Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 7, 2009 at 11:15pm

Antones Mom...If I ever heard someone that sounded as if they were actually in my head; it is you. Besides the fact they, (our sons) joined Jesus on the very same day, I am with you in each of these steps we are chosen to take. (I say we as any mother or father that has lost a child). I get so mad myself, at people and their ingnorance. The ones that avoid any conversation really burn me up. And the ones that abosolutly will not talk about my son, or change the subject immedetly, are just as bad.
Then I think to myself their ignorance is really a blessing; because I would never really want them to know how I feel. The only way is to experience first hand, and I do not wish this upon anybody.
I have gotten a bit bolder now. I bring up my son, and I will tell them (whoever it is) something in the 3rd person, when I am actually talking about them. Such as...
"I can't believe my own sister was afraid to talk about Jordan around me, doesn't she know it hurts when no one has anything to say"?
It has worked several times now, and I think because they really don't know, it is one way of informing them.
I remember going to the grocery store, and how odd I felt, and so very out of place. I kept thinking..."Wow, they don't even know what I am going through, or how hard it is to be in public". We have such a road ahead of us. Thank God we have each other. God Bless You......Leslie

ANTONES MOM said:

on sunday april 29th 2007 my 19 yr old son anthony was shot and killed standing in front of my home while waiting for a friend to pick him up. he was getting ready to leave for utah to attend school and wanted to spend time with friends before he left.
no-one was ever arrested and the witnesses have not come forward to help us. we have a $60,000 reward for info and have applied to americas most wanted.
i have recently met a woman who also lost her son to gun volence 5 months ago and until now i havent felt like i could talk to anyone about what i am going through. i read the article about things people say to you to try and comfort you and i immediatley related to the story.
unless you have experienced the loss of a child there is no way to understand it. at first i exhausted myself trying to explain what its like, but eventually i gave up. i felt like i was talking to a brick wall. all the sad ooh's and ah's and comments about what a strong person i am because they could never handle what im going through and how everything happens for a reason. my favorite one is, "he's in a better place". i want to lash out and say, no he's not, his place is here with me. and then i realized that people only say these things because they dont understand what its like and they just dont know what else to say. they think that they are helping by these comments but all it does is make me withdraw and isolate myself from them. i feel like i dont "fit in" anywhere anymore, like ive been "kicked out" of the normal life club. i have a whole new outlook on everything. nothing "matters" to me anymore, i used to worry about all the small stuff and was clueless about what it was really like to suffer. i dont understand why everyone stopped talking abut my son, like he never existed. that hurts me more than any of the silly comments people say to me. i want everyone to talk about him, remember him. but for some reason they think it will upset me. little do they know there is nothing that can hurt me more than what i am going through already.
I took six months off work when my son was murdered. and when i returned, i felt like and alien, people would stop me in the hallway and say howya doin? and i would say, ok and keep walking. I was stared at all day and i became "that lady" that lost her son. I've become and expert at "pretending to be normal". If only everyone could see the chaos that goes on inside of me. The world just passes me by everyday and here i am stuck in time. I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, but nothing could have prepared me for this. It's been two years and it always feels like yesterday. I still cry everyday, go to counsling every monday and spend the rest of my time searching for my sons killer. My heart is broken into too many pieces to repair and i wonder if this pain will ever go away. I miss my boy more than anyone will ever know. And my heart goes out to anyone that has ever lost a child......

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 8, 2009 at 9:06am

Hi mary,my name is Elaine Phillips and I can feel every words that you are expressing. I lost my son kris to a fatal car accident on 04-9-2006. Now my heart still aches and in pain. So don't be so hard on your self. With this Skate Park issue you just keep believing,trusting and have the faith as much as a little mustard seed,GOD WILL OPEN DOORS THAT NO MAN CAN CLOSE. Just keep the FAITH that GOD will and can do this for you. You are like me,I have another son and daughter. They are doing great,my daughter is buying her home she her husband and kids. My son now is singing gospel with a recording group who has released there 1st CD since my son Richard joined the group. I now have something to make me smile again. I invite you to view my son Kris memorial web site with his brother Ricky and the group Harold Holloway and Comapny singing HOLD ON AND DON't LET GO.I will be praying for you and with you Elaine(http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepage.aspx)

mary said:

Hello all...it's been a while since I've posted but I've been trying to read everyone's posts but it is so hard to hear the tragic stories some times. My heart aches for all of you.....every day.
It has been over a year since my sons passed away and I still ache and cry every single day. My other two sons have been doing things which is good, but every time I see them I almost just want to break down as we used to be a unit and half of us aren't there and it's so hard.
I want to be with them... I want to be in their lives...but I dont want to drag them down as they are traveling, buying houses, just getting engaged...and at a time I should be happy for them... I am depressed but trying like heck not to show it but I feel so alone even though I have friends around me. Everyone else seems to be going along with their lives together with other people...to me being a mom was my most important job... I worried constantly about them...and even though I know Vince and Stephen are in better hands I cant stop worrying still.
Everything reminds me of them...everything I do...every where I look...and instead of smiling...it hurts me inside more.

I've thrown myself into building a skate park in their honor in the community they loved but we are running into opposition from the local council and a few residents who are getting down and dirty about it... I only hope and pray I have the strength to see it through. I've even gotten web site submissions that say that I am using their tragic deaths to become famous....and in reality I would rather lay next to them and give up...Im sure you know the feeling. There us even a website set up against the park but people in general have been very supportive but when someone says something like that it can hurt you. I know I shouldnt let it...but it just does.

Little do they know that every time I speak about thier death, my heart sinks little deeper. We are all trying so hard to do something positive to help the community not only to honor them but to help the living children of the community stay safe when riding their bikes and skateboards. It's just hard to muster up the strength to fight all this when I am still grieving so deeply for them myself. I don't know I feel like Im doing the right thing...as feel inside as though I am supposed to do this...as if I am being led to do it, because I sure wouldn't have the strength without a higher power guiding me.

Well, I pray to God every day to give me the strength to carry on and relieve me of some of this anxiety and although I know my sons wouldnt want me to feel the way I do... some days, more than not, I just feel so terrible :(

Permalink Reply by Twila on September 9, 2009 at 10:37am

Please don't tell me you know how I feel, Unless you have lost your child too, Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal, Because that is just not true, Please don't tell me my son is in a better place, Though it is true, I want him here with me, Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face, Beyond today I cannot see, Don?t tell me it is time to move on, Because I cannot, Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone, Because denial is something I can't stop, Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had, Because I wanted more, Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad, I'll never be as I was before, What you can tell me is you will be here for me, That you will listen when I talk of my child, You can share with me my precious memories, You can even cry with me for a while, And please don't hesitate to say his name, Because it is something I long to hear everyday, Friend please realize that I can never be the same, But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

Permalink Reply by Twila on September 9, 2009 at 10:41am

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep. I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, "It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, you were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me. I was with you at the STORE today, you looked so sad today. I wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care. I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there. I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my HAND on you, I smiled and said "it's me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. It's possible for me to be so near you every day. To say to you with certainty, "I never went away." You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew ... in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning and say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning." And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side. I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 9, 2009 at 11:04pm

Hi Twila,this is Elaine Phillips. Yes I can tell you how you feel because I lost two sons,Yes I will say one day God will mend your broken heart,just keep and have the faith that God will and can do this for you.Yes I am still crying many tears wishing that Kris was here with me. But Twila think about God how he gave his only begotten son. You know Twila its been three years for me and I have not even dreamed of Kris since his death. I pray always asking God to just let me see or hear his voice if its only in a dream. I am still waiting patiently for this to happen. You know God does everything for a reason. Even the death of our sons. So Twila take one day at a time and continue to ask God to strengthen you to go on. Not saying that you won't miss your son or you will not cry anymore because I miss Kris so much and I am still crying. Yes Twila I will stand by you,cry with you and also I will pray with and for you asking God for strength like I need and all the members of this site that have lost a child or children. Yes I have no problem with how you are feeling now it comes with grieving. Everyone grieves differently. So now I pray that you will go to God and ask him to take your hand and lead and protect you from day to day. I am here for you at any time and I do like the new person that you are now and I will also like the new person when God RENEW YOU Elaine.Twila If you are able or would like to view my son Memorial site it is (http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepage.aspx)

Twila said:

Please don't tell me you know how I feel, Unless you have lost your child too, Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal, Because that is just not true, Please don't tell me my son is in a better place, Though it is true, I want him here with me, Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face, Beyond today I cannot see, Don?t tell me it is time to move on, Because I cannot, Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone, Because denial is something I can't stop, Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had, Because I wanted more, Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad, I'll never be as I was before, What you can tell me is you will be here for me, That you will listen when I talk of my child, You can share with me my precious memories, You can even cry with me for a while, And please don't hesitate to say his name, Because it is something I long to hear everyday, Friend please realize that I can never be the same, But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 11, 2009 at 1:01pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN; Today you would've been 26. Though that was the day every one else got to meet you. I had known you already for nine months. My heart aches for you, I miss you so very much. I love you my Joe-Me-Dan...Mom

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

My son Jordan was 23 years old when he passed. On September 11th he would've been only 26 years old, (yes thats his b-day). He was born 9-11-1983 and left me on 4-29-2007 due to a roll over car accident. His girlfriend was killed also, she was barely 24 yrs old. It is very hard for all of us, and I am very thankful to all of you who respond on here; it means so much to know you are reading my thoughts and care enough to respond even in your saddest of times. Thank you.

kristi said:

dear leslie,how old was your son,my son was 16 years old,he would of been 19 this year on sept 12th.i take work off on his birthday and and on the annivesary because i work at a nursing home and i think the residents do not need to see me cry when i am sad.it is on a saturday but it would of been my weekend to work.yeah my son was 6'2 and my other son is getting up to that and he is only 13th.yes your poem is good.i dont write stuff because i started to like the year he passed away and it was hard for me.yes we have another person on here i dont know if you read any of her stories but elain banks son was born on sept 12th and so we both come on here and talk.but yes that poem was nice.,it brought tears to my eyes.well we can keep in touch with each other as our diffcult times come ahead.i have a friend that lost her grandson he would of been 2 on sept 8th and i cant get her to come on here but she is going to support group with me.my son and her grandson are in the same place.but if you want to talk anytime her is my yahoo messanger and email address ok.kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com any body can come and i will put you on there ok.thanks again and please keep in touch.it helps me to keep in this place because it helps me to talk about stuff.Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one does. And I did as you do...I called it his "Death day"; the day of his death, or anniversary of. I really didnt like the thought of having an anniversary of it at all. You know what I mean? But we do , and I have one. But I didn't mind celebrating the day he met Jesus face to face. If any thing I am happy about that. As far as happy goes, well...I smile. Thats as far as it goes. But it's a start. On his Memorial card, on the inside of it I wrote a poem. Every body wanted "ME" to write ..."Your the writer", they'd say. And I sat and thought about my sons personality, cause he has not lost that. He is just enteraining others right now. And I wrote this poem.....


"I drempt I saw an angel.


He stood about six foot four


I never saw St. Peter


He didn't work there any more.

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 11, 2009 at 1:32pm

dear leslie,my heart goes out to you on this day.because tomorrow my son would of turned 19 and i am with you.i went out to the cemetary today and gave my son everette a balloon and balled my eyes out.i havent did that for along time.but you know i never do i keep strong and the week before his birthday i get crabby and my eyes start gettting puffy than i go out there and cry my eyes out and i think thats what i need.it happens on the day he passed away to.did you ever here that song that michael jackson sang YOU ARE NOT ALONE?I PLAYED THAT SO MANY TIMES,I CRIED TILL I COULDNT CRY NO MORE.BUT THANKS FOR LISTENING..

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN; Today you would've been 26. Though that was the day every one else got to meet you. I had known you already for nine months. My heart aches for you, I miss you so very much. I love you my Joe-Me-Dan...Mom

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

My son Jordan was 23 years old when he passed. On September 11th he would've been only 26 years old, (yes thats his b-day). He was born 9-11-1983 and left me on 4-29-2007 due to a roll over car accident. His girlfriend was killed also, she was barely 24 yrs old. It is very hard for all of us, and I am very thankful to all of you who respond on here; it means so much to know you are reading my thoughts and care enough to respond even in your saddest of times. Thank you.

kristi said:

dear leslie,how old was your son,my son was 16 years old,he would of been 19 this year on sept 12th.i take work off on his birthday and and on the annivesary because i work at a home and i think the residents do not need to see me cry when i am sad.it is on a saturday but it would of been my weekend to work.yeah my son was 6'2 and my other son is getting up to that and he is only 13th.yes your poem is good.i dont write stuff because i started to like the year he passed away and it was hard for me.yes we have another person on here i dont know if you read any of her stories but elain banks son was born on sept 12th and so we both come on here and talk.but yes that poem was nice.,it brought tears to my eyes.well we can keep in touch with each other as our diffcult times come ahead.i have a friend that lost her grandson he would of been 2 on sept 8th and i cant get her to come on here but she is going to support group with me.my son and her grandson are in the same place.but if you want to talk anytime her is my yahoo messanger and email address ok.kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com any body can come and i will put you on there ok.thanks again and please keep in touch.it helps me to keep in this place because it helps me to talk about stuff.Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 11, 2009 at 3:23pm

Yes Kristi....I was just listening to that song all last night, "You are not alone". A good song. Another one I listen to is called: "Praise You In This Storm"; by "Casting Crowns". You would love it.... some of the words.....
....I was sure by now, that you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away...stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say amen, and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear you whisper through the rain
...I am with you
And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands
Cause you are who you are, no matter where I am...

Any way check out this song on line , you'll like it. Thank you for your words and prayers. ....................Leslie

kristi said:

dear leslie,my heart goes out to you on this day.because tomorrow my son would of turned 19 and i am with you.i went out to the cemetary today and gave my son everette a balloon and balled my eyes out.i havent did that for along time.but you know i never do i keep strong and the week before his birthday i get crabby and my eyes start gettting puffy than i go out there and cry my eyes out and i think thats what i need.it happens on the day he passed away to.did you ever here that song that michael jackson sang YOU ARE NOT ALONE?I PLAYED THAT SO MANY TIMES,I CRIED TILL I COULDNT CRY NO MORE.BUT THANKS FOR LISTENING..

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN; Today you would've been 26. Though that was the day every one else got to meet you. I had known you already for nine months. My heart aches for you, I miss you so very much. I love you my Joe-Me-Dan...Mom

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

My son Jordan was 23 years old when he passed. On September 11th he would've been only 26 years old, (yes thats his b-day). He was born 9-11-1983 and left me on 4-29-2007 due to a roll over car accident. His girlfriend was killed also, she was barely 24 yrs old. It is very hard for all of us, and I am very thankful to all of you who respond on here; it means so much to know you are reading my thoughts and care enough to respond even in your saddest of times. Thank you.

kristi said:

dear leslie,how old was your son,my son was 16 years old,he would of been 19 this year on sept 12th.i take work off on his birthday and and on the annivesary because i work at a home and i think the residents do not need to see me cry when i am sad.it is on a saturday but it would of been my weekend to work.yeah my son was 6'2 and my other son is getting up to that and he is only 13th.yes your poem is good.i dont write stuff because i started to like the year he passed away and it was hard for me.yes we have another person on here i dont know if you read any of her stories but elain banks son was born on sept 12th and so we both come on here and talk.but yes that poem was nice.,it brought tears to my eyes.well we can keep in touch with each other as our diffcult times come ahead.i have a friend that lost her grandson he would of been 2 on sept 8th and i cant get her to come on here but she is going to support group with me.my son and her grandson are in the same place.but if you want to talk anytime her is my yahoo messanger and email address ok.kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com any body can come and i will put you on there ok.thanks again and please keep in touch.it helps me to keep in this place because it helps me to talk about stuff.Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hi Kristi,
May I ask, when is you sons birthday? My son Jordan's birthday is also comming up. His is (believe it or not) September 11, 1983. The day he passed was April 29, 2007. I call it his "Happy Angel Day". I read that in an article once, and it sounded so much better then how I had been refering to it. So I have adopted it, and I want you too also,...if you can. I thought, at first; how can she say that about her son. How can that be happy? As I read on through her article some how it was for me. For my transformation, if you will; because "I" am the one refering to it at all. I am the one who will bring it up in a conversation and discuss it, if ANY one

Permalink Reply by Judy on September 11, 2009 at 11:19pm

Dear Leslie and Kristi,
my heart aches for you two with your sons' birthdays here. I don't know how I'll handle it in December when we have my son's birthday and 4 days later the first anniversary of his death. I thought maybe we should plan a trip to keep our minds occupied during that time, but I'm not sure if it would help. I still haven't been able to decide on his gravemarker, because I can't decide exactly what I want to say. I want to say so much and there's not enough room for everything I feel. Does anyone have something they could share about this?
Antone's mom, I really understand what you mean about feeling that you failed to keep your child safe. My husband and I went through that where we felt we had failed in one of our most fundamental jobs as parents. But the truth is, as my therapist said, we had nothing to do with the accident; it was caused by the recklessness of another. Even though as parents we try to stay on top of things, we don't know every detail about the people's driving habits that our kids get in a car with. I guess we kind of assumed that if a driver who's still on his parents insurance has a bad driving record, the parent would take some kind of action. Not so in our case; they young man my son rode with that night had a history of reckless driving and his parents had been spoken to numerous times by neighbors and even the police. Did we know any of this? Did my son know any of this? Of course not, because nobody wants to damage the reputation of a kid growing up. We only found out after the accident. We get so frustrated about this aspect of what happened because had it been handled properly in the past, the accident probably wouldn't have happened. Sorry, i hadn't meant for this to turn into a venting session.....Judy

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 12, 2009 at 12:02am

HI JUDY IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 3 YEARS NOW SINCE MY SON HAS BEEN GONE FROM MY WHOLE FAMILIES LIVES.MY MOTHER AND SISTER IN LAW AND MY MOM SEND CARDS EVERY YEAR AND FOR THE MEMORY OF MY SON.ON HIS BIRTHDAY.THAN I ADOPTED A HIGHWAY FOR US TO CLEANUP AND EVERY OCT I GET MY FAMILY TO COME HELP ME WITH THE PAIN I AM GOING THROU.IT HURTS AND WHEN THERE UP HERE WHO CARES MY MIND IS ON SOMETHING ELSE.I GO TO THE CEMETARY ON MY SONS BIRTHDAY MAKE HIM A CAKE AND HIS FAVORITE FOOD TAKE IT OUT THERE AND SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM.I GUESS THE KID THAT KILLED HIM TOOK SLEEPING PILLS TO SLEEP TONIGHT.I TALK TO HIS MOM.SHE POPPED IN ON ME FOR WRITING AND STUFF.AND SHE TOLD ME THAT THIS SHOULD OF NEVER HAPPENED TO OUR FAMILIES.SHE FEELS SO BAD FOR US.I KNOW THEY DO.BUT JUST COME TALK TO ME AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT US.RIGHT?I WENT TO THE CEMETARY AND CRIED MY EYES OUT TODAY AND TOMORROW IS HIS BIRTHDAY AND I WILLL MAKE HIM A CAKE AND BRING IT OUT THERE,BECAUSE MY FRIEND WANTS TO BE BY ME ON THIS DAY.THE BEST THING I CAN TELL YOU IS IF YOU NEED TO CRY JUDY OR ANYBODY DO IT.I HOLD IT IN FOR A WEEK TILL HIS BIRTHDAY THAN I GO TO THE CEMETARY AND CRY MY EYES OUT.WELL TAKE CARE THANKS

Judy said:

Dear Leslie and Kristi,
my heart aches for you two with your sons' birthdays here. I don't know how I'll handle it in December when we have my son's birthday and 4 days later the first anniversary of his death. I thought maybe we should plan a trip to keep our minds occupied during that time, but I'm not sure if it would help. I still haven't been able to decide on his gravemarker, because I can't decide exactly what I want to say. I want to say so much and there's not enough room for everything I feel. Does anyone have something they could share about this?
Antone's mom, I really understand what you mean about feeling that you failed to keep your child safe. My husband and I went through that where we felt we had failed in one of our most fundamental jobs as parents. But the truth is, as my therapist said, we had nothing to do with the accident; it was caused by the recklessness of another. Even though as parents we try to stay on top of things, we don't know every detail about the people's driving habits that our kids get in a car with. I guess we kind of assumed that if a driver who's still on his parents insurance has a bad driving record, the parent would take some kind of action. Not so in our case; they young man my son rode with that night had a history of reckless driving and his parents had been spoken to numerous times by neighbors and even the police. Did we know any of this? Did my son know any of this? Of course not, because nobody wants to damage the reputation of a kid growing up. We only found out after the accident. We get so frustrated about this aspect of what happened because had it been handled properly in the past, the accident probably wouldn't have happened. Sorry, i hadn't meant for this to turn into a venting session.....Judy

Permalink Reply by Sue on September 12, 2009 at 5:06pm

Dear Judy,
I haven't finished my son's gravestone either. It has only been a year, but it is hard to decide because it will be there forever. Take your time. There is no rush. My daughter and her husband are paying for it, thank god, because it will be over $4,000. My son's funeral was over $11,000 so this is a relief, somewhat. It kills me every day thinking about his death and what he must have gone thru. when drowning. His body had some abrasions, but that might have been from being tossed into the back seat after unbuckling his seat belt, or he was fighting to get out. I will probably never know. The thing was, was when I had to identify him, his neck was really swollen and on the autopsy there was no mention of a cerebral spinal compression and noone except my family doctor has been able to tell me why. It is my doctors opinion that he must have had that compression due to the impact after the car went into the water and dropped 40 feet , then turning over and landing on the roof. I need to know...hopefully someday I will find out, somehow, ....
I am also starting to feel angry.
I know it's "normal" but I hate this so much, this whole thing.
Sincerely, Sue

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on September 13, 2009 at 5:27pm

Dear Judy...This site is why we are all here... VENT ALL YOU WANT, because WE "DO" understand. Thank you for your comments, they are always needed.
It was real hard for me too, to figure out what to write on my sons marker. Because I am a writer...every one expected me to do it. I really didnt want it any other way, but the pressure was huge. I took a blanket to where he was burried and laid it across him, and laid down on my belly and talked with him, cried with him. I brought a pad of paper with me and a pin...and just started writing. And this is what we (Jordan and I) came up with.
...I'm walking now with Jesus, On these streets of gold. I learned when I was younger, that this is where I'd go. Remember please my laughter, don't shed me any tears, and I shall wait, at this pearly gate, til each of you get here.
We put a motorcycle etching on it on one side and a cross on the other.
I wanted his friends to know (most of them did) that he "IS" a Christian. It is a reminder for them when they visit.
As far as going somewhere...I don't know I needed myself to be where he was when he passed...we had a memoriel for him with family and friends. Let off balloons we wrote his name on. It doesn't matter where you are, it is hard. I am praying for you also and those on this site.
My advise to you on his marker, is think about what he loved in life, and what "he" would think is cool. Write me if you need any help, or to talk...@ luvdablues@roadrunner.com Leslie

Judy said:

Dear Leslie and Kristi,
my heart aches for you two with your sons' birthdays here. I don't know how I'll handle it in December when we have my son's birthday and 4 days later the first anniversary of his death. I thought maybe we should plan a trip to keep our minds occupied during that time, but I'm not sure if it would help. I still haven't been able to decide on his gravemarker, because I can't decide exactly what I want to say. I want to say so much and there's not enough room for everything I feel. Does anyone have something they could share about this?
Antone's mom, I really understand what you mean about feeling that you failed to keep your child safe. My husband and I went through that where we felt we had failed in one of our most fundamental jobs as parents. But the truth is, as my therapist said, we had nothing to do with the accident; it was caused by the recklessness of another. Even though as parents we try to stay on top of things, we don't know every detail about the people's driving habits that our kids get in a car with. I guess we kind of assumed that if a driver who's still on his parents insurance has a bad driving record, the parent would take some kind of action. Not so in our case; they young man my son rode with that night had a history of reckless driving and his parents had been spoken to numerous times by neighbors and even the police. Did we know any of this? Did my son know any of this? Of course not, because nobody wants to damage the reputation of a kid growing up. We only found out after the accident. We get so frustrated about this aspect of what happened because had it been handled properly in the past, the accident probably wouldn't have happened. Sorry, i hadn't meant for this to turn into a venting session.....Judy

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