The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lisa Halsey on August 21, 2011 at 8:13pm

Hi everyone i havn't been on here for a while trying to deal with my husband and the accident he was in of Aug 22 of last year so taking care of him and listing to him complain about something or another so you see i have had alot on my plate so i havn't had time for my self thinking crying iam so depressed.... He found mr in my closet i was trying to cleaning it out so i can go on and then i found a letter Daniel wrote to his cusin and i saw his 2nd grade pictures i was just balling.... It is getting close to his 24th birtday and then a few weeks after that his angel day Nov 16th.... I just feel all alone iam thinking on going to California to make me feel better about my self and stand up for my son... All of my family gave me hell for almost 3 yrs now that he wouldn't of died if he was in Ca with them while iam out here in Indiana i wanted my son to be here with me iam his mother... I just want to tell them how i fell now i won't desrecpect my parents but i will stand up to my other sisters and my brother they couldn't go to their own nephews or graandsons funeral it hurt my other son Michael and i know inside it hurt Daniel he was the most amazing young man he was going to college and trying out for the NFL but also studying criminal justice i was so very proud of him he was killed in a car accident... I just want him to know iam the better person and i just want peace in my life and i can learn to let go and let my son rest in peace and don't worry about his mommy we will meet again in heaven and i know he would want me to give Michael all that i have left of myself so he too don't have to worry about me i am always crying on his shoulder now it is his time for me to be there for him if he wants to cry scream what ever..I don't think he has had his chance to grieve yet Daniel was his big brother, best friend, hero and mentor and Daniel sure loved his little brother with all his heart.... Thank you all for listing to me may god bless you all in this bad time of what we are going threw we are here for each other.....Lisa Daniel's mom

Permalink Reply by Traci Trujillo on September 4, 2011 at 8:42pm

Hello everyone my name is Traci and my son's name is Zackary but I have always called him "Handsome"...Everyone just calls me Zackzmom : ) Zackary was sent to us on January 15, 1994 and upon his arrival he was born blue, not breathing and suffered serve brain damage due to medical negligence, causing him to have Cerebral Palsy... He was our first born, and didn't come with a How To take care of manual: For children with disabilities!

Little did I know but Zackary and I were about to embark on the journey of a lifetime...Through the years we had many ups and downs with medical needs, educational services, and local service providers for children with disabilities and their families... I learned in the early years that I was his voice and I was going to give all I had within me to insure that he lived his life to the fullest and was able to succeed to his fullest potenial... I always said that he was mommys little handsome man on a mission and one day we would get to the top of that mountain and when we did the world would hear us!

Through the years and all of Zackary's many accomplishments with his special education services he was able to do some many things that everyone within the medical, and therapy fields said he would never do... So not only did we get to the top of that mountain, we made a statement to all those around us, including the professionals, educators, medical specialist, and so many others that if you think out of the box and give that little extra time and energy to making a difference in someones life you can change make the world a better place and help others along the way...

But little did I know that once we reached the top of that mountain our journey together would come to a end... On March 08, 2011 at the age of seventeen my Handsome little man received his wings!

Trying to understand and cope with this sudden loss of our son has become so over whelming, and the depression and serve anixity I feel these days seems to be taking over my life... We have two other children are daughters Zoey 13 and Haleigh 11 as I try so hard to make sure that my girls are getting all they need because they are both refusing to talk to a Grief Therapist.

I truly worry that they're keeping their feelings bottled up inside and I know how I feel inside about losing Zackary I can only imagine how my girls feel? All they will share with me is that they want their big brother back and we all know that is the one wish I'm unable to make happen... If any one out their can share their stories concerning siblings I would be oh so grateful for your suggestions... This Thursday September 08, 2011 marks the 6 month anniversary of Zackary receiving his wing and starting his new life's journey in heaven...

Warmly,

Traci

Zackzmom : )

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on September 5, 2011 at 9:40am

Dear Zack's Mom,

My son's 2 year Angel Day Anniversary is Sept. 8th so when I pray for him I will say a prayer for Zack. All of here are experiencing the same pain and know what you and your fanily are going through.

My advice about your daughters is to watch them carefully for signs that they are not dealing with the death of Zack. We all deal in different ways and in our own time frame and unfortunately can't push healing/dealing on anyone. As their mom you will know (that mothers instinct thing we have) and when the time is right be able to say or do the right thing. Just listen and be open.

I have two granddaughters and they are both on different journeys due to their dad's death...like you I would give anything to take away the pain they feel and get into their heads and help them deal with this. I know I can't, no one can. God will lead the way when the time is right.

God be with you,

Gerry

Traci Trujillo said:

Hello everyone my name is Traci and my son's name is Zackary but I have always called him "Handsome"...Everyone just calls me Zackzmom : ) Zackary was sent to us on January 15, 1994 and upon his arrival he was born blue, not breathing and suffered serve brain damage due to medical negligence, causing him to have Cerebral Palsy... He was our first born, and didn't come with a How To take care of manual: For children with disabilities!

Little did I know but Zackary and I were about to embark on the journey of a lifetime...Through the years we had many ups and downs with medical needs, educational services, and local service providers for children with disabilities and their families... I learned in the early years that I was his voice and I was going to give all I had within me to insure that he lived his life to the fullest and was able to succeed to his fullest potenial... I always said that he was mommys little handsome man on a mission and one day we would get to the top of that mountain and when we did the world would hear us!

Through the years and all of Zackary's many accomplishments with his special education services he was able to do some many things that everyone within the medical, and therapy fields said he would never do... So not only did we get to the top of that mountain, we made a statement to all those around us, including the professionals, educators, medical specialist, and so many others that if you think out of the box and give that little extra time and energy to making a difference in someones life you can change make the world a better place and help others along the way...

But little did I know that once we reached the top of that mountain our journey together would come to a end... On March 08, 2011 at the age of seventeen my Handsome little man received his wings!

Trying to understand and cope with this sudden loss of our son has become so over whelming, and the depression and serve anixity I feel these days seems to be taking over my life... We have two other children are daughters Zoey 13 and Haleigh 11 as I try so hard to make sure that my girls are getting all they need because they are both refusing to talk to a Grief Therapist.

I truly worry that they're keeping their feelings bottled up inside and I know how I feel inside about losing Zackary I can only imagine how my girls feel? All they will share with me is that they want their big brother back and we all know that is the one wish I'm unable to make happen... If any one out their can share their stories concerning siblings I would be oh so grateful for your suggestions... This Thursday September 08, 2011 marks the 6 month anniversary of Zackary receiving his wing and starting his new life's journey in heaven...

Warmly,

Traci

Zackzmom : )

Permalink Reply by mary on September 5, 2011 at 10:57am

Hello everyone... I've come to the conclusion that after losing 2 of my sons that even though I am involved in building a memorial skatpark in their honor that I am not doing well at all. It's the daily crying, the lack of motivation to take care of myself, severe financial strains and well the pain in my heart that takes over my mind and body. It has been three years... and it feels like yesterday. Im worried about myself.... I am trying so hard...... I just dont know what else to do.... besides pray..... When I see my other two sons and even my grandson...it all comes back.... because we were always together.... and although I've tried to feel differently I just cant. I think I avoid seeing my other sons ..but I want them around me...but I just dont know what to do anymore.

My whole life revolved around my children....and now two of them arent here.... i never ever would believe I could ever say that....

I try to think of the good times we had....but the pain is jus so strong... it is hard to believe that I can carry on even close to normally for the rest of my life. I know people do... and it has been three years... but if people knew how I really still felt inside..... they wouldnt even believe it.

I put on a good face...but inside... i feel like i am dieing...every day!

How do you all cope?

Permalink Reply by Tami on September 5, 2011 at 11:35am

Hello Mary,
This will be the hardest tribulation you will ever have to face.... I have lost my son 2 years ago, I notice I have more set backs now, I think it is post traumatic stress, I too put on a good face, but my heart is broken into a million pieces. How do we survive it? We take each second of each day, we live it for the memory of our children, if we don't do it, who will? I would never take my own life, I am praying you would never do that either.... I look at it like this, one more day alive is one more day closer to being with him, there is no time in heaven.... I have to truly believe this in order to cope, so that is what I do. We were left here for a reason, what reason? I have no clue....just please live your life, some days I don't get out of bed for 3 or 4 days, it is just a part of the grief, we have to learn how to live a new life. Yes the pain is strong, just never give into it, cry all you can, it releases some of the stress and to hold it in just makes it worse. I am hugging you from afar, I am not overly religious, but I do believe in G*d and I do believe in heaven.....just hold on, even if it is by the tips of your fingers! Much love to you.

Permalink Reply by mary on September 5, 2011 at 12:03pm

Tami... I would never take my own life...its that I feel life has been drained out of me....

i cant affored to lay around for 3 or 4 days at a time.... i am struggling to survive alone ... in more ways than one. It seems I cant focus on what I should be doing for myself... i was never this way until now.

I feel like i have post traumatic stress as well...the visiions of them drowning come to me a lot! Asleep, awake, every where.... i have it also from an abusive marriage as well... which doesnt help at all.......and he was with them when they drowned....... we have never spoken as to what happened..... we dont speak... I cant speak to him....

I am putting every bit of energy into this memorial skatepark project.... it is the only thing that motivates me and that is allowing me to go on and allowing me to be surrounded by people who cared about them...but when it comes to what I have to do for myself..... i just cant focus. I've got to snap out of it some how...but everyone here knows how hard that is & i cant believe that I just cant do it.

When i left my house with nothing but a suit case and my youngest son.. I thought that was going to be the stuggle of my life.. and I wanted to prove to myself...that I could make it...but when this happened I lost my gumption, you know?

Permalink Reply by Tami on September 5, 2011 at 12:19pm

Yes, I know. I too feel like I have had my life sucked out of me, it isn't easy to explain to others that have never lost a child, I'm so sorry that you have lost two, I couldn't imagine. The skate park is such a great memorial to your boys, and it will keep there memory alive, a place for their friends to hang out. I would love to see pictures of the park if you have any yet. I am praying for you to have strength.

Permalink Reply by mary on September 5, 2011 at 12:33pm

It is not built yet. We had to fight for it. Some members of Council were against it & since it is going to take over where tennis courts were we had to redo old tennis courts in order to donate a skatepark... imagine? We worked in 90 degree weather but we are close to turning them over to the town, but already the opponents are making comments about them. The website I have is www.pitcherpark.com. I used to have all the meetings on there with he local govt. but they got so disgusting I took them off. The opponens are cruel, very cruel, they even stated in an email " We have to contact the press before she uses the sympathy card again" IMAGINE THAT? and this is a retired school teacher that said that? Thank goodness she is retired.

I have pictures of my sons there & that is even hard for me to see.

Thank you Tami for the prayers and hugs... they are all comforting and I know if I wasnt surrounded by prayer... i would have given up!

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 11, 2011 at 2:23am

Dear Jordan;
Today is your 28th birthday. I miss you so much... come by and give me a sign/hug if you can. I love you very much, and I am doing good... not great, but good. I still feel the vast deep hole thats left inside of me since you left. But even tho it may seem like I don't hurt anymore; the fact is that I am just getting used to it and how it feels. I am working hard at being ok, okay? So don't worry about me. Much love to you my son on this 11th day of September. Happy Birthday Jordan! Love Mom

Hi Everybody...Don't have a computer to get on here all the time... But "today" I could use any extra prayers. God Bless you...and Gerry I know the 8th was your sons ANGEL DAY, remember you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Leslie

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 11, 2011 at 2:52am

Hi Mary...

I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. We have spoken before, I just haven't been able to get on here due to computer problems. Honey it's so hard... it has been four and a half years for me, and yet from day to day I feel like it's been a hundred lifetimes ago... to feeling like it was only yesterday. Most days I can fake it pretty good, but then I have days like you discribed. I know the lack of motivation in my life is noticable, and still go through periods of not wanting to get out of bed at all. Allow yourself to greive... it is okay to cry. We need to, and you have lost two sons. Cry for them. I know it feels like it's consuming you. I felt like I was being swallowed. Spend time with your other children. Ask them what the funniest things they can remember, or the silliest, the craziest... even the dumbest. Cause all the memories we have left, are "ALL" good memories. It helps me...maybe it will help you too! You will be in my prayers Mary, that God may bring you peace. I am grieving with you...take care. Leslie

mary said:

Hello everyone... I've come to the conclusion that after losing 2 of my sons that even though I am involved in building a memorial skatpark in their honor that I am not doing well at all. It's the daily crying, the lack of motivation to take care of myself, severe financial strains and well the pain in my heart that takes over my mind and body. It has been three years... and it feels like yesterday. Im worried about myself.... I am trying so hard...... I just dont know what else to do.... besides pray..... When I see my other two sons and even my grandson...it all comes back.... because we were always together.... and although I've tried to feel differently I just cant. I think I avoid seeing my other sons ..but I want them around me...but I just dont know what to do anymore.

My whole life revolved around my children....and now two of them arent here.... i never ever would believe I could ever say that....

I try to think of the good times we had....but the pain is jus so strong... it is hard to believe that I can carry on even close to normally for the rest of my life. I know people do... and it has been three years... but if people knew how I really still felt inside..... they wouldnt even believe it.

I put on a good face...but inside... i feel like i am dieing...every day!

How do you all cope?

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on September 11, 2011 at 11:20am

Dear Leslie,

Thank you for remembering my Ric. I posted a message to your wall just minutes ago,I hope you get it today.

I am here if you need me.

With Love and understanding,

Gerry

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Dear Jordan;
Today is your 28th birthday. I miss you so much... come by and give me a sign/hug if you can. I love you very much, and I am doing good... not great, but good. I still feel the vast deep hole thats left inside of me since you left. But even tho it may seem like I don't hurt anymore; the fact is that I am just getting used to it and how it feels. I am working hard at being ok, okay? So don't worry about me. Much love to you my son on this 11th day of September. Happy Birthday Jordan! Love Mom

Hi Everybody...Don't have a computer to get on here all the time... But "today" I could use any extra prayers. God Bless you...and Gerry I know the 8th was your sons ANGEL DAY, remember you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Leslie

Permalink Reply by Ilene A on September 15, 2011 at 11:11am

Hi Cythia I am sorry for your loss. I have never gone through something like what you have gone through. My mom has though. My brother passed away when he was two years old. I wasn't born yet so I never met him. One thing that helped her was learning what the bible promises to us in John Chapter 5 Verse 21,28,29. Jesus promises that all of our loved ones who have passed away will live again here on earth. Please read this bible text and let me know what you think about it please.

Cynthia said:

Tomorrow is the sixth anniversary of the passing of our 17 year old daughter. I thought by now the pain and sadness would ease more than it has. Although I am fortunate to have a large family, who are their to listen and help, I have always found it difficult to express my grief to them (I don't want to upset them). I have taken part in every support group available and have even facilitated a grief support group for parents through my church. The best I can do is pray for inner peace.