Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.
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Hi Kim, it breaks my heart to read your comment on your son's death, illness and treatment. i understand your pain more thank you possible imagine, however i am here not to answer your comment with my story, but to let you know you are not alone and i already made a prayer for you.
after loosing a loved one, yes we cry and cry, we feel so lost, so helpless. i hope and pray this suffering will lead you to an unbelievable spirituall growth as it did to me. there was a time when i just could cry and miss my son - one day in the middle of a prayer suddenly came to my mind that our soul does not die, we are eternal as eternal is the universe and all things are supposed to keep going in a constant change, improving forever and ever. from that day on i started talking to him instead of crying for him.
i feel peace instead of desperation, as i believe one day we will meet again and for doing so i feel i am close to him. as i was able to calm down and to feel peace in my heart i received signs from the other side and this has been so great! more my heart is in peace better i feel and closer to him i am.
dear Kim, some time later write again. God bless you and us all! much love xxxxxx
Kim said:It has been one month since my son took his life. He was 33. I miss him so much, I cannot express my feelings. His life seemed to be going very well, then in Dec 2008 something happened. He became a very different person. I brought him to the hospital for an evaluation. they admitted him. Diagnosis bi-polar disorder. 6 months off and on in the hospital. So they treated him with outpatient therapy, meds, inpatient. Everything. Well that went on for 6 months. On Nov. 7 2010, Lee called the police and said he wanted to shoot himself but did not want me his mom to find such a mess. Surly a cry for help. When he was there all he did was sleep, the nurses never bothered to try get him up to help him with day to day life. No therapy nothing. Clearly a sign of depression. I would go visit him everyday aand he would always be sleeping, I had to wake him. The Dr. he was working with the last month rediagnosed Lee and told him he did not have bi-polar and took him off all meds. Let him out Dec 9 2010 with no treatment nothing, and even told him don't come back. He seemed ok, but I felt he was hurting. Then on Feb, 28th 2010 he hung himself, I went over there and found him. I was distraught. I will never forget that picture in my mind, by poor son. Ihttp://mi-cache.legacy.com:80/usercontent/guestbook/photos/2010-03/TN38689767.jpgx?w=75&h=63&option=1&fc=F5F7EB think that when someone goes into the hospital for suicide, get taken off all treatment-let go, and 6 month before was being treated for bi-polar, there has been a huge mistake. I am angry when I think about the help he could have recieved.
Jacquelyn Raney said:
Dear Jackie, Let me start by saying I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I loss my son on March 1, 2010, we were very close also, he would say, mom you are the only person who understands me. I just don't know how to live without him, he was not married either and had no children. We would talk everyday, he counted on me so much. I am so lost without him. My son like yours was such a good person, and loved by so many. I know I am supose to think it was God's will and that was his time to go, but my last words to him before he left my home was, she is going to finish you off. You see he had been fighting a drug addiction to a horrible pain killer, and had been doing very well for the last two months, but there was this evil girl who was so crazy about him, she would give him these pills just so he would talk to her. A couple of weeks before Christmas, he told me he wanted his life back. So I did everything I could to help him, he had been in an outpatient rehab, but it was not working for him. He was also going to college at night. My son said he needed spiritual help, he wanted so bad to be healed of this addiction, so I put him in touch with as many people as I could to get this help for him, and he had given his life to the Lord, and had been to many services. He was doing so good, the teachers at school asked him to slow down, because he was so far ahead of the classes, and also asked him if he would help the other students, because they were not getting it, and he did, each and everyone of them (they told me this at his funeral) he had so much to live for. Then one Saturday the evil girl tricked him into answering her call by calling from someone elses number, you see he had been avoiding her. She told him she had bought him an expensive gift, she would do that, buy him all kinds of things to lure him, just like the devil himself, and he was weak, and too good hearted. I begged her 3 times before not to kill my son with her pills. But she finally did it March 1, 2010, not only did she kill him with her pills, but she watched him die. I am very angry about that, he did not have to die. She text a friend at 10 AM that morning, saying that my son was dying, he told her to call 911 and leave, but she did not. He died about 1PM. My life will never be the same. Lost in sorrow, Cheryl
It's been four years since my son was taken from this earth. I never thought I'd make it through and somedays it's all I can do to just pick up one foot and put it in front of the other. But, I do and I've made and I know that my son, Jon, is so very proud of his Mom. He was 27 when he had his accident, a trucker parked in the "rook" of the freeway and Jon didn't see him in time. He was going from one freeway to the other in LA, the trucker shouldn't have been there, but he was and Jon clipped him at the edge of the trailer. He had just been promoted with Edison and was in LA going to their school for training as a sub-station operator. He was supposed to go look at an apartment with his soon to be fiance and her son. I have never asked God why, I know that God has his reasons and someday he will let me know what it was. I know that Jon is in a better place and as much as that soothes my soul, it doesn't take away the pain of missing my only child. The pain never leaves your heart, it's just replaced with this emptiness, a huge void where his love used to be. I don't know how I have survived this long, why I didn't just curl up and die; but I didn't and I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. I think that's all you can do, endure. You must live your life the best you can because they are watching us, all the loved ones we have lost, and someday we will be together again.
Thank you, Sue. This helps. It's a delicate balance between listening and saying something helpful. I don't want to ever convey that she should not be feeling guilty or blaming herself, but I think it will make her process harder if she were to get lost deeply into that. I just have to find a way to gently let her know otherwise... I'm sorry about your loss, too.
And Sheryl, I haven't read about your loss, but I hear your pain, and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel that everybody has turned against me? My son is Dead!