Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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Replies to This Discussion

Sonia, I agree, you are one very special mom! Your strength is admirable. I am glad you are here with us, and hope we can be of some comfort to you as well. Keep your faith as you have 3 angels watching over you!
Mare, I am sorry for your loss. It is difficult when we have so many future plans that are just crushed. it seems unfair,i know. I am glad you have put the pictures around the house. For me that seems somehow comforting, keeping them close. Your family has alot of memories and that is good. Just talking about all the good times brings some relief. I am glad your here, and we all are here for you.
I lost my son on 12/12/08 and it is so hard to be without him everyday. He was hit by a truck walking back from his friends house he just turned 18 Sep. 17th, and was going to graduate from High School this year.. I don't know where to start or my life feels like it is falling apart I have 3 girls too and I cant even comfort them because I hurt so much for my son. He was a mama's boy and could talk to me about anything and everything he was the one that always needed me the most. Its like a dream and Im walking in it everyday and I think he is going to call or coming walking in the door and say mom Im here. He did leave me a grand daughter she looks so much like him.. And I cry everyday and night knowing she is going to miss out on a great dad..And somedays I feel like Im going crazy I forget alot of things..I at work again and wonder if I should just quit my job..My heart aches so much my body hurts. How can I be there for my daughters and my husband he is having a hard time also. Its so hard its like Im doing the same things I did everyday when he was here nothing change but me..and I do feel numb. I just talked to him the night before and we had plans to go and get the baby pictures..It is so hard without him..I miss him so much its so hard..
HI TWILA,I WAS IN THE SAME BOAT,MY SON DIED 2 YEARS AGO AND HE WOULD OF BEEN 18,ON SEPT 12TH.HE WOULD OF GRADUATED THIS YEAR TO.I WOULD LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING,WHEN MY SON PASSED AWAY I SAT BY THE PHONE ALL NIGHT WAITING FOR HIM TO CALL,I STILL DO THAT IT NEVER GOES AWAY LIKE PEOPLE SAY,I THOUGHT LIKE THE FIRST COUPLE OF MONTHS THE BUS CAME THAT HE WOULD GET OFF THE BUS WITH MY OTHER SON HE NEVER DID.IT IS LIKE HE IS STILL IN MY HEART,I GO TO SUPPORT GROUP STILL BECAUSE IT HURTS SO MUCH.TWILA I WANT TO SAY THIS NOT TO BRING IT UP,BUT WHEN MY SON DIED I DIDNT KNOW IT BUT I HAD A HEART ATTACK AND I DIDNT KNOW IT BECAUSE IT WAS SO LITTLE,THEY SAY STRESS WILL DO THAT.I AM NOT TRYING TO SCARE YOU BUT TAKE CARE OF YOUR OTHER CHILDREN YOU HAVE AND YOUR HUSABAND AND MORE TAKE CARE OF YOU.BECAUSE NOW I AM ON PILLS BECAUSE OF THAT.IT TAKES YOUR BODY OVER.I CRY ON MY SONS BIRTHDAY THE DAY HE DIED THE DAY SCHOOL STARTS I CRY WHEN IT SNOWS OUT.EVERYTHING BRINGS IT UP NO MATTER WHAT.FOR MY CHILDREN I HAVE A 21 YEAR OLD GIRL,AND I HAVE ANOTHER SON THAT IS 13,I TRY TO STAY CALM BUT SOMETIMES I CANT.I ASK MY SON TO TALK ABOUT MY OTHER SON LIKE HE WAS STILL HERE IF HE HAS TROUBLE,WHEN HE IS ANGRY AND IS SAD I JUST ASK HIM IF HE IS THINKING OF MY OTHER SON AND HE SAYS SOMETIMES.I AM GLAD YOU HAVE A GRANDDAUGHTER TO KEEP HIS MEMORY GOING..I HOPE MAYBE YOU GO TO SUPPORT GROUP.WHEN THE DAY COMES AND HIS BIRTHDAY COMES AROUND MAKE HIM A CAKE AND HIS FAVORITE FOOD AND TAKE A PLATE OUT TO HIM AND SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM THATS WHAT I DO,AND WRITE IN A JOURNAL,LIGHT A CANDLE.AND TALK LIKE HE IS STILL THERE OK BECAUSE SOME OF THE PAIN WILL EASE IF YOU DO THAT.MY SUPPORT GROUP TELLS US DONT HIDE YOUR SON IN THE CLOSET,TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE HE IS THERE.LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES OK.CAN I ASK WERE YOUR FROM?MY SON GOT SHOT BY HIS FRIEND AT AGE 16,AND WE NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE OR NOTHING,SO THAT HAUNTS ME TO.BUT MY DAD NEVER TALKED ABOUT MY SON OR TOLD ME HIS FEELINGS,BUT ANOTHER TRADEGDY HAPPENED RIGHT BY WERE MY SON GOT SHOT AND IT BROUGHT EVERYTHING BACK BECAUSE HE WAS ONE OF MY SONS FRIENDS THERE NOW TOGETHER AGAIN.WELL I HOPE THIS HELPED ALITTLE.BUT I AM HERE IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO OK.THANKS KRISTI
thank you for your words they mean alot. I do write letters to him and tell him what is going on and talk to him like he is here with me all the time. My family say I have other kids and I understand that but I miss my son so much and the pain never stops I think about him all time and with each passing day it dont get easier I feel like I am getting farther and farther away from him..It feel like a dream and Valentines day is coming last year he brought me flowers and this beautiful card I started crying when I read it.. he just hug me and said I mean every word in there mom..and my heart aches to hold him again..I have all the pills a person can take I think but I want to live everyday health and remember my son always. I find myself wanting to be alone now all the time and not wanting to be around people at all pushing people away...I cant be in crowds of people at all I feel like they are all looking at me I lost so much weight seens I lost him in December. It is hard..
Hi Twila,
We are all in the same place that you are. I lost my Daniel on Aug 13, 2008. He was only 23. You have a wonderful gift that your son has left you. I found a lot of comfort in this place, without Kisti and Linda I don't know what I would have done. I too talk about Daniel as that he still here. His birthday is Sept 12. I did like Kisti said and it made the day go better. I still hurt and I too sit by the phone wait for Daniel to call and tell me to come get him. I have a daughter that 14. I have put her in activity. That keep me and her both busy. Don;t quit your job. Because that keep you going. You, keep his memory going and let her know what a wounderful dad she has. I also write down everything that feel. At the time it didn;t make since but now it look different and after 6 months, I still hurt and I also feel lost. But reading about Daniel and the way I feel about him, I find my way back to my daughter and my older son and I can go on another day. Keep your head up.It will get better.Just visit your son as much as you can and he will give you the guidest to go on. And give you the love to be their for the rest of your family. I go and sit in Daniel room outside and just talk to him about everything like I did before. And I feel better. Stay strong and thanks for listerning. Susan Wright
susan i havent been seeing you on here.i have been doing good.i just take it one day at a time.we should of told her about to make a garden and she can think of him there.but i am glad your making it to.did you mean kristi when you were writing that?but yes i still think of everette and now i think of daniel to on there birthday together.but take care and keep in touch kristi
hi Kisti,
I haven;t been on here much. I put Jasmine in gymmastic on monday,tuesday, and thursday. i tutor on monday, tuesday and wednesday. i still have my sister that i take care of. i try to fill my day up, i write to daniel and i go see him. plus the boys that was with daniel the night they bought him home are getting in alot of trouble. i tried to talk with their mother but you know they don;t do any thing wrong. so she going have to deal with them by theirself.Kristi ,i was talking about you and Linda,because ya;ll were their for me in my darkest hours.well it was good talking to you. and take care .thanks for beeing their for me and thanks for listering. susan
susan, your such a sweetie! always brightening my day. i admire your involvement with so much! Take care of you too.....Linda
Dear Twila,
What a wonderful bond you had with your son. You have three daughters; was your son your first child? When we lost our 17 year old daughter to an accident the first thing the officer said to me was, "You need to be strong for your (surviving) children - our son and daughter", which in my opinion was the worst thing he could say, because it put my grief process on hold for such a long time that I fell apart way much later. Your grief is so new and you are feeling the very deepest pain. I know you are feeling like you are going crazy, and I am sorry to say, this is absolutely "normal", except during this time there is no absolute normal. I just remember reading everything I could get my hands on about grieving parents, and the feeling of "going crazy" was something most parents feel. I also remember sighing a lot, being dazed, numb, and confused much of the time. I wanted to quit my job, but I couldn't figure out how that would make a difference. Thankfully, my superintendent (I am a teacher) told me to take whatever time I needed. So I worked half-days for about a month, which was what I think I needed. So, take the time you need to grieve away from your job, if possible. Whether it is half days or a leave of absence. You can't rush this process (I tried - it doesn't work). And know, it is normal and acceptable to cry every day, whenever you need, for as long as it takes.

You are in my prayers,
Cynthia
thank you my son was third of four and he was my only son..it is so hard my job is working with me but sometimes it so hard to get started. I miss him so much and that is what makes it hard and sometimes I feel like its all a dream. I never thought I would have to live without one of my children never but who does right. Im so lonely and feel so empty in side. Im starting to push everyone away and I dont know what to to.
Twila, I know what you mean. I go through the motions everyday, and yet I still ask, why, and is this really happening? Sometimes it feels like when he was in the hospital and I knew he was coming home. But this time he is not. I too feel lost. Its like a part of me died. I have 1 daughter and 2 grandbabies, and I am grateful, but it still seems like a missing piece. Alot of memories, and they comfort me, but I think sometimes, I wish i could wave a magic wand and bring him back. This is a time for you to open your heart and let others in time to time. But I understand that you may want to have time to feel sorry for yourself and I think that is ok, and we have earned that choice. Hang in there, we all are here for one another.

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