Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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hi sue,when i went throu this 3 years ago my son got shot at age 16.on oct 7th,2006 i did go to a phys but than i thought they are asking to many questions so i went to a support group and oh i have been there for 3 years now.it helps me to get over the hump when the holidays come and his birthday and his angel day.there is a lady on here that told me to say that instead of annivesary date.so thats what i call it now.but the support group really helps because you can talk to people that have been throu what you have gone thou so if this doesnt help please try a support group it is called grief group but i like support group better.in your home town.i hope this helps i am always here to talk.kristi

Sue said:
Dear all,
My only son died Aug 2008 after he drowned after his car went over a bridge and crashed upside down and he was trapped. I will never get over this or understand it. He was the happiest person in the world. I have never loved anyone as I loved him. I also am getting pysh. help but I don't know if it is working either. It is the constant feeling of doom that overtakes me and regret that he died so cold and alone. I hate getting up in the morning and having to face it all over again. IT IS ALWAYS THERE. I have spurts of mania when I just can't sit down, but sometimes all I do is sit and stare. I have a daughter but she is far away and has alot of her own grief to deal with.At least I talk to her every day.
Carol, Brad, and all, I hope someday our hearts will heal, even just a tiny bit.
Thanks, Sue...Proud Mom of Josh
On sept 22 i woke up and found my father dead on my couch it was very hard for me because my father and i wore very close. I took care of all of the arrainagements because i knew that it would be to hard for my brother and sister to deal with. Well on october 14 i had a knock on the door and it was the army . At first i wondered what was going on and then they asked if they could come in and honestly that's about the last thing that i remember. My husband came in and said that we lost our son that was serving over in korea and i fainted. It has only been a week sence we barried him and i just want to die i just dont know what im going to do without him or my father for that matter.
my son was 21 and in the army he was married and has a beautiful little boy. On october 14 the army came out and told me that my son was dead at first i did'nt beleave it because they told me that my son hung himself. But i new better than that because i had just talked to my son a couple days prior and we had both made a promisee to each other and one thing my son did not do was break promises he made me.Well i hept telling myself that it would be easier to excpt if someone had killed my son than it was to except him killing himself and leaving his son behind. Well the day of his funeral the army changed it to a homicide investagation. after that i have had nothing but nightmares of my son fighting off who ever killed him and i cant eat or sleep.I'm so lost and confused i just dont know what to do. I just want to die. My sons birthday is on november 9, and i really don't want it to come . I just know it's going to kill me god i love him so much and i miss him desprately.
Hi legacy. It is closing on the first year to the day, and my son was announced as doa at 12:35 p.m.
I never thought that there could be any kind of emotional situation that could move me so deeply. I say emotional in the sense that I was not bodily harmed personally. But, that is the thing, this is a pain so deep, that if you don't deal with it, it can literally kill you. Days like this, I am hurting so deep, I thought I was going to faint a couple of times today. I mean literally faint. The truth is, I am still processing this day. A year legacy. A whole year. Yeah well, sometimes the only way to start healing is to admit that you hurt. My heart just goes out to those that hurt everyday. You really do have to make a decision to embrace the pain, admit that it is there, and then press on THROUGH the pain. Today has been a mixture of pressing and mourning. Not really much more than that to add. What a tragic anniversary. Nevertheless, God is still good ALL THE TIME.
Brad Peters said:
Hi carol.Omg soooo sorry 2 have just read that.My heart is in prayer 4 u.I 2 know how it feels, i lost my little girl in a tragic car accident 3 29 2009.My son also was in the car but he made it, barley , he was the last child 2 leave the hospital.7 people in that car were involved 3 died.I have so much pain its unbearable.Please if u ever wana talk let me know and i would like 2 talk 2 u.Thank u.My daughters name is Cara Peters...Carebear im her father Brad Peters.She was 12 years old when our Lord took her.
Brad, I am so sorry for the lose of your daughter Cara, she was so young.Your baby girl is definately with the Lord and looking down on her dad. It is wonderful though that you, as her father,can come here to this site and express your feeling of grief and love for her. We mostly have grieving moms posting their stories of loosing their children. I am sure you thank God everyday for sparing the life of your son. Be sure to express your love for him everyday as we never know if that day will our last. I lost my son and only child 09/08/09 , he was killed by a drunk driver. My consulation is, his last words to me. I love you. I hold that in my heart until I see him again. My prayers go out to you and your family.
Gerry
I was trying to look up Aaron today. He was my neighbor in Olive Branch. I am so sorry, I just found out on this memorial. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Aaron was a good man.

Sincerely
Tim
My name is Becky. I lost my son Matt on Jan.3,2009, in an automobile accident. Matt was 22 yrs old. He had taken his two younger half brothers Josh 13 and Ben 10 on a duck hunting/camping trip. He loved these boys and spent alot of time fishing, hunting and sports with them. After a great three days of hunting they were on their way home. Matt was pulling a boat that they use for hunting. Something terrible went wrong ( we still don't know what) He side swiped an on coming truck and then jacked knifed the truck and trailor. He then was struck by an eighteen wheeler. Matt and his youngest brother Ben were killed. Josh survived the accident (but doesn't remember any details) My world as I knew it was forever changed. The younger boys had no ID on them and were unidentified until I was notified of my sons death by the state police. I told them that they were his brothers. I immediatly called my ex husband to deliver the bad news. ( God gives us strength when we need it most) Matt died instantly but his boys were both sent to the hospital in serious condition. Ben was pronounced officially dead two days later. Scott and Beth ( my ex husband and his wife) decided,after much prayer, to donate Bens organs. What an awesome thing to do during such a tragic time. This tragic accident has brought us all closer together. We grieve our loses as a family. We miss our boys with every breath that we breathe. If you can relate to this incident, I would love to talk to you. Your sister in Christ, Becky Fontenot
Dear Lee,
You came to the right place. God lead me here too. My son Jordan was 23 yrs old when he passed in April 2007; and I just found this site ...maybe 5 or 6 months ago. It is the best thing that has helped me thus far. I wish I would have found it so much sooner.
I know how you feel, I cry all the time too. Sometimes, I will be with my friends and I am laughing; and "blam" it hits me...my son is gone, why am I laughing? And I break down and cry. You went through so much with your daughter... and she passed in her sleep. As hard as that is, it seems so peaceful. It will not make it eaiser, no matter how they pass. I only know this..."We will never get over it...but we will get through it." Write me anytime...all we have is each other and this site.
God Bless you hun...I will be praying for you. ....Leslie

Lee Kelly said:
In 1999 my only daughter was diagnosed with Acute Mylogenous Leukemia. This is a terrible disease. She underwent 4 highdose chemotherapies and an autologous stem cell transplant over 9 1/2 months. The pain she went through is indecribable. She lost her hair twice, her skin peeled off as if from a sunburn, her finger and toe nails fell off as well as the bottoms of here feet. She went into remission in Sept. 2000. She suffered numerous afflictions in the years after that finally dieing in her sleep in January, 2007 from heart trouble. The doctors said it was probably the result of all the chemicals that were pumped into her as AML treatment. Doctors all down the line after her discharge from the Naval Hospital in San Diego, dropped the ball with misdiagnosis', wrong treatments, over medications and simple stupidity. She had 18 hospitalizations in 2 years and 4 surgeries. I prayed that I could undergo the pain she indured instead of her. To this day, I think that if I had been a better mother, she would not have suffered so much. It will be 3 years in January since she was buried and I still cry every day. I am now seeing a psychologist and attending a support group but I don't know if it is helping any. I just found this support site and maybe it will help to read about others loses. I don't know.
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I really don't know how to tallk about coping with the loss of a child because I am not coping. I am a train wreck. My son Jason was killed on Vanentine's day this year one month to the day after my mother passed away, and 8 days before I found my brother dead in his house. I can't even think about my mom or brother because the death of my baby son has taken control of my life. I don't leave the house unless I have to, I sit in the chair and look out the door and don't get anything done most days. I cry everyday sometimes all day. Jason had been very ill before he was killed in a car wreck,in fact he had just got out of the hospital the day before his death.He went in the hospital Dec2, 2008 and was in there all but 8 days until Feb13th 2009. He had 9 brain surgeries and spent most of the time in neuroICU. I thought things were really bad while he was in there and everyday I worried we might lose him and that went on and on. I prayed the day he was discharged that the last surg.was going to make him well.The day he was killed he had gone to where his wife works to take her Valentine goodies. On his way home a 18 wheeler started to move over on him he lost control of his suv was ejected out the drivers window hit a guard rail and landed in the grass with his shoes sitting in the middle of the interstate the suv cont.moving crossed over 5 lanes hit a concret wall and stopped. Jason had a friend with him and his friend's 5 yo son both were unhurt by the grace of God. My baby was taken to the hosp. rec. over 40 units of blood and died 3 and a half hours after the acciddent. The driver of the 18 wheeler never slowed down. So here I am feeling just as bad if not worse as I did the day he was killed.
Dear Jason's mom:

Often when a loved one dies, we do not know how to react. The pain is so intense that in the moment there is nothing anyone can say or do to bring relief. Even so much more, when it involves the loss of a child. They say a child's death is unbearable. I guess it is because it is the last thing we expect. We always believe our children will bear the loss of losing us. However, more and more everyday, we lose child. Whether it is by illness/disease, violence or a tragic accident. Nonetheless, we are hurt and it takes time to work through the pain. Many of us are relieved to learn that God isn't he one to blame for the death of our loved ones, as some believe. God does have the power to prevent death. Yet, he allows it to continue. So, when a child dies, we as parents cry out in anguish and ask "Why did God let it happen?". In one cemetery a child's grave marker is inscribed with this forlorn protest: "So small, so sweet, so soon". In Bible times, ven men of great faith agonized over life's unfair tragedies and asked God why he allowed such things. (Habakkuk 1:1-3) But there are answers in the Bible that with time can comfort us that have lost our child. Know first that God did not want your child to die. God does not take delight even in the destruction of the wicked, let alone the death of a child. (2 Peter 3:9). Surely, he is deeply pained when a child dies. After all, we feel the tragedy of death only because we are able to love. And we are able to love only because we are made in God's image. We reflect God's perfect ability to love, evne though weakly at best. (Genesis 1:26; 1 John 4:8) The Bible assures us that God reads the deepest feelings of our hearts, and has numbered the very hairs on our heads. That alone has enable me to cope with the loss of my loved one. At John 5:28, 29, Jesus said: "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out....." By means of the resurrection Jesus showed that soon those loved ones we have lost in death will live again. The Bible gives various examples of resurrections performed by Jesus such as: Lazarus (John 11:11-44), Jarius daughter (Mark 5:35-43), and the widow of Nain's son (Luke 7:11-17). These are but a few examples to give us solid hope that we will see our loved ones again on earth but under very different circumstances. The Bible shows at Relevation 21:4 where Jehovah promises, "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes and death will be no more, neither will mourning not outcry not pain be anymore. The former things have passed away". That scripture brought so much comfort to me and has sustained me through so much. I hope that it will do the same for you. It is so hard to fall into a depression and not able to cope, but if we have that view in hope (the resurrection) and the view of one day being able to live in a world that is free from all the sickness, disease, violence and tragedies that we will face, we can cope. We have something to look forward to. I can just imagine the smile on my loved ones face when I see them again. I hope these scriptures bring you some comfort. I will keep you in my prayers.

Debbie

Jason's mom said:
I really don't know how to tallk about coping with the loss of a child because I am not coping. I am a train wreck. My son Jason was killed on Vanentine's day this year one month to the day after my mother passed away, and 8 days before I found my brother dead in his house. I can't even think about my mom or brother because the death of my baby son has taken control of my life. I don't leave the house unless I have to, I sit in the chair and look out the door and don't get anything done most days. I cry everyday sometimes all day. Jason had been very ill before he was killed in a car wreck,in fact he had just got out of the hospital the day before his death.He went in the hospital Dec2, 2008 and was in there all but 8 days until Feb13th 2009. He had 9 brain surgeries and spent most of the time in neuroICU. I thought things were really bad while he was in there and everyday I worried we might lose him and that went on and on. I prayed the day he was discharged that the last surg.was going to make him well.The day he was killed he had gone to where his wife works to take her Valentine goodies. On his way home a 18 wheeler started to move over on him he lost control of his suv was ejected out the drivers window hit a guard rail and landed in the grass with his shoes sitting in the middle of the interstate the suv cont.moving crossed over 5 lanes hit a concret wall and stopped. Jason had a friend with him and his friend's 5 yo son both were unhurt by the grace of God. My baby was taken to the hosp. rec. over 40 units of blood and died 3 and a half hours after the acciddent. The driver of the 18 wheeler never slowed down. So here I am feeling just as bad if not worse as I did the day he was killed.
Hi All,
It's been awhile since I posted here, and there are so many new postings that I feel compelled to write. My son was killed in a car accident on December 28, 2008, four days after his 20th birthday. He was the oldest of our three children, a college student getting ready for the next semester. These last 10 1/2 months have been filled with every emotion one can think of. I have been numb, in denial, shocked, sad, drained, angry, sick, frustrated and hopeless and continue to experience these stages at random times. The one thing that has changed though is that I now have hope. I truly believe I will see my son again and that is helping me go on. I'll never stop missing him, and my life will never be the same but I hope and pray that it can still be good, just in a different way. Thanks, Debra, for all the wonderful verses you posted and to all of you I will pray for you to find a little peace in the hope of God's promise. Judy
Cynthia said:
Tomorrow is the sixth anniversary of the passing of our 17 year old daughter. I thought by now the pain and sadness would ease more than it has. Although I am fortunate to have a large family, who are their to listen and help, I have always found it difficult to express my grief to them (I don't want to upset them). I have taken part in every support group available and have even facilitated a grief support group for parents through my church. The best I can do is pray for inner peace.

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