Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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Replies to This Discussion

I am so sorry for everyone's loss -- none of us should ever have to go through what we are going through. I lost my son last March. He was 21. He was on his way back to college on Easter Sunday, sitting at a red light, when someone hit the truck behind him and the truck literally crushed him. He was on his motorcycle. One of the worse parts for me is that I told him not to take the motorcycle back to school because it was still cold out but he played ultimate for the college and was going to be away weekends so this was his best time to take it with him. Sometimes I feel that if I had only been stronger about him not taking that bike ... maybe he would still be here. But He was such a safe driver. He was raised with bikes and he respected them. The woman who hit the truck was 78 and probably just hit the gas instead of the brake. I could have handled her having a medical problem like a heart attack but just not paying attention --- ugghhhh ! I try not to waste too much time on her though --- its hard enough losing him. I, too, was numb at first. I did what I was suppose to do because that is what Mom's do --- they handle things. But now that months have passed, it seems to be getting harder. Everyone says the first year is the hardest and I think to myself so do they think it magically goes away after the 1st anniversary? Its so nice to have people (as sad as it is) that understand. Thank you all for being here !
HEY LORI, MY NAME CRYSTAL.. MY SONS 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY WAS THE 15TH.I MUST SAY THE FIRST YEAR WAS THE HARDEST. I WAS ALSO NUMB . AS A MOTHER I HAD TO TRY TO HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR MY DAUGHTERS. I WAS DIEING INSIDE AND I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO SEE THAT. I COULDN'T EVEN REMEBER THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD. I COULDN'T DREAM ABOUT HIM. I WANTED TO SEE HIM SO BAD. I WOULD TRY TO SLEEP THE PAIN AWAY AND MAYBE TRY TO SEE HIM IN MY DREAMS. BUT THAT DIDN'T WORK.FOR HIS ANNIVERSARY HIS SISTERS MADE MEMORIAL FOR HIM. THEY MADE SOME POSTER AND LET ALL HIS FRIENDS SIGN IT. THEN WE WENT TO GO SEE HIM.. FOR MYSELF I WENT AND GOT A MESSAGE. THEN ME AND GIRLS AND A COUPLES FRIENDS WENT TO DINNER. WE STAYED BUSY THAT DAY SO WE COULD KEEP OUR SPIRITS UP..ME AND GIRLS AND HIS FRIENDS SAT AND TALKED ABOUT THE CRAZY THINGS THAT MY SON DID.. I HOPE THIS HELPS.
crystal, good for you! keep busy and sharing memories,especially the funny ones are helpful!!keep your chin up.
Thanks everyone ! It just saddens me to know that there are so many of us parents out there who have lost a child. Its just not right ! For my sons birthday (22) I sent out an index card to all his friends and family and asked them to send me a memory of their time with Jonathan. I sent a stamped addressed envelope with it too so it was easier for them to return it to me. I got over 80 responses with some of them writing me letters. I didnt open any of them until his birthday and spent that day with some of his friends and family reading them aloud. Some made us cry, some made us laugh. I truly felt his presence with us. Just thought I would share this idea --- it really helped me. Since then I put them all in a scrap book so that I can read them whenever I want.
Lori, My son, also 21 years old, and also in March 2008, was in a car accident too. Don`t think about what should have been or could have been. Talk to your son when you are alone, of course, he will hear you. Remember, that one day you will be with him again. God has a plan for all of us. Ours sons are very special to us. Love,Debbie
Lori, I am sorry for your loss. My son had taken very ill last january, and i find myself asking,"Could I have done more or something different?" I guess no would be the answer. Your son apparently loved his bike, so remember, he was doing something he loved. i know that isnt very helpful, but, for me, i feel like if I dwell on the what ifs,I feel worse. I hear the first year is the worse too, i wonder though if they mean, the pain just easys up a bit. i dont think I will ever get rid of all the pain. How can we? We gave life to our child, and then to see them go before us is difficult. I am glad you are here and I think together, we all can just be supportive of one another, and its a place to tell all the feelings, some may think are crazy.To me, if I am a bit crazy, then so be it! Its my crazy!! hang in there, and we are all here for you......
I can sympathize with all of you. From a very young age I was introduced to grief and learning how to mourn. One of the movies that I have found that makes me feel a little better is Steel Magnolias. When Sally Field is in the Cemetery talking about how her daughter will never run a marathon and that she never could. That is how I feel about my son and my brother. They were never given the chance to do any of those things. Their lives were cut short at the hands of other people. After all these years I still have anger towards those that caused my grief. But I know that it can't be easy living with the fact that you took a life and that those people are grieving as well, not nearly as much as what we are. Many years ago I sat down with the man that was driving that truck that killed my brother and I forgave him. It took many years to do it but when it was done it felt great. Since I am new here I wanted to say thank you to everyone here. I wish that I had found this site years ago. I am thankful that I have people to talk to now.
Thank you
Tanya
Tanya, What a wonderful idea! I really like that and I bet that would help. Thanks for sharing. Do you have a Memorial web site?
I gave birth to three beautiful children. On March 8, 2008, my husband and I received a phone call from the police that our 21 year old son had been in a car accident. My husband`s reply was, " He probably needs a few stitches, and then we can bring him home... but David never came home, not to our home. He had a brain injury, the Doctor performed emergency brain surgery. David was now in a coma. He left us on March 10, 2008, into the arms of an angel. He is now ...HOME. Some days are so hard, but I know David would want me to go on and be happy. There have been times when David contacts me. I know in my heart that it is him saying " Hi". David was my youngest child. I talk to him alot, I know he listens.
Debbie, I am sorry about your son.That had to be horrifying! Your right,he is with you and, and I talk to my son as well,all the time. It brings me comfort. I am glad you are with us here, as this helps us all. Keep a smile on your face, he is watching.
hi debbie,i lost my son 2 years ago we didnt get a phone call from the police telling us that my son had gotten shot or anything,we met them at the emergency room,the grandfather of the kid that shot my son called,i think it is up to the police that they should of came and did that.instead of getting a phone call from the grandpa we should of got a phone call from the police.it is hard,i go to support group it is so hard for me yet.thanks
Linda,
I haven't set up a memorial website. I am still new here. But someday I would like to.

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