The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by crystal on January 29, 2009 at 6:19pm

i looked up the poem dash and i even printed out.. it was very nice!! i think everyone should read it!!

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on January 29, 2009 at 6:27pm

I am glad you liked it!! Did you listen to the video as well? it too is beautiful.

Permalink Reply by Andra Bridges on January 29, 2009 at 7:12pm

Thanks for all the encouraging words. It really helps when others actually know and feel some of the same things you're going thru. To answer your question Lee, to my knowledge my boy never complained about any symptons that he may have been experiencing. I tell myself, what 24yr. old is gonna think they're having a heart attack. My last conversation with him was the evening before the day he passed away. We had a really great time on the phone and he never once complained about any pain. The last thing I said to him, was Mama will talk to you in the morning, because that's the routine we had with one another daily.
When I received the call the next morning, it was his friend calling to say to me he had to call 911. Within the hour my baby was gone. I do take comfort in the fact that where I live now, he's buried only feet away from my home and I can visit with him as often as I like. What's really ironic is that we're from New Orleans and we all survived Katrina, with relocating and settling in other places only to deal with this kinda of tragedy three years later. So it really puts things into better perspective for me as I look back and reflect on the past three years for me. Please keep sending me your thoughts and encouragement, because some time I feel like i'm totally alone in all of this.

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Ladd on January 29, 2009 at 7:27pm

I just came across this website & wanted to join. I wish I had had it 5 years ago Jan.2,2004. Somehow I'm better. My family is better. I just want you to know that. My son was 17 years old. He was a special needs son who had ceberal palsey. He was my whole life. He was all our whole life. He made our house a home. angels were always with him & it was felt. Our life was starting to get harder but I was never ready to let jonathon go. He made me feel special. He was my reason for getting up in the morning. I didn't even know when I had put him to bed he was sick. He died in his sleep of pnemonia. My life, our lives would never be the same. I wouldn't let anyone near my heart. No one understood. No one but my 8 year old daughter who loved Jonathon as much as I did. She was there for him every since she got to the age to understand he needed her. I remember when she learned to walk. She wanted him to walk too. She would pull his arm as he laid on the floor, trying to get him to get up & walk. It was so cute. my life was wonderful. I was so happy. We were all so happy. we went to disney world every Christmas. This Christmas we decided not to go. Jonathon was way too tired. Its too hard to explain the pain that will not go away. that is always in you no matter what you do. Many will try to help you to snap out of it but they will only make it worse. There is nothing wrong with grieving. We grow through grief. We become the person God wants us to be through grief. As time goes on our grief will be different. We will be sad because we haven't been grieving even. I cried everyday for over a year & then had to get on medication because I was so tired of crying. Just know that you are not alone. If it seems like no one understands there are those of us who do. Who never want to live our lives without our child in it.We are still mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers. Its just different. It doesn't change that we still have a relationship with our loved ones. They are just looking down & cheering us on as we finish the race of this life. & Crystal, I want to tell you my daughter moved into my sons room. I think it was good for her & us to have his room being used. She has grown up to be teenager now & has moved upstairs in her older brothers room. Jonathons room is now my special room. I'm in the process of making it really special in memory for him. A place I can be just to spend time remembering & looking forward to being in heaven with him one day. A great book for all is HEAVEN by Randy Alcorn!! Will explain where your child is as he/she waits for you.

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on January 29, 2009 at 7:48pm

Rebecca, you are a wonderful person sharing all these thoughts, feelings and insight! You really have some powerful words an i thank you for them! I am also planning on making a room,( my room) where I can go and sit, think, laugh, cry whatever I feel like doing. i was so glad to hear of you doing this, as I thought maybe people would think i was goofy. I am not obsessed, at least i dont think I am but it feels good to me to keep as many memories alive as I can. I will check out the book you refer to. again, thank you!!!!

Permalink Reply by Susan on January 29, 2009 at 11:39pm

Rebecca,

Thank for your story. I too have made a special place that I can go too. Daniel had a shed that he made to a room that he could go an hang out.
He kept it clean and neat. I go out their and sit and talk with him.My family think I going over board. But. hear your story, I know that I am okay. Thanks for sharing and thanks for listern.
Susan Wright

Permalink Reply by Andra Bridges on January 30, 2009 at 6:07am

I thought that it would be fitting to memoralize my son in some special way to keep my memories alive. I'm glad to be reading your replies this morning Susan and Rebecca. I don't have a special room for him, but I've set up a special corner in my living space just for him, with pictures, poems, resolutions and a beautiful portrait for the wall. I chose this spot, not just for me, but for anyone who stops by and want to visit with him a minute also. I thought it would be going a bit overboard, but now after reading your replies I know that it is appropriate for me to do this as well as helpful to my healing.
Thank You Ladies
Andra

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on January 30, 2009 at 6:53am

Good for you! I do believe this is a good way to deal.I could not part with his things.enjoy your space! Linda

Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on January 30, 2009 at 6:56am

Susan, yes this is a good idea. Since Daniel made this special place, it is more so a piece of him that you will always have. Enjoy your private time with him and cherish the memories..Linda

Permalink Reply by Cathy on January 30, 2009 at 8:17pm

I have pictures of Jess and her sister all around me. I still consider that I have two daughters...I think of her every day and dream about her at night. She was the sunshine of my life. I was always thinking the next phone call would be the call to tell me she did not make it thru her latest seizure. Sure enough I got the call.
I was shocked of her death but not shocked by how how she died.
Thank you to every one for listening. I'm very private and most people are afraid to talk about it with me for fear of upsetting me. I would rather have them ask and I could share even if it is with a tear in my eye. I loved her so much. I wish god would have taken me and not her..she had so much life to live yet!

Permalink Reply by Sonia Norris on February 6, 2009 at 12:25am

We always want for our children to out live us and when you have to bury your child it is one of the hardest things that a parent has to face. I lost my 30year old son last august. I was blessed with 5 children and my oldest is a daughter who died at 14 my 2nd is a son who died at 2weeks old ad in august I lost my last born who just turned 30 it`s hard and I know there are mothers out there who are going through the same thing but I trust that it will get a little easier you pray for me I will pray for you

Permalink Reply by Cathy on February 6, 2009 at 10:36am

My dear Sonia
You must be one strong lady to have handled these loses.
Death is no stranger to you. With each death we deal with it makes us stonger and numb inside. These events lets us know that our time on this earth is just a blink of an eye.
I will pray for you Sonia for God to give you peace inside and be able to move on with life and know your a great mom and you did the best you could with your family.
Cathy