this life be it son, daughter, bro, sis, mother, father, and so on. The Lord showed me how we are grieving so hard for these children but people are dying everyday, every minute and we accept it in a news flash. Maybe we might relent "Oh that is so horrible." The mourning that we feel for all of our children, is the same grief that God feels for the condition of this world. WHo will cry night and day for that? Yes, grief does last for a season, but, it should not be for a lifetime. Especially those of us that claim salvation, we should set a better example for the presence of hope in our lives. There is hope after the pain because we are still here. There is hope in every breath that you are given. Don't let the enemy cause you to wallow in your grief. We are not defined by our losses. We are defined by the fact that we are the imagined manifestation of the Goodness of God. Because of sin, he said that it was not good that our days should be as the host os heaven so we were made more fragile that we would die and live shorter lives. Accept that you have no control over death and live. Live so that another may have hope through pain. Humans are always comparing themselves. Live so one might compare their burdens to yours as one that has faced such great pain and overcame. I leave with you the peace of the Lord and the communion of the Holy Spirit. 1Thes. 4:13 And I would not have you be ignorant brothers in regards to those who sleep, that you would mourn even as they who have no hope.
hi tiffany- I agree w/ u complety that i think this has happened to me -my son went to be w/ Jesus 5-3-08 @ the age of 21-peacefully in his sleep-i thank God for that cause when I read other stories it is really sad-but u are right that those of us who believe in Jesus must look at this as a test of our faith-The most important thing is LOVE- and that is what I feel most when I think of mijo-it has been a little over a year for me of living w/ mijo earthly bodyleaving so suddenly -but i now realize that i haveno control over life and death-imagine a super mom like myself cannot control who lives or dies - if i did we would not have had to suffer in this way-i realize now that this is between me and Jesus and i accept that it was in God's plan that this has happened in this way and i hope i can help others as u have helped me to keep faith in God that everything is going to be ok and our children will welcome us into Paradise when it is our turn to leave our earthly bodies behind until Jesus comes @ the second coming and raises us all-LOV Marina
Hello everybody;
I have an annoucement to make. I am hoping to stop any one who may visit someones grave to pay their respects, to please do not "tape" anything to their markers. Today my sons headstone was found with "blue tape" across it and all around it. The only thing left visible was a heart, all the other writing had washed off from the sprinklers and the hot sun. (It is located in Palm Springs Ca.) I am sure they just wanted to leave a message, I understand... But we had to work real hard to clean it off. This is the only marker Jordan will ever have for the rest of time; We could never replace it. Please let others know, so this won't happen to anyone else. Thank You,, and God Bless. ...Leslie

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Dear Kristi,
...You said your friends say you are strong; as if we have a choice. I don't "feel" as though I am strong, although I've heard that too. I think I've gotten harder, if that makes sence. Because is seem nothing else touches my emotions or hurts me as deeply as the passing of my son. Knowing though, that we have someone, {each other, and others on this site}, has somehow helped me to cope. It is still so lonely with out My Jordan, and for you without your Everette, I truely understand. God Bless you ...I am in Prayer with you; ...Leslie

kristi said:
hi leslie thank you for your comfort thoughts.yes i remember that you said that to me before about angel day and i will call it that i forgot.because he was an angel in my eyes.i miss him so much.and my family is all sick and keeping busy with all them is tiring especially when 2 of them are old enough to take care of there selfes.but when i need something they dont care.thank you leslie.i will let you know how today goes.my friends say i am strong i dont cry in front of them and stuff.kristi

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
'Morning Kristi... I pray God bless's you today as you take care of your family, while trying to cope with this day. I am glad your family is around for you at this time, and sometimes being "busy", is a good thing. But Hun, don't go into your room to cry alone. How will you get it all out if you are supressing it? While your family is near, let them help with today.
When Jordan's anniversary of his death comes around, I didn't like calling it "anniversary". I may have mentioned this before; {but it's hard to keep up with my own thoughts sometimes}, I started calling "it" Angel Day. Because if there is only one thing that comforts me at all, it's the fact that "that day", he met Jesus. So if I may...Happy Angel Day! My prayers are with you today, as always my friend....... ..........Leslie

kristi said:
this weekend went well i had alot of support about 40 people showed up to help me out.the annivesary of my sons death is tomorrow oct 7th,2009 and i cant even cry because i am taking care of my family all have the flu.but i know i will be able to close the door and cry.it hurts me alot still that he isnt here with me.tried support group but no one is showing up so i might have to go to a different town to go to one.but it helps to talk about him like he was still here.r.i.p.everette paul armstrong 9-12-90 to 10=-7-06.i will write what i put in the paper i hope you like it ok.
WE MISS YOU TONIGHT
AS THE LIGHTS BURN LOW,
YES SON WE MISS YOU ,
FOR WE LOVE YOU SO:
WE LOVE YOU TRULY,
AND THAT YOU KNOW
IS WHY TONIGHT
WE MISS YOU SO
MEMORY OF EVERETTE ARMSTRONG
9-12-90 TO 10-7-06
LOVE MOM,DAD,BECCA,BEN
WE MISS YOU ALWAYS
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONCERN I WILL BE ALRIGHT

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