Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 17, 2008 at 10:47pm

yes i yelled at god i blamed him for taking my son so young and than like a couple of weeks ago my friends said why dont you try coming to my church and maybe you will feel better i have gone 2 times now and the sermon at there church gets way deep down inside of me and my husband even says it helps me for a couple of days.my husband sits on warcraft a game on the internet because my son and him always played together.thats how he deals with the loss.but this year will be hard now that he would of been 18.when my son died for the longest time we wouldnt talk to this kid that killed him he was my sons friend and thats what hurt,he only got 200 of community service,probation till he is 19,and pay back restitution back 2,980 thats it no time,he was only 15 he thought he unloaded the gun and he pointed it at my son and shot him.they say it was an accident but to tell you the truth i am the mom and i will never believe that it was an accident.everybody says was it an accident and i say i am the mom and i say no but i have to just say believe what you want but i am the mom and i dont believe it was an acciedent.ok can i tell you why?a week before 2 of my sons friends and my son were out looking for deer,and my sons friend said if i pointed the gun at you and shot you what would you do,and my son said that he would shoot him back and he said no you wouldnt because you would be dead,and that day he seen big foot and someone said you see big foot you die a week later or so and he was gone a week later.so you see why i say it isnt an accident.and the cops didnt believe what we said.and the kid didnt even know he killed my son everette till he got out of lock up for the night.he came over like a day later.but i hope you have a good trip.i will be seeing my mom and dad in oct because they dont want me to be a lone that weekend.well i hope everything works out for you what i recommended.and i will keep in touch kristi

Permalink Reply by Denise Denton on August 18, 2008 at 9:20am

Dear Kristi,

I was angry at God when my son, Benjamin, was born with disabilities. The grieving process began in 1984, and I was an intensely angry woman for many years. I opened my heart and spirit when Ben was undergoing a serious surgery. I realized at that moment how disconnected I was to my faith, and had forgotten how to pray! I realized that my prayers were to be directed to protect my son, and those I love. When I pray, I factor myself out, because I can cope. I only wish to spare others pain. And I believe that we should accept that when God calls any of us home, the person is spared any more turmoil and pain. We are left to carry on in a positive and respectful/ nature to honor the loved one that we miss so dearly each minute of every day. My prayers are with you.

Denise Denton

Permalink Reply by Denise Denton on August 18, 2008 at 9:25am

Two days following the passing of my son, Benjamin, I dreamed of him. In my dream, he was having nausea and pain, and I was trying to resolve his suffering. When I awakened, I was calm, not frantic and in a cold sweat, as I was while Ben was alive. That was the first comforting realization that he would never suffer again. My pain is inconsequential to the pain he had to endure since he became ill this past March.

I look forward to dreaming of the happiness we shared, and hope that his spirit will guide me in a positive and productive path.

Denise Denton

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 18, 2008 at 11:28pm

denise,sorry for your loss.did you ever hear of sage that you burn and it smells good well when my husband is sad about my son and needs to he does that so that the dreams and stuff people say about him is good not bad,and when there is fighting in the house it coms the people down maybe you should think to light that or a candle they say to write in a journal all the good times you had that will calm your dreams down some if they are bad.my youngest sons name is benjamin he will be 13 in feb.but sorry for your loss and i hope you keep in touch thanks kristi

Permalink Reply by LESLIE M BURRIS on August 2, 2011 at 9:17pm

Like many the fear of losing a child is magnified when your sister experiences it such a tragedy. I know that was an early comment my sister expressed. Death brings out the fears of those around us like it's contagious. However rejoice in your son and pray for your sister to hold on. My son departed this life April 12 th of this year and I never go an hour without remembering all the big and little things that made him special. As a bereaved parent, memories are all that is left. Shari g your memories of her son can rbi g joy and appreciation to your sisters heart. That is a gift every parent who loves a child who left this life!  

Rose said:

I lost my 32 year old nephew to a drug overdose Jan of this year. He was a beautiful man, an athelete, a son, a brother, a grandson and a friend to many. His death has left our family reeling. He is the son of my sister who I am very close with. I have been very supportive; helping in anyway I can. She is amazing to me. Going thru life, working, going to support groups, church and family are important. My problem is that I am grieving the loss of her son more than the loss of my nephew. Does that make sense? I have a 25 year old son and I keep thinking to myself, how can she cope? I can't imagine what she is going through but somehow my own grieving transfers to my own life and my fear of losing my son. Is this normal? I have been reading articles and blogs about grieving and I see myself in many of these articles. Yesterday I booked a trip to see my son, he lives out of state, and the minute I booked it I started to cry; a deep, mourning cry. I have had therapy and was using my tools and understood partly why I was crying, but I was surprised by my reaction; instead of being happy (which I was deep down) I was very sad. I know part of it is feeling guilty; feeling guilty that I can see my son, call him and be with him; not like my sister. I just can't imagine what she is going through. Has anyone experienced this? Any help you can give will be appreciated. Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Susan on September 1, 2008 at 5:36pm

On August 13, 2008, I loss my son Daniel. I walked in the den where he was placed by his friend and found him dead. Daniel was 23 years old. Daniel had been out drinking with his friend's and the only thing they told his brother that older that he had to much to drink. John watch over him for couple of hours and he was sleeping okay. He went to bed. I got up couple hours later to get his sister up younger to go to school and he was moming. A couple hours later I was cooking breakfast and went to get him up, he was cold and not breathing. I called 911 but I was to late. I lost my husband in 1995, lost my mom and dad in 2001, and in 2008, I lost one son. I hurt when I lost my husband and my mom and dad, but, when I lost Daniel I lost my heart. All I do is cry. And stay in bed. I hope I can get better and put it together soon.

Permalink Reply by Cynthia on September 1, 2008 at 8:40pm

Dear Susan,
Please accept my deepest sympathy for the passing of your son. I admire you in seeking support so soon. You have had so many loses in such a short time; your husband and parents so close together must be very painful, however I know (personally) that the loss of a child is the most devastating loss one can experience. Please know, what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. The crying may be so intense that you feel it will never stop. I once had someone tell me, “I never knew anyone who could never stop crying.” Well, that person probably never lost a child, because once I started crying (which wasn’t until six weeks after my daughter’s passing) I didn’t stop for a long time. I couldn’t eat (I was so nauseous), I couldn’t sleep (the dreams were so bizarre), and I lost 15 pounds in three weeks. Do you have family or friends to be with you? If it weren’t for my support system, I know I would not be here. Even though I didn’t feel I could “burden” them with my grief, they were here to help my husband and me. Give yourself the space to grieve, as you need. No two people grieve the same, but I do know that parents go through particular grieving patterns. Please keep in touch. I know what you are going through and how intense your pain must be. I can help. My prayers are with you, Cynthia

Permalink Reply by Kim Carroll on December 29, 2008 at 10:24am

We just lost our son, also named Daniel, on December 14th, 2008. He was 19 years old. He was asleep at a friend's house and never woke up. His friend called me crying that he was not breathing and they called 911. This loss has been unbearable for us all; only God can ease this pain somehow. I am so sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by osullivansharon@yahoo.com on February 25, 2009 at 6:21pm

Been there and still haven't made it back.This breaks my heart to know there are others out there that suffer for their babies as much as I suffer.Eli,my grandson died at 5 months ,he never made it out of intensive care and I too cry for him everyday.God bless you and your family.Only a person who has suffered thru something like this can say they know how you feel.It seems you never heal and you never ever forget.You are in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Rose on September 1, 2008 at 7:06pm

Susan - I am so, so sorry for the loss of your son. I don't know what to say. I hope that you will get lots of support from this website and hopefully you have family, friends, church members, neighbors to get you through this terrible dark time.

I was just at my sister's house and she brought out a picture of her son when he was a police officer. She started to cry and said look how good he looks...it brought back all these feelings. You think you're getting better and than you go backward. That's OK because you have to give yourself time to grieve. Take each moment, minute, hour, day at a time.

My heart and prayers go out to you. Take care of yourself. I am sure someone else will reply and you will get some help from this community.....Rose

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 1, 2008 at 8:49pm

hi susan,sorry to hear about your loss,i needed help and i went to a support group and it helped me,and now that my sons birthday is sept 12th he would of been 18 this year i am having a real hard time,and with school starting and he would of been a senior this year,i started going again because i cant handle it.but they tell you to light a candle and write in a journal for 5 minutes about good times you had of your son,they tell you to talk about your son like he is still here i do and it has helped i dont have family around so my friends have been helping me.but i hope you get help on this website i have.take care and my prayers are with you kristi

Permalink Reply by Susan on September 1, 2008 at 8:59pm

Daniel birthday is Sept 12 also. thank you. I have starting making a scarpbook pf his life. I am getting my other kids in with it to.
Thanks for the help.
Susan

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