Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tammy on December 31, 2009 at 12:03am

Its been 7 months since my daughter had passed away, and it feels like its harder every day. For one thing, there are reminders of her everywhere, from music on any give radio station, to shows on any given tv station, to seeing the exact same vehicle she use to drive. She was a police officer. The first female in 18 years at the police department she worked for. How can one reach the goal of their dream, and then have that all taken away? If I could only have an inch of an answer, maybe I could take one step forward in life. As it is now, I cant. All I can do is eat sleep and breath with her right there.

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 31, 2009 at 5:39am

heidi,i just go on because there is nothing i can do i get crabby a week before any holidays and stuff.the mom says she is my friend we have known each other along time and she seems to say she coming over and she doesnt.we moved into a new house and i still feel like i shouldnt of.it is right next door to the old one we had.thanks heidi.well the kid didnt get no jail time or anything but my sons friend got stabbed in the eye and died and that guy got 18 years and this one is walking around.he got off probation the 29 of dec so i was really mad that day.

HEIDI L. COLE said:

KRISTI I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE YOUR PAIN. HOW CAN IT BE THAT THE OTHER BOY WHO SHOT YOUR SON IS ABLE TO GO ON AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. WAS THERE ANY JAIL TIME AT ALL? HOW DOES HIS OWN MOTHER EVEN LOOK AT HIM?YOU SAY THEY WERE FRIENDS, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN BETWEEN FRIENDS. I FEEL FOR YOU AND I PRAY YOU GET SOME KIND OF PEACE SOON!!!!!!!!HEIDI

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on December 31, 2009 at 4:04pm

Dear Tammy...

It has been two years eight months two days and twenty-three hours forty-five minutes sinice my son passed away. He was only twenty-three years old, never really started life. We grieve so much I believe, mostly for the things that will never be. All the dreams "we've had" for them that will never take place. I truely understand your heart-ache, your emptiness, your lonliness.
We will never get over this...but we will get through this. The one thing I think of is, "That our time was set from the begining". So there is nothing we couldve done to change our outcome; our lives.
I felt so guilty in the begining of my grief, like; "Why did I move back to Cali.., or if I wouldve never left Idaho". I did everything (I felt) that caused his death.
{Jordan died in a car accident, he was driving}. I even felt bad about helping him with his down payment on his car. (He only had it 3 mo.)
All I know is that your going through something right now that very few have experienced. But we are here. I am here, if you need to talk. I wish I wouldve found this site much sooner. It really helps to talk with others that know.
I will keep you in my prayers...God Bless you and those on this site.
............................Leslie


Tammy said:

Its been 7 months since my daughter had passed away, and it feels like its harder every day. For one thing, there are reminders of her everywhere, from music on any give radio station, to shows on any given tv station, to seeing the exact same vehicle she use to drive. She was a police officer. The first female in 18 years at the police department she worked for. How can one reach the goal of their dream, and then have that all taken away? If I could only have an inch of an answer, maybe I could take one step forward in life. As it is now, I cant. All I can do is eat sleep and breath with her right there.

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 31, 2009 at 5:18pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE AND I HOPE THIS YEAR BRINGS US SOMETHING POSSITIVE THROU OUR GRIEF,MAY ALL OF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELVES AND YOUR FAMILY

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on January 2, 2010 at 12:04am

Hello my dear sisters, It's been a bit difficult to write lately. Christmas, the new year, and finally a talk with the prosecutors. I don't know what I feel at this point. They say they won't offer this young man less than 25 years. I'm almost afraid to say anything else for fear the freakin defense attorney will be searching for any website I'm on or whatever he could find to get information. I just know that Wednesday was a great day and I know Issac G. will not be getting away with killing my son. 2009 was a very rough year and 2010 will be better. I have to figure a way to live although my son is gone. He wants me to live and enjoy life. If I could make myself believe that I would be a freakin superstar. I don't know what it is like to be dead so I don't know if he see me or hear me or watches over me, I don't know. What I do know is I have to live. Sisters, we will get better, right? We will be able to smile and mean it right? God I miss him so much. Happy. I have to figure out what that really means.

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

kristi said:

my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by michael fisher on January 2, 2010 at 11:05am

Sheryl Hysaw said:

Hello my dear sisters, It's been a bit difficult to write lately. Christmas, the new year, and finally a talk with the prosecutors. I don't know what I feel at this point. They say they won't offer this young man less than 25 years. I'm almost afraid to say anything else for fear the freakin defense attorney will be searching for any website I'm on or whatever he could find to get information. I just know that Wednesday was a great day and I know Issac G. will not be getting away with killing my son. 2009 was a very rough year and 2010 will be better. I have to figure a way to live although my son is gone. He wants me to live and enjoy life. If I could make myself believe that I would be a freakin superstar. I don't know what it is like to be dead so I don't know if he see me or hear me or watches over me, I don't know. What I do know is I have to live. Sisters, we will get better, right? We will be able to smile and mean it right? God I miss him so much. Happy. I have to figure out what that really means.

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

HEIDI L. COLE said:

kristi said:

my son was 16,and he got shot by his friend and we see this kid and my heart stops,his mom can see anger still in our eyes,when he was going throu court stuff i kept saying why did he do this and you know they never answered me,like why did he count the bullets going in the gun,but not count them going out.why did he point the gun at my son.the whys will never stop,i will say that much on holidays i cry i go out to the cemetary and cry,even on his birthday we all stay home from work and school for his birthday because thats what he did.i take off on the day he died to.i adopted a highway sign for him so all of us can get together and think about him as were walking.i have 2 other children one that is 21,and one is 12.i think my 12 year old son missing him alot.i am going to try and find him a big brother so that they can do stuff with him.
when my son passed away it took me a long time to finally realize i wasnt going to get a phone call any more,he wasnt going to walk throu the door.i waited up all night the night he got shot for a phone call to say come pick me up.even his friend didnt call,the one house he was at.the friends grandparents were in the other room and didnt here a thing till they went in there and woke him up.the kid was going to run away but my son told him to stay there till the end.what hurts me the most is that everyone heard him say if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them.that what hurts me even the cops said it to us what he said to them.and one other thing is we could not see my son for the last time it hurts me so bad that we couldnt see him the last time before they took him for an autapsy they said he was evidents.we only seen him in a body bag.we couldnt even say good bye till 3 days later.i miss him alot and i wish that kid would of died instead,the kid was only 15 when he shot him.he got 2,300 in restitution 200 community service,probation till he is 19 which he is 17 now going to be 18 in dec.he gets to have a girlfriend,go to prom he got crowned king.they all must of felt bad for him,he gets to graduate in 2009.and he gets to get married and have kids if he wants to know.enough about me i am sorry i needed to vent to.
what did the truck turn the corner and run into him or what?i cant imagine what your going throu because mine died of something else but they were are children.to tell you the truth it might of been to hard for you to see.my friend at work lost her husband he bought a motorcycle and it was raining and he just bought it.that weekend was coming home and went under a semi truck and died.it took her a long time for her to get over it to.but she is ok until everything comes up like birthdays and annivesarys and stuff.well i hope you talk about him like he is still there.make a cake on his birthday take it to the cemetary.so are you going to do anything about the truck driver?we didnt do anything to the kid the state did.we had nothing to do with it.i hope they do something.did you put a cross were he died?i was going to do that but people said we couldnt because that is not right.because it happened in the house not outside.well take care of your self.i am here always to talk.because i think we could help each other alot.thanks for listening kristi.

Permalink Reply by michael fisher on January 2, 2010 at 11:34am

Hello, My name is Michael and on Aug 4th 2009 i lost my 23yr old son. I was sitting at home, it was like any other day and the phone rings and my oldest son is saying Dad you need to come to the hospital, Colin's been shot.Not really thinking of the out come. But when i arrived my eldest son was waiting for me and i ask him if he was alright and that when it all began.I hugged my son and told him i was sorry and that things would be OK not knowing what that meant but thinking that was what was to be said.
We went in to the hospital , found where my son was lying went in and said goodbye but i knew he was no longer there.
Well its been almost 5 mo since his death, as we found out later he was parting with a couple guys and had been for hours and something happened and one of the boys shot him. They left him to die but he some how made to a strangers home that was with him trying to keep him a live. He told the stranger who had shot him and begged him not to let him die. but he died. I haven't been to any of the court proceedings because i feel i know more than i really need to know. I really do not have anger but i do feel a certain amount of compassion for the families of the other boys. because they lost there sons two. But i miss him every day and find myself sad a lot. What happens to those two boys will never bring my son back.
After his death i found out my son's girlfriend was expecting our first granddaughter which will be here in feburary.
Regardless how many people say they're sorry for your lose,all you can say is that your fine and time heals , which it does but it still hurts every day and until it happens to you , you have no idea how much it hurts and how much you miss them.

Permalink Reply by Starlight on January 2, 2010 at 10:14pm

Carlo Cacioppo said:

Good morning Cynthia, oh my how the heart longs to be healed from breaking over the loss of a child whom you nurtured and brought up even though it was for only 17 years. The loss of a child in some ways is more painful than the loss of a parent. Please feel free to come to our section called, "Losing a parent", There are lots of us there that will help you. Read our stories and respond to them if you can and we will help you through it. Be strong today and maybe we will see you soon, take care, Carlo

Permalink Reply by Starlight on January 2, 2010 at 10:16pm

"The loss of a child in some ways is more painful than the loss of a parent" ?? The loss of a child IS MORE PAINFUL THAN THE LOSS OF A PARENT!!!! It is not a natural order.

Starlight said:

Carlo Cacioppo said:

Good morning Cynthia, oh my how the heart longs to be healed from breaking over the loss of a child whom you nurtured and brought up even though it was for only 17 years. The loss of a child in some ways is more painful than the loss of a parent. Please feel free to come to our section called, "Losing a parent", There are lots of us there that will help you. Read our stories and respond to them if you can and we will help you through it. Be strong today and maybe we will see you soon, take care, Carlo

Permalink Reply by Barbara J Willoughby on January 7, 2010 at 7:31am

Hello Friends

I too had to grieve the loss of a son, my baby. I have experienced a loniness (spelling) like never before in the lowest/and or bottomless pit of my belly. It was a thing that man/woman could not help me with. People wanted to help me but the job was too big for them. I buried my family on December 23, 1995. I had a house fire; my 8 year old son, my father and a visiting friend whom none of the three made it out of the house. I was the only survivor of the house fire. It didn't stop there; my job ended shortly after. I tell you, the way you come out of this will depend on YOUR FAITH. It is your faith that will carry you.

I had to learn that God loans us to each other. He loan us our mom, our dad, our children. He LOAN them to us for a given point of time that no one knows. From the moment they are born GOD loan them to us, and as we know from the nature; anytime something is LOANED to us the person that loans it will one day come back to receive it. Our job is to enjoy that loan for as long as we have it, treat and give it love daily. We are all children of GOD, and when he comes back to receive his loan let us rejoice and thank him for the time he has loaned us his child, our mom, our dad.

REJOICE, REJOICE I say, REJOICE, REJOICE.

During those lonesome hours find some quite time and just sing unto the Lord. Sing songs of thankgiving; talk to God, he is right there with you - pour out your feeling to him. Sing until God comes in and soothe the hurt the pain you are feeling. My sister, my brother, I write to tell you it was at my lowest that GOD made me my strongest! HAVE FAITH IN GOD.

GOD BLESS
mamieleerab@aol.com

Permalink Reply by Irene on January 17, 2010 at 3:13am

I don't even know where to start - Just getting out of bed each day hurts and is exhausting!
Posted by Irene on January 17, 2010 at 2:44am

View Blog Posts
Admin Options.Edit PostAdd Tags
Delete Post Manage Blog..Lost my son Dec 15, 2009 when I found him dead in his home. I last spoke to him on Friday evening when he got home from work. He was cold tired and sounded weak but the extreme cold we were experiencing had everyone feeling poorly. I should have tried to get my car started and gone over.....
The pain is crippling .. I don't know where to find the monies for a niche...as he had no insurance as he did not qualify due to preexisting health issues--His (separated) spouse won't let me keep them but she is moving on with her life with her boyfriend-- It is all just SOOO overwhelming. Yrying to remember to eat is even a chore
Where do I start / how can I get beyond the crippling pain /// Any suggestions..

Permalink Reply by Alicia on January 20, 2010 at 3:34pm

Hi Cynthia,
I wanted to offer you some words that have consoled me on occasion when I think of my loved one. Even though the person wasn't my child the pain is the same. Long ago the righteous man Job asked the question, If a man died, shall he live again? Job 14:14. I know you would love to know if it was possible for you to see your child again and the Bible promises that at Isa. 26:19 where it says, your dead love ones will live...they will rise again. Now when you consider God cannot lie, it really gives us hope and we look forward to that time. I hope that this helps to make things a little easier to bear. Take care.

Cynthia said:

Tomorrow is the sixth anniversary of the passing of our 17 year old daughter. I thought by now the pain and sadness would ease more than it has. Although I am fortunate to have a large family, who are their to listen and help, I have always found it difficult to express my grief to them (I don't want to upset them). I have taken part in every support group available and have even facilitated a grief support group for parents through my church. The best I can do is pray for inner peace.

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