The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia on January 2, 2009 at 9:50pm

Dear Devon,

I always find such comfort in the scriptures. Even in times when my grief over rides logic. Knowing that my daughter, and more recently my dad, are in a "better' place help me deal with my pain and grief. I do believe that those who have passed are free of pain, but conscious of nothing at all..., I wonder what that may mean. My hope is, they are not on this level, but in that heavenly place that we all find the calm and peace we strive for as we work our way through this difficult journey called life.

Thank you for your calming words of encouragement. A blessed new year to you and yours.

Cynthia

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 27, 2008 at 12:10pm

hi just to let everyone know i made it thou christmas with out breaking down,it has been 3 christmas,but my friends are what really keeps me going and my husband and 2 other children,i didnt make it out to the cemetary but i am going today,everyone says that my sons monument is under snow you cant see it,so one of my younger sons friends that live by there goes out there and cleans it off for us and makes a path,so people can go see him.i will bring a plate a food out there for him.i miss him but like everyone says god took him because he needed him.if you dont know my story my son died at age 16,2006 and he would of been 18 on sept 12th.he got shot by his friend.and he didnt get much out of shooting him thou thanks

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on January 6, 2009 at 4:47pm

Hi Kristi, How are you doing. I just wanted to check on you and see how you are doing. I guess each Christmas gets more manageable. It is never easy but we get through. My heart goes out to all of those people who lose family at Christmas because then they are forever intertwined with grief and Christmas. I did ok through Christmas and on New Years I really made a pact with myself to pull it together. I will still have many sad moments I am sure but I have to remember Abby is so much better off and is at peace. I started a garden for her in Oct. on her birthday and I look forward to spring when I can finish it. How old are your other 2 children? I also have a supportive husband it makes a world of difference. Take care of yourself and keep in touch. Stephanie
I sent you a poem I thought was nice.

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Permalink Reply by kristi on January 6, 2009 at 6:31pm

hi stephine,I HAVE HAD MY DAYS SINCE XMAS I WAS IN MY PJS ALL FOUR DAYS I WAS OFF WORK ALL THE DAYS I WAS OFF,I COULDNT DO ANYTHING I WAS SAD I DIDNT GO TO THE CEMETARY TILL SUNDAY USUALLY I GO EVERY HOLIDAY IT WAS SNOWING SO BAD,AND NOW MY SONS HEAD STONE IS UNDER SNOW BADLY.HOW WAS YOUR XMAS?AND FOR NEW YEARS DAY I SAT IN MY PJS ALL DAY TO.PEOPLE I TALK TO SAY THAT I WAS DEPRESSED PROBLY I SHOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR AND GET SOMETHING,AND I TOLD THEM THAT I DONT NEED ANYTHING I CAN HANDLE IT.WELL ON THIS FRIDAY I HAD A DREAM THAT THE KID THAT KILLED MY SON WAS GOING TO COME AND KILL ME AND MY HUSBAND AND MY 2 OTHER CHILDREN.WELL I HAD TO WORK SATURDAY AND IT SNOWED AND I HAD A BAD DAY AT WORK,IT SNOWED SO BAD THAT I GET BLU WHEN IT DOES THINKING MY SON IS DOWN IN THE GROUND AND SNOW ON TOP OF HIM AND I STARTED TO CRY,AND PEOPLE AT MY WORK SAID THAT HE IS OK KRISTI.MAYBE THATS WHY I AM DOWN IN THE DUMPS.I GO TO A SUPPORT GROUP AND TODAY WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND THEY SAY SNOW DOES HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.I STARTED A GARDEN AND ME AND MY HUSBANDS AUNT TAKES CARE OF IT FOR EVERETTE.AND I PUT BEARS IN THERE.MY OTHER 2 CHILDREN ARE 21 MY DAUGHTER,AND MY SON WILL BE 13 IN FEB.MY HUSBAND TALKS ABOUT MY SON AND PLAYS WARCRAFT BECAUSE HE SAYS THAT IS THE WAY EVERETTE WOULD OF WANTED HIM TO BE BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS PLAYED THAT DUMB GAME.THAT POEM IS SO COOL I PUT IT IN MY PHOTO THING ON YAHOO SO I CAN SHARE IT WITH MY FRIENDS.BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN AND HOW OLD?I AM GLAD YOU CARED TO WRITE TO ME.I HOPE YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME.I LIVE IN MINNESOTA SO I HAD TO TALK ABOUT THE SNOW IN CASE YOUR IN A WARMER PLACE.YEP EVERYONE SAYS THAT MY SON IS IN A BETTER PLACE.BUT SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS GONE BEFORE HIM.WELL TAKE CARE AND I HOPE YOU KEEP IN TOUCH.IF YOU WANT TO I DO HAVE YAHOO MESSANGER AND WE CAN TALK THERE IF YOU WANT MY ADDRESS FOR THAT LET ME KNOW AND I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU OR WE CAN KEEP IN TOUCH HERE.THANKS FOR CARING KRISTI

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on January 7, 2009 at 5:29pm

Kristi, I hope you don't mind but I fixed a graphic for you and put on Everett's site Stephanie

Permalink Reply by kristi on January 7, 2009 at 7:01pm

THANK YOU STEPHINE I TRIED MAKING ONE OF THOSE BUT IT DIDNT WORK.THANK YOU THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL,YES HE WAS YOUNG AND HE SHOULDNT GOTTEN TAKEN AWAY FROM US SO YOUNG.I MISS HIM SO MUCH SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD GO AND BE WITH HIM,BUT I HAVE 2 OTHER KIDS.AND A HUSBAND.AND ALOT OF MY FRIENDS HELP ME SO MUCH.WELL TAKE CARE AND I HOPE YOU WRITE THANKS KRISTI

Permalink Reply by Kim Carroll on December 29, 2008 at 10:21am

We just lost our son, also named Daniel, on December 14th, 2008. He was asleep at a friend's house and never woke up. The pain of this loss has been unbearable; only God will be able to ease it. He was 19 years old. I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.

Permalink Reply by Susan on December 29, 2008 at 11:27am

Hi Kim,
I am sorry for your loss.
My son is Daniel, how well do I understand your pain. My son was at home when he died. He was out with friend and they brought him home and put him on the sofa and he never woke up.The pain is hard and it will get better, On Aug 13, 2008 my whole world was pull out under neath me. Everyone that talk to me know that I can't talk for too long .
God will get you through this. And your son will help you too. He will glide you and answer the question that you have. He may not be here in body but ,in your heart he will live forever.Thanks for listern.
Susan Wright {Daniel Wright Mom}

Permalink Reply by crystal on December 29, 2008 at 5:55pm

This is a very hard thing to do. i never thought that i would be here writing this. i lost my son January 15,2007 he was only 13 . He went from playing in a football championship to a hostpital bed.It all started Monday November 8, 2007 with a simple cold. He played in his football championship Wednesday November 11, 2007. He was well enough to play the game. See nothing would of stopped him from playing in the game. That was his first football championship and who would of ever known that would of been his last. On Thursday I took him to Paient first with a fever of 103. for them to tell me that he had a cold and they sent him home. Friday went by, he woke up saturday went to a game. he came home early and went to sleep around 4 pm. that was the last time i ever spoke to my son. when i woke up sunday morning anthony was having ceazers. the doctors couldn't figure out why he was having them. they also couldn't figure out how to stop them. He was on life support for 65 days. I had hope that he would get better but that never happened. His brain and body was damaged from all the ceazers. they told me that we would never be the boy he use to be. I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I knew that he wouldn't want to just lye in that bed fade away. I didn't want to let him go for my own selfish reasons. But that wasn't my son lying in that bed. I already felt his spirit was in heaven and that he was at peace. Now all i had to do was do the same. He gave me a sign and then i knew it was time for us to let go. So my family and i got togther to say our goodbyes.To give birth to your son and have to choose to take his life was the hardest thing i had to do. I miss him so much and so does his twin sisters. My life hasn't been the same. i'm not even the same person that i use to be. Loosing a child has to be the hardest thing ever. Some days are rougher than others. Everyone says things happen for a reason. Still to this day i dont understand that statement. I want my son back and i know that i can't. All i can do is think back on the good times we had. yet in still i can't do that. My family doesn't feel complete with out him. I know he is looking down on me telling me stay strong mom. Well thats my story.

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 29, 2008 at 11:08pm

sorry for the loss of your son,i feel the same way people tell me things happened for a reason and start to pull my life back together for my other 2 children,i tell them i do that and i still think of the good times and the bad times we were having after my 16 year old son died from a shot gun wound from his friend,it has been 2 years he died oct 7th,2006.he would of been a senior in high school this year.i got buttons made of my son so the kids could wear them down the aisle when they graduate.they planted a tree outside the school,alot of the kids had tears and idid to.but they tell me to go on for my 2 kids i have i had a 3rd one and he should of been here i say.me i go to a support group because i still have trouble.thanks for listening and sorry for your loss.and people tell me to be strong because my son everette wouldnt want me to be this way.and he is looking at me telling me to stay strong to mom.thanks

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on December 29, 2008 at 6:26pm

Crystal, my heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my son, Joe,age 26 on Nov.14th. He had been ill all this year, and it finally just got the best of him. I can relate so much with what you say, about, wanting him back,yet knowing thats not possible, looking back on all the good times does both for me, sometimes makes me happy and sometimes makes me sad. I just dont think there is an easy way to deal with this kind of loss. I have 1 daughter and she is 30 and has 2 children of her own. Joe suffered a genetic disease and had many medical issues all his life. i have been a single mom, and sole caretaker of Joe all his life. This year after his first bout with pnemonia, it all went bad. it was constant hospital visits and his needs grew. I basically lost him in Jan. He too went from laughing, and smiling, to vegetated state. broke my heart. I too have semi good day and then wham! all heck breaks loose again. I know your anniversary day is coming up, and I will think of you. I am glad you have shared, we all need this, it helps to keep our sanity, somewhat anyway. Hang in there. Linda

Permalink Reply by crystal on December 29, 2008 at 7:34pm

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT LINDA. THE HARD PART WAS THAT HIS SICKNESS CAME OUT OF NO WHERES. ONE DAY HE WAS HEALTHY AND THE NEXT HE WAS ILL. THE DOCTORS NEVER FOUND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG. THAT MAKES ME MAD AS HELL. I AM ALSO A SINGLE MOTHER. YES HIS ANNIVERSARY IS COMING UP AND THEN IN FEB IS HIS BIRTHDAY. I WISH THAT I COULD SKIP THOSE 2 MONTHS..