Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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Replies to This Discussion

Marianne,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is 8 weeks ago today that I lost my 21 year old son.

To carry on with life? You said scattered and a total mess. That is my life exactly. I am still not thinking straight. I forget everything and am easily distracted.

The MS is very serious. Please try and take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.
For the first 2 yrs, I got professional help for the depression, anxiety, and all the other yuck that accompanies the loss of a child. I was on too much medication and was often found just sitting in a chair drooling on myself, and in my area there isn't much counsel that relates to child loss. It took me a year to get off all the meds the dr had me on. So now I am back to having anxiety issues, depression, not to mention the MS symptoms. My health insurance is gone, I am not working, my finances are a mess! My heart breaks for my 2 living children, how unfair they are cheated. Their older brother had a strong mom, capable mom. School starts here tomorrow for my kids, it is 230a.m., and I can't sleep!! I had learned that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and there is a reason for it all, BUT why??? Why is it God needed me to walk the path I am walking? Please keep me in your prayers, and Thank You for it.
amaryllis said:
Hi Marianne Lewis, tell me how are you today?
You are in my thoughts and prayers - you asked and you have friends here who care for you and i am among them. It helps when we feel we are not alone.
xxx


Ann said:
Dear Marianne:

You have joined the club no one wants to join. I lost my beautiful 36 year old son last year & it has been a journey I don't wish on anyone. I can tell you it does ease up a bit but my suggestion is to get some professional help. I thought I was handling it ok until the anniversary of his death & I fell apart. My daughter was diagnosed with Myelofibrosis at the same time. I didn't want to take medication but did turn to it & have to say it has helped tremendously, no panic attacks, deep depression. Love your 2 children as much as you can & marvel at them each & every day. You will survive.

Marianne Lewis said:
I just need help! It has been 3yrs since losing my son, 3wks after his 21st birthday, he left my place in his car, went around a corner, lost control, severed his spinal cord at C-3.... he was gone. I had been his mom since I was 17, it was just the 2 of us until he was 12, then I met someone, had a little girl. The relationship didn't work, so the 3 of us moved on. Was working, and enjoying my 2 kids, and lo and behold another one of God's creatures had to come shine my way! Got married, had a baby boy, stayed with it thru the 7 year itch and then it was over. So now it was my beautiful 19 year old son, 7 yr old daughter, and 5 yr old son together trying to figure it all out. Then it happened my just turned 21 yr old was at the apt, chatting with his mom, leaving for work, promising to be back at lunch time. But that never happened. Within a moment he was gone forever. My ability to carry on with the life of my other 2 children is scattered, and a total mess!! On top of it all, I found out I have Multiple Sclerosis, and have had so for atleast 10 yrs ----- not a good prognosis. Now what????????? Someone help, Please! Someone offer me some words of wisdome, PLEASE!!!!! I am at a total loss, and feeling so much fear, not for myself, but for 2 children that so need their mom, especially to fill in where their dad has no clue! Help!
Today is one yr remembrance and birthday of my son Jayden. It sounds so unemotional to say it as such that I'm in a way disgusted with myself. Yes, it is his birthday, his first. It is so unreal that it has been a yr already since we had our wreck and hit by a drunk driver. Therefore the remembrance. I dont want to remember that. It angers me so much that time has flown by and still there has been no justice or anything other than just being charged for killing my child. He does not sit in jail, he still gets to have a normal life so to speak and see his family HIS CHILDREN. Im disgusted by that. They say the courts are backed up. But that is a whole entire yr of this wound being open. I am trying. Im trying to be christian. To maybe think that this is Gods time to allow him to see his family and spend time with them before he is in jail for a long time. But, that seems so wrong, so unfair for me. I want to see my Jayden. I have wanted to hold him, to see him smile and hear him laugh. And watch him grow. A year has come and I have no memories of my Jayden other than of those of him in me. And of course at the hospital, the emergency c-section and the doctors struggling to keep him alive. Five hours my Jayden lived outside of me. Had he survived I know his life would have been just a shell. So today, time does not heal these wounds. Today I return to the same pain as it was in the begining, tomorrow will be more sorrow as it is the day he passed. I am struggling to just get myself to be better for Jayden. Im going to release balloons today at his grave. Each one will be hugs, kisses, love an my heart. I so wish it was more.
Hi Marianna,your help now is God the one and only. Sure we are here to stand by you,pray with you and to listen to you when you need some one to talk to. I found out that all of this was good for me it really helped out in many ways,but I also needed that professional treatment which I have just started on August 19,2010. But they also so told me not to give up my friends on this web site because I spoke of them so much that they had to view the site themselves. It took me 4 years to realize I needed professional help.So Marianne my advise is to go to God and ask for strength and for healing to go on forward in the right path with your other two kids and I know that he will heal and lead you in the right path way. Ask God to just show you and lead you into right pathway. AND MY PRAYERS WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU ELAINE

Marianne Lewis said:
I just need help! It has been 3yrs since losing my son, 3wks after his 21st birthday, he left my place in his car, went around a corner, lost control, severed his spinal cord at C-3.... he was gone. I had been his mom since I was 17, it was just the 2 of us until he was 12, then I met someone, had a little girl. The relationship didn't work, so the 3 of us moved on. Was working, and enjoying my 2 kids, and lo and behold another one of God's creatures had to come shine my way! Got married, had a baby boy, stayed with it thru the 7 year itch and then it was over. So now it was my beautiful 19 year old son, 7 yr old daughter, and 5 yr old son together trying to figure it all out. Then it happened my just turned 21 yr old was at the apt, chatting with his mom, leaving for work, promising to be back at lunch time. But that never happened. Within a moment he was gone forever. My ability to carry on with the life of my other 2 children is scattered, and a total mess!! On top of it all, I found out I have Multiple Sclerosis, and have had so for atleast 10 yrs ----- not a good prognosis. Now what????????? Someone help, Please! Someone offer me some words of wisdome, PLEASE!!!!! I am at a total loss, and feeling so much fear, not for myself, but for 2 children that so need their mom, especially to fill in where their dad has no clue! Help!
Marianne I forgot, my son Kris J. phillips Sr a New Orleans Fire Fighter was killed in a car accident in 2006. He died alone and I didn't get the chance to say good-bye,his sister Lyntrelle,his brother,Richard,his sons Kris Jr. Kory J. ,his fiance Enjoli,two step daughters Ashley/Alneysha
LeeAnn said:
Today is one yr remembrance and birthday of my son Jayden. It sounds so unemotional to say it as such that I'm in a way disgusted with myself. Yes, it is his birthday, his first. It is so unreal that it has been a yr already since we had our wreck and hit by a drunk driver. Therefore the remembrance. I dont want to remember that. It angers me so much that time has flown by and still there has been no justice or anything other than just being charged for killing my child. He does not sit in jail, he still gets to have a normal life so to speak and see his family HIS CHILDREN. Im disgusted by that. They say the courts are backed up. But that is a whole entire yr of this wound being open. I am trying. Im trying to be christian. To maybe think that this is Gods time to allow him to see his family and spend time with them before he is in jail for a long time. But, that seems so wrong, so unfair for me. I want to see my Jayden. I have wanted to hold him, to see him smile and hear him laugh. And watch him grow. A year has come and I have no memories of my Jayden other than of those of him in me. And of course at the hospital, the emergency c-section and the doctors struggling to keep him alive. Five hours my Jayden lived outside of me. Had he survived I know his life would have been just a shell. So today, time does not heal these wounds. Today I return to the same pain as it was in the begining, tomorrow will be more sorrow as it is the day he passed. I am struggling to just get myself to be better for Jayden. Im going to release balloons today at his grave. Each one will be hugs, kisses, love an my heart. I so wish it was more.
Dear LeeAnn,
Both you and your precious son Jayden will be in my prayers tonight. My son Ric's one year Angel Day is Sept. 8th. He too was killed be a drunk driver. I am so sorry for the loss of your son and all the memories that were taken from you. Justice will be served for both our children if not here on earth most definately in heaven.
God Be With You,
Gerry

LeeAnn said:
Today is one yr remembrance and birthday of my son Jayden. It sounds so unemotional to say it as such that I'm in a way disgusted with myself. Yes, it is his birthday, his first. It is so unreal that it has been a yr already since we had our wreck and hit by a drunk driver. Therefore the remembrance. I dont want to remember that. It angers me so much that time has flown by and still there has been no justice or anything other than just being charged for killing my child. He does not sit in jail, he still gets to have a normal life so to speak and see his family HIS CHILDREN. Im disgusted by that. They say the courts are backed up. But that is a whole entire yr of this wound being open. I am trying. Im trying to be christian. To maybe think that this is Gods time to allow him to see his family and spend time with them before he is in jail for a long time. But, that seems so wrong, so unfair for me. I want to see my Jayden. I have wanted to hold him, to see him smile and hear him laugh. And watch him grow. A year has come and I have no memories of my Jayden other than of those of him in me. And of course at the hospital, the emergency c-section and the doctors struggling to keep him alive. Five hours my Jayden lived outside of me. Had he survived I know his life would have been just a shell. So today, time does not heal these wounds. Today I return to the same pain as it was in the begining, tomorrow will be more sorrow as it is the day he passed. I am struggling to just get myself to be better for Jayden. Im going to release balloons today at his grave. Each one will be hugs, kisses, love an my heart. I so wish it was more.
My 10 year old son drowned July 30th of 1988. Yes, it was a long time ago. He was my only child since I had a hysterectomy back in '85. My son was moslested in a day care when he was 2 and it went on for a year and a half. I was 20 when this was going on and I diddnt have a clue. I didnnt know what was wrong with him. My husband was lacking as a father and the psychologist that was seeeing my son told me he needed a male figure that would spend time with him.

Well, I went and found a friend that would treat him with respect and play with him. He accidentally killed him. I didn't understand why my husband didn't seem devastated. I was dead inside when my boy left. I didn't sue my friend who killed him; he was trying to help my son. One week before my son left a woman in a different state got pregnant. I didn't know her from Eve. She called me 2 months after Freddy left and asked me if I wanted her baby.

My daughter is now 21 and absolutely perfect. She says she knows her brother is her guardian angel.
My husband has been a great father to her. :)
Dear Scotts lost mom;...

Hi my name is Leslie...I would be on here every day, except my computer is down. I had a chance to use this one, so im here trying to catch up. I started comming to this site a few years ago. I always wished i'd found it sooner. I wanted to get pro. help, ya know through therepy or counsling. I couldnt afford it...but this site is "my Doctor". I have found friends here that I know feels what I am feeling. We've all lost a child, in one horriffic way or another. And because of this we share a bond between us. I am closer to some of my friends here, more then family...because just because your family, doesnt mean you understand me... My son Jordan was 23 yrs old...he passed away April 29th 2007; along w/ his girlfriend, in a roll-over accident. His birthday is almost here 9-11-83...yep, September 11th was his b-day. I still miss him as though he were "my AIR". And we will always need air...
I was reading your posts, and remembering how hard it is/was at/in the begining of our loss. I feel your pain through your words...and your words reach my soul. As I am sure they do for all of us. I wrote this poem about it on the site where he crashed;..... Called

"THE BEGINING OF THE END"


THE BEGINING OF THE END
WHEN YOU GRIEVE AND CANNOT CRY
AND YOU SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH IN
TO FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE

THE HARDEST PART OF LOSING YOU
IS HOW TO SET YOU FREE
YOUR PRISM WITH IN MY SPIRIT
THATS STILL SO MUCH A PART OF ME
I FEEL, I FEEL SO MUCH YOUR REAL
AND THOUGH I CANNOT SEE
TWAS THE BEGINING OF THE END I FEEL
WAS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME


One thing that I've come to realize was remembering our time was/is set from the begining...and that God didnt take our sons...he recieved them. I know you said your son passed by his own hand, but God knew/knows his heart. Now-a-days kids seem to think the un-imaginable...who knows why...but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. For the 1st 6mo after my son died I had this horrible guilt..."WHY DID I DO THAT, WHY DIDNT I DO THIS, I SHOULDVE SAID< DONE, BEEN"... Whew!!
I am trying to let you know..nothing you couldve done to change this outcome. Why we were choosen to go through this...only God knows. Just know we/I am greiving with you...my heart is breaking right along side of yours.
And know this, that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight...with much love....Leslie

Scott's lost mom said:
Marianne,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is 8 weeks ago today that I lost my 21 year old son.

To carry on with life? You said scattered and a total mess. That is my life exactly. I am still not thinking straight. I forget everything and am easily distracted.

The MS is very serious. Please try and take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.
Dear Scotts lost mom;...

Hi my name is Leslie...I would be on here every day, except my computer is down. I had a chance to use this one, so im here trying to catch up. I started comming to this site a few years ago. I always wished i'd found it sooner. I wanted to get pro. help, ya know through therepy or counsling. I couldnt afford it...but this site is "my Doctor". I have found friends here that I know feels what I am feeling. We've all lost a child, in one horriffic way or another. And because of this we share a bond between us. I am closer to some of my friends here, more then family...because just because your family, doesnt mean you understand me... My son Jordan was 23 yrs old...he passed away April 29th 2007; along w/ his girlfriend, in a roll-over accident. His birthday is almost here 9-11-83...yep, September 11th was his b-day. I still miss him as though he were "my AIR". And we will always need air...
I was reading your posts, and remembering how hard it is/was at/in the begining of our loss. I feel your pain through your words...and your words reach my soul. As I am sure they do for all of us. I wrote this poem about it on the site where he crashed;..... Called

"THE BEGINING OF THE END"


THE BEGINING OF THE END
WHEN YOU GRIEVE AND CANNOT CRY
AND YOU SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH IN
TO FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE

THE HARDEST PART OF LOSING YOU
IS HOW TO SET YOU FREE
YOUR PRISM WITH IN MY SPIRIT
THATS STILL SO MUCH A PART OF ME
I FEEL, I FEEL SO MUCH YOUR REAL
AND THOUGH I CANNOT SEE
TWAS THE BEGINING OF THE END I FEEL
WAS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME


One thing that I've come to realize was remembering our time was/is set from the begining...and that God didnt take our sons...he recieved them. I know you said your son passed by his own hand, but God knew/knows his heart. Now-a-days kids seem to think the un-imaginable...who knows why...but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. For the 1st 6mo after my son died I had this horrible guilt..."WHY DID I DO THAT, WHY DIDNT I DO THIS, I SHOULDVE SAID< DONE, BEEN"... Whew!!
I am trying to let you know..nothing you couldve done to change this outcome. Why we were choosen to go through this...only God knows. Just know we/I am greiving with you...my heart is breaking right along side of yours.
And know this, that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight...with much love....Leslie

Scott's lost mom said:
Marianne,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is 8 weeks ago today that I lost my 21 year old son.

To carry on with life? You said scattered and a total mess. That is my life exactly. I am still not thinking straight. I forget everything and am easily distracted.

The MS is very serious. Please try and take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.
Hello, I found this site by chance. I feel that this is such a good place to be for me. I sure Hope I find it again! We lost our 23 year old son 5 months ago and it is so very painful and I feel all of what all of you feel and it's so very confusing and crazy sometimes. I do not think people really understand what I feel because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I can't sleep well so I get up and email friends. I don't like to call people in the middle of the night. So I hope I will hear from someone OR I'll be back another time. Thanks for listening and God Bless.
Beverly

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Dear Scotts lost mom;...
Hi my name is Leslie...I would be on here every day, except my computer is down. I had a chance to use this one, so im here trying to catch up. I started comming to this site a few years ago. I always wished i'd found it sooner. I wanted to get pro. help, ya know through therepy or counsling. I couldnt afford it...but this site is "my Doctor". I have found friends here that I know feels what I am feeling. We've all lost a child, in one horriffic way or another. And because of this we share a bond between us. I am closer to some of my friends here, more then family...because just because your family, doesnt mean you understand me... My son Jordan was 23 yrs old...he passed away April 29th 2007; along w/ his girlfriend, in a roll-over accident. His birthday is almost here 9-11-83...yep, September 11th was his b-day. I still miss him as though he were "my AIR". And we will always need air... I was reading your posts, and remembering how hard it is/was at/in the begining of our loss. I feel your pain through your words...and your words reach my soul. As I am sure they do for all of us. I wrote this poem about it on the site where he crashed;..... Called

"THE BEGINING OF THE END"


THE BEGINING OF THE END
WHEN YOU GRIEVE AND CANNOT CRY
AND YOU SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH IN
TO FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE

THE HARDEST PART OF LOSING YOU
IS HOW TO SET YOU FREE
YOUR PRISM WITH IN MY SPIRIT
THATS STILL SO MUCH A PART OF ME
I FEEL, I FEEL SO MUCH YOUR REAL
AND THOUGH I CANNOT SEE
TWAS THE BEGINING OF THE END I FEEL
WAS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME


One thing that I've come to realize was remembering our time was/is set from the begining...and that God didnt take our sons...he recieved them. I know you said your son passed by his own hand, but God knew/knows his heart. Now-a-days kids seem to think the un-imaginable...who knows why...but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. For the 1st 6mo after my son died I had this horrible guilt..."WHY DID I DO THAT, WHY DIDNT I DO THIS, I SHOULDVE SAID< DONE, BEEN"... Whew!!
I am trying to let you know..nothing you couldve done to change this outcome. Why we were choosen to go through this...only God knows. Just know we/I am greiving with you...my heart is breaking right along side of yours.
And know this, that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight...with much love....Leslie

Scott's lost mom said:
Marianne,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is 8 weeks ago today that I lost my 21 year old son.

To carry on with life? You said scattered and a total mess. That is my life exactly. I am still not thinking straight. I forget everything and am easily distracted.

The MS is very serious. Please try and take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.
thank you so much,i feel better knowing that someone feels my pain its sad to say but us mother
's are the ones that feels the worse we carried the child.but hey god said its his time to take over.but we have to keep on praying.

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Dear Scotts lost mom;...

Hi my name is Leslie...I would be on here every day, except my computer is down. I had a chance to use this one, so im here trying to catch up. I started comming to this site a few years ago. I always wished i'd found it sooner. I wanted to get pro. help, ya know through therepy or counsling. I couldnt afford it...but this site is "my Doctor". I have found friends here that I know feels what I am feeling. We've all lost a child, in one horriffic way or another. And because of this we share a bond between us. I am closer to some of my friends here, more then family...because just because your family, doesnt mean you understand me... My son Jordan was 23 yrs old...he passed away April 29th 2007; along w/ his girlfriend, in a roll-over accident. His birthday is almost here 9-11-83...yep, September 11th was his b-day. I still miss him as though he were "my AIR". And we will always need air...
I was reading your posts, and remembering how hard it is/was at/in the begining of our loss. I feel your pain through your words...and your words reach my soul. As I am sure they do for all of us. I wrote this poem about it on the site where he crashed;..... Called

"THE BEGINING OF THE END"


THE BEGINING OF THE END
WHEN YOU GRIEVE AND CANNOT CRY
AND YOU SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH IN
TO FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE

THE HARDEST PART OF LOSING YOU
IS HOW TO SET YOU FREE
YOUR PRISM WITH IN MY SPIRIT
THATS STILL SO MUCH A PART OF ME
I FEEL, I FEEL SO MUCH YOUR REAL
AND THOUGH I CANNOT SEE
TWAS THE BEGINING OF THE END I FEEL
WAS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME


One thing that I've come to realize was remembering our time was/is set from the begining...and that God didnt take our sons...he recieved them. I know you said your son passed by his own hand, but God knew/knows his heart. Now-a-days kids seem to think the un-imaginable...who knows why...but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. For the 1st 6mo after my son died I had this horrible guilt..."WHY DID I DO THAT, WHY DIDNT I DO THIS, I SHOULDVE SAID< DONE, BEEN"... Whew!!
I am trying to let you know..nothing you couldve done to change this outcome. Why we were choosen to go through this...only God knows. Just know we/I am greiving with you...my heart is breaking right along side of yours.
And know this, that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight...with much love....Leslie

Scott's lost mom said:
Marianne,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is 8 weeks ago today that I lost my 21 year old son.

To carry on with life? You said scattered and a total mess. That is my life exactly. I am still not thinking straight. I forget everything and am easily distracted.

The MS is very serious. Please try and take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.
thank you so much,i feel better knowing that someone feels my pain its sad to say but us mother
's are the ones that feels the worse we carried the child.but hey god said its his time to take over.but we have to keep on praying.

Leslie L. Fiorda said:
Dear Scotts lost mom;...

Hi my name is Leslie...I would be on here every day, except my computer is down. I had a chance to use this one, so im here trying to catch up. I started comming to this site a few years ago. I always wished i'd found it sooner. I wanted to get pro. help, ya know through therepy or counsling. I couldnt afford it...but this site is "my Doctor". I have found friends here that I know feels what I am feeling. We've all lost a child, in one horriffic way or another. And because of this we share a bond between us. I am closer to some of my friends here, more then family...because just because your family, doesnt mean you understand me... My son Jordan was 23 yrs old...he passed away April 29th 2007; along w/ his girlfriend, in a roll-over accident. His birthday is almost here 9-11-83...yep, September 11th was his b-day. I still miss him as though he were "my AIR". And we will always need air...
I was reading your posts, and remembering how hard it is/was at/in the begining of our loss. I feel your pain through your words...and your words reach my soul. As I am sure they do for all of us. I wrote this poem about it on the site where he crashed;..... Called

"THE BEGINING OF THE END"


THE BEGINING OF THE END
WHEN YOU GRIEVE AND CANNOT CRY
AND YOU SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH IN
TO FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE

THE HARDEST PART OF LOSING YOU
IS HOW TO SET YOU FREE
YOUR PRISM WITH IN MY SPIRIT
THATS STILL SO MUCH A PART OF ME
I FEEL, I FEEL SO MUCH YOUR REAL
AND THOUGH I CANNOT SEE
TWAS THE BEGINING OF THE END I FEEL
WAS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME


One thing that I've come to realize was remembering our time was/is set from the begining...and that God didnt take our sons...he recieved them. I know you said your son passed by his own hand, but God knew/knows his heart. Now-a-days kids seem to think the un-imaginable...who knows why...but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. For the 1st 6mo after my son died I had this horrible guilt..."WHY DID I DO THAT, WHY DIDNT I DO THIS, I SHOULDVE SAID< DONE, BEEN"... Whew!!
I am trying to let you know..nothing you couldve done to change this outcome. Why we were choosen to go through this...only God knows. Just know we/I am greiving with you...my heart is breaking right along side of yours.
And know this, that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight...with much love....Leslie

Scott's lost mom said:
Marianne,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is 8 weeks ago today that I lost my 21 year old son.

To carry on with life? You said scattered and a total mess. That is my life exactly. I am still not thinking straight. I forget everything and am easily distracted.

The MS is very serious. Please try and take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.

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