Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cynthia on November 12, 2008 at 5:21pm

Dear Bonnie,
Please know we are all so sorry for the devastating loss your family is going through. The pain your niece is going through is indescribable. Having lost my teenage daughter in the prime of her life, like your niece's son, makes absolutely no sense. I noticed Kristi gave her email (she is very supportive). My email is cfrey@sad63.k12.me.us. I have been involved in many support groups and have been a facilitator of a support group for parents who have lost a child.

I sense the urgency and intense grief you are feeling. You said your niece just lost her son. When did this happen? Although we all experience grief differently there are similar stages that grieving people go through, especially grieving parents. Please let me know when your darling grand-nephew passed on so I can be of more help.

Warm Regards,
Cynthia

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 4, 2008 at 7:46pm

I lost my 26 yr. old 3 weeks ago today. He suffered a Genetic disease called Spinocerebella Ataxia type2. He was diagnosed in 1998. in 2003 he fell and sustained a spinal cord injury which put him perm. in the wheelchair. In January of this year he developed pnemonia, and that really knocked him down. he lost communication, and everything. He spent 11 months in and out of hospitals with a number of close calls. well his body finally wore out and he just couldnt go anylonger. He had been in pain constanly and was on hospice for 5 weeks. even though I am happy he is no longer suffering, I miss him dearly. i was his sole caregiver and he was my world. wow, i guess i could go on and on. anyway, how does one really cope? what is normal to feel? to think? Thanks, Linda

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 4, 2008 at 9:00pm

hi linda, sorry for your loss,i lost my son 2 years ago and i still cant cope.because i see this kid that put the gun to my sons chest and shot him he is graduating this year he has a girl friend,.i go to support group because this is the worse time of the year is going christmas shopping and wanting to pick presents up for him even if he has been gone 2 years.if you have a support group in your area,they will be able to help you to because they have been throu what you have been throu.it is hard,my son was only 16 and it is still hurting me every day.well take care and i hope i helped a little.oh about thinking sometimes i cant when it first happened i didnt know some of the things a couple of weeks before i lost my mind and now when the holidays come i dont have it once in awhile.it is the shock of them not being here i think.well thanks for listening

Permalink Reply by Wilma on December 4, 2008 at 10:04pm

it has been 9 months since i lost my only son scott 35 years of age to cancer.i miss him so much,i've withdrawn myself from everyone,i come from a very large family 5 girls and 5 boys all of my sisters and 2 brothers have passed on and i miss them every day but the day i lost my son i have not been the same.some in my are very mean,they say things like i'm crazy,need help,want pity.i know i'm not the same person i once was.i do know that i need to feel the pain and i allow myself to.he was in icu for 3 months and i was there most every minute,i would always kiss him on his fore head and tell him how much i love him then we would pray,he suffered so much and my daugther in law would not allow them to give him more pain meds so the day before he passed she left for awhile and i went and ask the nurse to make sure my son did not feel anymore pain,she did the next day i gave him a kiss told him how much i loved him we prayed then i told him it was ok for him to go,i told him not to be afraid and when jesus reached out to him for him to take his hand and he was going to take him to a beautiful place where he was going to be with grandma,grandpa,all his aunts and uncle i know he could hear me he died within minutes.he needed to hear that from mom.god gave me the strenght to tell him that and god is how i make it through each day.we will be together again that's what i look foreward to.

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 4, 2008 at 10:22pm

sorry for your loss,i am glad you got to say goodbye and kiss him on the forehead.wilma when my son died they wouldnt let us see him or say goodbye or kiss him goodbye,they said he was evedience.that hurts me till this day,when i here that people can do that i am glad that they can because i couldnt.but before he passed away he said if i dont make it tell my mom and dad that i love them.and he told the kid to stay there till the end if he was his friend,i waited for him to call that night to tell me to come and get him,it took me 37 hours before i could finally get to sleep.what my doctors gave me was depression pills they thought they would help me i have not taken any.i lost my mind and when holidays come around i do because i still think i am shocked he isnt here with me for the holidays.but i have been going to support group because it is hard for me yet still after 2 years.thanks for listening and i would ask the nurse for pain meds if i could of to.keep in touch

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 5, 2008 at 8:58am

wilma, I hope you saw my other post to both you and kristi. I know how the most important thing with my son was , no pain! We do whatever it takes, but no pain for them. It is difficult, trying to keep them with us as they were prior to illness but i watched my boy suffer for so long, I simply wanted him comfortable and was successful. I am sure you felt the same way. Now he is in no more pain. Please see the link I posted about the dash.

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 5, 2008 at 8:08am

Kristi and Wilma, My heart goes out to both. I think what is hard trying to understand why? Why my son?I believe ST. Michael chose all of our sons to be warriors for him in heaven. ST. Michael fights off the bad and needs help to do so. I am hanging on to the fact my son was needed, and now he is doing good for others in one way or another.It is hard, I know. I too had to tell my Joe it was ok to let go that I would be ok and it wasnt long before he passed. It really was amazing, his eyes opened up,his mouth opened he spoke and he squeezed my finger,and he smiled,then he was gone.i will remember that always. Maybe your sons have met my joe and they can be together. No more pain. Kristi, your son was taken in a horrible way, and I can only imagine the pain and anger you must feel. Now maybe your boy also is with St. Michael, fighting off the demons. No I am not crazy, just trying to find a way to cope. My heart goes out to you both, and we will continue to listen to one another, and compare stories of the great sons we have. Linda

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 5, 2008 at 8:34am

Have you ever seen this?http://www.dashpoemmovie.com/ it is beautiful

Permalink Reply by Susan on December 5, 2008 at 12:20pm

Linda that was so beautiful. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Susan
Daniel's Wright mom

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 5, 2008 at 5:52pm

linda that was so beutiful,i had tears in my eyes and i asked my kids if they could watch it and they said it was beutiful to,.thanks for sharing.if you have any more please share

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 5, 2008 at 7:21pm

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/joethellsmemories/Homepage.aspx
thank. I like that real well too. I will send more as I see them. Check out Joe Memorial site, i am proud of it and enjoy writing in it.Do you have one as well? let me know.

Permalink Reply by Susan on December 5, 2008 at 9:29pm

Yes, I have a website for Daniel. I am still working on it. I am very proud of mind to. You can find Daniel's.


http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/Wright/Homepage.aspx

Thank Susan Wright

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