The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 10, 2008 at 2:41pm

sorry for your loss,i do understand what your going throu my son i lost 2 years ago oct 7th,2006 his friend shot him and he was only 16.i was was in disbelief and on holidays i loose my mind the christmas shopping,opening the presents i cry while we do it.i get him something for the cemetary.i make him a plate of food and it is my birthday on that day so i take a piece a cake out there to.and i sing him a song thinking he would sing back to me.can i ask you how your son died?i go to support group because people know what your going throu.people that lost a son.you can talk and it helps and writing in a notebook really helps light a candle and write stuff in there.talk to his picture helps my husband.we talk about him they say not to hide the one you love in the closet.my husband plays warcraft because him and my son did that all the time and he said that helps him think about our son.he stays on there alot.it hurts the pain has not gone away for 2 years now.the holidays and his birthday are the hardest he would of been 18 on sept 12th and he would of been a senior in high school this year so it really hurts knowing the kid that killed him is going to graduate and he has a girl friend and stuff it hurts bad.when may comes around i will need people to help me.well take it easy at christmas make his favorite food.i hope this helps you alittle bit.take care and thanks for listening and write anytime we listen here.thanks kristi

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 10, 2008 at 5:25pm

Annise, i am sorry for your loss also. It is difficult and at times overbearing. I think your husband writing every day is good. I write in my sons alot and it helps me a great deal. This is new for me as well as any parent losing a child. I lost both parents years ago, and it just isnt the same. For me, the more connected I am with his life, the better I feel. I dont know your sons circumstances, but mine was ill a long time, and even though I thought I was prepared, I found I was not. I hang on to the fact that he is no longer in pain. I couldnt pull a sheet over my sons arms, without him crying in pain. You are not alone, we all have one another to speak with and sound off to. That is a big part of moving on to some degree. My thoughts and prayers are with your family as well. Linda

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 21, 2008 at 8:54pm

hi stephinie,sorry for your loss,it is hard during the holidays i lost my son oct 7th of 2006 and the holidays and birthday and the anniversary is hard.the worse for me is christmas with all of us opening presents and me buying them i break down after we open them.that is a beautiful page you have for your sister.how do you make one like that?it is so beatiful.thanks kristi this is a good site we all listen.but have a merry christmas and happy new year,i go to a support group because no one wants to hear me either.they tell me life goes on and i should just start living but if they never been throu it they shouldnt say that.my dad wont talk to me once i start talking about my son he just says i will talk to you another day.he is still grieving but i want to talk and no one listen so the support group is really good for me.especially after i get done christmas shopping.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on December 22, 2008 at 5:22am

Kristi, I agree that this forum and support groups are necessary for us to have someone to share with. With everyone else it seems like out of sight out of mind and I just can't accept that. I have a beautiful 8 year old granddaughter and when I went shopping I would always get 2 of everything. My sister enjoyed child-like things such as color books and craft kits or puzzles. Now I am back to buying just one so it really hits me every time I shop. Thank you about the website it is actually not to hard to do. I am not the most computer literate so if I can do it anyone can. imikimi is a freewebsite for graphics. You click on the one you want,create and save, then right click copy and paste to your site. My email if you need more help is stefwm57@hotmail.com. Wishing you peace and strength thru the holidays. Stephanie http://imikimi.com/main/view_kimi/k-1ca is the limikimi site

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 22, 2008 at 9:26am

Wow Stephanie, what a painful and powerful life you have had! I read a good part of her site, and first you did a beautiful job! it is wonderful. She is smiling all the time, just like my Joe did. Maybe they have met now, I can only hope. You are an inspiriation! I agree with you 150%, that mental illness is shoved way down. you do need to speak of her and feel her any way you can. In texas, there has been the ongoing investigations of the homes, i am sure you have read. It makes you wish you had the money to build a perfect place doesnt it? my heart goes out to you. I will go back on her site,I enjoyed it. Please try to enjoy the holidays the best you can. I too have 2 grandkids and it is them keeping me going.barely. keep in touch, Linda

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on December 22, 2008 at 9:13pm

Linda, Yes there were many painful moments but you know I feel so blessed to have been able to share my sisters life rather than the path some took and just pretended she wasn't there. She had so much genuine raw love to give without any expectations much like a child. When she was in the hospital about 6 months before she died she was sleeping and I laid my head down next to her and fell asleep. When I woke up she was rubbing my hair and when I looked up she smiled and mouthed sister. So genuine!!! So I really was the lucky one. For any families out there that are struggling with wishing you had done more just hold on to these kind of special memories. The day in and day out struggles aren't easy but this gives me strength. Give those grandchildren an extra hug and I will mine and we will get through these next few days. God bless us all through this next week----Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 22, 2008 at 9:46am

I signed up for daily emails through, Grief Share, and they truely are helpful. To everyone out there, i hope you all have the best holiday season possible. I too see how the closer it gets the harder. I am having trouble just not having Joe here with me. It doesnt seem right, or real, or complete. My understanding is this is all normal to go through and as painful as it is, we must try. Think of one another, and remember, we are not alone! linda

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 23, 2008 at 3:32pm

Stephanie, Yes I know what you mean about all the wonderful memories. That is something, we will always have! Things that seemed so little before, seem so big and strong and comforting now. It does fill us with happy times and for that i am grateful. I look at his smiling face and it still makes me smile through my sadness. God Bless you! Linda

Permalink Reply by Mary Margaret on December 27, 2008 at 8:42am

November 16th through November 24th 1979. Frozen in Time. I lost my Rachael on November 24th of that year when she was 2 and 1/2 years old. She died as the result of a house fire. My two other children survived with no physical scars. I have managed to cope, as do some, by faith, the faith my mother instilled in me growing up. Through the years I have endured painful nightmares when this time of year arrives. These have lessened but there is always the feeling you got through it-not over it. To this day, when I hear the song "Still" by the Commadors, I cry. When I hear a little girl's voice that reminds me of Rachel, I cry. Anyone who HAS lost a child knows the pain and that includes a physical, from within, unbearable pain. That child IS part of you. I find myself this year with a reoccuring sense of pain. My granddaughter, Zoe, is now 2 1/2 years old. Due to her mother's (my Daughter, Kim's) desire to keep me out of her life, I have never been able to meet Zoe. I am feeling as if I am going though another "death". I feel as if I am going through another period of grieving. How does one deal with this? Trying to focus on the people who are here in my life now does not seem to help. I, like many others, wish to go to sleep and wake up after the holiday season is over. I seems easier to speak to strangers then to try and talk to family. Why? Can someone direct me to a path that leads me to where I need to be?

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 27, 2008 at 8:54am

Hi MaryMargaret,I am sorry for your loss. I am also sorry for the loss of communication with your daughter Kim. That would be difficult. This was my first christmas without my Joe and I did get through it, not sure how, but I did. I dont think the feeling of emptiness ever goes away, especially since we once carried that child and gave life. Your faith seems to help you too. I have been directed to Grief Share, and it helps. Maybe they may give you some support..You always have this group too that I find helpful. I wish you peace and stay in touch. Linda

Permalink Reply by Mary Margaret on December 27, 2008 at 10:21am

Thank you Linda. I think just being able to put my feelings in written form and someone "hearing" me is helping. Mary Margaret

Permalink Reply by devon on December 27, 2008 at 10:51am

Cynthia, I understand your grief, I too am a parent of two children whom I love dearly. You have the right answer in Prayer to God. Revelation 21:4 states that "God will wipe out every tear from there eyes and death will be no more...the former things have passed away." Imagine no one ever dying again.
That along with the truth about our dead loved ones at Ecclesiastes 9:5 where it says, "..but as for the dead they are conscious of nothing at all.." yes they are asleep, they feel no pain.

I hope theses scriptures find you and comfort you.