Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ann Ervin on April 8, 2010 at 11:46pm

I certainly understand what you mean. Even in November, when I laid my husband of nearly 27 years to rest - I still did not quite feel the same sort of grief (nor have I since) than when my youngest son by 3 minutes (he was a twin) passed away from a severe asthma attack in our home on May 4th, 1996. Although I definitely miss my husband and am grief stricken to this day, a child's death is this: We expect to go before our children, because that's just the usual order and chain of life's events. I don't know why God chose our 10 year old little boy to come home that Saturday afternoon, but every May I just want to rip my calendar off the wall and move onto June. I know he's in Heaven and is very happy, but I'll never see him doing some of the same things that he'd be sharing with his twin brother; never hear his voice changing as he turns into a man; never hear the joy in his voice on his first drive nor watch the glee in his eyes at a school prom. I do cherish every memory his short life on this earth has to offer, it's just not the same. And now I know his Dad is holding him in his arms probably as I speak - I do almost cherish/relish the day I can be with both of them again, under much better circumstances. God knows I miss them both dearly. Prayers to all of you parents and spouses.

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on April 9, 2010 at 7:51am

hi Kim, i think of you today and as my thoughts are with you so is my heart, too.
much love
xxxxxx

amaryllis said:

Hi Kim, it breaks my heart to read your comment on your son's death, illness and treatment. i understand your pain more thank you possible imagine, however i am here not to answer your comment with my story, but to let you know you are not alone and i already made a prayer for you.
after loosing a loved one, yes we cry and cry, we feel so lost, so helpless. i hope and pray this suffering will lead you to an unbelievable spirituall growth as it did to me. there was a time when i just could cry and miss my son - one day in the middle of a prayer suddenly came to my mind that our soul does not die, we are eternal as eternal is the universe and all things are supposed to keep going in a constant change, improving forever and ever. from that day on i started talking to him instead of crying for him.
i feel peace instead of desperation, as i believe one day we will meet again and for doing so i feel i am close to him. as i was able to calm down and to feel peace in my heart i received signs from the other side and this has been so great! more my heart is in peace better i feel and closer to him i am.
dear Kim, some time later write again. God bless you and us all! much love xxxxxx
Kim said:

It has been one month since my son took his life. He was 33. I miss him so much, I cannot express my feelings. His life seemed to be going very well, then in Dec 2008 something happened. He became a very different person. I brought him to the hospital for an evaluation. they admitted him. Diagnosis bi-polar disorder. 6 months off and on in the hospital. So they treated him with outpatient therapy, meds, inpatient. Everything. Well that went on for 6 months. On Nov. 7 2010, Lee called the police and said he wanted to shoot himself but did not want me his mom to find such a mess. Surly a cry for help. When he was there all he did was sleep, the nurses never bothered to try get him up to help him with day to day life. No therapy nothing. Clearly a sign of depression. I would go visit him everyday aand he would always be sleeping, I had to wake him. The Dr. he was working with the last month rediagnosed Lee and told him he did not have bi-polar and took him off all meds. Let him out Dec 9 2010 with no treatment nothing, and even told him don't come back. He seemed ok, but I felt he was hurting. Then on Feb, 28th 2010 he hung himself, I went over there and found him. I was distraught. I will never forget that picture in my mind, by poor son. Ihttp://mi-cache.legacy.com:80/usercontent/guestbook/photos/2010-03/TN38689767.jpgx?w=75&h=63&option=1&fc=F5F7EB think that when someone goes into the hospital for suicide, get taken off all treatment-let go, and 6 month before was being treated for bi-polar, there has been a huge mistake. I am angry when I think about the help he could have recieved.

Permalink Reply by CHERYL on April 10, 2010 at 1:26pm

Jacquelyn Raney said:

My name is Jackie raney and on March 24 2006 my youngest son ,best friend was picked up from the safety of his home and took to who was suppose to be his friend home and was shot to death. I received the dreaded phone call around 4:30AM in the morning with the words that "little Joe is dead" It will be 3 years this year and is just like it happened today. I have 2 other children and a husband of 35 years and I love them dearly but losing that child took my life, my soul, my heart, and my joy. I feel like I'm the living dead and no one knows it but me. I can't let him go, I want let him go. I think about him night and day and all the hours in between. I just want to crawl in the grave with him. Everyone in the family said that he was always the better part of us, he was the type of person who always looked for the good in everyone. He would literally give you the shirt off his back. He loved God, children animals and was too forgiving an neive about the world. I want him, I want him! My eyes are dead there is no joy. How can I live the rest of my life without him!

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on April 10, 2010 at 1:35pm

Hello Jackie, my name is Sheryl. My son was shot to death on March 28, 2009. Some days I feel I'm okay and other days, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just hit the year mark. On Easter Sunday made one year that he was put in the ground. How ironic was that? Celebrating the Risen Savior and I'm struggling to feel joy. Anyway, Derrick was my oldest son and I too have two other sons. Derrick was my best friend and I called him my kissing boy. He was always so attentive to his Mama. My heart was snatched out on that day. I really can't feel too much any more. It just about makes it scary to be concerned for my other two sons. I often ask, how could this have happened. You are in my prayers. I know that we will be okay by the grace of God. Just hold on and trust God to get you through this tradgedy. I too must do the same. Hello everyone, God Bless.

Permalink Reply by CHERYL on April 10, 2010 at 1:53pm

Dear Jackie, Let me start by saying I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I loss my son on March 1, 2010, we were very close also, he would say, mom you are the only person who understands me. I just don't know how to live without him, he was not married either and had no children. We would talk everyday, he counted on me so much. I am so lost without him. My son like yours was such a good person, and loved by so many. I know I am supose to think it was God's will and that was his time to go, but my last words to him before he left my home was, she is going to finish you off. You see he had been fighting a drug addiction to a horrible pain killer, and had been doing very well for the last two months, but there was this evil girl who was so crazy about him, she would give him these pills just so he would talk to her. A couple of weeks before Christmas, he told me he wanted his life back. So I did everything I could to help him, he had been in an outpatient rehab, but it was not working for him. He was also going to college at night. My son said he needed spiritual help, he wanted so bad to be healed of this addiction, so I put him in touch with as many people as I could to get this help for him, and he had given his life to the Lord, and had been to many services. He was doing so good, the teachers at school asked him to slow down, because he was so far ahead of the classes, and also asked him if he would help the other students, because they were not getting it, and he did, each and everyone of them (they told me this at his funeral) he had so much to live for. Then one Saturday the evil girl tricked him into answering her call by calling from someone elses number, you see he had been avoiding her. She told him she had bought him an expensive gift, she would do that, buy him all kinds of things to lure him, just like the devil himself, and he was weak, and too good hearted. I begged her 3 times before not to kill my son with her pills. But she finally did it March 1, 2010, not only did she kill him with her pills, but she watched him die. I am very angry about that, he did not have to die. She text a friend at 10 AM that morning, saying that my son was dying, he told her to call 911 and leave, but she did not. He died about 1PM. My life will never be the same. Lost in sorrow, Cheryl

CHERYL said:

Jacquelyn Raney said:

My name is Jackie raney and on March 24 2006 my youngest son ,best friend was picked up from the safety of his home and took to who was suppose to be his friend home and was shot to death. I received the dreaded phone call around 4:30AM in the morning with the words that "little Joe is dead" It will be 3 years this year and is just like it happened today. I have 2 other children and a husband of 35 years and I love them dearly but losing that child took my life, my soul, my heart, and my joy. I feel like I'm the living dead and no one knows it but me. I can't let him go, I want let him go. I think about him night and day and all the hours in between. I just want to crawl in the grave with him. Everyone in the family said that he was always the better part of us, he was the type of person who always looked for the good in everyone. He would literally give you the shirt off his back. He loved God, children animals and was too forgiving an neive about the world. I want him, I want him! My eyes are dead there is no joy. How can I live the rest of my life without him!

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on April 10, 2010 at 3:22pm

Cheryl, this is Sheryl. My son was 29 years old. He was in that same sort of relationship. She would do whatever she could to hold onto him. I begged him to leave her alone. His father and brothers also told him to leave her alone. It is very difficult when we are women and it is woman that directly or indirectly leads our sons to their grave. She did not shoot Derrick, but her brother did. I have a very difficult time believing that this was the Will of God. The Bible says, Thou shall not committ murder. What that says to me is, Life is given by God and no one has the right to take it but God. I too am very angry, but I forgive the boy. I have more trouble forgiving the girlfriend and mother than the actual shooter. He shot Derrick in the heart with a 22 that represented the hate of that Mother and the sick love of the girlfriend. I am still going through the freakin court system. He is still walking around free as a bird with his children, while my 5 year old grand daughter is asking if her daddy will ever come back to earth. The 1 year old son that will never know his father. This is unnatural and everyday, I am finding a way to get through. I will also keep you in my prayers. May the Lord wrap His arms around every parent, sibling or family member of a lost child. God Bless.

CHERYL said:

Dear Jackie, Let me start by saying I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I loss my son on March 1, 2010, we were very close also, he would say, mom you are the only person who understands me. I just don't know how to live without him, he was not married either and had no children. We would talk everyday, he counted on me so much. I am so lost without him. My son like yours was such a good person, and loved by so many. I know I am supose to think it was God's will and that was his time to go, but my last words to him before he left my home was, she is going to finish you off. You see he had been fighting a drug addiction to a horrible pain killer, and had been doing very well for the last two months, but there was this evil girl who was so crazy about him, she would give him these pills just so he would talk to her. A couple of weeks before Christmas, he told me he wanted his life back. So I did everything I could to help him, he had been in an outpatient rehab, but it was not working for him. He was also going to college at night. My son said he needed spiritual help, he wanted so bad to be healed of this addiction, so I put him in touch with as many people as I could to get this help for him, and he had given his life to the Lord, and had been to many services. He was doing so good, the teachers at school asked him to slow down, because he was so far ahead of the classes, and also asked him if he would help the other students, because they were not getting it, and he did, each and everyone of them (they told me this at his funeral) he had so much to live for. Then one Saturday the evil girl tricked him into answering her call by calling from someone elses number, you see he had been avoiding her. She told him she had bought him an expensive gift, she would do that, buy him all kinds of things to lure him, just like the devil himself, and he was weak, and too good hearted. I begged her 3 times before not to kill my son with her pills. But she finally did it March 1, 2010, not only did she kill him with her pills, but she watched him die. I am very angry about that, he did not have to die. She text a friend at 10 AM that morning, saying that my son was dying, he told her to call 911 and leave, but she did not. He died about 1PM. My life will never be the same. Lost in sorrow, Cheryl

CHERYL said:

Jacquelyn Raney said:

My name is Jackie raney and on March 24 2006 my youngest son ,best friend was picked up from the safety of his home and took to who was suppose to be his friend home and was shot to death. I received the dreaded phone call around 4:30AM in the morning with the words that "little Joe is dead" It will be 3 years this year and is just like it happened today. I have 2 other children and a husband of 35 years and I love them dearly but losing that child took my life, my soul, my heart, and my joy. I feel like I'm the living dead and no one knows it but me. I can't let him go, I want let him go. I think about him night and day and all the hours in between. I just want to crawl in the grave with him. Everyone in the family said that he was always the better part of us, he was the type of person who always looked for the good in everyone. He would literally give you the shirt off his back. He loved God, children animals and was too forgiving an neive about the world. I want him, I want him! My eyes are dead there is no joy. How can I live the rest of my life without him!

Permalink Reply by Susanne on April 12, 2010 at 12:33pm

It's been four years since my son was taken from this earth. I never thought I'd make it through and somedays it's all I can do to just pick up one foot and put it in front of the other. But, I do and I've made and I know that my son, Jon, is so very proud of his Mom. He was 27 when he had his accident, a trucker parked in the "rook" of the freeway and Jon didn't see him in time. He was going from one freeway to the other in LA, the trucker shouldn't have been there, but he was and Jon clipped him at the edge of the trailer. He had just been promoted with Edison and was in LA going to their school for training as a sub-station operator. He was supposed to go look at an apartment with his soon to be fiance and her son. I have never asked God why, I know that God has his reasons and someday he will let me know what it was. I know that Jon is in a better place and as much as that soothes my soul, it doesn't take away the pain of missing my only child. The pain never leaves your heart, it's just replaced with this emptiness, a huge void where his love used to be. I don't know how I have survived this long, why I didn't just curl up and die; but I didn't and I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. I think that's all you can do, endure. You must live your life the best you can because they are watching us, all the loved ones we have lost, and someday we will be together again.

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on April 12, 2010 at 1:37pm

Susanne,
I am sorry for the loss of your son. I know what it is like to lose your only child,as I too lost my son.
You said what I feel in my heart and think the way I do. They are watching over us,and we need to make them proud and live life the best way we know how without them. The pain will never go away and the hole in our hearts never filled..just need to be the best we can and know we will be reunited someday.
God be with you,
Gerry

Susanne said:

It's been four years since my son was taken from this earth. I never thought I'd make it through and somedays it's all I can do to just pick up one foot and put it in front of the other. But, I do and I've made and I know that my son, Jon, is so very proud of his Mom. He was 27 when he had his accident, a trucker parked in the "rook" of the freeway and Jon didn't see him in time. He was going from one freeway to the other in LA, the trucker shouldn't have been there, but he was and Jon clipped him at the edge of the trailer. He had just been promoted with Edison and was in LA going to their school for training as a sub-station operator. He was supposed to go look at an apartment with his soon to be fiance and her son. I have never asked God why, I know that God has his reasons and someday he will let me know what it was. I know that Jon is in a better place and as much as that soothes my soul, it doesn't take away the pain of missing my only child. The pain never leaves your heart, it's just replaced with this emptiness, a huge void where his love used to be. I don't know how I have survived this long, why I didn't just curl up and die; but I didn't and I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. I think that's all you can do, endure. You must live your life the best you can because they are watching us, all the loved ones we have lost, and someday we will be together again.

Permalink Reply by Sue on April 14, 2010 at 11:04am

Dear concerned,
Yes, definately tell her it's not her fault. My son was tragically killed when his car went over a bridge, landed upside down in a canal and he drowned because he was trapped. I did not feel alot of guilt because my son and I loved each other very much and expressed it daily. Of course, I went thru the "what if's " and of course I wish I could have prevented it, that's what moms do and feel. This lady needs to understand especially if her son is suicidal, that there is absolutely nothing she can or could have done to prevent this. My sister committed suicide at age 26 and that is the ONLY WAY she could escape the horrible emotional pain and darkness she lived with every day. People need to realize that they live in extreme agony and sometimes the only way to escape is thru death.
Maybe, hopefully, he is fine and just needing some time alone. If he shows up, she should just make sure he knows she is there for him and loves him no matter what. You can offer support in the way of listening. You cannot prevent her from feeling bad. Let her cry and lean on you. You are an amazing person to want to help her, most people would turn away.
Hope this helps.
Sue
(Proud mom of Josh Mack)

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on April 14, 2010 at 11:54am

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel that everybody has turned against me? My son is Dead!

Permalink Reply by Gail on April 15, 2010 at 12:07pm

concernedfriend said:

Thank you, Sue. This helps. It's a delicate balance between listening and saying something helpful. I don't want to ever convey that she should not be feeling guilty or blaming herself, but I think it will make her process harder if she were to get lost deeply into that. I just have to find a way to gently let her know otherwise... I'm sorry about your loss, too.

And Sheryl, I haven't read about your loss, but I hear your pain, and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Ann on April 15, 2010 at 4:34pm

Sheryl Hysaw said:

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel that everybody has turned against me? My son is Dead!

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