Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 1, 2009 at 8:40pm

ELAINE,THANK YOU FOR THAT WEBSITE,IT WAS BEUTIFUL MUSIC AND THE PICTURES WERE SO BEUSTIFUL.THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT WITH ME.HOW DO YOU MAKE A WEBSITE LIKE THAT ANYWAYS?I WILL KEEP MY HEAD UP AS TIME APPROACHES EVERETTES BIRTHDAY OK.SEPT 12TH.KIND WORDS I LIKE ON HERE VERY MUCH EVERYONE IS SO NICE THEY KNOW WHAT TO SAY ON HERE RIGHT?THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU FOR KEEPING STRONG WITH ME THATS WHAT WE BOTH NEED RIGHT?KRISTI

Permalink Reply by Twila on September 2, 2009 at 1:44pm

lisa said:

I lost my son michael this last march.3-7-09 I am so lost. My heart gos out to all of you. How do you get past wanting to just die? I just want to go find him and be with him! Michael is 26 and my very best friend and I can not breath without him!I cry all the time someone please tell me how to go on without him. HELP.

Hi Lisa,
I know how you feel my son died 12-12-2008 he was hit by a truck walking home.
he was 18 and going to graduate in the Spring of 2009. And it is so hard without him, he did leave me a granddaughter and she is every bit like him. But I want my son it has been almost 8 months now and I think of him everyday and my heart is not the same nor will it ever be. My family is falling apart my husband and I go are own ways and my daughters I can even be there for them he was my only son I have 3 daughters. I cant even be a mother to them they are all women but I should still be there. It is so hard without him I have a message on my cell phone I keep and listen to all the time just to hear his voice in he keeps saying Mom Mama Mom over and over again and them he laughs..Oh how I miss his jokes he would play on me..but I love to talk about him and remembering him makes me smile to think of what he would be doing. miss him so much my heart hurts so much...but I am here for you also and take gentle care of you
remember I care and I understand how you feel I feel it to.
Twila

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 2, 2009 at 5:04pm

Yes Kristi,this what we both need. This Site with so many caring folk. You just don't know how much I appreciate this Site. Especially the with the idea someone come up with separat grievings. Yes I think all that are grieving from the lost of a child should be together. Because we know the pain,heartaches,restless and sleepless nights. Crying and waiting for that son or daughter to walk through the door,or just to hear their voice again. Like me I would give anything to get that bear hug and kiss from Kris. I miss my son so much,I know everyone gets tired of me everytime I talk Kris name will come up in the subject some how. Might see someone who loks like Kris or just do some of the things that use to do. I would say Kris use to do that with his boys or Kris use to do that for me. You know with me it is a different pain with the lost of a child. You would have to go through it to know and feel it. This is why I express myself when someone states go on with your life. I know I have two other kids,but they know that I am here for them. It takes time to heal from the loss of a child. When I say time,I mean time. So Kristi I will be with you for Everett birthday. You know that is my birthday to. I am so glad you got a chance to hear Kris brother sing to him and you met just about my whole family on the pictures. Keep in touch Kristi and I will pray with you and for you. Because GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH WE CAN BARE even when the load gets heavy somtimes. But God will put no more on us than we can bare. Elaine

kristi said:

ELAINE,THANK YOU FOR THAT WEBSITE,IT WAS BEUTIFUL MUSIC AND THE PICTURES WERE SO BEUSTIFUL.THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT WITH ME.HOW DO YOU MAKE A WEBSITE LIKE THAT ANYWAYS?I WILL KEEP MY HEAD UP AS TIME APPROACHES EVERETTES BIRTHDAY OK.SEPT 12TH.KIND WORDS I LIKE ON HERE VERY MUCH EVERYONE IS SO NICE THEY KNOW WHAT TO SAY ON HERE RIGHT?THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU FOR KEEPING STRONG WITH ME THATS WHAT WE BOTH NEED RIGHT?KRISTI

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 2, 2009 at 5:37pm

Hi Lisa,my name is Elaine Phillips. I to lost my son Kris to a fatal auto accident.My son SUV flipped and he was killed instantly. Lisa you know we really can't tell you how to go on because what we did might not work for you. We can only encourage you to go on. Let me tell you it will be hard heartaches and pain. Its been three years for me and I am still crying,having heartaches and pain,restless and sleepless nights wanting and wishing that my son was here with me and his two sons. Now is the time you should go to God,not saying that the pain and heartache will go away. But just ask him for strength to go on day by day with your grieving. Now I can tell you it helps me even though the pain is still there. But I have come a long way Lisa. Because I would not let Kris go I had a brain aneurysm while driving wanting and waiting for Kris to be here with me. I have gotten so close to God now. I would not go a day without Thanking him for my past,present and my future. Now I Thank him in advance for what he is doing for me right now and what he is going to do for me. I know Lisa it is so hard to go on. DON't GIVE UP THAT FAST NOW BECAUSE HELP IS ON THE WAY. When I say help meaning GOD will be there for you. Don't you hold his hand,let GOD hold your hand and I know he want let you go. I will be praying for you and with you Lisa and your friend. Yes your daughters do need you like my son and daughter needs me. Write anytime you need us we are here for you. I say we meaning this Site. Always remember GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES. Elaine
lisa said:

I lost my son michael this last march.3-7-09 I am so lost. My heart gos out to all of you. How do you get past wanting to just die? I just want to go find him and be with him! Michael is 26 and my very best friend and I can not breath without him!I cry all the time someone please tell me how to go on without him. HELP.

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 3, 2009 at 5:52am

My son Jordan was 23 years old when he passed. On September 11th he would've been only 26 years old, (yes thats his b-day). He was born 9-11-1983 and left me on 4-29-2007 due to a roll over car accident. His girlfriend was killed also, she was barely 24 yrs old. It is very hard for all of us, and I am very thankful to all of you who respond on here; it means so much to know you are reading my thoughts and care enough to respond even in your saddest of times. Thank you.

kristi said:

dear leslie,how old was your son,my son was 16 years old,he would of been 19 this year on sept 12th.i take work off on his birthday and and on the annivesary because i work at a nursing home and i think the residents do not need to see me cry when i am sad.it is on a saturday but it would of been my weekend to work.yeah my son was 6'2 and my other son is getting up to that and he is only 13th.yes your poem is good.i dont write stuff because i started to like the year he passed away and it was hard for me.yes we have another person on here i dont know if you read any of her stories but elain banks son was born on sept 12th and so we both come on here and talk.but yes that poem was nice.,it brought tears to my eyes.well we can keep in touch with each other as our diffcult times come ahead.i have a friend that lost her grandson he would of been 2 on sept 8th and i cant get her to come on here but she is going to support group with me.my son and her grandson are in the same place.but if you want to talk anytime her is my yahoo messanger and email address ok.kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com any body can come and i will put you on there ok.thanks again and please keep in touch.it helps me to keep in this place because it helps me to talk about stuff.Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one does. And I did as you do...I called it his "Death day"; the day of his death, or anniversary of. I really didnt like the thought of having an anniversary of it at all. You know what I mean? But we do , and I have one. But I didn't mind celebrating the day he met Jesus face to face. If any thing I am happy about that. As far as happy goes, well...I smile. Thats as far as it goes. But it's a start. On his Memorial card, on the inside of it I wrote a poem. Every body wanted "ME" to write ..."Your the writer", they'd say. And I sat and thought about my sons personality, cause he has not lost that. He is just enteraining others right now. And I wrote this poem.....


"I drempt I saw an angel.


He stood about six foot four


I never saw St. Peter


He didn't work there any more.


But at the gates of Heaven,


Stood this tall and Mighty being


He watched as people entered


Checking the books with all there names.


He was waiting with anticapation,


As if he couldn't wait to see.


The lines were long,


But he still stood strong.


I wondered what it could be?


So I asked the Lord , with-in my dream,


"What excites him so"?


And my Lord HE spoke to me saying;


Dear child don't you know?


When this young man came to me,


He asked for this job to take,


He gave me precious reasons,


To help me at these gates


He said he left home early,


left his family and his friends.


And he would be in-debted


If he could welcome them.




I believe, where ever he is....God gave him the very best of jobs, just to s

Permalink Reply by ANTONES MOM on September 6, 2009 at 8:52pm

on sunday april 29th 2007 my 19 yr old son anthony was shot and killed standing in front of my home while waiting for a friend to pick him up. he was getting ready to leave for utah to attend school and wanted to spend time with friends before he left.
no-one was ever arrested and the witnesses have not come forward to help us. we have a $60,000 reward for info and have applied to americas most wanted.
i have recently met a woman who also lost her son to gun volence 5 months ago and until now i havent felt like i could talk to anyone about what i am going through. i read the article about things people say to you to try and comfort you and i immediatley related to the story.
unless you have experienced the loss of a child there is no way to understand it. at first i exhausted myself trying to explain what its like, but eventually i gave up. i felt like i was talking to a brick wall. all the sad ooh's and ah's and comments about what a strong person i am because they could never handle what im going through and how everything happens for a reason. my favorite one is, "he's in a better place". i want to lash out and say, no he's not, his place is here with me. and then i realized that people only say these things because they dont understand what its like and they just dont know what else to say. they think that they are helping by these comments but all it does is make me withdraw and isolate myself from them. i feel like i dont "fit in" anywhere anymore, like ive been "kicked out" of the normal life club. i have a whole new outlook on everything. nothing "matters" to me anymore, i used to worry about all the small stuff and was clueless about what it was really like to suffer. i dont understand why everyone stopped talking abut my son, like he never existed. that hurts me more than any of the silly comments people say to me. i want everyone to talk about him, remember him. but for some reason they think it will upset me. little do they know there is nothing that can hurt me more than what i am going through already.
I took six months off work when my son was murdered. and when i returned, i felt like and alien, people would stop me in the hallway and say howya doin? and i would say, ok and keep walking. I was stared at all day and i became "that lady" that lost her son. I've become and expert at "pretending to be normal". If only everyone could see the chaos that goes on inside of me. The world just passes me by everyday and here i am stuck in time. I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, but nothing could have prepared me for this. It's been two years and it always feels like yesterday. I still cry everyday, go to counsling every monday and spend the rest of my time searching for my sons killer. My heart is broken into too many pieces to repair and i wonder if this pain will ever go away. I miss my boy more than anyone will ever know. And my heart goes out to anyone that has ever lost a child......

Permalink Reply by Penny Calkins on September 6, 2009 at 9:28pm

ANTONES MOM said:

on sunday april 29th 2007 my 19 yr old son anthony was shot and killed standing in front of my home while waiting for a friend to pick him up. he was getting ready to leave for utah to attend school and wanted to spend time with friends before he left.
no-one was ever arrested and the witnesses have not come forward to help us. we have a $60,000 reward for info and have applied to americas most wanted.
i have recently met a woman who also lost her son to gun volence 5 months ago and until now i havent felt like i could talk to anyone about what i am going through. i read the article about things people say to you to try and comfort you and i immediatley related to the story.
unless you have experienced the loss of a child there is no way to understand it. at first i exhausted myself trying to explain what its like, but eventually i gave up. i felt like i was talking to a brick wall. all the sad ooh's and ah's and comments about what a strong person i am because they could never handle what im going through and how everything happens for a reason. my favorite one is, "he's in a better place". i want to lash out and say, no he's not, his place is here with me. and then i realized that people only say these things because they dont understand what its like and they just dont know what else to say. they think that they are helping by these comments but all it does is make me withdraw and isolate myself from them. i feel like i dont "fit in" anywhere anymore, like ive been "kicked out" of the normal life club. i have a whole new outlook on everything. nothing "matters" to me anymore, i used to worry about all the small stuff and was clueless about what it was really like to suffer. i dont understand why everyone stopped talking abut my son, like he never existed. that hurts me more than any of the silly comments people say to me. i want everyone to talk about him, remember him. but for some reason they think it will upset me. little do they know there is nothing that can hurt me more than what i am going through already.
I took six months off work when my son was murdered. and when i returned, i felt like and alien, people would stop me in the hallway and say howya doin? and i would say, ok and keep walking. I was stared at all day and i became "that lady" that lost her son. I've become and expert at "pretending to be normal". If only everyone could see the chaos that goes on inside of me. The world just passes me by everyday and here i am stuck in time. I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, but nothing could have prepared me for this. It's been two years and it always feels like yesterday. I still cry everyday, go to counsling every monday and spend the rest of my time searching for my sons killer. My heart is broken into too many pieces to repair and i wonder if this pain will ever go away. I miss my boy more than anyone will ever know. And my heart goes out to anyone that has ever lost a child......

Permalink Reply by Penny Calkins on September 6, 2009 at 9:29pm

Penny Calkins said:

ANTONES MOM said:

on sunday april 29th 2007 my 19 yr old son anthony was shot and killed standing in front of my home while waiting for a friend to pick him up. he was getting ready to leave for utah to attend school and wanted to spend time with friends before he left.
no-one was ever arrested and the witnesses have not come forward to help us. we have a $60,000 reward for info and have applied to americas most wanted.
i have recently met a woman who also lost her son to gun volence 5 months ago and until now i havent felt like i could talk to anyone about what i am going through. i read the article about things people say to you to try and comfort you and i immediatley related to the story.
unless you have experienced the loss of a child there is no way to understand it. at first i exhausted myself trying to explain what its like, but eventually i gave up. i felt like i was talking to a brick wall. all the sad ooh's and ah's and comments about what a strong person i am because they could never handle what im going through and how everything happens for a reason. my favorite one is, "he's in a better place". i want to lash out and say, no he's not, his place is here with me. and then i realized that people only say these things because they dont understand what its like and they just dont know what else to say. they think that they are helping by these comments but all it does is make me withdraw and isolate myself from them. i feel like i dont "fit in" anywhere anymore, like ive been "kicked out" of the normal life club. i have a whole new outlook on everything. nothing "matters" to me anymore, i used to worry about all the small stuff and was clueless about what it was really like to suffer. i dont understand why everyone stopped talking abut my son, like he never existed. that hurts me more than any of the silly comments people say to me. i want everyone to talk about him, remember him. but for some reason they think it will upset me. little do they know there is nothing that can hurt me more than what i am going through already.
I took six months off work when my son was murdered. and when i returned, i felt like and alien, people would stop me in the hallway and say howya doin? and i would say, ok and keep walking. I was stared at all day and i became "that lady" that lost her son. I've become and expert at "pretending to be normal". If only everyone could see the chaos that goes on inside of me. The world just passes me by everyday and here i am stuck in time. I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, but nothing could have prepared me for this. It's been two years and it always feels like yesterday. I still cry everyday, go to counsling every monday and spend the rest of my time searching for my sons killer. My heart is broken into too many pieces to repair and i wonder if this pain will ever go away. I miss my boy more than anyone will ever know. And my heart goes out to anyone that has ever lost a child......

Permalink Reply by Sue on September 6, 2009 at 9:36pm

Dear Antones Mom,
I totally know how you feel: re: what people will say...My worst was: "He's at peace now"...my son was the most peaceful person while on this earth. He loved everyone and did not have an enemy. I could have slapped that person, but of course I understand why she said it...she did not know what else to say, but I couldn't help but resent the fact she thought that about Josh. I miss my son so desperately I can't stand it. The choas and turmoil you are going thru i do so also. Daily, nightly. I can't wait until ten PM when I can take my sleeping pills. I feel like I could take them all at once and have this nightmare over with.
I also have a fight...my son died when his car went over an unsigned bridge. The car fell 40 feet, turned upside down in the water and he drowned.He was trapped We are fighting to get lighting and signage placed at the bridge and signs along the street leading to the bridge to warn motorists there is a lift bridge ahead and it may be raised. My son's death was documented on video surveillience and I got to see his last moments of life. He tried to stop when he realized the bridge was up, but there is not enough roadway left to stop, after the flimsy "railway arms" give way when you touch them. His car teetered on the edge for several seconds before it went in.I suffer and wonder every day what he must have gone through in those minutes before death. My baby, my boy.
Peace to you.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Judy on September 6, 2009 at 9:43pm

Dear Antones Mom,
I am deeply sorry for your loss and have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. My son was killed in a drunk driving accident, and we still have to face the court date when the driver of the car will be tried, and I dread that. It is hard to lose anyone we love, but there is something so much more difficult about losing a child or anyone who has not lived a long and full life. And, without doubt, it is not natural for a parent to bury his/her child. I feel the pain of wanting my son to have the experiences he will not have, like getting married, having children, graduating from college, exploring. For you, your pain is especially difficult because someone is responsible for his death, and you have no idea who it is. I pray that law enforcement is doing its job, looking for your son's killer, so you can turn your attention to yourself and grieve. I'm glad you came to this site; it has helped me because I know that I am not alone in my feelings. We all share similar feelings though the circumstances of death were not the same. I, too, went through a period of withdrawal from friends because I felt that they just couldn't relate. I stayed home instead of getting together with friends because I only had one thing on my mind, the death of my son, and it just didn't seem appropriate to talk about it all the time, yet to not talk about it made me feel like I wanted to explode and I would get upset that they couldn't figure it out. I'm telling you all this because this situation has improved greatly since I started going on this site and I think it's because I can get my feelings out or just read other people's and know, as I said earlier, I AM NOT ALONE. Know that you are not alone, Antone's Mom. We are listening and we understand what you're talking about. You're in my prayers, and may God bless you.
Judy

Permalink Reply by ANTONES MOM on September 7, 2009 at 12:34am

and boy do i feel alone.....
thank you for your kind words, and let me begin by telling you how very sorry i am for your loss.
I saw my son 20 minutes before he was murdered. i came home from the store and he was standing outside waiting for his friend.I spoke with him briefly and went inside and began to make dinner. i called him to see if he was still outside to tell him to come in and eat before he left, but he didnt answer. I called and called but no answer. five minutes later i got the call from a neighbor that i better come outside, my son had been shot. At that moment my worst fear came over me and terror filled my heart. by the time i ran ourside they had already taken him to the hospital where i work. he died moments later. So there i am standing in the middle of the street, not knowing what happened, did he suffer, was he scared, was he calling for me to help him and i wasnt there. my son died face down in the dirt, shot to death and i wasnt there to save him. the police woulnt tell me where they took him for 4 hours while they questioned us at the police station. and i didnt know he had died the entire time. I cant image how terrified my son must have been to bleed to death on the sidewalk all alone. This is what i live with every second of the day and night. pure torture...... my only purpose in life was to protect my boy, and i failed. I "what if" myself to death,why didnt i tell him to come in when i saw him outside, what if i would have come home just 15 minutes later, i could have saved him. these are my thoughts every second of every day for the past two years. how could someone do this to him, to me to us? what kind of person can take anothers life and not think twice about it? my son was the kindest person i ever knew, all he ever wanted to do was make people laugh. he carried so much love in his soul. and in one instant he was gone. the world will never know what they are missing now that he is gone. he will never live his life, get married or have children of his own, and he will never call me mom again. what did we ever do to deserve this? my heart just cant take it.......

Judy said:

Dear Antones Mom,
I am deeply sorry for your loss and have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. My son was killed in a drunk driving accident, and we still have to face the court date when the driver of the car will be tried, and I dread that. It is hard to lose anyone we love, but there is something so much more difficult about losing a child or anyone who has not lived a long and full life. And, without doubt, it is not natural for a parent to bury his/her child. I feel the pain of wanting my son to have the experiences he will not have, like getting married, having children, graduating from college, exploring. For you, your pain is especially difficult because someone is responsible for his death, and you have no idea who it is. I pray that law enforcement is doing its job, looking for your son's killer, so you can turn your attention to yourself and grieve. I'm glad you came to this site; it has helped me because I know that I am not alone in my feelings. We all share similar feelings though the circumstances of death were not the same. I, too, went through a period of withdrawal from friends because I felt that they just couldn't relate. I stayed home instead of getting together with friends because I only had one thing on my mind, the death of my son, and it just didn't seem appropriate to talk about it all the time, yet to not talk about it made me feel like I wanted to explode and I would get upset that they couldn't figure it out. I'm telling you all this because this situation has improved greatly since I started going on this site and I think it's because I can get my feelings out or just read other people's and know, as I said earlier, I AM NOT ALONE. Know that you are not alone, Antone's Mom. We are listening and we understand what you're talking about. You're in my prayers, and may God bless you.
Judy

Permalink Reply by mary on September 7, 2009 at 10:08am

Hello all...it's been a while since I've posted but I've been trying to read everyone's posts but it is so hard to hear the tragic stories some times. My heart aches for all of you.....every day.
It has been over a year since my sons passed away and I still ache and cry every single day. My other two sons have been doing things which is good, but every time I see them I almost just want to break down as we used to be a unit and half of us aren't there and it's so hard.
I want to be with them... I want to be in their lives...but I dont want to drag them down as they are traveling, buying houses, just getting engaged...and at a time I should be happy for them... I am depressed but trying like heck not to show it but I feel so alone even though I have friends around me. Everyone else seems to be going along with their lives together with other people...to me being a mom was my most important job... I worried constantly about them...and even though I know Vince and Stephen are in better hands I cant stop worrying still.
Everything reminds me of them...everything I do...every where I look...and instead of smiling...it hurts me inside more.

I've thrown myself into building a skate park in their honor in the community they loved but we are running into opposition from the local council and a few residents who are getting down and dirty about it... I only hope and pray I have the strength to see it through. I've even gotten web site submissions that say that I am using their tragic deaths to become famous....and in reality I would rather lay next to them and give up...Im sure you know the feeling. There us even a website set up against the park but people in general have been very supportive but when someone says something like that it can hurt you. I know I shouldnt let it...but it just does.

Little do they know that every time I speak about thier death, my heart sinks little deeper. We are all trying so hard to do something positive to help the community not only to honor them but to help the living children of the community stay safe when riding their bikes and skateboards. It's just hard to muster up the strength to fight all this when I am still grieving so deeply for them myself. I don't know I feel like Im doing the right thing...as feel inside as though I am supposed to do this...as if I am being led to do it, because I sure wouldn't have the strength without a higher power guiding me.

Well, I pray to God every day to give me the strength to carry on and relieve me of some of this anxiety and although I know my sons wouldnt want me to feel the way I do... some days, more than not, I just feel so terrible :(

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