The loss of a child

I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

Permalink Reply by PAM BRYAN on December 25, 2009 at 8:05pm

PAM BRYAN said:

Robbie Carey said:
I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

Permalink Reply by PAM BRYAN on December 25, 2009 at 8:05pm

PAM BRYAN said:

PAM BRYAN said:
Robbie Carey said:
I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:22pm

kristi said:

my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:22pm

HEIDI L. COLE said:

kristi said:
my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:23pm

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:
kristi said:
my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:25pm

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:
HEIDI L. COLE said:
kristi said:
my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:26pm

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:
HEIDI L. COLE said:
HEIDI L. COLE said:
kristi said:
my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:26pm

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:
HEIDI L. COLE said:
HEIDI L. COLE said:
kristi said:
my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:30pm

KRISTI I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE YOUR PAIN. HOW CAN IT BE THAT THE OTHER BOY WHO SHOT YOUR SON IS ABLE TO GO ON AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. WAS THERE ANY JAIL TIME AT ALL? HOW DOES HIS OWN MOTHER EVEN LOOK AT HIM?YOU SAY THEY WERE FRIENDS, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN BETWEEN FRIENDS. I FEEL FOR YOU AND I PRAY YOU GET SOME KIND OF PEACE SOON!!!!!!!!HEIDI

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:36pm

Teresa said:

On December 4th I lost my most amazing most beautiful almost 11 months old grandaughter. I don't even know what to write, maybe its not time yet. I don't know. Skylie was sick with flu like symptoms for 2 weeks prior. Her mother was here and went upstairs to wake her so she could go and get my son her husband from work. She started screaming, I saw her running down the steps like a rag doll, I tried CPR I still don't know how, the mom called 911, they worked on her and took her away but it was too late. This is the worst time of my life, I don't even want to be here. There is so much to say, there is much more sadness that comes along with this story. They did an autopsy and they found a tumor on the stem of the brain which was bleeding, it's not fair so not fair.

Permalink Reply by HEIDI L. COLE on December 29, 2009 at 4:41pm

TERESA i don't think it is too soon to talk or write about it. What a terrible tragedy. Does your son and daughter-in-law have other children?Maybe it is the fact that she was sick a few weeks before and the drs. did not catch this. I will pray for you and your family, cry, talk , ask questions, anything that might bring some kind of closure.